My hunch is that joy is an ember for or precursor to wild and unpredictable and transgressive and unboundaried solidarity. And that that solidarity might incite further joy. Which might incite further solidarity. And on and on. My hunch is that joy, emerging from our common sorrow — which does not necessarily mean we have the same sorrows, but that we, in common, sorrow — might draw us together.
Ross Gay
Welcome to Day Three of Say Yes to Joy
Joy experienced in communion with others is good for all involved; it unites us around what we value and care for, and it increases our sense of connection and belonging. When we experience joy with others, our spirits are enlivened, and we’re more likely to feel generous toward those who are part of the joy with us. Connecting through joy occurs most obviously when celebrating grand occasions like births, graduations, and weddings. And it can certainly be felt at sporting events, in concert halls, and on the dance floor. On the daily level, connecting through joy is available in our one-to-one interactions with family members, friends, a neighbor, the store clerk, a waiter. When you choose to connect through joy, you nurture a sense of belonging for yourself and those around you.
To settle in to today’s practice, give yourself the delight of watching the joy of these kids from around the world singing Kool and the Gang’s Celebration, a project of Playing for Change. The video is a moving reminder of the essential role of communal joy and its power to connect us to one another.
Today’s Practice
Today’s invitation is to commit to one act of joy that nourishes your connection to others. Here are some suggestions to help you get started:
- Identify a relationship you’re grateful for, perhaps one that needs some nourishment and healing, and share something joyful with that person: a poem, a song, an uplifting text or phone call, a batch of cookies. Keep it simple enough that it will fit into your day.
- Host an impromptu joy gathering. Ask your family members, friends, or colleagues to join you for 5 minutes — whether in your living room, at the office, or online — to share some joy. You can bring the joyful offering or simply invite people to share what’s bringing them joy right now.
- Take a look at the community events happening near you or online in the next week: a concert, a community garden work session, an exhibit, free Yoga at the park. See if you can find something new to try, and make a firm plan to participate, either on your own or with a friend (even if online), and tap into the collective experience of joy.
Choose one of the above actions or something inspired by these examples. At the end of the day, reflect on the following (modify as needed if you choose #3):
- What resulted from your effort to connect with others through joy?
- Did your intentional sharing of joy shift your relationship(s) in any way?
- In what ways did joy serve as a meaningful bridge to others in your life?
Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections.
Deepening Resource
Treat yourself to 19 compelling and joyful minutes of Ross Gay talking about the necessity of joy, the relationship between joy and sorrow, the connection we find through joy, and the way joy feels in the body. Ross Gay is the author of The Book of Delights and Inciting Joy, among others.
Research Highlight
Tuning in to other people’s joy is an example of positive empathy, which is “linked to greater life satisfaction, peace of mind, and happiness. It is also associated with greater trust, support, and satisfaction in close relationships.” Even when we ourselves are not feeling particularly joyful, noticing other people’s joy has positive benefits for us.
How to Overcome Stress by Seeing Other People’s Joy, Greater Good Science Center
Photo by Guille Alvarez
That video!!! That song makes me dance whenever and wherever I am!! The joy on their faces, and the teamwork it took for that video, that is joy. Thank you.
In what ways did joy serve as a meaningful bridge to others in your life? It opens our hearts to experiencing and receiving our own and each other’s goodness. Referring to this regularly to regularly remind me to find, allow and establish gratitude and joy in myself and life. I have notes of this course, and my responses on a document (A Google Docs), and can add to it anytime.
It struck me that, even when the task is challenging, being in a group unites the participants and there is a joy in the shared challenge. Alone, a specific task might seem insurmountable, but the joy of being in a group diverts attention, the gratitude for being together overrides the difficulties of the challenge.
Excitedly absorbing and experiencing the spiritual nourishment on D3 of our Practice of Gratitude-Collective Joy, we’d like to share the late “Father of Flow”, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s extensive research on the “optimal experience”. You may find his teachings are integrated in today’s “deep resources”. Such foresight is assists in telling the findings from the day’s exercises.
“The Flow is the optimal experience” when an iinner feeling of exhilaration/joy come from ‘being’not doing’; that life is messy” at times; that the “experience” depends/awakens “to how we feel about ourselves; that “the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences.”
“Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony not the controls we are able to exert over the “great forces of the universe”.
(While writing this sharing, there’s been an electrical surge bleep and the presence of fog over shadowing the earlier clear forests.
There are a lot of people I know on facebook, so I invited them to share joys. And to begin, I posted a picture of our very photogenic Aussie taken by a talented pet-paparazza.
You are welcome to join that thread (or just look at Annie Head-Tilt) if you would like:
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10163086151842678&set=a.487287252677
I am so glad I signed up for this five-day practice. The resources serve as a springboard to a pool of wonder and beauty. I am keeping a list in my journal of artists, poets, writers, musicians, and websites that are new to me and which I will continue to explore. That alone brings me joy.
As for today’s practice, I tend toward introversion. This morning, I kicked myself out of the house and took my journal to a local coffeeshop, ironically (thinking of the Ross Gay interview) called “Apocalypse Coffee” because it opened during the pandemic! I ordered my coffee and then sat to enjoy watching the other customers. I told myself to keep open to whatever experience might arrive. Keep my head up. Smile.
A young man asked if he could charge his phone at the outlet beside me. Then he asked what I was writing. I told him it was my journal and we had a brief but kind of deep conversation (why journal? what do you write?). When he returned later to pick up his phone, we chatted again (he’s 34 years old, in sales, graduated from a local high school and attended the college from which I recently retired). Including both encounters, we spoke for no more than 2 minutes, but it was a human connection. A small moment of joy. Me, up and out in the world.
I really appreciate how you have written about this short and yet powerful encounter. I too tend towards introversion and yet love to spend time in a coffee shop . I am usually reading or writing so will try and look up more.
What a lovely encounter and opportunity to share. I think one of the keys is remaining open as you say. There are some lovely cafes near where I live so I must make a point of visiting them more often, journal in hand. Apocalypse Cafe – brilliant!
My dog died about 11 months ago. Today another dog came into my life and i shared the joy with friends and family. My family sent me all the pictures of their dogs! I think this dogs name is river.. He’s cracking me up! May we all flow like the River…joy and beauty everywhere!
So much beautiful joy and inspiration and gratitude…yet once again I find myself behind in the daily offerings….so I will wait until tomorrow to work with Day 3 and then hopefully post more. My practices of Day 1 and Day 2 are wiht me through out each day….but lacking time to stop and comment here.
watching these international children enjoying the song and dancing was pure joy, yet it made me sob. i thought again of all those war torn children in Gaza and Ukraine who haven’t known peace in a long time and who daily lose someone they have loved for no other reason except revenge. An eye for an eye has made both sides blind and it saddens me. The joy came later in the day when i met a dear friend for lunch and i told her about this practice. She and i discussed our international travels together over the past 30 years and we laughed and recalled the joy of our friendship and traveling together. So, i started the day with joy and the paradox of sadness and ended with joy. this is the way it should be.
Don’t take anything for granted. The kids were great!
I am blown away by all the resources that are presented in this course. One more heartwarming than the other. I am so grateful for the exposure and the stimulation. Reflecting on the article that talks about the abundance of all the ordinary things that elicit joy was a real eye opener. I myself write a joy and gratitude list and send to 40 people. Sometimes I find myself not knowing what to write. There are many days I can’t connect to joy, so it seems, yet joy can be found all around me in kindness, color, music, connection, giving, hope, learning, growing sharing, discovery and on and on.
I don’t have to look far or for the extraordinary. It is right here in the ordinary. One of my biggest joy is connecting with people, strangers, patients, neighbors, family, friends.
I loved the conversation from the NPR show, “It’s been a minute”. Their voices and the laughter that broke out now and again were delightful. It seems to me that delight sometimes opens the pathway to Joy. I need to allow that pathway to open, to be grateful when it does, and to try to be open hearted to the possibility that Joy will find me again…..and again…..and again.
I believe, with so many of your offerings, that there is a deep well of joy in us no matter the circumstances of our lives (or of the world around us)
Spending, as I do, so much of my time in my head, I often miss being in touch with it. I find, though, that gratitude — so invariably a prompt — releases it. So many lovely videos and interviews! Thank you!
I loved the video which has given me a great idea to spread a bit of music joy with my grand kids, ie. The use of hands and cups to create percussion. Great way to make joy happen. Thanks for the video.
Yes! I learned that cup game at church camp a hundred years ago (a little exaggeration). It was charming to see it used as the foundation for this video–children playing!
inspired to ask several friends what was bringing them joy today..connection!!
deep in sorrow over images from palestine sought refuge in walking on this earth,
realizing i can wander in peaceful joy on this mother earth whenever i choose,
and the delight in waiting on the bridge to watch a stream that bluebirds were about, the beautiful blue of the males searching
for…the coming season of nests an babies..such a delight
celebrate will be ringing in my ears…