People sacrifice their playfulness, their joyfulness, being driven by unconscious needs to validate [their] existence.
Gabor Maté
Welcome to Day Four of Reclaim Play
If humans are hard-wired to play, its benefits are abundant, and we enjoy it, why don’t we play more as adults? What gets in the way? Some of us are taught early on that play is something we should outgrow or that it’s separate from the rest of life, a thing we get to do only after all work is done. Some cultures — and some of us individually — put a premium on productivity, decisiveness, and specific outcomes rather than meaning-making, creativity, and exploration. Whether at work, in our homes, or in our relationships, it’s easy to adopt and embody this hierarchy of values without realizing it. And even for those most inclined to play, the demands and realities of life — from work to caretaking to sorrow and loss — can leave little time or inclination to play.
Reclaiming play depends in part on understanding what gets in the way. For some, it may be simple; for others, complicated. For some, defined by internal patterns; for others, external conditions. You may be great at making time to be playful with your children or grandchildren but rigid when working with colleagues. You may feel free to be silly and humorous in one relationship but constrained in another. You may bring a playful levity to your friendships but be unforgiving with yourself. Regardless, try to approach this exploration with the curiosity, openness, and ease encouraged in yesterday’s practice.
Today’s Practice: Free Yourself to Play
Today’s practice invites you to clarify what gets in the way of more play in your life and then, through awareness, try to reduce this barrier and make space for more play.
Step One: Attune to Any Barriers
Take a few moments to explore the following questions for yourself. Try writing for 5 minutes and see what emerges. You may find that there are things you need to unpack a bit more or that the only thing getting in the way is habit.
- If I’m longing for more play and know that it’s the key to my well-being, what gets in the way? Is it longstanding habits, cultural norms, daily demands from work to family care? Perhaps financial concerns, physical limitations, fear of looking silly, or even other people’s unwillingness to play?
Step Two: Identify Something You’d Like to Release or Change
Based on your reflection, try to pick one barrier to play that’s in your control and that you would like to release or soften. To keep it specific, complete the sentence prompt below. You might add your statement to the bottom of your Play List from the first day.
- When I notice __________________, I’m going to reclaim play by ______________.
Example: When I notice myself thinking “Oh, I don’t have time to play,” I’m going to reclaim play by creating micro-moments of play throughout the day that bring me joy and renew my energy.
Example: When I notice that I’m getting stressed while interacting with a colleague/family member/friend, I’m going to reclaim play by embodying a playful mindset — staying curious and open.
Step Three: Choose Play x 3
As you make your way through the day, be on the lookout for three opportunities to say yes to play, whether through activity or mindset. Any time you notice yourself hesitating, pay attention to the cause and, with compassion, try to release what’s holding you back. Although it may sound silly (playful?!), make a note each time you intentionally choose play.
This practice is not to suggest that every moment of every day can or should be a playful one, but when you practice attuning to the opportunities you have to choose play over another approach, you lay the foundation for a habit of saying yes to play more often. Pay attention to what you discover!
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
In this short film, Hanna Naude shares how she makes time for play as a way to be fully alive, even amidst loss and grief: “It’s important to play, every day. It’s as simple as that. Even if it’s just walking along the river with my dogs, or playing with my children. Make time to be quiet and remember what you enjoyed doing when you were a child because it is there that it all began.”
![](https://cdn.grateful.org/uploads/2024/03/18122445/wisdom-not-knowing-video-cover.jpg)
The Wisdom of Not Knowing by Reflections of Life
Research Highlight
Despite the strong evidence of the benefits of play for adults, the National Institute for Play reports a steady decline in leisure time for adults in the U.S., from 1950 to the present. But some of the things that can be barriers to play for adults — stress, worry, overwhelm — are the very things that play can also help mitigate. In her book Well Played, Meredith Sinclair suggests micro-moments of play when the demands of life really don’t leave time for much more. Even a small moment of play, like belting out a song in the car during a busy commute, still delivers important benefits.
Photo by Dave McDermott
I loved the wisdom of not knowing. I too have felt for awhile now that the older I get the less & less I know. I am a very curious person & I ask alot of questions. I love exploring & learning new things. I love Hanna’s energy, her playful spirit.
Thank you Jeanne MacArthur from your comments.
Totally agree.
“I heard a quote once that helps relieve me of my perfectionism….”Anything worth doing is worth doing half-ass.”
Have a coat hanger for worry and put it in your closet. Just an idea. You’re on the right path….”
With care,
Gladys
Day 4 asked that we take stock of what gets in the way of our play. My reflections led me to understand that one of the cultural messages of my childhood has been a limiting factor in how often I have chosen “play.” I was taught to be a responsible person—one who finishes tasks given to her and to take pride in completing my work. Being conscientious was held as a virtue and often took precedence over “wasting time” and/or playing.
The “Wisdom of Not Knowing” demonstrated the importance of attuning ourselves to the barriers of play and identifying what would need to be released/changed in order to free ourselves to play. For me, the culmination of today’s practice was so eloquently summarized in the words of Hannah Naude, “The person that I needed to become could only be there if the person that I am remains healthy. It’s important to play, every day. It’s as simple as that.”
I love “The Wisdom of Not Knowing.” These two are talented filmmakers and a gift.
Thanks for sharing their work. So grateful
Thank you for the thoughtful sharing here on day 4 of the Pathway! I’m learning something from each of your reflections. Very grateful!
Well, I have determined that my anxiety gets in the way of my play. I have some physical limitations that make it hard to commit to being away from home for too long. I decided yesterday to sign up for a presentation on Hula dancing and I made it to the site early this morning but the instructor failed to show. However, I did meet some new people and had a short but nice visit with them so I am glad I went. I isolate too much and I get discouraged. Just getting myself there is a positive start!
Way to go! Yes, you are needed out there by the others.
The last two nights my husband and I have added some new things to our preparations for sleep. We talked sitting in rocking chairs–amazing how rocking releases tension and makes things more casual. Last night we put on some upbeat music video from an English rock event and danced, releasing all disagreements and frustrations of the day.
I seem to keep adding ideas to my Play List and I just wrote on my on-line calendar everyday “Play 3 X today”. I have been putting off clearing out my garage. Now I think I will make a colorful job chart and put stickers or stars on it when I complete a task. I will put on some music I love and set a timer so I don’t feel swamped by undertaking the whole task.
You are a woman after my own heart. I am a sticker chart queen! Yes make it colorful and create a soundtrack!! Great project for play!! Start with Andra Day’s ‘Rise up’ – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwgr_IMeEgA
Oh my goodness. What a powerful wake up video and song. Affirmations sure do boost play. You have motivated my intentions greatly, put me in touch with a new artist and further validated how everyone
benefits from a playful spirit. Thank you!
When I notice I am taking myself too seriously, I’m going to reclaim play by finding humor in my day! Love the idea by Hanna Naude of having fun socks and shoes to visually bring out her inner child. I have always had a tendency to be hypersensitive and serious. I have to make a genuine effort to play, laugh and sing. I enjoy reading comments from fellow participants. I realize I am not alone on my journey!
I’m experimenting with the ‘Choose Play x3’ activity. I had a great first ‘say yes to play’ opportunity because it is my sweet dog Stella’s 10th birthday. I baked her a dog-friendly cake with shredded carrot, xylitol-free peanut butter, yogurt, oat flour, honey, and egg. I decorated it with dog biscuits and lit a candle and sang to her while my son took photos and laughed (in a good natured way) at me. She loved it and I did too. I can see that the day ahead will be more fun because I am keeping my playful mindset so that I spot opportunities #2 and #3. Great intention for a good day – CHOOSE PLAY!
What a great image to imagine the cake, the fun you had, your dog’s response, the playful mindset. I too want
FUN socks and Color! Thank you Mary!
I’ve always enjoyed reading Winnie the Pooh books, something I discovered decades ago when my children were young — so much wisdom in those books — now, they are all adults, but we often quote from those books. One is from Eeyore — when they are throwing sticks off a bridge into the stream and then wondering where they will show up on the other side of the bridge, Eeyore says, “It’s the not-knowing that makes it interesting.” We always say that when life throws curve balls — It’s the not-knowing that makes it interesting.
“Uncertain” by Maggie Jackson is a book on my soon-to-read list for embracing the unknowables.
As I watched the film and read the transcript, something happened to me….It stuck me like a bolt of lightning that as an adult, I feel, and think, my obligation is to only be that adult. Play is childish. I have changed that thinking to play is child-like. Childlike. So, although I can’t play as an adult yet, I can play to help my inner child, to keep her healthy. It is a new goal. I don’t know if anyone else understands this, but I do. And so does my inner child….
Yes, Life is too short to be sober!!!
Mary Pat,
Love this dinstinction between childish and child-like. Thank you!
Your comments reminded me of a quote that says that you are not just the age you are, you are all the ages you’ve ever been. I needed that little spark. All the ages I’ve been have something to remind me: to be carefree, curious, maybe even a little rebellious, and not take my self so seriously. Thanks for sharing!
I think play is very important it is something I strive to do everyday. I guess I can find play in my laughter and joy. My biggest barrier is transportation. But I am working on that so hard with god. And I’m excited to say I have two play dates this week. That I’m very excited for and this morning I’m going to go play at the gym. I’m trying to make the time and work on the barrier to make play every part of every day of my life. Because I sure miss it.
What I miss about play is the careless abandon. I worry about things so many things -that I can’t control. The worry is like a heavy coat that dampers and weighs me down and even when I do fun things my spirit is unable to let go and release into the joy.
I heard a quote once that helps relieve me of my perfectionism….”Anything worth doing is worth doing half-ass.”
Have a coat hanger for worry and put it in your closet. Just an idea. You’re on the right path….