Play matters because people matter. It reminds us of our interdependence and gives us a chance to really see other people. And in turn, to be really and truly seen.
Jill Vialet, Founder of Playworks
Welcome to Day Two of Reclaim Play
Play is one of the primary (and most fun!) ways we can build connection and community with others. Kids know this intuitively and have the wonderful capacity to ask simply, โWill you play with me?โ As adults, we seem to need something more specific: Would you like to play tennis? Are you up for a puzzle? How about we go dancing? However itโs initiated, play fosters connection. If you think back on gatherings with friends or family, chances are that the ones that involved play are most memorable โ and perhaps even most meaningful. Because play invites risk-taking, creativity, strategy, and trust, we see new facets of one another โ a nephewโs quick wit, a friendโs drawing skills, your own willingness to be vulnerable.ย
In addition to deepening the relationships we already have, play holds enormous capacity to build connections between strangers and across cultures. In the 1970โs a connection between a Chinese ping-pong player and an American one famously helped pave the way for diplomatic relations between the U.S. and China. At the height of World War I in what later became known as the Christmas Truce, singing and tossing a football contributed to British and German soldiers temporarily laying down their arms. The inverse is true as well: deny play, and relationships break down. When one group of people attempts to conquer and oppress another, itโs not unusual for certain forms of play to be outlawed because itโs well understood that play โ whether a game or music or storytelling โ is a powerful form of maintaining connection and reinforcing bonds.
Today’s Practice: Connect through Play
To set the stage for todayโs practice, take a few minutes to enjoy this playful version of Love Train, performed by young people and famous musicians from diverse communities across the United States. Along with appreciating the connections made possible through music, take inspiration from the ways the adults in this video โ Yo-Yo Ma, Kebโ Mo, Paula Abdul, and other famous artists โ are willing to be playful right alongside the kids.
After youโve watched the video, take a moment to reflect:
- What playful activities bring you the kind of joy seen here?
- When has play built a bridge to others in your own life?
Follow the steps below to build connection and belonging through play. For todayโs practice, the reflection step is particularly important.
Step One: Choose a Relationship that Could Use More Play
Given the important role play has in forging and deepening connections, what relationship in your own life would benefit from more play? Perhaps itโs with a team of your colleagues? A child or grandchild? A friend or neighbor? An acquaintance who is very different from you? The connection with your partner or spouse?
If youโve been struggling to feel playful, pick an easy place to put your energy for todayโs practice and begin to build your play muscles! If youโre ready, consider stretching a bit and using play to build a needed bridge with someone or to create the conditions for a greater sense of belonging among people you work with or a group of neighbors.
Step Two: Hatch a Plan
Plan a specific way you can bring a little play to the relationship youโve chosen. This step can be super simple or more complex; itโs up to you. You might revisit your Play List from yesterday to spark ideas or peruse some of our favorites for inspiration.
- Make a new recipe together with your favorite music on
- Invite your colleagues to share a childhood photo and story
- Ask a playful question like, โWhen did you laugh so hard you cried?โ
- Serve ice cream for breakfast
- Have a dance party in your kitchen
- Leave bubbles and a note for a neighbor
- Leave a surprise for someone who shares your home: a note in the refrigerator, a post-it on the bathroom mirror
Try to come up with something that you can carry out today or at least set in motion.
Step Three: Mine for Insights & Future Possibilities
The following questions are important for todayโs practice but also for the Pathway as a whole. We encourage you to return to these throughout the week and beyond.
- How did it feel for you to be more intentional about connecting through play? Did it allow you to share a part of yourself in a new or different way? Did you feel more alive, present, vulnerable, joyful? Was it hard?
- What was the response from others? Surprise, delight, bewilderment? How did their response make you feel?
- If you were to consistently bring this sort of energy to a particular relationship, can you envision how it might deepen, nourish, or heal?
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
In this essay, Joe Primo explores how grateful living calls on us to create a sense of belonging โ the place โwhere dignity, the sacred, and redemption meet.โ As you consider this vital call to mitigate loneliness and othering, how might you incorporate more play as part of your strategy?
![](https://cdn.grateful.org/uploads/2021/11/09193443/Untitled-600-x-600-px-3.png)
Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering by Joe Primo
Research Highlight
The field ethnologist and primatologist Isabel Behn reports: โPlay is foundational for bonding relationships and fostering tolerance. It’s where we learn to trust and where we learn about the rules of the game. Play increases creativity and resilience, and itโs all about the generation of diversity โ diversity of interactions, diversity of behaviors, diversity of connections.โ Conversely, according to studies led by Stuart Brown, severe play deprivation in childhood can lead to sociopathic and violent behavior in adulthood. The good news is that playโs capacity for connection works quickly: One 12-week study by Dr. Ehud Bodner and colleagues measured a significant decrease in loneliness among older adults who played a storytelling board game in small teams.
Photo by Kyle Johnson
I need play to shake things up. My husband doesn’t like to shake things up. And if I call it play I’m not sure he will like that idea. But our life definitely needs some shaking up. So I will be looking for playful ideas to get us out of the recliners and out from in front of the tv to have more fun in our relationship.
I found today’s reading and ideas interesting but trying to get play into a life when you are mostly alone are more difficult.
Thank you for sharing this, Elaine. I hear you and deeply appreciate that many things, play included, are more challenging on one’s own. I hope that the week inspires some ideas for ways to initiate new connections. And in the meantime, I hope you can do something playful just for yourself โ something that brings a little joy and sweetness into your day. Sending care.
Today with a friend introduced Calm The Daily Move with Mel Mah. Gentle slow moving with relaxing breathing and music. The friend had stopped exercising but found this โfunโ. Together we laughed as we played with the motions of our arms and hips and whole body movements with encouragement. This shared experience brought levity into the room for the 7 minutes of activity.
The wonderful feelings we both shared were expressed with gratitudes. Oh how happy we were with no worries or concerns just joy being present with each other โfeeling goodโ ๐
Today, at work, we had a great day of play for staff and the individuals we support. We had live music, line dancers (some of us were brave enough to try)! I happily danced on the sidelines, a food truck with delicious, yummy food, cupcakes, a birthday to celebrate. It was great to see all the smiles and joy that people exhibited. What a day!
Well this is something I am currently working on. Making new connections to play. So I have two dates coming up Friday we’re going out for laughs and dinner. Saturday we’re going for a waterfall hike. I’m really looking forward to play again it’s been a long time. It comes down to making the effort to find where you belong and find your people to play with.
The insights presented in Day 2 help me understand the challenge facing me as I strive to Reclaim Play. The result of the study conducted by Isabel Behn (in Research Highlight) identified the correlation between play and loneliness. She learned that there is a โsignificant decline in loneliness among older adults who playedโฆโ And so, the challenge before me is to Hatch a Plan to PLAY so I can more effectively build connections and experience a greater sense of belonging.
My wife is in very late stage AD. My play is hiking in nature. when I have caregivers secured for my wife and can get away. Or restaurant meetings with friends. Most of my time is doing tasks that need doing. I am not in the mood to wear flowered glasses or to share recipes with others. I do enjoy visits with friends and family. It is great fun watching today’s wild singing video but I have absolutely no desire to do that at this time. I used to love dancing with my wife and may dance again someday. All my life I have enjoyed clowning around now and then but not right now. Successfully caring for my wife and managing the caregiving team takes up a lot of my time and mental energy. When the opportunity arises, I feel blessed to just sit in my garden and relax for 20 minutes. I just have no energy or desire to be raucous or loud or silly or at the moment. A year or so from now, more likely.
James, I found your posting very real and moving, and thank you for being brave enough to share what you did. Blessings.
Thank you for what you’ve shared here, James. I deeply appreciate that sometimes the most nourishing forms of play (and the only ones that are actually possible or resonant in any way) are the quieter ones…hiking, sharing a meal with friends. All blessings to you during this time of caregiving and love giving. I’m glad you’re here.
I too loved the sheer joy of the Love Train video. I decided to get on that train and hatch my plan, which was to playfully connect with my husband during our morning exercise time by putting on his favorite playlist called ‘You dancing?’ – with the response being, “You asking?’ – and yes, I was asking, so we had an early morning dance party ๐ Really put a smile on our faces. So grateful to be reminded to play.
I felt like I was โplayingโ as I watched the Love Train video. I was dancing, crying, enjoying every minute of it. I could feel the joy. How absolutely wonderful to see everyone come together having fun. And what a better time as this? Our world is hurting & we sooooo need this love.
Thank you for sharing this video. I am going to watch it again & again & againโฆ..
I enjoyed the Hatch a Plan segment today. I actually surround myself with people who like to play. I am incredibly fortunate to have great friends where I live and a super family who are quite spread out but in good connection with each other. I have some regular play dates – like a weekly coffee with one friend where we encourage each other and share books, muffins, wisdom – and sit outdoors and take in some nature sights and sounds. I took an art history course with another friend at a local museum – so wonderful to schedule time each week to learn about art and then soak it up. My family has a weekly zoom call and we are often very silly and there is a lot of support and also a lot of sharing of stories and laughter. I do work hard to stay connected to people and I’m outgoing, love talking to strangers, just very lucky to live where I do and have some time and energy to play and explore. That said, my son lives in the same town and often stays at my house to help with the care of our dogs – I need more play with him. He is very introverted and I am loud and boisterous, a bit much for him I think. I have toned it down to the point that I’m quiet and self-conscious around him and we struggle to talk except about the buisness of the day. It seems a long time since we’ve had some fun together. That seems to happen when we travel or if we go out for a nice meal – we both love good food and beautiful places. I want to work on playing with him. My plan is to leave a surprise – not sure what but I’ll think of it today or tomorrow – maybe just a note but something fun, kind, light… Ideas welcome!
the musical video gave me the biggest smile. I think when play is combined with service and giving the outcome is the best. Iโm noticing, as I have for a while, that iโm out of balance; my worry, feelings of responsibility and listening to others is too strong and my sense of play and fun and listening to my own voice is too weak. I want to change that and this is a decision I made that is helping with that.
These days we are waiting for our first appointment with an oncologist and this video changed my entire day!
I couldn’t be more grateful for the music, joy and exuberance of this video. I’m still smiling.
Playing and laughter are so essential to making it through life with some degree of grace. ๐
Play does bridge the gaps of time and culture. Being Grateful is a state of mind and of being yourself in the present above time.
Thanks for this opportunity to remember the power of play is inside each of us. l love this practice here.
A Love Train ๐โค๏ธ!!!
Wow! Loved watching this fun musical ๐ถ video!! What our world ๐ needs now is love and play to lighten all the current darkness and turmoil. Incorporating play into this day and every day! Thank you!!๐
Wow! ๐ฎ I got goosebumps! Loved the unity all over world, great to see this especially with how our world really is right now!