Gratefulness has three steps: not missing the opportunity, appreciating the opportunity, and using or enjoying the opportunity. By this method we come fully alive, full of joy, which is what we are all longing for.
Br. David Steindl-Rast
Welcome! We’re so glad you’ve joined us for Stop.Look.Go: A Daily Practice to Transform Your Life.
The first three days of the Pathway will take you through the individual steps of this foundational gratefulness practice, from stop to look to go. The last two days of the Pathway will offer guidance for applying and integrating the practice as a whole. By the end of the five days, you’ll have a thorough understanding of how this deceptively simple practice can lead to a more awakened way of living one’s life.
Before you get started with Stop here on day one, please take a few minutes to enjoy this 3-minute, light introduction to Stop.Look.Go, narrated by our founder, Br. David Steindl-Rast.
Welcome to Day One of Stop.Look.Go
We live in a time of limitless distractions, many of them quite successful at pulling us away from the person, experience, or emotion that deserves our full engagement. The very real demands of daily life can also make it legitimately difficult to bring our energy and awareness into focus. To put the brakes on and reclaim a sense of presence can seem almost countercultural, and, as Br. David Steindl-Rast says, to stop takes courage.
Becoming more present to the moment, however, is not a disregard of life’s complexity; instead, it’s a way of leaning in and experiencing life more fully. One immediate way that you can practice stopping is simply to pause whatever you’re doing and take a few centering breaths — a scientifically proven way to calm the nervous system. But stopping can take many forms and is certainly not limited to quiet contemplation. Your presence — your stopping — might look like carefully listening to someone you love, allowing yourself to face a challenge or struggle that needs all of your attention, making eye contact with a check-out clerk at the store, or even letting loose on the dance floor.
Without the capacity to stop and be fully present, you can miss all of these opportunities, skimming above the surface of life instead of diving fully in. To stop is to wake up to the moment, whatever it holds. It is the essential first step of living gratefully.
Today’s Practice: Become Present to the Moment
To set the stage for today’s practice, listen to this 4-minute guided visualization that invites you to slow down and attune to this moment. As you listen, breathe deeply, with particular attention to long exhalations. Notice any changes in how you feel.
Once you’ve completed the visualization, try the following practice:
Step One: Notice
Begin by asking yourself where it might be beneficial to slow down today. Where would greater presence improve your workflow, a relationship, a chore that’s on your list, or your ability to grapple with something difficult? Where and how would you like to be more fully present in your day?
Step Two: Commit
Peruse the list below and consider which of these simple practices could help you be more present in the way you’ve identified in step one. Choose one of these practices and commit to it for a full day. Don’t try to do all of them in one day; pick one and go all in!
- The 3 x 5
Look at the day ahead and schedule three times to attune to the present for five minutes. If helpful, set an alarm to remind you. During each of these 5-minute stops, take a few centering breaths and give your full attention to the moment at hand. Slow your breathing and take in whatever is going on, without the need to figure anything out or do anything in particular. Be grateful for your breath. If five minutes feels long, start with one minute and build on that. - Go Device-Free
Schedule one hour of your day when you turn off all electronic devices, especially your cell phone. For parents and other caregivers, leave on only your emergency access. Otherwise, no scrolling, no checking messages or texts, no news. Resist the temptation to peek! For this hour, pay attention to what you feel, what’s happening right around you, what gifts there are to be noticed and cherished, what difficult things may surface. - Savor Waiting
Turn all of the “waiting” moments of your day into opportunities for heightened awareness. Try to be fully present in these moments to discover any blessings in disguise. Long line at the grocery store? Pause to give thanks for the food in your cart. On hold for too long? Close your eyes for the few minutes of rest you’ve been craving. Through presence, try to turn the time between things into a gift. - Listen with Care
There is hardly a more precious gift than complete presence to another person’s lived experience and story. As you make your way through your day, be curious about those around you, ask meaningful questions, and listen with care. Instead of responding to someone’s story with your own, ask a follow-up question. Take note of any ways that this kind of presence opens up possibilities in your relationships with others.
Step Three: Reflect
At the end of your day, take a few moments to reflect on the following:
- Was there an aspect of your day that was more joyful or meaningful because of your effort to be more present?
- What shifted or opened up for you? Did anything surprise you?
- If it was hard to stop and get present, what made it challenging? How might you try again?
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
In this short film by Reflections of Life, Nicky Morris shares how she leans into silence as a way to be present to herself and life around her. She explains, “[Silence] is more a state of being. If you take care to draw aside once a day, just somewhere where you can be with yourself, where you can notice things other than just your usual routine — create a little space where your heart can breathe, where your soul can smile, the rush and the busyness of life will fall away for a while, and you will be able to soak up peace. Then you will hear the words that silence whispers to your heart.”
Seek Silence by Reflections of Life
Research Highlight
Expressing Gratitude Improves Wellbeing
Leading gratitude researcher Dr. Joel Wong and his colleagues at Indiana University have demonstrated the ways that expressing gratefulness can lead to greater happiness and well-being. In one study, they divided a group of adults receiving counseling services into three groups. The group that wrote a gratitude letter once a week for three weeks reported significantly better mental health a full four to twelve weeks after the study. Numerous other studies have demonstrated that being intentionally grateful reduces levels of cortisol in the body and improves sleep quality. One implication for all of us: Rather than waiting for something good to happen to us so that we can respond with gratitude, we can intentionally look around at what and who we can be grateful for right now.
Photo by Aron Visuals
I listened with care last evening – my wife needed to talk and I support her by being her Circle of Support-as she supports her Dad I support her.
Thank you all so much for your generous reflections on the first day of the Pathway. I appreciate getting a small glimpse of how you’re practicing stopping and becoming present — each version an inspiration. I look forward to your posts in the days ahead!
Yesterday I chose to stop and listen with care. The story told by this young woman (in her 20’s and working three jobs while taking care of her elderly mom) touched me deeply. A couple of weeks ago, I listened to her mom’s story, or the parts she could bare to tell. She grew up one of 5 children in abject poverty and neglect. She was never able to get a formal education but found a way to learn to read and write. After getting her GED she took a couple of classes in criminal Justice but could not continue. She raised 11 children on her own. Now, I stand in her yard, across from the community garden – listening to her youngest daughter talk about her mom (the day after Mother’s Day). Her siblings all feel their mom was mean and didn’t show them love. Her daughter knows her mom did not receive love as a child and did the best she could. She knows how much her mom cared that each of her children learn the value of hard work. This daughter knows her mon deserves love and care in her aging years and is determined to do her best to offer that love and care. She was in the yard putting together a fish tank she had pulled from a roadside give away. She is hopeful it will hold water. If the only thing we can do is allow stories like this to rekindle our heart of compassion, the world has a chance to be a kinder and more loving place. I am grateful for this opportunity to reflect on these two women and their lived experiences
This is absolutely beautiful and humbling to read. As with the video from yesterday, words hold energy. As I read you post, I am reminded of this, especially with, “If the only thing we can do is allow stories like this to rekindle our heart of compassion, the world has a chance to be a kinder and more loving place.” Thank you for sharing this and for exemplifying poignantly the importance and tenderness of listening with care.
My mind was extremely scattered the whole day and I could hardly concentrate on anything – I was waiting for an important confirmation that just wouldn´t come. After 4 hours of mindless scrolling I decided to do a 15 minute meditation and read the instructions for today´s Stop.Look.Go.
That helped tremendously!! I chose “savior waiting” – not having that confirmation showed me how important that issue was for me. And “listen with care” – I met a friend that evening that I really listened to with open mind and heart.
I am very grateful – these impulses came at just the right time for me. Looking forward to today´s steps.
I loved the 3 X 5 action in step 2. I committed to 3 times. Time 1 not bad maybe 30-45 seconds of feeling present (silent mind). Time 2 I forgot to silence my phone & it kept going off reflecting life’s distractions. 😊 Time 3 end of the day exhaustion & all I wanted to do was fall asleep.
Bottom line I will commit to keeping moving forward, to STOP BE STILL & Notice. I am indeed human 👍🏻
Lovely comment, Lisa. I agree.
I enjoyed listening to Nicky’s reflections on taking time to live in silence. When she said it takes time to like yourself and sometimes I don’t like myself… I can relate to that it seems like some days I am so aligned with my happy, positive self and other days I have to work at bringing up my vibration . I find moving deeper into my gratitude practice gives me an easier flow to my day staying in alignment with the person I like which is me! Thank you for this first day.🙏💕
Beautiful first day of practice and so needed for my life right now. Sometimes we go through phases of life just skimming the surface of what we have all around us every day every moment because we are so distracted and “busy”. I drive a lot for my job and will take time in traffic and road work to savor the time waiting and tune in to what’s around me or what comes up. Yesterday on my dog walk by myself out of nowhere I heard softly and gently that it will get better. Nothing is permanent. Thank you all for sharing!
This afternoon I am alone in the house. It has been raining all day. I find it difficult to not be distracted by my thoughts instead of listening. I experimented by moving from one room to another through the house. The sounds of the rain falling changed with each room. The sounds were louder and more pronounced in the room with skylights …. in some of the other rooms barely audible. If I were outside I am sure the sounds of nature would be most pronounced and the subtle sounds of rain falling on leaves. I didn’t realize that the house had its own set of sounds. Interesting surprise.
Savoring silence. I first got a taste of this in Quaker meetings over time, years. Now everyday I listen to birdsong to wiggle into feelings of safety. I enjoy my own comforting nest. I wave at thoughts as they swim by. I serve tea to the challenging emotions and memories when I am feeling brave.
I picked up a new PC today after my current one would no longer update due to age — my mind is swimming with passwords, figuring stuff out., a new look to everything. After this, I’m turning everything off for a few hours. I recall a time when there were no “dings” going off all around me. And no sense of constant emergency. That’s a lot to think about. Why do we expect emergencies in the one hour we’re unavailable? I’m going to feed that neglected sourdough starter in my refrigerator — something I love. Sourdough is forgiving and will most likely bubble up with joy after one or two feedings. I love the smell and sound of living sourdough.
Thank you.
What a beautiful start to this program. I particularly loved Nikki Morris video. I remember the first time I experienced true fear of silence shortly after my divorce. My children were at their father‘s house for the weekend. It was terrifying. I had no idea who I was or what I should do. Now many years later I crave silence. I love silent moments.
As my first step, I have set my alarm to remind me three times today to stop and breathe deeply
Thank you for mentioning Nikki´s video. Your comment made me go back up and watch it (I skipped it before). Wow, how that was worth it!
What a wonderful beginning to this course…the first I have taken. I am focusing today with the listen with care prompt. As someone who always feels the need to “fix”, I am encouraging myself to be fully present, to be quiet, to lean in and focus on what others are sharing while savoring that experience and the beautiful gift that that is.
My first course as well and I am enjoying the readings and videos.
Notice, commit and reflect. I am on my way to living today with gratitude. I already feel a sense of ease and I haven’t even begun. I have identified where I want to ve present today in a creative nature and I like all the options for committing. 3×5 is what I will use today.
Looking forward to the end of day to reflect.
Grateful for this platform