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From my family relationships, I have learned to love the broken.
We are all in our human condition, so we are all broken, imperfect in some way.
Yet, sometimes the brokenness is so severe that a separation must take place, for the health of all, but love continues.
I have learned to accept and love myself and others, in our human condition and not try to be perfect.
Oh and we cannot “fix” others. We can only work within ourselves while loving ourself and others.
If someone wants to leave dont try and keep them with you because clearly you dont mean enough to them to stay so why put youself in a situation no one can get you out of because you wouldnt let them leave it may hurt for the time being but it will be better
For me the most important lesson is that friendship is built on trust and love and that I may rely on this in the chosen dear friends as well as in me. For this I am deeply grateful.
There are 5 love languages ( Primary and secondary love languages) They will feel most loved when they have: 1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time, 3. Acts of service, 4.. Gifts and 5. Physical Touch. Relationships thrive when you know someone else’s love language
People don’t always act the way I want or expect them to. Acceptance of this fact is a hard but worthwhile lesson.
If you are reading my posts lately, you might have noticed issues with relationships, so this question is a little pointed for me.
I was actually considering calling a close family member to talk because I have a lot on my mind that I’d like to process. That said, I am also having a lot of trouble with this family member because of some particular, very persistent behaviors of theirs that are putting a major strain on the relationship. (Anybody who wants more details can ask, and I will send a private message of some sort.) And I am seeing something similar in other relationships.
I had a therapist who said, “Your relationships feel like deserts to you. You want rain so badly that, when you get a sprinkle, you respond, ‘But I wanted a monsoon!'”
I know that I get a tremendous amount from my relationships with others, and I work to cultivate those. At the same time, perhaps I need to understand that nobody will meet all my needs entirely, just as I will not meet others’ needs entirely, and accept what I do get from each relationship gratefully.
The best place for the past is the past. Today is for those who are here now.
What are some lessons I have learned from my relationships?
Several years ago I worked on a retreat team and our spiritual director use to say, “There is nothing more real than a relationship.” I found that saying troublesome. What did he mean? I have come to the conclusion that he was attempting to plant a seed of awareness in us. He wanted us to realize that we are in a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual relationship with our concept of a higher power, with our planet, with each other and with ourselves. In my life, sometimes these relationships have been healthy and sometimes they have not but the opportunity to learn and grow is always there. Poet, playwright, and author James Baldwin said, “People can’t, unhappily, invent their mooring posts, their lovers and their friends, anymore than they can invent their parents. Life gives these and also takes them away and the great difficulty is to say Yes to life…You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life, you won’t live any life at all.” I think my biggest lesson has been to learn to trust and value my life. I’ve learned that if I can remain patient with life, it will show me a constructive way to proceed. Sometimes, the answer comes directly into my brain; sometimes it comes through another human being; sometimes it comes through the natural world (especially when I can remember that I to am part of the natural world; and many times it comes from the willingness to be a participant observer. I allow a piece of me to step back and watch. It helps me own my thoughts, feelings and actions. I’m very fond of the word, Lord. It’s my personification of this trust I have nurtured. When I traced the etymology of the word, “Lord,” I learned that the Lord was the bread giver, the one who offered sustenance to the people and so my prayers for wisdom often begin with the word, “Lord.” Also, in my experience, the saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” comes to mind. Sometimes it is a fellow human, sometimes it is a book or a poem, sometimes it seems like an arid wasteland. Whatever I need to wake up a little more fully is given when I say Yes to life. When I am willing to have eyes to see and ears to hear, I experience healing. All of this said, I am very aware that I do not do anything alone. It is all about relating, re-al-izing, honoring my relationships.
Such a huge question to start the day with! Let’s see….
I can make bad choices and recover from them.
I can only manage my own thoughts and feelings, not those of others no matter how much I want to.
Charm goes stale; being responsible and following through doesn’t.
Everyone has a story. You’re part of their story just as they’re part of yours. How do I want to be remembered when they tell this story?
People can and do change.
It’s never wrong to be kind.
A huge question and such an insightful reply. I especially like “Charm goes stale; being responsible and following through doesn’t.” I can frame the beginning a few ways.
Thank you Barb.
Attachments , aversions, perceptions, variations in the notions of what love does, everyone has suffered trauma, fear can dictate both desirable and undesirable behaviours, discriminatory practices are conditioned and justified, the conditioned response is veiled as true or real until a veil is lifted… everyone is on their own path
I am learning to be as open as possible. Holding thoughts and feelings in, will eventually be unbearable. Pushing back on the fear and insecurities has allowed my relationships to deepen and evolve. I have also Learned that connection is importing me. Possibly the most important thing in my life. I am grateful for all of my relationships. They have taught me so much.
Patience is a virtue.
That’s a tough question. I’m still learning them. My best girlfriend’s teach me vulnerability and how to be a safe space. My children teach me patience and to remain creative. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to learn the patience over and over again 😉. My husband teaches me calmness and care. Not to mention, the lessons my Spiritual Teachers impart about the realms of consciousness.
From my relationships I have learned that others can hurt you deeper that I would ever think…some hurt to destroy…but why? Then I learned that another relationship brought me the love and trust that I never believed would happen…that a person could love that much. I learned that you never forget a mother’s love…and how Blessed if you have experienced that love. Some relationships are there for awhile…for as long as needed and then they leave. Life is ever changing and the people in our lives change as well…We learn something from every interaction and encounter…sometimes good and sometimes not so good…But…as Kevin pointed out in his posting – we must do the right thing…even if others do not . The relationships here are important…and they are relationships. I continue to learn from all of you every day. God Bless and Thank You.
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