You cannot belong to anyone else until you belong to yourself.
Pearl Bailey
Welcome to Day One of Build a Life of Belonging
If you visualize belonging as a thriving, interdependent garden, the root systems must find fertile ground in your own heart. As paradoxical as it may seem, belonging depends on being at home in yourself — on cultivating a feeling of worthiness, self-acceptance, and, yes, love for who you are. Most of us can probably name a time in our lives when our efforts to connect with others were thwarted by abandoning our genuine selves. Perhaps you took on a group’s qualities or habits because you wanted to fit in. Perhaps you were forced to relinquish or hide an essential part of your identity in order to be included or even safe. Chances are, the consequences were painful, yielding superficial connections at best and loneliness at worst. And even if you’re fortunate enough to say that such experiences are mostly in the rearview mirror, the practice of standing in your genuine, full self is a lifelong journey that requires both courage and vulnerability. When you continuously tend a powerful sense of home within, you create the essential foundation for building a life of belonging in relationship with others and the world.
Today’s Practice: Create a Home Within
Set the stage for today’s practice by reading The Most Important Thing. In this inviting poem, the poet shares how she’s creating a home within, where her entire being is accepted and welcomed.
The Most Important Thing
by Julia Fehrenbacher
I am making a home inside myself. A shelter
of kindness where everything
is forgiven, everything allowed—a quiet patch
of sunlight to stretch out without hurry,
where all that has been banished
and buried is welcomed, spoken, listened to—released.
A fiercely friendly place I can claim as my very own.
I am throwing arms open
to the whole of myself—especially the fearful,
fault-finding, falling apart, unfinished parts, knowing
every seed and weed, every drop
of rain, has made the soil richer.
I will light a candle, pour a hot cup of tea, gather
around the warmth of my own blazing fire. I will howl
if I want to, knowing this flame can burn through
any perceived problem, any prescribed perfectionism,
any lying limitation, every heavy thing.
I am making a home inside myself
where grace blooms in grand and glorious
abundance, a shelter of kindness that grows
all the truest things.
I whisper hallelujah to the friendly
sky. Watch now as I burst into blossom.
After reading the poem, write down any words or phrases that spoke to a need or longing that you feel in your own life. Holding this idea of building a home within, follow the steps below to complete today’s practice.
Step One: Visualize Your Home Within
Begin by listening to this guided reflection that invites you to envision the components and qualities of a sheltered place within, where you can experience a sense of absolute belonging. There are questions along the way for silent contemplation or written reflection — whatever works best for you. It’s okay to have a little fun with this and make space for your imagination!
Step Two: Reflect
Now that you’ve visualized your home within, spend some time exploring the following questions. You can do this as a contemplative, written, or conversation exercise.
- What aspects of yourself do you most treasure and value?
- When do you feel most centered and grounded in who you are?
- When you visualized creating this home within, what came easily and what was challenging? Did anything surprise you?
- What are the threats to maintaining this home within, and how can you guard against them?
Step Three: Create a Guidepost
Choose or create a tangible reminder of the place of belonging that you’ve visualized, something you can see or carry with you throughout the day. It could be as simple as a word on a post-it that affirms your worthiness and value. Or perhaps a treasured object that reconnects you with your true self. Feeling creative? Make a drawing of your home within. As you journey through your day, use this guidepost to help you remember that you belong, first and foremost, to yourself — that you can always find your way back to your home within.
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
In this compelling, short essay Joe Primo shares his personal story of discovering that it’s only in belonging to oneself that we develop the compassion to help create belonging with others.
The Borderless Heart at the Center of Belonging by Joe Primo
Research Highlight
According to The Belonging Barometer, a 2024 large-scale study, “Since belonging is a need, those experiencing non-belonging will seek to fill it in some way. How one chooses to satisfy their need to belong could be harmful if done in a way that threatens their own healthy functioning.” In other words, the consequences of not belonging are serious, but if we don’t first belong to ourselves, we may seek belonging in ways that are not only unsuccessful but equally damaging.
The Belonging Barometer: The State of Belonging in America. Revised ed. Over Zero and The American Immigration Council. 2024.
Photo by Arno Smit
I realise I’m running a day or two late but reading the reflection and some comments so made me wish to participate in the conversation and share. I am not managing to find much time for reflection these days but I still want to try the best I can. And I know I want to continue building and reflecting on this even after these days. I was reflecting on my peaceful place within, which I very much need to reconnect with, on my way to work and it’s becoming clearer. The place is warm, wood, logs, and a smell of freshness from the rain which has just stopped and left the trees revived. There’s a big library inside…different kinds of books, old and new and different subjects. There’s a big glass door overlooking the ocean and the horizon. My father, who passed away last year, is somehow present but I can’t really picture him yet.
So peaceful this 1st day of belonging exercise.
It has given me so much to think about, ponder. I too have moved into a new space, a big transition time for me, losing my husband, moving cross country and 1 big change after another. I have been trying to just stay centered & trusting & relying on the practices I know so well & have been doing for years as my touchstones; some days easier than others. I feel blessed that I have been given a “new lease” on life.
This “practice” has come to me at the perfect time. Thank you to all the Grateful Living folks.🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Thank you for guiding me to build my home within.
It was challenging and at the same time rewarding.
I’ll keep flexibility with my own home due to impermanence.
Liked” burst into blossom”…….. life, anew, fresh,hope, love, smiles
Also ‘ claim my very own”…..security, confidence, strength, compassion.
Vowing with ease, love and gratitude
My house within, a rainbow’s glow,
A translucent home where spirits flow.
Its foundation is light from the Divine,
A Creator’s gift, an endless line.
In moments of listening, I find my way,
Accepting the gifts that come each day.
Whether unraveling what does not belong,
Or basking in vibrations pure and strong.
My house is adorned with colors bright,
Balanced always in love and light.
Furniture that soothes, resources near,
A space to create without doubt or fear.
A library filled with wisdom’s call,
Books that answer when questions fall.
Food that nourishes, always fresh,
Gratitude fills each breath and step.
No want or need, just grace in store,
A heart that knows there’s always more.
Each day I build with presence deep,
Grateful, giving, secrets to keep.
Listening first to the voice within,
A journey of joy, where all begins.
My house, my soul, my sacred place,
Built on the light of Divine embrace.
—
So beautiful…..my guides today were the two phrases that caught me from the poem….a shelter of kindness and I burst into bloom. I love having the sense of the wittiness of the shelter of kindness and the outside sense of bursting into bloom. So grateful and joyous
WOW what a rich first day of belonging with you all!
I ran from the invitation to join this practice of BELONGING. So much division in our worlds. Overbearing heat in southwest this summer still has me under its spell. I have been sheltering inside my home for weeks going on months. This is our HOT season in Tucson, but this year is especially HOT adding the political climates in US and even the WNBA Women National Basketball Association.
Deep in my heart I have been grateful for ALL the courses and practices from Grateful Living. So I signed up to support them/us and challenge me.
I have been sitting chewing on the poem, the mediation, and Joe’s essay. Plus listening to podcast on belonging and a few songs that came into my mind. Going to roam my refuge and exercise inside while I see what surfaces to share. Meanwhile, I am eager to belong here and listen to what you think/feel.
Sharing a song with simple lyrics and chorus to add you voice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvMDOB-4QOk&t=10s
Good Day Sue,
Thank you so the Garth’s song It says it all. You belong here with all of us who have gathered to go deeper within.
Grace, Gratitude, discovering who I was before the world got its hands on me.
We are all here just walking each other home.
My inner home is a treehouse.
Inside there is music and all the furniture is very simple, natural and warm.
I am in awe over how much love, good will, strength, joy and healing I find in my roof space.
It keeps me safe and alive,
It keeps me from trying to straighten out the walls of this wonderful tree-home.
It keeps me sane and warm within myself.
Michi, Beautiful. I can picture it!
So much of this day’s reflections and meditation resonated with me – just having moved from a home of 40+ years to a retirement community – a welcoming environment, indeed, but still I am needing to re-orient myself to new external views and visions. The idea of creating a home within, something I’ve thought about, was a wonderful guide for me to remind myself that I always have my home within available – ‘the key is always yours’ – and I am now carrying with me a small smooth stone, painted with a beautiful bird’s head, that of the ovenbird, that a former student had given to me – and have its song playing in my head – a cheerful sound – reminding me of the many places where I can find shelter – as long as I remember my home within, with its walls that allow freedom to come and go, always sustained by laughter, joy, love, creativity, and self-acceptance.
Hard transition for you Barbara, but I sense from your comment you are eager to experience the NEW! I, too, will look up the Ovenbird. I have never heard of them. There is a free Cornell Bird App and so I will look it up and listen to their song. Every morning I try to get up to hear the FIRST birdsong of the day. I know their patterns. The Carolina Wren always sets her alarm first. Enjoy your new abode. You will make wonderful friends and will be able to explore all kinds of new adventures.
Thank you Barbara,
For introducing me to the beautiful sounds of a ovenbird. I looked the species up and listened to its song. May your new
home be surrounded by beautiful music of the ovenbird. Welcome to your new cozy home.
I really appreciate the poem . Probably my major way of being at home has been to keep a daily journal, But I rarely read back into my entries. What the present process has made me realise is that my journal is building a house, but reading and absorbing what I’ve written, and accepting it all, is living in the house. I’m not in occupancy yet, but I hope to be.
Since tragically losing my husband and best friend of 41 years two years ago, I have had to learn who I am, where I stand in this world and how to put one step in front of another. I have learned that each of us has the innate Divine Love in us. And until we can deeply explore that “home” within we are really powerless to really truly help anyone else. Everyday I practice meditation and being centered to “hear” and “listen” to the voice within. My image of a visual home within as in the meditation given today by Grateful Living is exactly the way I imagined. The walls are sustaining me, the windows shower me with light and the “decor” wraps me like a warm quilt enfolding me with love. A few months ago I listened to a meditation that was given in a grief course for my nursing continuing education credits. The speaker used the mantra “ coming home” to meditate. That says it all.
Pattyo,
Beautifully said. You are home and listening.
Yes, Doreen, Thank you. I keep practicing.
I found this first day very welcoming…..exquisite, welcoming poem by J. Fehrenbacher that set the stage for meditation:
“Throwing myself open to the whole of myself……”. The entire session – a dynamic way to start my week!
🌻 my guidepost is to shine like a sunflower to everyone I meet . I am grateful to be able to have a meditation method of letting go and knowing my True home is the universe which is alive and formlessness, never dying, unchanged existence.
My true home .
I am new to these practices on here, but really enjoy the first one and am going to come back to it. But I immediately thought of God when I read the poem, and how He is so accepting of everybody. I consider myself fortunate in that my family is exactly like that. Both parents are alive and well, and they definitely embody this open and accepting spirit.
Wondering what your thoughts are of Day 1. Enjoyed the poem and today’s content.