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This question has made me pause and realise that I currently DON’T look for the good in most people, I judge and shut down. When I am aware of this, I try to remember that all of us are carrying burdens that sometimes make us behave negatively. Will try to see beyond this today.
Remembering that we were all children once.
I remind myself that we are human and we all come from love and we are all trying our best with what we know and have been given at this moment in our lives♥️
By putting self aside.
Making a conscious choice to look for the good in another. If I cannot find the good, then I choose to silently bless them & move along, so to speak. I try not to dwell on it/them.
Pkr – bless them and move on. Thank you 🙏
By making sure I know my personal boundaries . I have always worried about being left behind and it has made me do things and ignore things that have hurt me.
Now lots of anger is coming up and out of me. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I’m mad at myself for not knowing any better. This anger is good because now I know how to listen to the inner voice that says no not this time. I chose a healthy life, because I love myself. I don’t me this self that’s nonexistent- I mean I choose True love over anything. I will no longer look to others, sex, shopping, religions or anything else that advertising tries to sell. The truth is god is within us all. The good is within us all. I am slowing down and meditating everyday and more and more wisdom is shinning light. I’m blessed with gods love I don’t have to look anywhere anymore.
I’m an optimist by nature and believe that helps me have a default setting of assuming good. The challenge of this wording for me is that a default is essentially an assumption. An assumption is often something we want to challenge or question, not something to take as a given because there is risk in that.
I also find myself thinking about the difference between a default assumption and actively looking for the good in others. That takes more work because it requires paying real attention to the other person.
My faith and my upbringing. My Mother was a nurse and she definitely rubbed off on me. She told me I was a compassionate person.
The willingness to be vulnerable. Take a chance. Sometimes it leaves me shaking in my boots but as a dear friend reminds me, “It’s better than missing the show.” As Helen Keller wrote, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
Carol- I love that quote. Thank you!
This question it’s really hard for me. Sadly, years ago, I had a friend in whom I discovered that the good was only in my eyes. I’ve tried so hard to find the good I started believing it was there and it was only me that didn’t see/find it.
Since then I started looking for the “real self” of the people I meet, accepting their light and their darkness when I can and walking away when I can’t. It’s not a judgment for someone who’s good and someone who’s bad, it’s a kind of method I use to discern who’s good for me and my mental health from who’s not, which doesn’t mean there’s a bad person in front of me, there’s only a person not compatible with me.
Well said. Thank you for sharing this. To accept both the light and the dark is to accept that humans are human.
Every human being has a story to tell. The trick is to know the person through that story. It means going beyond what you see without any judgements.
The word “default” in this question seems to indicate hindering. I try to remember we are all more alike than different.
One powerful reminder is when observing young children where I am generally reminded that much of how we engage the world is based on what we are taught and the examples that we are provided.
The intention I use when seeing the good in others, especially those who I am struggling with, is the statement I heard during an empathy workshop. “They may not be expressing their pain in a way that resonates with me.” In Non-violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg stresses looking to find what is alive in others when connecting with them. I find this is a goo place to start.
Wisdom like this:
People are more than we see at a glance.
You never know what someone has experienced in their life.
Our whole life is not the worst thing we ever did.
I also agree with others that we have to be aware and stay safe. Everyone’s intentions are not always good.
I love it when different practices that I’m doing integrate. Today, the Unity Daily Word is about compassion. I believe that is key to “looking for the good”. In yogic and Buddhist philosophy, compassion is practiced with all different qualities of people. Including the ones that we don’t get along with. If we’re able to elicit it, we see another suffering makes them behave challengingly. But at the core they aren’t this behavior.
Sometimes this is easier said than done. I find it particularly challenging when you have to keep close quarters with an antagonistic personality. I mentioned my stepdaughter in previous daily questions. The more I practice compassion with her the more I see the injuries she suffered, before her father and I got married, manifest. I can see her more deserving of love and less as “a jerk”, lol.
My teacher advises that we don’t try to pretend to love others. But, we start with at least saying I’m not going to hate. I’m not going to harm. I’m not going to speak negatively. Then that compassion and those vows can grow into love.
Avril, “But at the core, they aren’t this behavior.” This reminds that I need to separate the person from the behavior. I don’t have to like the behavior but that doesn’t mean I should throw the person away. My mentor use to refer to my immortal soul. Perhaps Soul with a capital “S” is another word for “core.” At the core, we are all One. That perspective might be at the core of the admonition “Love your enemies.”
Exactly. The Soul is unaffected and untainted.
Sincere gratitude and unconditional love for all.
When I was a young man an older farmer told me “Everyone you meet today knows something you don’t” I do not believe you you need to look for good, it will surface if it is there, as well as the opposite. Awareness that I am not any better nor any smarter than my fellow man/woman.
Beautiful! Yes, it will surface for sure! Wisdom!
Not dwelling on the judgment I’ve made that blocks my seeing the good in others. I try to remind myself that we’re all a mixture of light and dark. I have to be careful, though, not to confuse someone’s assurances that they meant no harm with actual acts of goodwill. I’ve been burned.
Maybe it’s just me, but today’s question seems oddly constructed. I know what the word “default” means, but its use here just seems odd.
What helps me to see the good in others? By remembering that I also want other people to see the good in me.
Can you tell me more about why you are struggling with the word ‘default’? I read this as seeing the good in others at the onset of encountering them. Having a first impression of seeing the good in them.
Of the several sub-variants in the meaning of “default” (Merriam-Webster), the only interpretation that comes close is, “A selection made usually automatically or without active consideration due to a lack of a viable alternative.” (Merriam-Webster). Here’s my point: Why would there be a default, and alternative way of thinking about another person? Why wouldn’t our first thought, our first “want,” to see the good in another person from the very get-go? If I’m not automatically planning to think the very best of a person I am about to meet for the first time, why am I meeting with them in the first place? Like I said, it’s probably just me, but I’m not wired to think of it in another way, I guess!
I agree on the usage of “default” in the question Kevin.
Looking directly into their eyes. eyes are windows to the soul. both good and evil.
I have always looked for the good in others. It has bitten me in the butt a few times, but there were lessons for me when those things happened. I will always look for the good, and I hope others look for it in me, too.
Gratefulness. This changes all perspective. Then meeting the other with intentionally perceiving from my heart brings a smile to my face, it makes me slow down a bit and there it is, the space where it is possible for the good in others to appear to my perception. Thank you for this question! A happy start into this day with a smile on my face 😊❤️
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