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The past 5/6 years, I have gotten better at overcoming my fears and asking for what I want. First and foremost being respect. My ex did not respect me at all. I prayed for him to be a better man and do his part in our relationship, but he never did. Yet I hung on. And suffered. And at a really low point, I just thought I wasn’t meant for anything better, that it was my karma to live a crappy life with this person. As I sunk even lower, however, something was said to me by his aunt that made me see the light, and it was then that I knew that God wanted me to be happy, that I did not have to suffer, that I could make a better choice for myself. So I did. It was not easy because I was in that relationship almost 18 years. I wanted respect, freedom, love, joy… and I asked God and myself for those things first, and in the process now ask for it from everyone else. I learned to love me, and that changed everything.
I am so happy for you. It takes real courage to take that step. May your new life continue to be filled with much love and laughter.
I have no answer for this question this morning. Looking forward to reading others responses.
I’m presently sitting in a holding spot flying above the clouds waiting to make a decision on what to do In regards to my marriage. It’s just that I still love this person in spite of her behaviour, knowing people that her behaviour and thoughts like mine, stem from a very dysfunctional upbringing. We’ve been together for 20 years, married for 14 and I’m just afraid to jump the gun in case things pan out. We went through difficulties 10 years ago and worked it out. My wife decided then she she wanted me. It’s a tough call for me especially since I know that she does care about me..besides the emotional toll a separation I am also realizing the economic result. I’m living very comfortable now and for me to leave would be financially difficult… I am continuing on with my daily gratefulness for what I have and trying to reprogram my thinking so that even if I will struggle emotionally and financially that I will be grateful for what I have and who I am.
Yes – I remember that stage, devy – asking myself, ‘why should we have 2 houses, 2 yards to maintain, etc etc.?’
May you have the wisdom and a deep conviction to know what you should do. And may it all be good in the end for you, Devy.
Unlike our friend, Kevin, I have been halted in my tracks by fear on many occasions. Like Dusty Su, I have allowed things/people to remain in my life, out of fear of speaking up and acting on my convictions. I think the thing I’ve most wanted, is simple respect. In the past I’ve not known how to express that, but because of all I’ve experienced in life, I may be in a place where I can command that.
We really do have to teach people how to treat us…big love xx
Fear has never prevented me from asking for what I want.
That’s so great and what makes a good advocate for others too.
Wow…Kevin. I can not relate. But I sense a sort of confidence in yourself that I lack. Good for you!
To leave a religious community, I served for 21 years full-time without a salary. By the last 11 years, under some extremely harsh leaders. I did finally ‘escape’ and am proud of myself. It took incredible courage to face the shunning and loss of community and friends. If I had the chance to do it right in hindsight, I’d never have put up with the misogyny or mistreatment for a moment. I now know better.
I imagine your story is incredible, Dusty Su. It is so sad to hear of people abusing others’ faith to their own gain. I am glad you were able to get out. All the best to you.
Well, in my case, it started out good. Even saved my life and gave me incredible direction. A foundation stone for my life and way of being. However, absolute power corrupts, and corrupt it did. We the proletariat paid for it. A few bad apples as they say… but most of us who went through that time have scars, wounds, and were affected, but the majority have created better lives and moved on well. I am proud of them, and I suppose of myself too. At the very least, very grateful. All the best to you too Linda.
Dear Dusty Su, thank you for sharing your story. I am in awe of your strength & your wisdom. You are a beautiful human being. Many blessings, hugs & much love to you. Keep on shining……❤️🙏✨✨✨✨✨
As I have to keep repeating here, I am overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness. I never thought I’d get such reactions to something that seems quite simple. But I realize it was not simple and the kindness, feedback, have helped me see and appreciate that time in life and my responses to it even more. Thank you and you are a beautiful human being too. Bless
First, I am truly sorry you had to go through this….and second I am so impressed with you…that had to be extremely difficult to do, because it sounds like in order to be free you had to leave everything and everyone……you must have had to dig very deep within yourself, and that takes a special kind of courage……..I am in awe of your bravery….and you also helped others who left later….blessings on you and much happiness! May we all find that kind of bravery you have shown us……may each one of us be able to be that brave and dig that deep within ourselves when we need to….so glad you shared here…thank you!
Thank you Mary Pat, I did it scared, in fact terrified, lonely, in great physical pain, and sad. BUT I did it anyway. If we wait until we are feeling brave, we’ll never do the tough stuff. It’s a jump, a big jump that could ruin you. On top of it all, I left with my seven-year-old daughter, went into a serious operation without an anesthetic so I could guide the surgeon what I wanted done or not done. Pretty intense, now that I think of it, ha! Grateful to be here and it a very distant memory. Because all that remains in the good, not the trauma. That to me is miraculous.
Dusty., you are such a gutsy, courageous strong woman! To make a decision to leave and knowing what the consequences were phenomenal and demonstrate the person you are. I am impressed and hope that I can gather up strength in order to make a decision on a difficult situation.
Thank you Devy, that is so kind of you to say this. I hope you can gather all you need to make the tough choices in life…cheers.
Dear Dusty Su, I understand. I too was in an abusive faith community, if it can be rightly called that. For 25 long years. When I escaped the liberation was immediate but close on that came regret for allowing myself and my children to be treated that way for so long. It was during their babyhood and teen years, two of them reject religion outright now. One of my children, miraculously, embraces her faith but is wary of church. I say all this to say, forgive yourself. Blessings to you!
Yes, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, and learn from. It’s a stepping stone, not a hitching post. Bless you and yours…I know it is hard to see the losses in our children too.
I am sorry to hear that you had to endure that kink of treatment , Dusty Su. Those kinds of abuses and situations give all faith communities a bad name. Sadly, I have heard these kinds of stories numerous times in the past from other people too, who “got out.”
But, I celebrate you here for your courage and determination to take charge of your life! Good for you, Dusty Su!
Thank you, Kevin. That is very kind. I told myself I was the idiot who signed up, and yet I became the warrior who left. I know I would allow none of it again.
I had to take a holiday from God for a long time. Ha! I asked him to sit on the sidelines. He got it; I think. We are back on speaking terms. I knew I could not build a new good life out of regret or bitterness, so faced them down eventually with forgiveness and a sense of comfort of being in my space. Bonus, because I left, then others over the past many years have trickled out and often seek understanding and support and I can give it to them. Through this experience, I have gained such a great sense of inclusivity and oneness vs. dualism and narrowness. It has in some ways shaped my life for good.
Wow, Dusty. Wow! I can see now why you are so special. You are your choices, and you have been brave and true. And I thank you so much for making that choice and others in your life, that have made you who you are, a self-made woman, and I thank you for the many bits of help and encouragement and wisdom you have shared here, that spring from those choices and experiences. You have truly been an alchemist and turned the negative experiences into gold. Hugs.
Aww, that’s beautiful Holly, as with everyone else, so kind. These comments were so unexpected and deeply touched my heart. I like the Alchemist analogy. We have choices, how we respond to life’s challenges. Most of the situations that have been tough I have signed on for though, ha! My soul contract before arriving must have been an interesting discussion. “So, tell me why dying and recovering would be a highlight? Why getting to believe in you would take a misguided double decade in a domineering organization under YOUR name to truly get to know you?” Ha, then to have had it explained, to agree because these things were good, and then only to have the memory of the agreement discussion wiped. At least that’s how I engage comedy around my life follies. I truly have my signature on them both the courage and stupidity in the first place, ha!
Dear Dusty Su,
I am so impressed by your message. You the Warrior who left. Beautifull. Thank you for sharing this story. Love from Christine 💞
Thank you, Christine. Love to you too…
And your recovery from that difficult experience, from what you have been able to share here over time within this community at Gratefulness, has clearly made you a stronger and more self-determined person! Awesome, indeed!
Ha, yes, there has been much. I seem to have been gifted the rare, unusual, and even extreme challenges. And yet loads of commonly painful stuff like all of us in life. These things have delivered also compassion, grace, and honesty, the courage to say it sucks when it does, not put some spiritual plaster over the wound, but go deep. I really am grateful! Not a fake grateful, but a truly grateful that has run its race. It gives me a history to refer to and gain hope from. Blessed.
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