My hunch is that joy is an ember for or precursor to wild and unpredictable and transgressive and unboundaried solidarity. And that that solidarity might incite further joy. Which might incite further solidarity. And on and on. My hunch is that joy, emerging from our common sorrow — which does not necessarily mean we have the same sorrows, but that we, in common, sorrow — might draw us together.
Ross Gay
Welcome to Day Three of Say Yes to Joy
Joy experienced in communion with others is good for all involved; it unites us around what we value and care for, and it increases our sense of connection and belonging. When we experience joy with others, our spirits are enlivened, and we’re more likely to feel generous toward those who are part of the joy with us. Connecting through joy occurs most obviously when celebrating grand occasions like births, graduations, and weddings. And it can certainly be felt at sporting events, in concert halls, and on the dance floor. On the daily level, connecting through joy is available in our one-to-one interactions with family members, friends, a neighbor, the store clerk, a waiter. When you choose to connect through joy, you nurture a sense of belonging for yourself and those around you.
To settle in to today’s practice, give yourself the delight of watching the joy of these kids from around the world singing Kool and the Gang’s Celebration, a project of Playing for Change. The video is a moving reminder of the essential role of communal joy and its power to connect us to one another.
Today’s Practice
Step One: Connect Through Joy
Today’s invitation is to commit to one act of joy that nourishes your connection to others. Here are some suggestions to help you get started:
- Identify a relationship you’re grateful for, perhaps one that needs some nourishment and healing, and share something joyful with that person: a poem, a song, an uplifting text or phone call, a batch of cookies. Keep it simple enough that it will fit into your day.
- Host an impromptu joy gathering. Ask your family members, friends, or colleagues to join you for 5 minutes — whether in your living room, at the office, or online — to share some joy. You can bring the joyful offering or simply invite people to share what’s bringing them joy right now.
- Take a look at the community events happening near you or online in the next week: a concert, a community garden work session, an exhibit, free Yoga at the park. See if you can find something new to try, and make a firm plan to participate, either on your own or with a friend, and tap into the collective experience of joy.
Choose one of the above actions or something inspired by these examples.
Step Two: Reflect
At the end of the day, reflect on the following (modify as needed if you choose #3 from the above examples):
- What resulted from your effort to connect with others through joy?
- Did your intentional sharing of joy shift your relationship(s) in any way?
- In what ways did joy serve as a meaningful bridge to others in your life?
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
Treat yourself to 19 compelling and joyful minutes of Ross Gay talking about the necessity of joy, the relationship between joy and sorrow, the connection we find through joy, and the way joy feels in the body. Ross Gay is the author of The Book of Delights and Inciting Joy, among others.
Research Highlight
Tuning in to other people’s joy is an example of positive empathy, which is “linked to greater life satisfaction, peace of mind, and happiness. It is also associated with greater trust, support, and satisfaction in close relationships.” Even when we ourselves are not feeling particularly joyful, noticing other people’s joy has positive benefits for us.
Kelly McGonigal (2017) in Greater Good Magazine
Photo by Guille Alvarez
If we’re not here to share joy…then why the heck are we here??
I think this is my favorite day. I love the fact that joy is the outcome of connection. It inspires me to get out of my own shell; to be a part of the world and to help manufacture joy for and with others in community. I loved the children singing about celebration. I love spontaneity. I love showing up for others with no feeling of obligation. Calling an elderly friend and listening deeply to her. Taking the invitation to invite some neighbors over to enjoy our swimming pool and realizing I still am like a child when I just get to play in water. Buying tickets to a local performance of my favorite musical and celebrating that art lives in community. Joy is action. Joy is partnering with others to make the world a little brighter and more beautiful each day. Joy is noticing what is already alive in the world.
I really loved the video of the children all singing together. Absolute happiness!
I often do what I can to bring joy to others like random acts of kindness. Such a feeling of JOY seeing and hearing the people I have made feel special. Reminds me that really we are all connected and its nice to make JOY the focus
I am hosting an online meet and greet among a group of my friends tonight. They are all my friends, but they don’t all know one another. When they introduce themselves tonight, I’ve asked them to share something that is bringing them joy.
Awesome idea!
Hello, I’m so glad I signed up for Say Yes to Joy! Thank you for this generous gift. I love the practices and videos. I’m in the middle of a big move and it’s a little stressful. I appreciate having this focus to ground me each day. I have a gratitude practice, I love what was shared about the connection of gratitude softening joy. I have moments of joy in my life. I would love to deepen joy in my heart.
Today’s post motivated me to get in touch with someone I have struggled to connect with for quite a long time due to her differing political views. We just had a lovely happy hour together. Thank you for the kick in the *&^)!*#!
I had an uncomfortable interaction with my adult daughter yesterday. But today she called and we had a chance to hear each other and repair any misunderstandings. It was very healing. I kept thinking about the synergistic nature of joy and sorrow from yesterday’s practice as we talked. When I came upon today’s practice, I sent her a card simply wishing her joy in her day. This allowed me to feel joy for both of us and let go of sorrow.
The kids were so uplifting I had to stop and share it with friends online before even moving on with the rest of the email!❤️
I am truly enjoying these daily say yes to joy!!! The video was spectacular and brought me great joy. Thank you for enriching my life daily. 🩵
That video!!! That song makes me dance whenever and wherever I am!! The joy on their faces, and the teamwork it took for that video, that is joy. Thank you.
In what ways did joy serve as a meaningful bridge to others in your life? It opens our hearts to experiencing and receiving our own and each other’s goodness. Referring to this regularly to regularly remind me to find, allow and establish gratitude and joy in myself and life. I have notes of this course, and my responses on a document (A Google Docs), and can add to it anytime.
It struck me that, even when the task is challenging, being in a group unites the participants and there is a joy in the shared challenge. Alone, a specific task might seem insurmountable, but the joy of being in a group diverts attention, the gratitude for being together overrides the difficulties of the challenge.
Excitedly absorbing and experiencing the spiritual nourishment on D3 of our Practice of Gratitude-Collective Joy, we’d like to share the late “Father of Flow”, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s extensive research on the “optimal experience”. You may find his teachings are integrated in today’s “deep resources”. Such foresight is assists in telling the findings from the day’s exercises.
“The Flow is the optimal experience” when an iinner feeling of exhilaration/joy come from ‘being’not doing’; that life is messy” at times; that the “experience” depends/awakens “to how we feel about ourselves; that “the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences.”
“Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony not the controls we are able to exert over the “great forces of the universe”.
(While writing this sharing, there’s been an electrical surge bleep and the presence of fog over shadowing the earlier clear forests.
There are a lot of people I know on facebook, so I invited them to share joys. And to begin, I posted a picture of our very photogenic Aussie taken by a talented pet-paparazza.
You are welcome to join that thread (or just look at Annie Head-Tilt) if you would like:
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10163086151842678&set=a.487287252677
I am so glad I signed up for this five-day practice. The resources serve as a springboard to a pool of wonder and beauty. I am keeping a list in my journal of artists, poets, writers, musicians, and websites that are new to me and which I will continue to explore. That alone brings me joy.
As for today’s practice, I tend toward introversion. This morning, I kicked myself out of the house and took my journal to a local coffeeshop, ironically (thinking of the Ross Gay interview) called “Apocalypse Coffee” because it opened during the pandemic! I ordered my coffee and then sat to enjoy watching the other customers. I told myself to keep open to whatever experience might arrive. Keep my head up. Smile.
A young man asked if he could charge his phone at the outlet beside me. Then he asked what I was writing. I told him it was my journal and we had a brief but kind of deep conversation (why journal? what do you write?). When he returned later to pick up his phone, we chatted again (he’s 34 years old, in sales, graduated from a local high school and attended the college from which I recently retired). Including both encounters, we spoke for no more than 2 minutes, but it was a human connection. A small moment of joy. Me, up and out in the world.
Just reading this lifted me up with joy!
I really appreciate how you have written about this short and yet powerful encounter. I too tend towards introversion and yet love to spend time in a coffee shop . I am usually reading or writing so will try and look up more.
What a lovely encounter and opportunity to share. I think one of the keys is remaining open as you say. There are some lovely cafes near where I live so I must make a point of visiting them more often, journal in hand. Apocalypse Cafe – brilliant!