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I have spent a good majority of my life, trying to make sure I never did or said anything that would hurt another person. In reality while I did that, I was truly only discounting my own thoughts and feelings. I truly felt as if I was doing the “right” thing at the time, but after 32 years, I’ve seen that although my intentions were pure, I never allowed for others to see me…. as I still am finding out who I am.
Gain person on how you are seen or experienced by others by just simply looking at who you’re surrounded by.
People tend to surround their selfs with people who are similar to them, whether that be by personality, hobbies or interests.
By grasping who everyone you surround yourself with is like, it should give you a pretty good idea on how your perceived.
Ask them. But am I willing to hear?
I don’t want to spend any more time worrying about what others think or see me as. I had issues with being perfectionist and people-pleaser. I wasted so much time trying to make everyone like me. Even did things I didn’t agree with so I could be accepted. Now, I just want to like me. I just want to know that I am enough. I am not comparing myself to anyone or holding myself to someone else’s standard, I know that I am trying to be my best self, what other people see or think does not matter.
For a perspective such as this I only need look to my family whom I’ve been blessed with the grace to be born into; the beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, loving, talented and creative people who accept me as a friend, co-conspirator, partner-in-crime, whatever; my wife who is sole among them who I have directly and consciously chosen to be in my life (and chosen by in return! Yao!) I have the presence to know that I am surrounded by nothing other than the reflections of my own soul. For all of my whining and complaining, this is all the evidence that I need to realize what a truly fortunate man I am.
“Some people will never like me and I will never give AF”
I agree that it is important to know how I am seen by others but what is bugging me is that do I really need to care about it ??? I am what I am and I try to get better everyday. But I would not like to validate myself by how others think about me! I am more than that definitely!! and I would say I am proud of myself for what I am regardless of other peoples opinions!
Is it watch what they say and not what they do, or is it watch what they do and not what they say?
Is it more important that I listen to you, or is more important that I listen to me, while I am listening to you?
Is it more important to weigh in on the problem or to follow the guidance from those you are led to and live towards the solution with respect, love and kindness?
There is God’s business, my business and nobody’s business. Period.
I do not have to like what is happening around me, but I have to like myself.
Anonymity starts inside and extends out.
Hahaha question from my youth, All my life I wanted to be someone, now who was it? Somebody please just tell me or do I go inside and find out?
From The King’s Man, Reputation is what people think of you, character is who you are.
Know and love who you are. Re-define what love means to me, my journey.
If I am open, attentive, listening well and suspend my own judgements, voice, opinions and sometimes interests and needs, interactions with others can offer reliable feedback. It is my choice to decide how, if and when to respond or not. It is a fine line sometimes, between standing strongly rooted, tall and firm and holding my ground, and knowing when and how to bend in whatever way is appropriate or necessary.
If I am out of line for whatever reason and in whatever way and someone provides feedback to that effect, I hope their delivery is kind or at least not too harmful, and that I am willing and able to hear and respond to their feedback. I also hope, as many have said, that I am able to stand strongly and firmly in my own being, truth and needs. It ain’t over ’til it’s over 🙂 …
I don‘t want to frighten somebody or make anyone feel bad because of my behavior or outlook. But respect starts with selfrespect. My freedom ends at the point where the freedom of somebodyelse starts. For the moment I am as I am. Some will like me ,some will be indifferent, others will not like me at all. We all know, that we are beyond good or bad in essence. But we can strive and work for the good , what will reduce the bad, that makes us unhappy
“How can I gain perspective”..English is not my mother tongue so I may be mistaken in my understanding of the question of the day. If so, I am sorry. But here is what came to mind as I read it. I get a lot of feedbacks…People often tell me how they perceive me and I like it. Not for what they think about me per se but for what it tells me about them. I try and listen as hard as I can and if necessary I question them back to make sure I understood well. Whether it is a compliment or some criticism, more often than not there is, I believe, another message behind it; it tells me something about the person who expressed it. Whatever it is, I try to make sure I understand it properly. That usually leads to a broader conversation where we get deeper and end up sharing. Somehow, we get to know each other a bit better I think…
Do I ignore how I am seen or experienced in the process? I guess not. I take it as a kind of indicator that shows if I am congruent or not. If that makes any sense…
This reminds me of the statement that what someone says about you tells you something about the other person, not about yourself. That’s its own kind of insight and perspective.
For me this question goes in a different direction than some of the comments. This type of exterior perspective is part of how I hold myself accountable for whether I apply my unearned privileges to create justice for others.
If I’m perceived to be upholding systems of white supremacy from which I benefit then I am failing in my commitment to work for racial justice. If someone with a disability would think of my comment as upholding ableism and failing to dismantle barriers, I’ve failed in that. (There are many more -isms and examples, of course.)
Years ago I began using Twitter as a learning space in which to follow and *listen to* the perspectives of people with different lived experiences than mine. When I read how they experience someone else’s behavior it helps me internalize the change I want to be in the world. I can check myself with that perspective and mindfulness before speaking or acting.
Perhaps surprising that a social media space can support mindfulness–more that it’s free learning if you seek good teachers. Someone’s honest statements of “Can you believe they….” reminds me that yes, I need to believe, and I need to recognize myself in some of the things they share that are painful. Twitter is also definitely a space that lets people tell you how they experienced you!
The word of the day quotation about trying to understand more captures my efforts to learn and gain perspective.
“As long as I’m alive, I will continue to try to understand more because the work of the heart is never done.” – Muhammad Ali
Thank you, Barb.
Thank you, Barb, for your incredible insight. I am so glad you saw this question in a different way than I did. I learned so much by what you wrote! I feel raised up in my understanding!
thank you. 🌻
I don’t understand this question? What is this supposed to mean ? I’m not in charge of how other perceptions of me.
All I can do is be here and try as best as I can. If I make a mistake, I can say I’m sorry and try again.
I can gain the honest perspective from others on how I interact with others and how I explain to others my interaction as to why I am interacting the way that I am interacting. How are others perceiving my responses or interactions with others. Is it being perceived as positive?
A clear understand of what “being human” actually include, would be a solid start. For example
Our Guardian Archangel co-vibrates with the Logoic Total Love springing out from us and from the people we love. It is not a small thing for Him, given the opportunity to love and to sense happiness! The first characteristic of the Christ Logos is Total Love. He is the King of Love. Consequently, the benefit [ OF] our Guardian Archangel is to love us.
Later, when we know Him well, we will also love Him once again. He will not have any gain from this. However, we will gain by loving Him because the one who loves derives the benefit, not the one who is loved.
Bottom line summary…. [[ IF YOU WANT LOVE, BE LOVE ]]
As I grow on my journey, I am committed to letting go of how I am seen or experienced by others.
Over my time on this Earth, it’s been a waste of my energy.
Caring…..well, more so ‘worrying’ about how others perceive me, I could have been using that time towards more joyful pursuits & better self-care!!
I am NOT perfect, but I do know…..I live from heart-centeredness & mindfulness with a belief in good for all concerned.
How others see me or experience me is THEIR part of life & of course, depending on the level of commitment we have toward our time together/relationship, well- that’s another added piece to the puzzle.
Lots of comments here about being and not being a “people pleaser.” I would like to be open and curious about others. Less judgmental and critical. And when I am open and gentle with others they will experience this from me. So it’s more about how I am willing to be kind to myself and to others, rather than wondering or worrying about how I am seen.
Thank you, Maeve. I think this is a wise and loving way to look at things. I also try to be loving and gentle and also hope that others will experience this from me. Bless you for expressing this insight and validating this approach.
Thank you Maeve!!
It touched my heart, the way you expressed yourself regarding this topic.
I appreciate your gentleness. You are a positive role model for me.
Have a great day.
It would be very useful to know, without censure, what others think,
but that would be mind-reading, and it is unwise to think we know what others think.
I can ask, I can listen, but if others don’t say the truth out of wishing to be kind or gentle, there is nothing I can do about it.
I also sometimes wonder how much these experiences are co-created. I know I can view others through filtered eyes of my own experiences. If I am in a “bad mood” and meet someone new, doesn’t it affect how I see them in that moment? And we have all heard the expression, “first impressions.” We meet someone in one tiny moment of their life, but all we learn of them after that one moment we attach to that first impression.
But what if we assume for a moment that we can gain perspective on how we are seen and experienced? How will we use this perspective? To change ourselves? To change ourselves so that we please others? I think this can be a sticky-wicket.
I have told my children that I want them to have the confidence to follow their convictions, even if they are the only person in the room with those convictions. I want them to be able to do the right thing, even when it goes against the tide. And I want them to be able to be true to themselves, even when it doesn’t meet with the approval of those around them, or even their parents.
I think, in reference to the question, it can be useful to have an idea how I am seen by others. If I come off the farm after working and can’t smell myself but others can smell me, hahaha – I want to know! But for me, far more important than how others view me, is how I view myself, whether I am self-directed, made with careful thought and design, whether I follow what I believe with moral integrity, and whether I am true to myself. Some of the people I admire the most were often seen as a pain in the you know what to many… Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Elianor Roosevelt, Nelson Mandela, etc. Ghandi was ridiculed for what he wore when he refused to wear cloth spun in England and instead wore his personally handwoven cloth. Should he have put on clothing “more appropriate” to others? Did it matter to him how others saw him? Or was his inner guide his principles, and his compassion for others?
Thank you, Holly! 🙂
Perhaps by being less focused on myself and more focused on who I am with and how they are being at the moment. That is a reflection of how they experience me, at least partly.
I care much less about what others might think of me than I used to. Life is too precious to squander on things out of my control.
I trust in my inherent decency. If someone perceives my behavior negatively, then it probably has more to do with them than me.
Hmmm…well, others only see a part of me. The mother, the daughter, the wife, the friend, the grandmother, the neighbor, the church community member, and on and on….so that perspective of who I am is not accurate at all. It isn’t even one dimensional. It is simply a small particle of the greater whole.
The question leads me here: Perspective is a term in art which helps things to fade realistically into the distance. So, I feel that as I’ve aged, I have also put these kinds of questions, concerns or worries at a distance. I cared more when I was younger (for whatever reason) what people thought. Now I care more about my own integrity and living my life faithfully.
But do I want to be experienced positively or as inspiring to others somehow – being a model to my daughters, for example? (Probably) But even that is finally something not really in my ultimate control – if it happens, it’s only a product of living with integrity and faithfully… and that’s what I should focus on. That is my work.
Thank you, Patricia, for sharing this insightful perspective.
I used to be a people pleaser and cared quite a bit about how I was seen by others. When I sat and thought about it, I knew I was probably viewed as a doormat due to all my people pleasing ways. Now, while I am still very kind and willing to help, I am also in control of myself and able to say no. Being in control of my breath has helped immensely with being in control of my mind and controling my thoughts (not being so negative.) While I don’t really care how others view me, I view myself as someone who is strong, capable, and also calm in the face of pressure.
Thank you, Bee_kind35, for reminding me to do some breathing practices and for sharing how that has improved your life 🙂
Upon reading today’s question, first, I am more interested in knowing, for myself, what is behind this question, and the reasons for asking it. While we all want to be perceived by others as likeable, upstanding, and unique in nature, fretting over such things takes us away from being who we are, warts and all. I am far more interested in attending to, and being real to, myself, than how I am thought of by others.
I as well tend to be a person pleaser and often put my needs second. I’ve always had the need to be accepted and liked at no cost. I’m really attempting to love me and not care what others think or how I am seen even though I am compassionate to others and care about any personal problems they have. But I’m also realizing that I cannot rescue them and that not everyone accepts who I am.
While I tend to be a people-pleaser, I actually try not to worry about how others “see” me. I do want to be a good person and share light, but how someone receives me is up to them.
I have read that what other’s think of me is none of my business, so how I am seen or experienced by others is their perspective, not mine. There are only a few who see ‘all of me’ as we put on different personas, work, home, meeting someone new etc.
Love this, Michele, “…what others think of me is none of my business.” That’s a great way of thinking about this topic.
Thank you Kevin, it’s easier to write that then to really acknowledge that & truly not care what others think. That is why I started it with ” I have read” lol
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