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Today I had a realization about something that I have been trying to avoid. I get really overwhelmed when people share a lot about their problems, particularly if those problems are related to mental/emotional health. I will often push away those conversations. Today I noticed that this is something that my parents do as well. They are uncomfortable by seeing people they care about in a difficult situation to the point where they cannot just listen and be supportive. I’m thinking about how I can be better at just listening and validating in a way where I allow the other person to experience their pain while at the same time not taking on their burdens too much.
I’ve been trying to avoid expressing my needs to people because the fear of rejection. It’s teaching me that the more I hold on to these needs the more anxiety builds inside of me. It’s teaching me not to be afraid and stand tall for myself.
Answering this question. Teaching me that answering it leads to discomfort. Interesting
Working with bureaucrat red-tape mongers aka the Australian government. It’s overwhelming, debilitating, and such a lesson giver regarding what triggers me. I too easily give up my power and I am learning to reclaim it in a kind, honest, manner that holds integrity at its heart.
Straight forward truth is hard to dodge. With persistence it will cut through.
Indeed… Thank you Don.
Recently – At times I work hard to avoid alone time, silent time, meditation time-even though I enjoy it.
I am still trying to figure out why this new behavior has surfaced.
And then maybe I can figure out what I can learn from this avoidance behavior:(
When an emotion bubbles up like anger, annoyance, judgement, I haven’t taken the time much to see what that emotion is standing on. As I look deeper (and honestly) the real issue usually emerges. Then healing can begin.
Tricky one. I have come to realise through this website that for some reason I frantically avoid any down time – I fill every moment with useful things – and then wonder why I am exhausted. Somehow it feels to me that it is doing useful things that gives me worth. And somehow I just can’t let go enough to relax into down time. I am trying to relearn my behaviours but finding it quite stressful, I just feel I need to be doing. But I am not quite sure what this is trying to teach me! It seems to me that I need to not just recognise but believe/internalise that I am too driven and that some time out would be beneficial?
I also definitely avoid confrontation but more out of fear of how I will be viewed and if I will upset people rather than because I can learn/practise patience/strength/endurance as EJP said earlier. In that one short sentence they have made me look again and shift my perspective – I will try to reframe the situation next time I meet confrontation.
To react. Instead I responded, at least I guess I did. It teaches me to listen carefully, wait until a response is arising and share it, if adequate or welcome. To know the difference and to be able to respond is one of the most beautiful things I gratefully learned here with all of you who share here.
While I tend to compulsively pursue opportunity to metaphorically climb higher, I desperately try to avoid failure, creating a bit of unhealthy tension on most days. I suspect if I can allow myself to “fail” more I will come to know that in the good fight there is no failure.
I’ve tried to avoid housework and working in general. There’s a fear about not being good enough or not being able to do things good enough.
I am trying to avoid people right now; to not go to restaurants or big public gathering. I am also avoiding Ludington UMC- I am not feeling inspired. The lesson may be that I cannot do this life alone; that maybe there is a friend out there; that wanting to be isolated doesn’t mean I’m dead to the world. BUT there are days when I am so content to be on my own.
I have tried to avoid moving literally and figuratively. Today I go see my first open house for an apartment that has potential. It went down 30,ooo and yesterday another 10,000. My agent tells me that they are seriously trying to sell this place. She is out of town so I will see it alone. In my mind I have already gone up and down about it. I have to be careful about that because I don’t know why it is priced so low compared to the rest of the sales. I will know when I see it. It is worth looking at. The building in and of itself is awesome, it has a pool and a gym, a doorman, valet parking etc. The building is considered a luxury building in my neighborhood. I never considered even looking at an apartment it that building let alone living there because I could never afford it , so I thought. For me it’s not a matter of luxury its a matter of sunlight and parking and of course affordable and the other amenities are just a very good plus. Or it could be telling me to be content with what I have which is a very small apartment that I have put a lot of work into because I thought it was all I’d ever have and I did the best I could with it. It’s tricky. But I know that fear is what I’m really dealing with. I want to give up before I even see what’s out there. I can’t do that until I at least see what’s out there and see what I want and what I can afford. I get the bug every spring but rarely act on it. This time I’m at least got and agent and some prospects. That’s progress for me. Since I have had a hard time getting out of my house since the pandemic this is a stretch for me to get going again. I need to get back to life and this is a start. At least it gets me out of the house for today and that’s a good start. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I wish I didn’t have to go it alone but ultimately its my decision either way.
Can you take an experienced friend with you to look at it? It may be discounted for any of many reasons, but some possible reasons are: 1. Seller has had a change of circumstance (divorce, nursing home, marriage, has just purchased another home and now needs not to have 2 mortgages, etc.), 2) expected construction in immediate area, including buildings, shopping centers, or roads and the noise that will come with it, 3) sluggish overall market, 4) originally overpriced by owner before a realtor’s advice was sought, 5) recent inspection revealed an upcoming expense, such as a new roof. You will do GREAT! Just ask questions! Good luck!
I am avoiding being in my house alone and I live alone! Sort of a joke I guess but having serious trauma as a kid makes it uncomfortable. It’s teaching me to face my worst fear .
I have been avoiding exercise. It is trying to teach me giving my self care higher priority in my days. It is also trying to teach me hope… hope because I suppose my expectations are low, and they should not be.
Dear Holly in Ohio, I had a Dr. tell me to start with 5 min. a day. A simple stretch in the morning etc. He was in fantastic shape and I thought 5 min was nothing. What he was trying to get me to do is just begin. I remember that when I start again. 5 min leads to 10 etc. and before you know it its a routine and a new habit is formed. I think I’ll do 5 min today! Hope begins the moment we start to move in the direction of our dreams. I will start today too and when I do I will send energy and motivation your way!
Toni, thank you so much! That is great advice, and I’m going to follow it. I might try just a little more than 5 minutes. It takes me about 12 minutes to walk around the block, and I was trying to do that before, but I guess when I’m just answerable to myself, I start skipping doing it. I’m so encouraged by your words! 🙂 thank you.
Honestly I’ve been avoiding exercising more. I need to be more active, especially having a desk job now where I’m sitting most of my day. Body, mind, spirit – body needs some care:)
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