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everyone who is in my life
and those since passed– parents, relatives, friends,
when– that’s a big question with a lengthily answer
maybe the most important person would be myself
I missed this yesterday. It’s a good one. Across the board, so many times. I’m a nondualist, for me, Divine forgiveness comes from within. Secondly, repeatedly, my parents. Their patience has been almost limitless. My husband is patient and determined to mend broken lines of communication. My son, I was a single mom for a long time and it was hard. My best girlfriends. They always see the good in me.
From God! Despite being disobedient He never stopped his blessings upon us. Despite being cruel to His nature He still Feeds us. He gives and forgives. O’Lord You are great. Forgive all our sins and guide us!
Definately my parents. I have done a lot of fucked up shit to them. But they still accept me and love me how i am. I am grateful for that.
The idea of forgiving is an interesting idea as it seems to always be rooted in the past. It seems like deciding to surrender the clinging irrespective of any view about right or wrong. My favorite, line these days, about most things is, “But I just might be wrong”. It helps me loosen the grip on pretty much everything.
I don’t even know where to start. There has been so much forgiveness in my life. I’m hoping that more people have forgiven my many shortcomings (and will continue to do so as I blunder along through life 🙂 ) than have not. And that I can also continue to do my best to forgive myself (getting easier for me as I age) and others.
I think I often receive tolerance from my dear husband and children, but I’m not certain that is quite the same as forgiveness. Tolerance is accepting that people are as they are, for whatever reason, and understanding that they try and have no meanness.
When I think of from whom have I received actual forgiveness I draw a blank. Maybe this is because forgiveness sets us free to move on, hopefully a better person. But what does come to mind is when I have been able to forgive myself, and this happens, lol, somewhat regularly.
As caring people we strive to be better people, and we can set expectations on ourselves. I don’t think it is bad to strive, but it makes it almost inevitable that we will sometimes fall short. I often need to forgive myself at these points, to calm the inner critical mind, to stop myself from berating myself. Forgiveness is such an important tool in our toolbox, whether it is for ourself or for the trangressions of others. Forgiveness heals and sets us free. It makes the day new again, “with no mistakes in it,” as L.M. Montgomery would say. A past of anger or hurt lets go its choke-hold on us. We come again to this new moment, all full of possibility, perhaps of joy.
I love your words “have no meanness.” My husband has a serious hearing problem that is frustrating to both of us and impacts his ability to pay attention. I get frustrated repeating myself and sometimes I feel invisible from having him not pay attention. So important to remind myself it doesn’t come from a place of “meanness.” Thank you Holly for the reminder.
oh my, yet another thing we have in common, Rabbit. My husband is very hearing impaired, too, and the family has been trying for years to get him to get hearing aids. I understand the frustration! Some days feel like “Ground Hog Day” because I am repeating everything I say two or three times! 😂 I do understand the pain of sometimes feeling invisible. I’m glad you recognize that you are not really invisible! He loves you as much as ever.
Your note below has no reply option so will do it here. I think talking about it with each other and sharing stories might be helpful.
I went to see my tenth grade World History teacher who is in a senior living community. Not sure of her age but she is of course older than me, maybe quite a bit into her eighties I would guess. She could barely hear at all. I had to sit with our knees touching and speak right into her face. So much for Covid protocols. We both enjoyed the visit. But like you say we seem to be more patient with others.
Like the gratitude thoughts of living in the moment, let’s just see if we can be more patient just for today. We are going to visit someone Jerry taught with who had two strokes and internal bleeding almost a year ago. He is in a wheelchair. So, much to appreciate about our own situations.
Have a good day.
Patient today, or even just for this next hour… it is really quite a beautiful thought, Rabbit. Thank you!
Jerry actually does wear his but they can only correct so much plus the audiologist did tell me that thing about their ability to process declines but then he is 82. When we go to the library, the librarian speaks louder to him. I don’t even remember to do it until the second or third time. I wish I could do it all the time and with such love as she does.
Hmm? Wonder when we might like to actually be invisible? 👻
Glad we met here!
Me too! With my dad when he lost much of his hearing, I learned to speak lower (deeper) and articulate better and to face him while I was speaking. That seemed to help him better than speaking louder. I think with our partners, though, it is just natural to be impatient, unfortunately. I would like to be more patient, too. What can we do about that?
Beautifully expressed. Thank you. This line is poetry: “We come again to this new moment, all full of possibility, perhaps of joy.”
Thank you, Barb! 🤗
Thanks, Barb and Holly – full of possibility and perhaps joy. That’s me and my cat Rudy this morn, after he gave me a bloody little scratch. I think ‘possibility’ is a good goal for me. 😐 It’s good to be here with you all 🙂
That little dickens. Have you had a Tetanus shot?
Holly in Ohio, that inner critic is the worst. Always looking at everything in the most unfavourable light possible and almost never letting up. I wish I could evict that little devil.
HAHHAHA! I have tried. That doesn’t work. You have to grab them and hug them… that isn’t easy either… they run and dodge! The little imps! 😂
So true. 🤣
My husband is able to put things aside and forgive easier than I can. I struggle to forgive myself for things from the past and I am able to blame myself for things over which I may really have little or no control now or even in the future.
That’s it in a nutshell, dear Rabbit!
It IS past. It IS gone. We can’t do anything to change the past. We ARE human and fallable, always. The key is to love yourself even more, “Warts and all,” as my husband says! Perhaps forgiveness is just a facet of love.
It takes a lot of faith to believe that the things we once did and now regret have actually made us who we are today, someone who cares deeper, and is more than a bit wiser.
Thank you Holly. I always treasure and take your words to heart. You have given me phrases to ponder.
We once had a city wide read of the book the Glass Castle and the author gave a talk. There were some awful things she experienced growing up. Someone asked her if she resented what her parents had caused her to endure. She said everything she went through made her who she was today and she was happy with her life so she was not carrying resentment.
Thanks, Rabbit – that was an amazing book. I most remember the intro, where she was in a university class [sociology??] and the instructor was seeking feedback about dealing with unemployment. The author replied that people might try harder, and the instructor replied, “What would you know??”
Well every time I say I am sorry….I experience forgiveness. From the kids in the classroom when I would say sorry for being impatient. From my own children when I was angry. From my husband …well for too many times probably to be counted…I think the act of contrition allows the blessing of forgiveness to come to me. This makes me think that when I am forgiving of others … not judgemental…not resentful, I get to have an open and loving heart.
PS Robin Ann…continuing to hold you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
I just wanted to wish you a belated welcome to Gratefulness.org. Thank you for joining us! 🌺
The most important of them all (and there are many) was when I learned to forgive myself. It was only a few years ago, and there are still some things that come up, but I do the work and do my best to move forward.
My partner and children after witnessing and being affected by my mental illness and addiction. Forever grateful. (2 years ago)
When i was in my early 20’s in college. I put my foot in my mouth big time when i thought i hung up a phone and i didn’t. I was venting about a close friend who refused to take my advice. She heard everything!!!
I broke her trust and hurt her deeply. I felt awful. I knew i was wrong and thought i had decimated a good relationship.
She was upset and confronted me on the spot in a very public way.
I had to bite that bullet and look inward at why i did that. She forgave me and our relationship became better. It took me longer to forgive myself. I never forgot the life lessons from that experince. That was 30 years ago and i remember that grateful feeling as if it was yesterday.
Dear Racel, you probably gave your friend a real gift, giving her ‘feedback’ about her behavior – but how painful!! It’s good to hear that she forgave you 🙂
I will echo Kevin’s response, from my wife. Although we have only been in our union for 34 years. I have forgiven myself for past behaviors. Leaving the baggage behind is a prerequisite for living in the present. I am grateful I discovered the philosophies of mindfulness and gratitude. I spent too much time beating myself up in my mind then repeating the behavior to numb the guilt. The result of this was more guilt and anxiety.
I’ve probably been forgiven far more than I realize, for the hundreds of missteps and blunders I’ve committed over a lifetime. My foot fits perfectly into my mouth. Yet, family and friends overlooked my behavior or words.
When someone says something (and I don’t mean outright mean) that hurts or does something that seems callous, I think about how many times I’ve been given the benefit of the doubt. I try to pass on the kindness I’ve received to someone else.
By my wife who trusts me and feels supported by me. 11 years ago j stopped drinking and over the past year I have been focusing on my anxiety and self help which in turn has allowed me to be there for her when needed rather than me always looking to my wife for help. My time with gratefulness .org and other means has been instrumental in my personal change.
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