To feel a full and untrammeled joy is to have become fully generous; to allow ourselves to be joyful is to have walked through the doorway of fear, the dropping away of the anxious, worried self…the claiming of our place in the living conversation, the sheer privilege of being in the presence of a mountain, a sky or a well-loved familiar face. I was here, and you were here, and together we made a world.
David Whyte
Welcome to Day Four of Say Yes to Joy
If, as Br. David Steindl-Rast says, the root of joy is gratefulness, fear is its gatekeeper. When our fears and worries, real and heavy as they are, become the guideposts by which we live our daily lives, we miss out on joy. As we explored on day two of the Pathway, making space for joy isn’t about negating the sorrows we carry; sorrow and joy can be deeply integrated and inform each other. But joy does, in fact, depend on relinquishing unchecked fears that hold us back from joy, that keep us from saying a wholehearted yes. These can take many forms but are often experienced as fear of imperfection, fear of vulnerability, or fear of not being enough. Metaphorically speaking (and perhaps literally, too!), if we’re worried about how we look when dancing, we may not ever dance.
Begin today by reading The Fearless Dive: Grateful without Conditions, a short essay by our CEO Joe Primo, in which he shares the ways fear kept him from unconditional gratefulness and, therefore, joy.
After reading the essay, take a few moments to consider the following:
- Do you put conditions on your gratefulness, i.e. “This would be perfect if only…”?
- Is there a fear you carry that gets in the way of greater joy?
- How might gratefulness help shift your perspective and help soften this fear?
Today’s Practice
Setting aside our fears and vulnerabilities is of course not easy work, nor is it as simple as a one-time relinquishing. Ritual, however, can be a powerful way to begin laying down a fear that you carry. In the act of ritual, you can set an intention and remind yourself in body, mind, and spirit that you’re ready to let something go and make a little more room for joy. For today’s practice, we invite you to try the steps below. As preparation, consider re-watching the conversation between Brené Brown and Oprah that we shared on day one of the Pathway, as it speaks directly to the ways our fears cut us off from joy.
Step One: Set the Stage & Get Centered
Select some music you find soothing, gather pen and paper, perhaps light a candle, and take a few deep breaths. When you’re ready, reread the David Whyte quote above; try speaking it aloud, inviting the “full and untrammeled joy” of which he writes.
Step Two: Name the Fear
Identify a fear you’d like to relinquish in order to open to greater joy. On a piece of paper, write this fear down in the form of a single word or one sentence. This simple format is certainly not to diminish the complexity of our fears but to get clear and concrete about a specific fear.
Step Three: Envision Letting it Go
Holding the piece of paper, take a few moments to be compassionate toward this fear and toward yourself. Allow yourself to feel it, to acknowledge its source and its weight. As you do so, begin to envision what it would feel like to relinquish this fear. Imagine the lightness and liberation you might feel.
Step Four: Invite Joy
Now turn the paper over, and name the joy that you want to welcome into your life. Complete this sentence prompt: “By relinquishing this fear, I invite ____________.” Be as specific as you’d like. Make a clear, powerful statement that you are choosing joy over fear.
Step Five: Reflect
Once you’ve written your statement, take a few moments to reflect.
- What does it feel like to set this intention to relinquish a fear?
- How might you lean into this ritual the next time you notice fear getting in the way of joy?
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
For some added delight to your day, allow NPR’s Joy Generator to help you lean into joy. Choose from soundscapes to poetry to images of the natural world as inspiration for a wholehearted yes to joy!
Research Highlight
Dr. Brené Brown’s research reveals that in moments of vulnerability or fear, joyful people practice gratitude instead of “dress-rehearsing tragedy” and keeping joy at a distance. In other words, when fear arises, turn toward gratefulness to remain open to joy. She goes on to make the distinction that gratitude is a practice, something “tangible and concrete.”
Brené Brown (2015) in Daring Greatly
Photo by Jan Tinneberg
Instead of fearing rejection and abandonment for expressing my unbridled joy, I invite joyful abandonment to the spirit of playfulness, spontaneity, curiosity, adventure, and courageous action. I will not let anyone travel on my joy, including myself
Instead of fearing rejection and abandonment for expressing my unbridled joy, I invite joyful abandonment to the spirit of playfulness, spontaneity, curiosity, adventure, and courageous action. I will not let anyone travel on my joy, including myself
Instead of fearing rejection and abandonment for expressing my unbridled joy, I invite joyful abandonment to the spirit of playfulness, spontaneity, curiosity, adventure, and courageous action. I will not let anyone travel on my joy, including myself
Instead of fearing rejection or abandonment, if I express my unbridled joy, I instead invite Joyful, abandonment and allow myself, faithfulness, pleasure, curiosity, and adventure. Nothing and no one can get in the way of the pure expression of joy that I feel in my heart.
Instead of fearing rejection or abandonment, if I express my unbridled joy, I instead invite Joyful, abandonment and allow myself, faithfulness, pleasure, curiosity, and adventure. Nothing and no one can get in the way of the pure expression of joy that I feel in my heart.
Do not let Climate Fear (of things I cannot control) block me from enjoying Family Love.
Do not let Climate Fear (of things I cannot control) block me from enjoying Family Love.
I appreciate the ritual. I usually do a letting go ritual at the end of each year — letting go what I’ve outgrown on what no longer serves me — mindsets, fears, relationships, habits — writing them down and burning them to symbolically release them. Then I call in what I want more of in my life and welcome them. That’s been helpful to me. So, doing a ritual around what fears may be barriers to my joy is something that speaks to me. I love the exercise of flipping the paper over and writing my intention. Thank you. I will do this ritual this morning.
As it has been mentioned, we are living in a broken world. SO, IT is challenging to live joyfully.
I am very joyful person. However, I fear to travel, especially to Latin America, and being detained by ICE. and send to nowhere land.
It is a scary situation. However, reading and digesting these lessons have motivating me to work hard on Fear. And make space for real joy.
WITH CARE AND SMILLES
I love David Whyte’s poetry. Today’s poem reminds me of the healing properties of nature. Just to be in nature brings joy. How can it not? And to share that experience with another person multiplies the joy. Circumstances recently have made it difficult for me to spend much time in nature, but reading the poem reminded me of how important that is and to make it a priority as a way to let go of fear and embrace joy.
I am caring for 94- year old Fr Henry, who shares Br David Steindl-Rast’s birthday. He lives in the Mother House of their order, in Steyl, Netherlands but at the moment we are in Ireland to escape further heatwaves. During the most recent heatwave (last week of June this year) Fr Henry tried to cope with the unrelenting heat, but when the temperature reached 35 degrees Celsius and climbing, without abating even at night, he experienced heat exhaustion and was very close to a fatal heat stroke. He suffered a fall on his way to the toilet, and it could have led us into panic. But Fr Henry remained serene despite the fear we felt. I reached out for help from friends online, and I was able lead Fr Henry out of the dangerous emergency zone for older people during heatwaves. On 12th July when Fr Henry celebrated Mass of Thanksgiving on his birthday, he said he is deeply grateful to reach 94 when he had the brush of death just days before. We watched the video of Br David’s 100th Birthday celebration here in Ireland and we continue to practice gratefulness. True indeed, as Br David says: “Joy and Fear coexist in Gratefulness” perhaps, that is a paraphrase. But that describes our daily experience of Peacefulness, as we follow Br David’s inspiring teachings. Thank you for the joy of being part of your global community of grateful living. (Rosemarie Lucero)
Day 4. Thank you, Carol for the idea of letting the monkey sit on my lap rather than trying to shoot it. I thought I learned the lesson years ago, but today reminded me that I have not. All the same joy is there, in the sparrows, in the cool breeze on my face and the clouds floating by in the blue, blue sky.
Today’s reflections spoke directly to my every waking hour. The darkness that hums underneath daily life, of what is going on in the world, of climate change and war, inequality and corruption. Ageing, sickness, death. How is it possible to overcome these feelings and find joy? I think only by choosing to be in the moment, engaged in doing something good for yourself or someone else…
On Day 4, Joe, you presented a very powerful perspective: unconditional gratitude as well as teaching us about the conditions and limitations we place on joy.
When talking today with friends of many years about their upcoming Christmas vacation and my pet sitting for their domesticated pets, I was asked during their absence if I would be comfortable monitoring their two eldrly dogs whose health has been failing, and at the moment of any suffering, ask their Vet to come to the house and perform euthanasia.
Before reading your words today, I would have been unable to consider taking on this responsibility for fear of not being “enough” for their dogs’ earthly departure- unable to communicate/have them feel how invaluable their lives have been to our lives.
Instead I “placed myself in the reality that suffering and joy are ever present together and always will be” and expressed that I would be honored to do whatever these beloved pets needed, especially if they beckoned it was time for them to leave and be in eternal peace and love.
Atlas of the heart authored Brene Brown is a wonderful read by audio with her the reader and commentator. After listening to her I experienced the art and design of the book at a Starbucks one morning. Straight away to 🎯 purchase It’s a reread for me to acknowledge vulnerability and shame and guilt and to name my emotions keeps me honest present and open and curious to what can be with the challenges of sorrow disappointment depression grief and that go along ride along partner is Joy!!!!