I always try to remember that if the other person seems aggressive, unfriendly, thoughtless, angry, unhappy, unresponsive.. it may well be down to their personal battles and nothing personal. So I do try not to react in anger. I definitely don’t always succeed, especially when I am tired, but I try and this question is a good prompt to encourage me to try harder and be ever careful in my responses
If I substitute the word, “battle” for “challenge”, then empathy and kindness comes to the fore. Life isn’t a battle – winners and losers, scheming and strategizing, gaining the upper ground… I hung my battle gear up a long time ago.
Just to remember it is a good idea. I always find it helpful to know when someone is struggling, and when someone takes the risk to make themselves vulnerable in sharing what they are struggling with.
In some situations in my daily life it is easier for me to respond with kindness, especially with children and young people.
In other situations it is harder to respond with kindness. Oh my goodness, yes! I have my own needs for kindness and consideration, as well. If I am frustrated with the drama and chaos around me, I have to take care of myself. Even if I know that they are facing their own battle or struggle, I find that I do not always have the resources within to respond with cheerfulness and care. So I end up closing myself off so as not to get overwhelmed.
I’ve been thinking the past day about how to become more attuned to the energy of others, as well as my own. I think it’s about learning to let down some of our own defenses. Putting less focus on ourselves. Finding peace in the fact that we are all different…responding to others as opposed to reacting.
This question has good timing. Since it’s the end of the week, my body feels exhausted from the past few days’ workload. I’ve also been feeling less patient with people. My default response is to snap, yell, belittle, be right – something of a low vibration as Esther Hicks would describe. So yes, I can be more patient, but I think being more empathetic and present to the reason why a person behaves they way they do is a powerful context. They could be physically exhausted too. Maybe something’s going on at home. Maybe they’re financially struggling, etc. They may be going through something I can certainly identify with. So don’t take it personal. If I were in their shoes, I’d appreciate someone being understanding and patient with me too.
Neil…
Love Tonglen…it was a daily practice during my time as a solitary…very very powerful…thanks for allowing it to spring foreground in my memory…will practice today on the road…
Yes, everyone has a “back-story” that is waiting to be told but more than that, waiting to be listened to. If we all could only quiet our own silence to a point of total respect and awareness of the “other”. Place our hands over our own hearts to listen to our own heart beat and then realize it is the same for everyone.. I need to be the “listening post.”.
What popped into my head right away was to be kind in my responses to others. And then I thought about my neighbor, who is a constant thorn in my side…she is an unhappy person, and regularly finds fault with me, because I did not give her the attention she deserves at a particular time in her life.. This one is really hard for me….she lives right next door, we used to be good friends, and there are days where she will not speak to me. Or will send me critical emails….Her focus is always what needs to be “right”, even in the neighborhood…what trees need to be trimmed correctly, what the grass should look like, who needs to work on their front porches or homes I mean, it is unattainable. She is very unhappy. I don’t think it is my job or responsibility to find out why, or fix it. I do think her battle is within her, and I either remind her of someone in her past, or am just a good target.
I can’t do anything about that, but what I can do is respond to her in a kind, but firm, manner. And the question today will help me go forward with my day in a better frame of mind, and with kindness.
Thank you!
I admit it is hard to understand the battles some people are facing when they take it out on me as (essentially) a bystander to whatever drama is going on in their lives. I am torn between upset, compassion and wondering why the heck they are jerks. The best I can do sometimes is to just remove myself from their presence without reacting with anger or judgment…. and then calm myself down when I’m safely away from them. (I had an incident like this the other day in a public parking lot which upset me greatly. I have prayed for peace for this man (a stranger to me) for whatever is going on in his life – and I worry for the people who may live with him…)
It’s true, everyone has demons that oppose them. I like to be open-minded and tolerant. I too am fighting demons and because of that I’m not always what I’d like to be. The best I can do is offer forgiveness, both to those who trouble me and to myself for when I come short.
Devonna and others, may I ask a question? Is todays question about demons? I think I misunderstood again. I thought a battle can also be an inner pain. Or is inner pain a demon?
Speaking only for myself, I don’t think all battles are demons. Someone’s battle might be with say, poverty, or poor health, injustice, or grief, but it might also be with addiction, recovery from trauma and the anger or self-destruction that often comes with that, or their battle may be with some other internal struggle. Battle might be a fair enough word to include any struggle. What do you think, Christine?
Thank you so much, Holly. This is very helpfull. English is such a rich language. Now I know what is ment by the question. And my english a bit improved 😉.
Thank you for taking the time to take care of me 😍 and a here id a Dutch 🌷 tulip for you.
Your English is so good, Christine, that I often forget it is not your first language. I think you have a wonderful grasp of its subtleties.
Thank you so much for the tulip! 🙂 People rarely plant them here anymore because the white tailed deer love to eat them so much and it entices them into our yards to eat first the tulips and then little trees and our vegetables! The deer are frequent pests here (I saw one on my street just yesterday), but I think I will try growing tulips anyway because they are so pretty! 😀
I try to keep to the path of kindness, compassion and generosity of spirit. Am I perfect at this? No. But I have become better over the years, due to my own imperfections and life experiences, including those in which I really needed this response and respect. … So many thoughtful responses here already Thank you, my friends!
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It will make me pause and have more empathy towards people.
You are going through these difficulties which you may want to share and get some further I sight.
It makes me feel like i have less of a persecution complex.
I always try to remember that if the other person seems aggressive, unfriendly, thoughtless, angry, unhappy, unresponsive.. it may well be down to their personal battles and nothing personal. So I do try not to react in anger. I definitely don’t always succeed, especially when I am tired, but I try and this question is a good prompt to encourage me to try harder and be ever careful in my responses
If I substitute the word, “battle” for “challenge”, then empathy and kindness comes to the fore. Life isn’t a battle – winners and losers, scheming and strategizing, gaining the upper ground… I hung my battle gear up a long time ago.
Thank you Don, hanging the battle gear is a peaceful and helpful thought
Just to remember it is a good idea. I always find it helpful to know when someone is struggling, and when someone takes the risk to make themselves vulnerable in sharing what they are struggling with.
In some situations in my daily life it is easier for me to respond with kindness, especially with children and young people.
In other situations it is harder to respond with kindness. Oh my goodness, yes! I have my own needs for kindness and consideration, as well. If I am frustrated with the drama and chaos around me, I have to take care of myself. Even if I know that they are facing their own battle or struggle, I find that I do not always have the resources within to respond with cheerfulness and care. So I end up closing myself off so as not to get overwhelmed.
I’ve been thinking the past day about how to become more attuned to the energy of others, as well as my own. I think it’s about learning to let down some of our own defenses. Putting less focus on ourselves. Finding peace in the fact that we are all different…responding to others as opposed to reacting.
This question has good timing. Since it’s the end of the week, my body feels exhausted from the past few days’ workload. I’ve also been feeling less patient with people. My default response is to snap, yell, belittle, be right – something of a low vibration as Esther Hicks would describe. So yes, I can be more patient, but I think being more empathetic and present to the reason why a person behaves they way they do is a powerful context. They could be physically exhausted too. Maybe something’s going on at home. Maybe they’re financially struggling, etc. They may be going through something I can certainly identify with. So don’t take it personal. If I were in their shoes, I’d appreciate someone being understanding and patient with me too.
Thank you, Nelson – I’ll try to do the same
The Tibetan Tonglen meditation practice of “sending and receiving”
Is one of the most simple and powerful practices to connect with others pain and hardship. There is no other we are all one.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonglen
https://tricycle.org/magazine/tonglen-spot/
Yes, and it is so good!
Neil…
Love Tonglen…it was a daily practice during my time as a solitary…very very powerful…thanks for allowing it to spring foreground in my memory…will practice today on the road…
Yes, everyone has a “back-story” that is waiting to be told but more than that, waiting to be listened to. If we all could only quiet our own silence to a point of total respect and awareness of the “other”. Place our hands over our own hearts to listen to our own heart beat and then realize it is the same for everyone.. I need to be the “listening post.”.
What popped into my head right away was to be kind in my responses to others. And then I thought about my neighbor, who is a constant thorn in my side…she is an unhappy person, and regularly finds fault with me, because I did not give her the attention she deserves at a particular time in her life.. This one is really hard for me….she lives right next door, we used to be good friends, and there are days where she will not speak to me. Or will send me critical emails….Her focus is always what needs to be “right”, even in the neighborhood…what trees need to be trimmed correctly, what the grass should look like, who needs to work on their front porches or homes I mean, it is unattainable. She is very unhappy. I don’t think it is my job or responsibility to find out why, or fix it. I do think her battle is within her, and I either remind her of someone in her past, or am just a good target.
I can’t do anything about that, but what I can do is respond to her in a kind, but firm, manner. And the question today will help me go forward with my day in a better frame of mind, and with kindness.
Thank you!
“will send me critical emails” – what a bummer, dear Mary Pat! Give yourself a big hug 🤗
Lol. I think almost everyone has one neighbor like that. I’m glad you can put it behind and go forward with your day now. 🙂
Err on the side of grace.
Good one!
I admit it is hard to understand the battles some people are facing when they take it out on me as (essentially) a bystander to whatever drama is going on in their lives. I am torn between upset, compassion and wondering why the heck they are jerks. The best I can do sometimes is to just remove myself from their presence without reacting with anger or judgment…. and then calm myself down when I’m safely away from them. (I had an incident like this the other day in a public parking lot which upset me greatly. I have prayed for peace for this man (a stranger to me) for whatever is going on in his life – and I worry for the people who may live with him…)
Oh… sorry you had that happen, Patricia. (((hugs)))
What cute hugs, Holly – {{{hugs}}} to you and Patricia, too
It’s true, everyone has demons that oppose them. I like to be open-minded and tolerant. I too am fighting demons and because of that I’m not always what I’d like to be. The best I can do is offer forgiveness, both to those who trouble me and to myself for when I come short.
Devonna and others, may I ask a question? Is todays question about demons? I think I misunderstood again. I thought a battle can also be an inner pain. Or is inner pain a demon?
Speaking only for myself, I don’t think all battles are demons. Someone’s battle might be with say, poverty, or poor health, injustice, or grief, but it might also be with addiction, recovery from trauma and the anger or self-destruction that often comes with that, or their battle may be with some other internal struggle. Battle might be a fair enough word to include any struggle. What do you think, Christine?
Thank you so much, Holly. This is very helpfull. English is such a rich language. Now I know what is ment by the question. And my english a bit improved 😉.
Thank you for taking the time to take care of me 😍 and a here id a Dutch 🌷 tulip for you.
Your English is so good, Christine, that I often forget it is not your first language. I think you have a wonderful grasp of its subtleties.
Thank you so much for the tulip! 🙂 People rarely plant them here anymore because the white tailed deer love to eat them so much and it entices them into our yards to eat first the tulips and then little trees and our vegetables! The deer are frequent pests here (I saw one on my street just yesterday), but I think I will try growing tulips anyway because they are so pretty! 😀
Are you Dutch, Christine? My last name is from Friesland, and my children carry it in their 🧬 genes.
I try to keep to the path of kindness, compassion and generosity of spirit. Am I perfect at this? No. But I have become better over the years, due to my own imperfections and life experiences, including those in which I really needed this response and respect. … So many thoughtful responses here already Thank you, my friends!