Wholeness does not mean perfection. It means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.
Parker Palmer
Welcome to Day Two of Embrace Imperfection
Are you hardest on yourself — quick to be generous with others about their imperfections but unable to offer yourself the same? You’re not alone. After all, perfection is a well-honed lesson we’re taught, offered in a continual loop, whether by family, school, religion, or simply the larger cultural messages urging constant improvement: “You should….” Even if you know intellectually that it’s impossible to be perfect, you may still, through well-ingrained habit, be holding yourself to an unattainable standard in some area of your life.
The problem with this isn’t only that it leaves the door open for stress, anxiety, and burnout; the problem is that we miss out. We don’t invite friends over unless the house is perfectly clean (less connection), we don’t wear the beautiful dress or suit because we think we’re too heavy or too thin (decreased joy), we don’t apply for the dream job because we see our imperfections as flaws that must first be overcome (missed opportunity). Accepting your imperfections is actually a beautiful expression of gratefulness for who you are right now. It doesn’t preclude striving for excellence in life, but it does mean letting go of the idea that you can somehow be perfect at all times, in all you do.
To set the stage for today’s practice, watch this beautiful 5-minute film by Reflections of Life.
- What would it look like for you to “break free” from external expectations in the way that the young woman describes in the film?
- How might embracing yourself, imperfections and all, actually be an expression of gratitude for what you’ve been given?
Today’s Practice: Release Perfection
In his introduction to this guided practice, Grateful Living CEO Joe Primo shares, “Every day for more than a year, I read a sticky note I mounted to my computer monitor with a quote from Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley: ‘The beginning is always today.’ It is my ode to imperfection, an acknowledgment that nothing will ever be complete and I can always start again.” He then invites us on a liberating journey to release our expectations of perfection as if it were our last day on earth.
Click here for an audio transcript.
At the close of the guided meditation, take some time to reflect on the following:
- What perfectionist expectation of yourself do you want to release? What habit is no longer serving you?
- How would you be different, how would you walk through the world, if you were no longer carrying this specific burden of perfection?
- What delight, contentment, or peace might be waiting for you?
Today’s Action to Embrace Imperfection: Commit to one specific step you can take to soften to imperfection in yourself and be grateful for who and how you are — right now, in this moment.
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections.
Deepening Resource
Dr. Brené Brown on Faking It, Perfectionism and Living Wholeheartedly
In this 5-minute conversation, Brené Brown and Oprah distinguish between perfectionism and excellence. Striving for excellence is healthy, while expecting ourselves to be perfect is not. Brené Brown also shares her research about the ways that shame and fear — what will other people think? — are often at the root of perfectionism.
Research Highlight
Perfectionism — which is distinct from striving for excellence — can cause or contribute to:
- Chronic disappointment
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Fatigue
- Insomnia
- Poor physical health
Signs of problematic perfectionism include excessive negative self-talk, self-worth that is highly dependent on achievements, and “persistent thoughts of not being good enough.”
Psychology Today, Sept 29, 2021, Kailey Spina Horan, Ph.D., LMHC
Photo by Ali Abdul Rahman
Again, this course is “perfect” timing for me. These issues have been coming up in a church study group I attend. We’ve been reading a book on spiritual growth, that gets into “reforming the ego” and “fixing our sinful nature”. I finally quit 2 weeks ago when someone else crossed the line into giving me unsolicited “advice”. I’m giving up perfectionism for Lent!
As reflexões no segundo dia se assemelham a uma escavação profunda. O convite do vídeo. E depois o exercício de escrita sobre o “último dia”. Algumas revelações só acontecem pela escrita… até o que ousamos não dizer.
Creio que por vezes, me vejo tentando ocupar a cadeira da perfeição. Mas, já me sinto à vontade para “soltar” e me reconectar com o que realmente desejo. O lugar da perfeição impede a que a experiência aconteça… orgânica e natural.
Agradeço pela oportunidade de participar desse espaço. Praticar. Ler os comentários. Interagir. Agradecerrrrrr!
Yesterday’s practice was the perfect lead in for today’s … LIBERATE!!! I am already decided, with ease, on the items to keep and those to let go of on my list of reconstruction options. Enjoying the dance ✨💃🎶 This story line may even show up in the lyrics of a song!
Cha Cha Cha!!!! ✨🦋💃🎶🤔✨🪶
Yesterdays practice has been the perfect lead in to todays call to LIBERATE!!! I’m already deciding, with ease, which items to keep on the reconstruction list and which to let go!!! Enjoying the dance✨✨ 💃 🎶 ….
May even show up in lyrics to a song!!!! Cha cha cha!!!
Hi Toni,
I appreciate your comment very much!
Grateful for being perfectly imperfect.
I feel the same
The meditation yesterday was SO helpful. As a result – somewhat paradoxically perhaps – I decided NOT to gather myself to offer a solo song at the folk club this evening. It could be argued I’m missing the point …. that it would be good to sing even if not perfectly. However, it always makes me anxious and I don’t enjoy the whole time before my turn so I will go there this evening knowing I don’t HAVE to contribute, I can just go there and enjoy those who do perform on this occasion. I imagine that, feeling I DO have a choice, will make it easier for me to WANT to offer in on some other occasion. This makes sense to me; hope it does to others
Thanks, everyone, for your meaningful comments. A word, a phrase, a sentence or two here or there have been helpful as I reflect on my own journey and things I would like to let go of and change. My own choice for.Today’s Action is this: Every time I have a negative thought, or say, something negative about myself to myself, I will expel the thought and quickly replace it with the words, “You Are Beautiful!”
I am so appreciative of this opportunity to connect with this community of special people. It is so reassuring to read the various postings and to share thoughts and feelings on this community platform. I am very excited and humbled to be participating in this venue with my older sister as we join together to collaborate on our thoughts and feelings of our life journeys with each other and you all. I have always felt very close to my older sister. And now, what a great opportunity for us to explore our imperfections and perfections together as we go through our aging process. I have so much to learn and thanks for Grateful Living to help in this process.
p.s. I have appreciated reading all of the comments from our community with each post made from your heart. Your comments have been very enlightening for me to reflect upon.
Vicki, what a wonderful and courageous idea to explore this topic with your sister.
I have the awareness of actions I am taking to be of service to myself and others. I have gratitude for how in-tune I am with ALL of my emotions and connections with myself and others. I can recognize when I am getting stuck in self-doubt by creating an internal list of things “I want to do” or “haven’t done.” Today, I focus and embrace my character assets. I am enough and am doing enough exactly as I am, which is amazing. I can allow freedom and joy every day by letting go of judging myself and projecting judgement from others. The way I look, the job I have, the money I make, where I live, my relationships, and the art I create, are exactly the way I am supposed to be now. I am taking positive actions every day to nurture all parts of myself, and whatever is not attended to today is okay, too. I would like to make it a priority this week to find the letters from my mom in my storage unit in our basement. She typed me a bunch of letters when I went to Girl Scout camp in 1989. If it doesn’t happen, I know my husband will eventually look through them or dispose of them/use them to honor our legacy. I remember receiving the letters as a pre-teen and they certainly uplifted my spirts while I was living in a cabin with girls I did not know. What a fun adventure to remember camping, dancing, giggling, horseback riding, hiking, and cooking our own food in the mountains.
Grateful for being perfectly imperfect!
It feels like a gift that my sister introduced me to this workshop at the same time I adopted a puppy. I have been working on letting go of a lifetime of perfectionism and Tina is ready to give me lessons! I enjoyed today’s lesson and have spent the day outside – a beautiful day in central North Carolina, USA – with my two dogs and nature. I have focused on just softening my heart. I look forward to ongoing consideration and practice in embracing imperfection!
Being grateful for who you are, right NOW ~ brings peace into your universe.
I know lots of perfectionists. Their rigidity makes them vulnerable to many health issues.
As a ‘recovering perfectionist’ I’ve missed opportunities, due to the achilles heel of perfectionism.
With Gratitude for today’s teaching, thank you.
Thank you.
I was diagnosed with painful “achilles tendon thickening” which certainly could be a metaphor for stubbornly rigid perfectionism. “The Body Keeps the Score.”
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be “perfect” and/or be seen as such. If I didn’t hit the mark I would quit, retreat or turn bright red in the face. So consequently, as a young person, fear of being judged was a constant in the background and I would not extend myself in areas of life that were interesting to me. As I matured I came to understand that comparing myself to others and setting unrealistic expectations for myself caused undue suffering. Thankfully, I do have an adventurous spirit and throughout the years I have taken risks (despite the fear) and have experienced many joys and a few sorrows, as we all do. I’m also am a grateful person by nature and this serves me well. This course is a wonderful reminder to take more risks, extend myself beyond my current paradigm and do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do. I enjoy reading the comments. It’s always helpful to know we are not alone and we as human beings share similar experiences. It’s nice to connect in that way.
I release the sense that I have to do something great or be somebody important. I have so much to be grateful for all around me, and I am great being me.
I believe being “great” is our birthright. Being judged by ourselves and others is probably a societal illness.
Promo’s words described expectations that were placed upon us. Wow! Living up to those expectations have caused me anxiety, guilt and shame. Taking time to release those expectations that didn’t occur to me long ago, however now trap me into inauthenticity.
Brown was so vulnerable in sharing how she needed to release perfectionism before writing her own book on the topic. I am reminded through this journey on day 2 that I am perfect just the way I am, today and each day given to me is a gift.