Playing is a form of understanding what surrounds us and who we are, and a way of engaging with others. Play is a mode of being human. Like literature, art, song, and dance, like politics and love and math, play is a way of engaging and expressing our being in the world.
Miguel Sicart
Welcome to Day Three of Reclaim Play
While play encompasses countless activities, it is also a mindset, a way of being in the world. It’s an invitation to approach daily life with curiosity, openness to surprise, a bit of looseness and ease, and a sense of possibility. In the Journal of Play (yes, there is such a thing!), Dr. Scott Eberle reminds us that play is difficult to define because “it’s a moving target. [It’s] a process, not a thing.” The Play List you created on the first day of the Pathway likely included lots of things to do. Play, though, is also a way to be.
When you engage in an activity of play, you don’t know how it will turn out — whether you’ll solve the puzzle, make the goal, dance the right steps. You probably accept these unknowns, and you remain alert for possibilities. Because it’s play, you may consciously maintain a loose stance that leaves you able to respond to what unfolds. You likely bring a mix of skill and levity to the activity. You may laugh at your mistakes or generously offer someone else a hand. It’s likely you are very present because it’s hard to engage in play and do anything else. But here’s the thing: All of these attitudes and qualities are essential not only for the activity of play; they are vibrant and meaningful ways of approaching daily life.
Today’s Practice: Adopt a Playful Approach
Today’s practice is an invitation to identify some of the qualities that play brings forth and then apply those to a specific aspect of your everyday life that would benefit from a more playful approach — one that’s less intent on a particular outcome and more open to spontaneity, discovery, and joy.
Step One: Remember and Take Notice
Close your eyes and bring to mind an experience of play when you felt fully alive and present. Maybe it’s the last time you danced, took an adventurous walk, went to a concert or ball game. Or perhaps it’s a memory from childhood when you were free to play without thought of time, purpose, or outcome. Allow yourself sufficient time to call forth a positive experience of play, whether yesterday or long ago.
Once you’ve got a vivid memory in mind, make a list of the qualities that this experience of play evoked in you. It might look something like this:
- When I was playing, I was more able to laugh at my mistakes.
- When I was immersed in play, I was liberated from my task list…I was smiling!
- Because it was play, I was more comfortable taking risks and being vulnerable.
Step Two: Put These Qualities to Work!
Identify something in your life that would benefit from a more playful approach. Is it a daily task like driving your kids to school or preparing meals? Is it a work project? An important relationship in your life? Perhaps the desire for your own improved well-being? Take your time to identify a specific area of your life where the playful qualities you named above could be usefully applied.
Building on the examples offered in step one, your reflection might look something like this:
- I’m looking to deepen my connection with a family member, and I’m realizing that if I could laugh at myself a bit more easily, it would soften this relationship.
- I’ve been longing to propose a new project at work, and approaching it more playfully would allow me to be more vulnerable.
Choose something that is actionable, something that you can experiment with today or in the near future.
Step Three: Reflect
As you practice applying the qualities of play to other areas of your life, take time to reflect on any changes that occur in your sense of well-being, in your work, in your relationships, and in your own heart.
- What does it feel like to approach your life with a more playful mindset?
- What possibilities emerge?
- Is there any sense of lightness or liberation?
Scroll to the bottom of the page (or click here) to find the Community Conversation space where we invite you to share your reflections about today’s practice.
Deepening Resource
In this short essay, Sheryl Chard shares how planning a friend’s wedding reminded her of how a playful way of being opens the door to greater meaning, joy, and even the transcendent — play as what the theologian Martin Buber called an “exultation of the possible.”
Stilt Walkers and Love Riddles: Embracing the Holiness of Play by Sheryl Chard
Research Highlight
Play is an essential way that we learn flexibility, adaptability, and creativity (Nat’l. Inst. of Play). According to researchers Sahakian and Langley (Univ. of Cambridge) and Leong (Nanyang Tech. Univ.), cognitive flexibility is “associated with higher resilience to negative life events, as well as better quality of life in older individuals.” They also cite its strong link to “the ability to understand the emotions, thoughts and intentions of others.” In other words, when we become rigid in our thinking or habits (less playful), it limits growth, resilience, and connection.
Photo by No Revisions
making the space to have fun. My wife and I started a little attach the clothes peg onto each others clothes. She managed to get it on my jacket and I headed out to the gym and home without noticing. I managed to get her back when we headed to big sporting event by our local bus. As we were walking towards the stadium a lady walking behind her came up and detached the peg off the bottom of her coat. It was such a laugh out loud moment for both of us and the lady you found the peg too.
Just so important to be reminded to make space for fun and joy
Walking was a beautiful form of play for me. I started walking during the pandemic to ward off feelings of isolation. It was great being outside and even greater seeing others on my walk.
I write this in the past as a health issue claimed my walking time. It is up to me now, to find something as enjoyable, as engaging and as healthy once again.
It is hard.
Sure do miss that time—even more so on such beautiful summer days and nights.
I have been applying a mindset of play today as I apply for jobs. I relocated in May leaving my community of almost 26 years. I am definitely “starting over” with no network or connections to crack open a door. It’s been a challenging search process and just a tiny bit slow. I’ve also had some hiccups with other life things that just keep coming at a slow steady pace. I’ve committed to applying for the right roles that are purposed focused to the best of my abilities – now I say I am playing career roulette! Where will I land for an interview or a future job. I’m a HR professional (thankfully not a recruiter) and let’s just say the application process has become faceless – at times lacking humanity. I am grateful for the experience. I commit to refocusing on the candidate’s experience when I return to my career.
With the life hiccups, I’m calling this Survivor. These challenges remind me I am resilient and grateful that I have these problems to resolve and the time available to resolve them.
I’ll see what else I can embrace from my Play List today.
I took out my watercolors last week, the brushes, various weights of papers. Lately it hasn’t been fun painting
as I can hear my critical voice editing each stroke; Today though, I put on some relaxing music, and let my feet
move to a rhythm, and then my brush began to flow. I sketched and went out of lines, broke many basic rules,
just for the fun and play of it. I felt relaxed, and enjoyed just applying paint and water together on paper without
an intended destination. Just getting warmed up !
When I Play, I don’t have to be good at it — just do it. I bought coloring pencils and a sketch pad years ago, with the intention of using it, but I was afraid of it. Yesterday I got it out of the closet and sketched a picture of when my brothers and I used to try to catch robins with cherries from our cherry tree. The memory made me laugh, but the sketch I did made me laugh even more. Wow, it looks like a 7-year-old did this, I declared — but then again, I was about 7 when the memory took place. That was funny. I’m going to try sketching more memories. Ha-ha.
I found day one difficult to make a list , which was a surprise to me. On day 2 I attended an Unitarian Service and guess what – it was very playful. The hour included group singing of “Heal the World” and “One Love” which had all (a group of adults) singing and swaying together. It was quite fun and I had a dose of feeling the freedom of present moment fun. That tangible experience of fun, was the reminder that I needed.
When I think of being playful, I sense a lighter way of being, where life is not so serious, so heavy. I find myself often in a heavy place, where I am holding things in a life-or-death way, as if my life depended on getting stuff right, not making mistakes, my body tense, jaw clenched, muscles tight.
When I catch myself doing this I suggest to myself, “Lighten up!” to put things back in perspective and then I am able to be curious, to hold things lightly, without the tight grasping I usually do. My best memories of playing are when I did art projects with my toddler granddaughter. We would splatter paint or scribble and then delight in the marks we had made. I really wanted her to think of art like that, not product-focused work, but joyfully creating something new, so I tried to model it with her.
Hank – thanks for sharing this memory of playing with your granddaughter. Children and babies are such wonderful teachers when it comes to a playful way of being!
I was invited to see Disney on Ice. Not something I would ever go to..I have many sensitivity issues. But I went and a part of me grieved at how shut down I have become. Amidst the overwhelming sensations I was feeling, I enjoyed it immensely. Welcome to play.
This morning, I decided to drive to Shenandoah National Park to photograph flowers and butterflies. This was before I read today’s practice and before I did my daily devotions. I had a marvelous, joyful time, even though I forgot the bug spray, and I turned out to be a bug magnet while photographing beautiful birds, butterflies, and flowers. I just laughed at my forgetfulness. To come home to this practice affirmed my impromptu decision, and reinforced my kinder attitude toward myself.
What an experience! I had a moment of joy just reading about your play today!
I’m in Minnesota and another sister in. Oregon and I are doing this retreat together. We decided to spontaneously send out a zoom meet to Dance with yesterday’s video love train. I had a pull to plan this better….give everyone lots of time to decide. Instead we opted for spontaneous and who could join would. Everyone did and I feel much lighter and happier after dancing. As an adult and even children of today have so much of their lives planned…loved the spontaneity of doing this. With Gratitude!
I am learning to be more open minded; responding to others suggestions with curiosity rather than the fixed idea that I might have in my head. It is amazing what one can learn when we take the time to actively listen to what others have to say. And the response of others from being able to express their own ideas is wonderful – allowing others to have ownership, see their appreciation of having their idea implemented. It has grown the connectivity amongst us. I think in the future to add play into this, I will throw out an outrageous idea that we can all laugh at! 😀
I have been going aha, aha, aha as I’ve read and pondered today’s lesson. I especially love the ‘deepening resource’ from Sheryl Chard. I realize that I am often most playful by myself or with strangers (and with a very small select group of friends and family). Why is that ? It would seem that I would carry my playful mindset with me wherever I go but, in reality, past fears or perceived slights or just old baggage keep me from being as playful around just the people I’d like to be more open and creative with. I am going to make a small start while I journal about why this is risky for me. i think it is an important part of understanding myself. I have reached out to my children’s father, my ex-husband, who has remained a good friend but who I mostly spend time with related to our children (now 34 and 37). We have holidays together and we would both be available if the other needed help but wouldn’t it be nice if it was a lighter relationship. We had an amicable divorce about 30 years ago and I think my children would love seeing us be more playful together. Me too! He’s a bit of a hermit but comes into town periodically. He loves to play Scrabble and is very good and beats me many times to my rare lucky win. But, it is fun for both of us and makes our children happy. They often hang out more than usual to egg us on and laugh at us – he is very slow and considerate at making his moves whereas my style is a bit more carefree (or careless, perhaps). Anyway, I feel sure he’ll say yes. I will also pay attention to some other relationships where I’m overly cautious and don’t need to be. I actually like the real me best so I’d love to let her shine. Thanks!
Buber’s “exultation of the possible” opened my heart to positivity and being vulnerable enough to the joy of spontaneous play! I have struggled with routines, rigidity and planning to the point of becoming anxious when change occurs. A work in progress. Love being a participant in this journey of play and discovery! 🤗😍😀
So glad you’re both loving this – we’re grateful for your presence!
I hear you, sister! Enjoy the journey! I am loving it too! Mary
There is a book called “Last Child in the Woods” by Richard Louv, in which he coined the term “nature-deficit disorder.” He says that my generation (I was born in the mid-70s) was the last to have free (and easy) access to wild places. When I think of my childhood play, I think of our backyard field, the dry grasses at the end of the summer, pressing the grass flat & making rooms & tunnels & hiding places; I think of the garden being tilled & the waves of earth to jump along; I think of riding our bikes with a playing card in the spokes. As an adult, I haven’t quite been able to replicate that feeling of childhood freedom, but maybe THAT is what I want? I was a young mom & realized at some point along the way that I had stopped having fun, or even knowing what fun was … and now I’m almost 50 & my kids are grown & I get to go out into the world again, & I’m trying to embrace excitement over fear, planning for play instead of hyper responsibility.
Felice, Your story sparked something in me. I was born a couple of years before you and I am in the process of becoming an empty nester (or bird launcher, to reframe). I’m realizing this time in life offers a path back to childhood joy and freedom; that at some point I lost my way and life has become too serious and heavy. So, as I venture out on this new path, I am excited to play more and make my inner child happy again.
Thank you for the re-framing image! We have launched two incredible “birds” from our nest and that is a huge place of JOY. So glad to have a positive term for this, so we can claim the truth of being good parents to wonderful humans (with whom I learned a lot about play) AND also look to the future not as “well, the fun is over now that our nest is empty” BUT “what expansive definition of PLAY can we create now with more time and a different perspective on life?” I will need to ponder on these things; but it make these sometimes “responsibility-heavy” retirement years (caring for elderly parents, settling their estates when they are no longer with us, planning for health care in our later years) easier if we can have a positive, playful, curious outlook about new connections, possible options, and relearning how to have fun together!
Candee, yes! And yay! I realized I am not an empty nester – also a bird launcher – because I am leaving the nest too! ✨
From the time that I was in first grade, just learning to read and write, I loved sitting at my little desk and writing stories and making them into a book with construction paper and a stapler and my own illustrations. That was the ultimate in FUN for me — losing track of time, using imagination, just play play play. It was so much FUN. My mother saved many of those handmade books — 60 years later! Then college, adulthood, a career in journalism — and I have become very critical of everything I write, afraid it’s not good enough or accurate enough, embarrassed. I was told by a college professor once that I “was not marketable.” Oh, the pain, the pain. I have that FUN stuck inside of me. When I write something now, I hide it, literally, for fear of not being “marketable.” My heart bursts with joy when I think of letting that spirit out of me once again. The risk!