Play matters because people matter. It reminds us of our interdependence and gives us a chance to really see other people. And in turn, to be really and truly seen.

Jill Vialet, Founder of Playworks

Welcome to Day Two of Reclaim Play

Play is one of the primary (and most fun!) ways we can build connection and community with others. Kids know this intuitively and have the wonderful capacity to ask simply, “Will you play with me?” As adults, we seem to need something more specific: Would you like to play tennis? Are you up for a puzzle? How about we go dancing? However it’s initiated, play fosters connection. If you think back on gatherings with friends or family, chances are that the ones that involved play are most memorable — and perhaps even most meaningful. Because play invites risk-taking, creativity, strategy, and trust, we see new facets of one another — a nephew’s quick wit, a friend’s drawing skills, your own willingness to be vulnerable. 

In addition to deepening the relationships we already have, play holds enormous capacity to build connections between strangers and across cultures. In the 1970’s a connection between a Chinese ping-pong player and an American one famously helped pave the way for diplomatic relations between the U.S. and China. At the height of World War I in what later became known as the Christmas Truce, singing and tossing a football contributed to British and German soldiers temporarily laying down their arms. The inverse is true as well: deny play, and relationships break down. When one group of people attempts to conquer and oppress another, it’s not unusual for certain forms of play to be outlawed because it’s well understood that play — whether a game or music or storytelling — is a powerful form of maintaining connection and reinforcing bonds.

Today’s Practice: Connect through Play

To set the stage for today’s practice, take a few minutes to enjoy this playful version of Love Train, performed by young people and famous musicians from diverse communities across the United States. Along with appreciating the connections made possible through music, take inspiration from the ways the adults in this video — Yo-Yo Ma, Keb’ Mo, Paula Abdul, and other famous artists — are willing to be playful right alongside the kids.

After you’ve watched the video, take a moment to reflect:

  • What playful activities bring you the kind of joy seen here?
  • When has play built a bridge to others in your own life?

Follow the steps below to build connection and belonging through play. For today’s practice, the reflection step is particularly important.

Step One: Choose a Relationship that Could Use More Play

Given the important role play has in forging and deepening connections, what relationship in your own life would benefit from more play? Perhaps it’s with a team of your colleagues? A child or grandchild? A friend or neighbor? An acquaintance who is very different from you? The connection with your partner or spouse?

If you’ve been struggling to feel playful, pick an easy place to put your energy for today’s practice and begin to build your play muscles! If you’re ready, consider stretching a bit and using play to build a needed bridge with someone or to create the conditions for a greater sense of belonging among people you work with or a group of neighbors.

Step Two: Hatch a Plan

Plan a specific way you can bring a little play to the relationship you’ve chosen. This step can be super simple or more complex; it’s up to you. You might revisit your Play List from yesterday to spark ideas or peruse some of our favorites for inspiration.

  • Make a new recipe together with your favorite music on
  • Invite your colleagues to share a childhood photo and story
  • Ask a playful question like, “When did you laugh so hard you cried?” 
  • Serve ice cream for breakfast
  • Have a dance party in your kitchen
  • Leave bubbles and a note for a neighbor
  • Leave a surprise for someone who shares your home: a note in the refrigerator, a post-it on the bathroom mirror

Try to come up with something that you can carry out today or at least set in motion.

Step Three: Mine for Insights & Future Possibilities

The following questions are important for today’s practice but also for the Pathway as a whole. We encourage you to return to these throughout the week and beyond. 

  • How did it feel for you to be more intentional about connecting through play? Did it allow you to share a part of yourself in a new or different way? Did you feel more alive, present, vulnerable, joyful? Was it hard?
  • What was the response from others? Surprise, delight, bewilderment? How did their response make you feel?
  • If you were to consistently bring this sort of energy to a particular relationship, can you envision how it might deepen, nourish, or heal?

Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.

Deepening Resource

In this essay, Joe Primo explores how grateful living calls on us to create a sense of belonging — the place “where dignity, the sacred, and redemption meet.” As you consider this vital call to mitigate loneliness and othering, how might you incorporate more play as part of your strategy?

Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering by Joe Primo

Research Highlight

The field ethnologist and primatologist Isabel Behn reports: “Play is foundational for bonding relationships and fostering tolerance. It’s where we learn to trust and where we learn about the rules of the game. Play increases creativity and resilience, and it’s all about the generation of diversity — diversity of interactions, diversity of behaviors, diversity of connections.” Conversely, according to studies led by Stuart Brown, severe play deprivation in childhood can lead to sociopathic and violent behavior in adulthood. The good news is that play’s capacity for connection works quickly: One 12-week study by Dr. Ehud Bodner and colleagues measured a significant decrease in loneliness among older adults who played a storytelling board game in small teams.

Photo by Kyle Johnson


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