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My morning joke to-day.
Do you know why Go players are so smart?
Its because they play with Smarties
My personal favorites:
Where do bees go to the bathroom when they are travelling?
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road?
It was terrible – one of them was a salted!
Any of the “what do you call” jokes. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? Doug.
A girl who talked to me. Her brother told her she shouldn’t talk to strangers. She said that’s not a stranger that’s a girl😊.
Different memories on different days make me laugh!
We had to find a new dog park after Covid closed down the county parks last year, and found one by a rec center not too far from us. There were always a few others and their pups around, and the dogs would play as they do. Well, in the middle of the park, there was a water fountain and a dog dish sitting on the ground next to it. All the dogs were playing in that area, and our Ruger went to take a drink. He tipped the bowl upside down, and this lady says, “oh no! how will they drink now?” Konrad and I looked at each other and it took everything we could not to bust out laughing. I mean, the water fountain was RIGHT THERE! So I go pick up the bowl, fill it up, and put it back down. We had to take Ruger to the far end of the park so we could release some laughs. It comes up occassionally and makes us LOL every single time!
Going to the beach with your dog will be a thing of the past if you name it “Shark”.
My friend has identical twin girls. They are now 46 years old. When they were growing up whenever I saw them I would ask: “What was one thing you learned today?” Well, they were about 10 to 12 years old when one day their mom and picked them up from school. Once they were in the car, I turned to them and asked “So, what was one thing you learned today?” They both rolled their eyes aa one said: “We had to learn about the minestrone cycle while the boy got to learn about condominiums!” Their mother almost ran us all off the road!
I love to laugh, who doesn’t. It’s something we could all use more of especially these days. Once, when I was teaching a yoga class to junior high school students and I was trying to teach them “lion’s pose”. If you don’t know what that is, you sit in lotus position and you stiffen your arms and stretch your fingers pointing the heels of your hands flexed toward your knees and your spine hinged slightly forward as you stick your tongue out and widen you eyes as if you were going to pounce on your prey. I couldn’t get through the demonstration without laughing. The entire class tried it and laughed and laughed! We had full length mirrors in front of us. It was a sight to behold. When ever we tried to do this as a class it always brought laughter. ( It’s actually a rejuvenating exercise, especially with the added laughter.) I think I’ll try that today!
OMG google lions pose yoga images and you’ll get a good laugh:)
The first time I did lion’s pose was at a yoga retreat years ago. I remember when our teacher showed us, we all started laughing… and then laughed as we did it. I’m about to practice now, so I think I’ll incorporate lion’s pose and get a good laugh!
The recent ones all had pictures, e.g., – A diagram of the solar system by population – xkcd #2439
“My son asked if I’d take him to see Sherlock Gnomes and I told him, “Gnome thanks.” I’ve been waiting for a high-five for three days now.” -Conan O’Brien
Stories about our family and friends that have turned out hilarious. They can always make me laugh –
An example: when traveling with friends I read about this 1-star Fodor stop. We made the trek and we might have been at the wrong stop but there was nothing except a swing at the top of that hill…and of course I was getting razzed making them search for this stop! So the guys thinking this can’t be it, climbed a fence to see what else was there. When all of a sudden a snarling stallion started chasing them. They ran like I never saw them run and jumped back over the fence unharmed. My girlfriend and I and even the guys still laugh at this memory.
And there are many more family and friend memories that make me laugh – thanks for the question today – I started off the day with a giggle:)
I’m reminded of the joke about a bald-headed man. A man who is bald in the front half of his head is a thinker. A man who just has a bald spot on the back of his head is a lover. But a man who is bald in the front and the backof his head just thinks he’s a lover!
My elderly mother and two elderly friends had gone shopping in a somewhat nearby city in the days before cell phones, Uber, and the such. All three ladies might resemble what you would see on a greeting card featuring three elderly girlfriends – gray, a bit “fleshy”, and all carrying their purses on their arms, which could not have been dislodged even during tornadic winds. The car began to experience troubles to the point that it died and could not be revived. The ladies walked into a nearby store and someone called a tow service for them. The tow service person got the car on his truck but then a look of horror came across all their faces. What about these fine gray haired, fleshy, purse toting ladies? The car could easily be repaired back at the shop, but how would the ladies get there? This wonderful, gracious and courageous tow truck driver took it upon himself to carefully assist each of these ladies UP into the truck, from behind, while they all laughed hysterically. Finally all four people were squashed into the bench seat of his truck and away they went. All three women had not had such a thrill in years! And we can only imagine the story the driver told back at the shop and around his family dinner table later that day.
This story makes me laugh at myself. It was in a choir. The conductor had erased a verse of a song, and I forgot about it. During a performance I sang that verse on my own, loud out without accompaniment. I was so ashamed, I really wanted the ground to swallow me.
Being a diehard Dislexic I can assure friends who have just turned 71 that …no, in fact you are just 17!
Their approvals bring smiles and chuckles to no end.
WHAT IS A JOKE OR STORY THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Funny thing is I was discussing my sense of humor w/my little sister last night. Humor is my form of communication for me. Life’s about loving, living & laughing; I make every moment worth while for those around me & myself. A lot of my funny stories come from FAMILY TIME, cracking jokes on each other & sitting in the living room playing games, dominoes etc. My family is where I get most of my humor from ONE STORY: my parents were set to go out for the night, I had partying that afternoon & fell asleep. From the last time my father & I spoke I was TURNT UP, father wants to keep the pregame party going before his outing. So he woke me up & we partied while my mom got ready. When my mom is ready she comes out her room and notices my father is in a deep sleep. She looks at me & said, KAREENA WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR FATHER? I said he woke me up to party. What makes this even more funny was I did the same thing in college for a close friend’s birthday celebration. I ended up falling sleep on the living room floor before we went out.
For Anxiety purposes; I watch the following movies:
Brave, The Office (American version), Django (Leo plays a funny a$%hole), Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Dinner w/ the Smunks, Little Shop of Horror, Sinbad (Brain Damaged Stand up), certain parts of Bad Santa, All about the Benjamins, Blue Streak, National Security and more.JOKES: I am a sucker for Dad jokes & usually like to remember some for my travels to play as an Icebreaker when I meet new people.
Me: Have you been to Switzerland? I hear its awesome.
Them: No, really?
Me: Yea, I haven’t been but their flag is a plus Me: Why didn’t the Skeleton go to the prom by himself?
Me: Because he didn’t have no BODY to go with !I consider myself a CLOWN a lot of the times, and detect the positive impact I have on others. My energy is a form of influence for others so I CHOOSE to be positive & make jokes vs being serious all the time. I may say so myself, I am a blast to be with!!!! hahaha I crack myself up alone all the time w/ funny dances and songs I make up.
Any Bill Murray movie. But particular Groundhog Day. Going through this epidemic, each day seems the same to me so I just think 🤔 of the movie, smile and say its another day. The only think different is that I don’t need an alarm clock radio to wake me up with the same song! 😁🤣
Knock Knock jokes🙂
Annie thing you can do I can do better😄
My Buffalo Bill story; my ‘It’s his eye, it’s on the blink story. Both are puns and worthy of wordsmithing. I love any puns.
There are some ‘go-to’ movies for those times when comedic relief is urgently needed:
A New Leaf with master class performances by Elaine May and Walter Matthau never fails. It is a family favorite and we recite lines at appropriate times in real life situations with internal glee which confounds outsiders at dinner parties and social gatherings.
A recent(ish) favorite is Forces of Nature with Ben Affleck and Julia Roberts
Home for the Holidays with Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft and Robert Downey Jr is a holiday classic with us as well.
Then there are a couple family legend stories. One involving the patriarch of the family being a dope and the other a couple personal stories of mine, one involving my car and a squirrel; the other my first morning at the French Monastery that I was to be on a two week retreat and the very real threat of NO COFFEE, My family makes me tell that one a lot.
Right now my thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the horrible Boulder, Co mass shooting.
So sad. My prayers also go to the victims and families.
It was dress-up time again at a children’s retreat for Quaker children. For the fourth or fifth time running the “wedding” was on for one fourth grader and her ever so carefully chosen staffer-spouse. The wedding party was assembling, complete with ushers, bridesmaids, groomsmen and preacher, complete with robes, even something that looked like a Bible or something official. Dixie cups jammed with dandelions adorned the isle, there was confetti, everywhere, and everyone was taking their seat.
Maybe he had cold feet or was worried about appearances, the child’s emotional well-being, or possible attachment issues or what they taught him years ago in seminary. It was, after all, his fourth time at the altar of holy matrimony in less than two years!
So when the wedding hour was fast approaching he tried to let her down gracefully, suggesting a short list of other people…children, or staff as eligible suitors. But she was not buying a word of his attempts to slip away. He sensed that she was serious about this. He also did not want to disappoint. And for a man who was supposed to be in charge of everything that weekend, he was nervous and unsettled, too.
She, summing things up, said, “No Kevin. I want to marry you. It’s okay.”
“Besides,” she said, “It’s pretend.”
– Kevin Lee
(Back story: Years ago I founded and ran a children’s weekend-long retreat program with about 30-40 children. During “free time,” children loved to put on skits and so forth, and for several years, it was one “wedding” after another, and despite my urging otherwise, they kept choosing me as the groom!)
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