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I’ve been learning and relearning the songs of birds. It’s a joy to distinguish one from the other, in the same way I hear the different voices of humans. The summer tanager has a different call than the scarlet tanager. The white-eyed vireo is distinctively different than the red-eyed vireo. All joy.
That two shots is better than one and that no shots for the bulk of the world’s population is a serious dereliction of duty by the western world.
What I have learned lately is that social media is a facade and we are all just trying to work our way through life in our own ways. Not everything is what it seems. Everyone has a different path and I need to focus on mine and no one else’s. I’ve also learned that I need to work on instilling confidence in myself – I’m doing great in a lot of ways objectively but I need to be able to believe it. I need to believe in myself more because at the end of the day, all I have is myself and I need to compare myself to my past self, not what other people are doing.
Something about a shadow aspect of mine which I hope to be able to transform, if possible. I will try to write about it before the pain in my ear will make it impossible again. Inside, there is a hidden sensation of being “better” than others, that I would deserve “better”, which can put others in second place. Not always, but often enough, I guess. It took a long way to start see it as it is and I feel awful about it. It probably is imprinted by neurotic structures in my family of origin, giving me signals of being someone special, while in the same time, emotional warmth and care was rarely available, if at all, for all of my siblings. This combination might have driven me to cultivate many talents, but unfortunately as well to hide behind this inner pride. When I met friends as a teen, the circumstances did not allow to stay with them, and in my despair of not being able to stay with them, I withdrew inside and sat aside, only watching them being together in joy and playfulness until very soon, I had to leave anyway. I could not jump over it and find a new togetherness, and if only for half an hour. It lead to a life of feeling desperately isolated for a long time, which slowly could heal at least, but the underlying pride still seem to have cost to lead a life more in real contact with people and in tune with His Love, where inner pride of course is a no go. So this is what I have learned about myself. May be this is a step to transform it. It would be wonderful. Please forgive me.
I have many aspects of my personality that are not seemingly useful. Like old costumes in a wardrobe for parts I long ago outgrew and can no longer play with authenticity, and yet can’t seem to discard. Threads of a tapestry that individually make no obvious contribution and yet, when it is hung on the wall, they are a part of a whole. In that sense these aspects of myself, though dormant, continue to influence the flavor of my experience. whether I acknowledge them or not. The more I am aware of them they seem to change and in what light I can expose them to start to be less troublesome. I pray that is the case for you as well with this revelation.
1. I am more resilient than I know.
2. I do better when trusted with lots of wriggle room.
3. Holding integrity at the center of my actions pays off. Even when it seems it won’t.
4. I need more recoup of energy time than I realize.
5. Autism is an amazing gift and filter to explain so much about my life, being, strengths, weaknesses, and needs. They diagnosed me last year at age 59.
6. Points 1-4 are better understood because I now have point 5.
Not to take anything for granted, and that things aren’t always what the seem. Also, a lot of people can be easily programmed.
There are billions and trillions of stories, but only one Truth.
Over lockdown I learned that although I do have a busy life, it is me filling every second and not, as I always said, that there is too much to do! I am still learning to navigate my way past this and do less but at least being aware that it is, in some respects, my choice, is giving me a different perspective.
My Dad always said we never stop learning and that is very true – every day I learn something new – a new word, a new fact, a new idea – and that helps keep me growing and developing.
I learn a lot from this website and the wisdom of all who participate – a big thank you to everyone!
Discipline and self aware helps one to recover
To take it easy and focus on what I can do and not what I can’t.
I learn all sorts of things by answering questions on Quora. None of them leap to mind now. But I have an email from one of my wonderful sisters-in-law about the different rates at which we age, with an NYT link, and I look fwd to reading it when I’m finished here.
If I stay connected to the heart space and keep the ego in its place then life is where it needs to be … in the now!
I have learned lately that YES I CAN but only because GOD’s GOT THIS. I am learning again about the reason for good, clean and healthy foods; about supporting others in their weight loss journey; about being in the moment with all that happens- good or bad. I have earned lately that I can only hike my hike. It might get lonely but it’s only my hike.
I have learned that many young people now use the phrase “search it up” in place of “look it up” when referring to searching the internet for information of any kind. I love staying connected with young people for so many reasons. This one just makes me smile. I don’t know why.
I have learned that even though I’ve come a long way dealing with my anxiety that I’m still a work in progress. Perhaps like an alcoholic it will be an ongoing thing but at least I have learned and will learn more new coping skill to handle it..
In AA they use the phrase, “progress not perfection”. I used to think I was an alcoholic but what I was was looking for connection and relief from anxiety/depression and loneliness. Russel Brand has a program using the AA principles for everything not just addiction. I don’t know if that crossed your path but he uses humor and his experience in recovery. I find his work fun and enlightening. We are all in recovery from one thing or another on the path to becoming our best self. Anxiety/depression has been the underlying cause of most of my suffering. Some days are better than others. Thank God its just one day at a time. Keep up the good work! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Like Carol is saying, we are not what we think we are, we are so much more. We may share the human condition but we are not one size fits all.
I like the Maya Angelou quote, “When we know better we do better”. So more power to ya, have a great day. It is one day at a time. Progress not perfection.
Devy, A dear friend of mine who was training to be a social worker was mentored by a practicing psychiatrist. He told her,” I have been afraid of the dark since childhood. Therapy has helped me identify the specific instance that triggered my fear. I know the source but my immediate reaction to being plunged into the dark is still fear and anxiety.” I find that story helpful as anxiety has been my companion since my earliest memory. I don’t think we can ever get to where it doesn’t rear its head but we can get to where we no longer become it. We are not our anxiety. I used to think of my anxiety as a spiritual failing. I now see it as an asset to my spiritual growth. I’m reminded of yesterday’s quote of the day: ” Wholeness does not mean perfection. It means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.” Parker Palmer
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