People sacrifice their playfulness, their joyfulness, being driven by unconscious needs to validate [their] existence.

Gabor Maté

Welcome to Day Four of Reclaim Play

If humans are hard-wired to play, its benefits are abundant, and we enjoy it, why don’t we play more as adults? What gets in the way? Some of us are taught early on that play is something we should outgrow or that it’s separate from the rest of life, a thing we get to do only after all work is done. Some cultures — and some of us individually — put a premium on productivity, decisiveness, and specific outcomes rather than meaning-making, creativity, and exploration. Whether at work, in our homes, or in our relationships, it’s easy to adopt and embody this hierarchy of values without realizing it. And even for those most inclined to play, the demands and realities of life — from work to caretaking to sorrow and loss — can leave little time or inclination to play.

Reclaiming play depends in part on understanding what gets in the way. For some, it may be simple; for others, complicated. For some, defined by internal patterns; for others, external conditions. You may be great at making time to be playful with your children or grandchildren but rigid when working with colleagues. You may feel free to be silly and humorous in one relationship but constrained in another. You may bring a playful levity to your friendships but be unforgiving with yourself. Regardless, try to approach this exploration with the curiosity, openness, and ease encouraged in yesterday’s practice.

Today’s Practice: Free Yourself to Play

Today’s practice invites you to clarify what gets in the way of more play in your life and then, through awareness, try to reduce this barrier and make space for more play.

Step One: Attune to Any Barriers

Take a few moments to explore the following questions for yourself. Try writing for 5 minutes and see what emerges. You may find that there are things you need to unpack a bit more or that the only thing getting in the way is habit.

  • If I’m longing for more play and know that it’s the key to my well-being, what gets in the way?  Is it longstanding habits, cultural norms, daily demands from work to family care? Perhaps financial concerns, physical limitations, fear of looking silly, or even other people’s unwillingness to play?

Step Two: Identify Something You’d Like to Release or Change

Based on your reflection, try to pick one barrier to play that’s in your control and that you would like to release or soften. To keep it specific, complete the sentence prompt below. You might add your statement to the bottom of your Play List from the first day.

  • When I notice __________________, I’m going to reclaim play by ______________.

Example: When I notice myself thinking “Oh, I don’t have time to play,” I’m going to reclaim play by creating micro-moments of play throughout the day that bring me joy and renew my energy.

Example: When I notice that I’m getting stressed while interacting with a colleague/family member/friend, I’m going to reclaim play by embodying a playful mindset — staying curious and open.

Step Three: Choose Play x 3

As you make your way through the day, be on the lookout for three opportunities to say yes to play, whether through activity or mindset. Any time you notice yourself hesitating, pay attention to the cause and, with compassion, try to release what’s holding you back. Although it may sound silly (playful?!), make a note each time you intentionally choose play. 

This practice is not to suggest that every moment of every day can or should be a playful one, but when you practice attuning to the opportunities you have to choose play over another approach, you lay the foundation for a habit of saying yes to play more often. Pay attention to what you discover! 

Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.

Deepening Resource

In this short film, Hanna Naude shares how she makes time for play as a way to be fully alive, even amidst loss and grief: “It’s important to play, every day. It’s as simple as that. Even if it’s just walking along the river with my dogs, or playing with my children. Make time to be quiet and remember what you enjoyed doing when you were a child because it is there that it all began.”

The Wisdom of Not Knowing by Reflections of Life

Research Highlight

Despite the strong evidence of the benefits of play for adults, the National Institute for Play reports a steady decline in leisure time for adults in the U.S., from 1950 to the present. But some of the things that can be barriers to play for adults — stress, worry, overwhelm — are the very things that play can also help mitigate. In her book Well Played, Meredith Sinclair suggests micro-moments of play when the demands of life really don’t leave time for much more. Even a small moment of play, like belting out a song in the car during a busy commute, still delivers important benefits.

Photo by Dave McDermott


Pathways