Imperfection is in some sort essential to all that we know of life. Nothing that lives is, or can be, rigidly perfect… And in all things that live there are certain irregularities and deficiencies which are not only signs of life, but sources of beauty.
John Ruskin
Welcome to Day One of Embrace Imperfection
The most recent restoration of Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel masterpiece (1980-1999) caused great controversy not only in the art world but among those who had gazed upon its beauty in the pages of art books or, if lucky, in person. According to some, the restoration removed not only the stains from soot and dirt but also the intentional shadows and dark lines that contributed to making Michelangelo’s work so glorious. In an effort to “restore” the chapel’s ceiling to perfection, many believe it lost its magnificence. There are as many layers to this story as there were of wax, glue, and the city’s dirt on Michelangelo’s work, but it offers a simple and rather profound reminder that it is sometimes the imperfections we love the most. In and of themselves, they tell a story, add richness, and offer a kind of beauty that not only brings joy but even elevates the human spirit.
To get started, enjoy this delightful 90-second video of our founder Br. David Steindl-Rast laughing at his own imperfections.
After you’ve watched the 2-minute video, consider the following:
- When has imperfection evoked this kind of laughter for you?
- Is there an imperfection in your life right now that would benefit from a little bit of levity?
Today’s Practice: Attune to Imperfection’s Gifts
For today’s practice, begin by reading this poem of praise by Francine Marie Tolf. As you read, take note of all the “imperfections” she praises in the opening of each stanza and the reasons she gives for her gratitude in the second part.
Hymn, with Birds and Cats
By Francine Marie Tolf
I will praise my failures. I will praise
What I have not accomplished and do not possess
Because it has led to this moment
At ten in the morning on a smoky October day,
Sitting on the bedroom floor in my bathrobe,
Treated to a rectangle of overcast sky
And a poplar whose yellow leaves,
Half blown away, are as artfully arranged
As the characters in a haiku.
I will praise my too-small apartment
With its cheap kitchen cabinets
And mismatched furniture, its jumbo litter box
Stealing half the front closet whose carpet
Is covered with pebbles. I will praise
The dun-colored carpet itself, gayer for wine stains,
And my cardboard box of a desk.
Because I have sat cross-legged there
And felt ideas alight on my shoulder like cardinals.
And my home was a mansion then,
A paradise of the new, which it is for the cats anyway
As they sleep under spider plants
In rich strips of sun.
I will praise my body whose middle-aged belly
Protrudes and whose knees have grown knobby,
This foolish animal shape who guilelessly
Stared back at me from the full-length mirror
Of a doctor’s office two days ago.
Because it is still rain- and sun-loving matter,
the same that splashed lake water as a child
And rolled like a colt in June grass.
And I am never more satisfied than when I am
Walking or pushing or lifting with it,
Loving even the ache that follows,
That assurance I am rooted with earth.
And I will praise my manila folders of failed
And abandoned poems, poems that will never be
Published or read by anyone except me.
Because not one was not perfect when first
Budding, not one did not leave the fragrance
Of possibility between these walls
Or deepen what decency I share
With damp soil and oak trees and the geese
Honking high above clouds just now,
Esteemed messengers I can hear but not see
As I sit drinking coffee, amazed
The ungainliness of my life should coalesce
Into something so sleek, so elegant,
As this sudden happiness.
After reading the poem, take a few moments to reflect:
- In what way does the poet find opportunity in the imperfections she names?
- What role does gratefulness play in the poet’s ability to notice and appreciate the gifts of imperfection?
Once you’ve spent a little time with the poem, try this simple practice:
- Set an intention to attune to imperfection today. Be on the lookout for imperfections that bring you joy, evoke laughter, open a door, or invite reflection.
- In a notebook or using this printable guide, make a list of the imperfections that are calling for your praise — a beloved’s crooked smile, your favorite coffee mug with the chipped edge, the worn quilt you inherited, a story your family loves to retell to great laughter.
- Either while creating your list or at the end of the day, take time to answer the following:
- What gifts do these imperfections offer me?
- How is my life enriched by them?
- Which imperfections evoke my gratitude?
- What changes for me when I praise the imperfections in my life rather than bemoan them?
Today’s Action to Embrace Imperfection: Choose one imperfection in your life right now that you can begin to embrace rather than trying to “restore” it in the way the Sistine Chapel was restored. Pay attention to any changes or shifts that emerge as a result.
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections.
Deepening Resource
Tara Brach Speaks about Relating Wisely with Imperfection
In the first three and a half minutes of this talk, Tara Brach reads a reflection from author and Zen Teacher Ed Brown about trying to make the perfect biscuit — a reminder of the ways we confuse uniformity with perfection. Enjoy these few minutes or the entire talk.
Research Highlight
Physicist Marcelo Gleiser reminds us that life as we know it is a result of imperfection, and his research has focused on the fundamental asymmetries in nature. He writes: “We have found that without asymmetries and imperfections the universe would contain only smooth radiation — nothing more. Stars, people, and everything else emerge from fundamental imperfections writ deep into nature’s code.”
Marcelo Gleiser is Professor of Physics and Astronomy at Dartmouth College and was the 2019 recipient of the Templeton Prize
Hymn, with Birds and Cats by Francine Marie Tolf (From Rain, Lilies, Luck © 2010 North Star Press of St. Cloud, Minnesota) has been reprinted with kind permission of the author.
Photo by Hannah Grace
Thanks SO much for the link to Tara Brach’s talk–the anecdote at the beginning was so perfect for me–and perfect for this class. I have been guilty of trying to turn my live into Pillsbury biscuits instead of embracing what is–periodically I catch myself and do a reset, but the draw to perfectionism is insidious. Pema Chodron says that seeking perfection is “self-aggression”–Ed Brown said much the same thing in a more lighthearted way. Be real–balm for the soul.
Now that I’ve selected one project from my list of ‘imperfections to notice’ for the day 1 practice, I have landed on re-ordering my homes space.
In December I signed a contract to re-order, reconstruct my home to make more sense. In my two-story row house I am moving my kitchen, currently located on the second floor and adjacent to the master bedroom, down to the first floor to be adjacent to my half bath. I am moving my master bedroom currently located on the first floor and adjacent to the half bath to the second floor. It will be more logically adjacent to the master bath. These changes will allow for a long awaited access to my basement from my first floor. Currently, I access my basement, storage, sewing space from an outside side door due to a former owner plugging that access with a half bath. The new location of the kitchen will have easier access to my side deck and outdoor patio area as well. All of these changes, of course, present a whole list of creative wants, but not necessarily, needs.
My goal is not to wrestle with this list, but, to gently discern my true needs, and, allow that process to guide me to the finished product. This will certainly be an ebb and flow of grappling with the temptation to add more changes. In keeping with what is needed I can avoid the consequence of too much!! I have found when I work with what is needed I discover balance, a dance, actually, that keeps the flow freer. Often doing more disguises a need for perfection.
This day 1 has reinforced the call let it unfold in due time, to enjoy the dance, to Let It Be ….
I don’t beat myself up as much when i embrace imperfection. I don’t have the horrible guilt and shame that can sometimes come when i feel so flawed.
This poem’s specificity spoke directly to me. 🙂 I’m planning a move to a senior living community in the next few years, which I know is the right choice for me. But, I know I’ll have much less space than I have now, and I won’t have a basement to hide the kitty litter box, with all the mess and odors it makes. I’ve been picturing with a sinking feeling having the litter box in my closet, with the carpet covered with pebbles. This poem was a revelation: Oh, I can know contentment and joy even with a litter box in my closet…because gratefulness is always available to me!
Here’s another poem that has spoken to me, as a recovering perfectionist: https://onbeing.org/poetry/some-things-i-like/
I loved this day’s offerings! I could just watch Brother David laugh at his mistakes all day long. What spirit!
I am a student of Tara Brach’s and use her meditations and Dharma talks all the time. I highly recommend them! She has a live meditation every Wednesday evening, that is later recorded and put on YouTube. The talks are interspersed with stories, humor and gentle lessons and usually have a short meditation period. I always come away refreshed and “cleansed.”
The poem was fun, too. Yes, I have traded a big 7 room house for 2 tiny (and I mean TINY) homes, one for winter and one for summer. Are they perfect? In their own ways, yes, but I miss things, like a fireplace and a separate bedroom (sleeping on a sleep sofa is the epitome of living with imperfection.)
Thank you for this course.
So glad I am learning about Imperfection.
This topic is somewhat new to time.
But, it was so useful today.
I misread a message.
Then, I answered it back.
But, for whatever reason I came back to the original message.
SURPRISE….I laughed my tail off, when I realized what I did.
Laughing at my imperfection was super good!!!
Finally, I sent a fresh explaining my imperfection..No comments so far.
Knowing about Imperfection make me feel more relaxed, more human.
I can’t say that my imperfections elicit gratitude but I do enjoy the moments when I can laugh at myself because of them.
Learning to be more at ease with my imperfections as well as my regrets would be terrific.
SO GRATEFUL for the Tara Brach video. It is EXACTLY what I needed today!
Ironically I was “imperfectly” unable to begin this practice on Monday. I read some of the material in the evening, and especially enjoyed the poem by Francine Marie Tolf.
Awakening with gratitude for this precious shift in perception, from judging to honoring all of creation, including myself.
Thank you! Bless you!
Having had OCD (since a toddler) I am just now (age 78) learning to accept my imperfections as blessings – opportunities to learn life’s lessons – and to accept myself and life in a more light-hearted manner.
This reflective process brought me right into my heart, where I could feel the sense of love and connection and care that I have with all of the imperfections that I put down on my list. I found myself pulled to simply feel a deep sense of compassion for all of the “parts” of myself longing for what is to be anything other than it is, and that gave me space to take a breath and again feel my heart and just let go of all the outcomes related to changing all of those imperfections. Doing so brought in a felt sense of spaciousness within me, which I now feel allows the callings of the day to inhabit.
My family’s (of creation) motto / saying for/about me is “Close, but no sitar” – that’s how often I get things … not quite right. One of my missions is to keep learning / remembering to embrace imperfection (to be human) every minute of every day (although I sometimes forget). It’s a practice that is liberating and expanding (when Inremember). Trying to pretend to always be right, to always know the answer, to always be the best (as was the case in my family of origin) was / is sooooo constricting and energy sapping. Embracing imperfection is MY liberation theology.
I’m grateful I took the time to read the poem aloud to my husband. So beautiful! He said it made him think about us and our home. I really enjoyed doing the imperfection lists. Growing up with a blind mother as a result of Type 1 Diabetes, I was so inspired and connected to her yet I also thought other people must have perfect lives because they did not have to live with any type of disability. I internally judged her imperfections and my own while acting so positive about everything. I see the imperfections in both of us and also in my father, who was unfaithful to my mother, which deeply impacted our lives. I know the imperfections are a valuable part of who I am, which is a gift because I love myself and everything that brought me here. I had a special bond and friendship with my mom, and she is still my hero and inspiration even though she is no longer with us. I still have that special bond and deep connection with her because she taught me about how to express my emotions and truth through poetry and art to cope with loss. I know the imperfections and her blindness/vision of me made our relationship stronger. She was blind and exactly what she was supposed to be when she gave birth to me. I am grateful for my physical and emotional vision.
My mom and I adored shopping in mall stores and clothing boutiques – she adored fashion and jewelry with a special flare for putting outfits together. We always giggled together on our shopping adventures followed by going out to dinner and to hear my now husband’s band play in NYC. She was serious, private and sentimental, but her sense of humor and outspokenness, and her ability to give speeches with jokes, inspires me to drop into the laughter of internal and external storytelling. I can be proud and uplifted about who I am, my past, and see the purpose for me to share about it. Endless love and connection! I mix her poems with mine and read them aloud. I talk about my parents and tell the truth. I embrace the funny parts of the pain and inperfection, too. No one person on this earth is perfect. I am grateful for the relief and self love I feel for doing yoga and tae bo every day with my husband. I have a sore spot on my left foot, which connects to a point on my hip. The discomfort never goes away completely but there a lot of days and more time when it feels good. Thank you to my body for carrying me.
I am 80 years old, and while never a perfectionist, have been plagued by a lifetime of feeling unworthy. I don’t expect perfection in others, but have constantly judged myself. Recently someone told me to forget about all of my failures and perceived inadequacies, as they have gotten me to where I am now. I felt such a weight lift from me when I followed this suggestion! I think that this practice is the other side of the coin of gratefulness. I am filled with joy when I embrace all of the good in my imperfect life! This is a practice I will use in perpetuity!
Love Gleiser’s analogy of our connection to imperfections in nature, stars, people and everything. Brach’s story of trying to make the perfect biscuit is a reminder of how we are all imperfectly enough, just the way we are. Tolf’s praises of imperfections are matched with the positive growth that accompanied each lesson, pain or judgement.
Grateful to be participating in this journey of embracing imperfections!🤗🙏😍