Having lived both trusting too much
and trusting too little,
I have learned to balance vigilance with flying recklessly by the seat of my pants . . .
too much vigilance
prevented me from courageously stepping out,
trying new things,
opening myself up to love and joy,
while too little,
although I had many ‘adventures’,
got me into a lot of trouble.
It is still hard to trust enough
to ask for help,
but that is another Question
for another day.
For now,
I am learning
to trust my own judgment
about when to trust and when not to trust,
taking what I think is the best of both ways
and steering my little boat into calmer waters,
which I think
it is time for me to do. ♥
That’s just it, isn’t it? “Might benefit”. We don’t know what will happen if we release vigilance and instead trust.
I hadn’t applied the label “vigilance” to one particular relationship interaction, although I guess it could be viewed that way. I think of it as taking care to avoid questions I know will bring a reaction of pain and unhappiness for someone I love who’s had a lot of disappointment in their career. As I sit with this I’m realizing I also avoid celebrating my own success in conversations with them because I don’t want to create a painful contrast. But maybe I wouldn’t! I don’t know. Maybe this person is capable of being glad for me without laying it alongside their own path and comparing. I could ask, although that goes directly to the heart of their pain and they don’t like to think about it, preferring to keep it capped and avoid poking at it. Or I could just be me, be happy and express that happiness when something goes well, and see what happens.
As I think this through I don’t know that the benefit to me–expressing an aspect of myself I tend to throttle back–is worth the potential of pain to the other person. No one has to be everything to another. Now that I’ve thought about it from this angle, I can be more clear with myself that I don’t need to let care for their feelings constrain what I do in my actual career, and that can be enough of a benefit.
Barb, this sounds like a tricky situation. I can say that I’m experiencing a phase of disappointment and shame around career. Nobody else in my life is, though (which is a relief to me!). When they celebrate, my own feelings do pop up, and I am okay with it because I feel like life is inviting me to work through these feelings. I don’t think that’s a common approach to such feelings. But I wonder if ultimately your friend will have to “feel to heal” and you holding back, while considerate and protective, isn’t going to stop that person from feeling/healing regardless. Wishing you the best with this situation, you are empathetic and considerate to think of things as you do.
For the last 4 years or so, I have had to learn to let go & surrender to a higher power as I have experienced so much loss, heartache, trials & tribulations. I learned I had so very little control over many of life’s events. The only control I truly have is how I respond to what is happening. I can sit & fret, worry, stress, drive myself crazy or I can surrender & trust in a higher power. I have chosen to surrender when in the midst of life’s trials & I must admit I have felt more calm, more empowered than when I thought I had to control it all. Surrendering has liberated me.
I believe that the Universe has my back.
Let go, let God.✨🙏🏻✨
🕊️🩷
PKR, it sounds like you have really adapted to some incredible difficulties and found a new source of liberation. That’s hard to do. I honor your practice and courage to surrender.
My dear friend who just passed had some firmly held beliefs. Sometimes she expressed them with anger so loaded that you could almost feel the room vibrate. I responded by growing nauseous and distancing myself. I was bullied by my family growing up, and my response to her anger was to shrink back into a little girl. Our relationship was polarized by politics like so many in America.
Our workaround was that she muted her strong beliefs and I slowly learned ways to work with my own response to anger, and also hid my opposite opinions. When she was dying none of that mattered. None of it. Beliefs melted away, they were irrelevant, an artifact of another world.
I need to trust that I can continue to build skills around talking across the divide, and remaining calm in the face of someone else’s rage. I assume she felt like I would always shrink away from or dismiss some of her views. As a result, she wasn’t her full self for a while with me, nor I with her. We didn’t have the skills to have that conversation. I thought she’d live a lot longer than she did. And in the end, none of that stuff mattered at all.
I need to trust that I can remain open and receptive to someone’s underlying pain, even if it’s scary and I want to hide. Our lost intimacy, connection, trust over the last few years cost us time that we will never get back.
Thank you Sparrow, I think so too. Our situation forced me to reflect a lot–about my own reactions, about what was going on in the world, about control. I appreciate your validation.
Dear Drea, sending you love. 🩷
I recently lost my dear dear friend & she & I had very different opinions on so many things not just politics. Her low self esteem & negativity made it extremely difficult for me to be around her as I have chosen a different view of life. I realized she was in my life to teach me & I to teach her. We are all students & teachers.
You did the best you could. Blessings. ✨
🩷🤗
PKR, I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. It sounds like what you went through was really hard. You love someone, and then your choices and their choices diverge, and you have this rift … it’s so painful. Indeed, we are all students and teachers. Thank you for sharing your similar story. Blessings to you, too.
It sounds like the time you did have together triggered a lot of growth (self awareness) in you and is still doing so today. As one of my mentors use to say, “There is nothing more real than a relationship.”
Thank you for today’s question, which gave me an opportunity to reflect on my life. The aspect of making a living feels quite heavy, and I’m learning to release that burden and open my trust to the unknown. I’m studying Human Services, a field I’ve long wanted to work in. However, with the rapid growth of technology and AI, I wonder if many jobs will be taken away from humans, especially those with disabilities like me. For now, I’ll just focus on doing my best in studying and volunteering. Everything will come at the right time. Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday with your friends and loved ones.
Ngoc, as someone whose industry has also been impacted by AI, I understand that it’s good at certain things, but not others. I also have a friend who works in assistive technology and she customizes help for every patient. I can’t help but wonder if your disability might actually be something that offers insight and specialization.
My Ngoc, as we’ve talked about before, the purpose of planning is responsibility. Beyond that, spontaneity is healthier. This all points back to “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.”
I had fun at my mom’s friend’s party last night. We ate food and had a concert. I was put on the spotlight quite a bit and relished it. In years past, I would have struggled at these parties. It all points back to the root of Paw Mu rebellion I’ve mentioned before that has been corrected reflected during the time when Ngoc was in Vietnam visiting her family for 6 weeks months ago.
The days of the 3Rs I’ve talked about in rebellion, resentment, and regret are in the rear view mirror. This question reminds me of Paw Mu’s advice of cleaning up everything referencing the mind. Of course, there’s always room for improvement, but I’ve done a good job for the most part which is about the best anyone can ask for. In hindsight, I chose the right quarterly and yearly zen goals in detaching from our ways, appreciating simpler pleasures, and building from the root respectively. Interacting with my sister-in-law Tracy was once a huge area of struggle.
My parents not only have limitted English but also have cancer that I’ve talked about before limitting the capacity to support me in my basic services for daily living. They refered me to Tracy. She’s very caring and intelligent. What makes interacting with her challenging is incompatible methods and values.
Tracy’s a rough communicator with productivity as her core value. My method is gentle and value well-being. Power is determined by age in Asian cultures and productivity in America. She clearly has the upperhand over me coming from both angles. Even then, those interactions are becoming a working progress.
Fortunately, I’m in a room with Tracy alone rarely and temporarily. Having trusted people who make me feel comfortable like my mom and Ngoc also helps ease the heavy vibe. On top of all, I trust whatever reading my 3rd eye gives me and just run with it. As the old saying goes “Stick with first choice.” Despite different roots, she and I firmly believe in aligning our lives with the standard lifestyle. Of course, Tracy points back to productivity. Mine comes from a place of isolation prevention.
Drea, converting to Christianity has greatly helped me. Truth is truth. It’s low in context, straight-forward, and firm. I read the bible everyday on the Bible App on my phone.
Thanks, Carol Ann. Being by-cultural and a tweener for old and new school puts me in the position to play chest while the majority plays checkers. Human chest is backstage politics, because it’s mastering dynamics in social interactions, thought processes, behaviors, and underlying motivations/desires.
Wow, that question is a mouthful, lol … I feel like all aspects of my life need to trust in the unknown/Universe, which is hard sometimes bc we wants answers immediately and there are times we do not get answers…
Have a peaceful relaxing Sunday everyone.
Happy National Friendship Day to you all:)
Michele, I totally get you. I know with aspergers syndrome. These people have been known to be lazer focused on goals. Not only that, America is all about productivity as I’ve talked about multiple times before. Needing to find answers is a common trap when the smart way is to let them come. We create our own prisons through our basic desire for perfection and productivity.
I need to ponder this question more. My capacity to trust the unknown is pretty slim. I do repeat many mantras but I rely on “what if’s and I should” to get me through. Yesterday I did a releasing ritual. Maybe mini ones will be the answer.
As parents, our first instinct is always to protect our children from harm. As my children are becoming teenagers and flirting with more independence, letting go is scary! Allowing them the opportunity to grow and discover who they are is going to require me to release some control. It is only through me trusting the unknown that they have the space they need to fully develop into their true selves.
My lovely wife Cheryl and I did the best we could. I think I released more control than her. Our children are now 35 and 37 and we all love each other, visit and get along. All will be well Megmonarch.
Today i feel really sick with pain in my abdomen, and i have to go to work in a while for 8 or nine h. So I will keep my reply short. To trust the unknown has been gone since many years and I will do my best to overcome it, as this probably will be essential for whatever is or is not to come.
To trust the unknown in the sense of Julian of Norwich who has been cited here. To trust and have faith still is accompanied with essential fear, but at least, this is a conscious state and i hope that by now, i might be able to reply to it adequately. Guess that all of my being would benefit.
I’ve written here before about an upcoming relocation to a new office building and my concerns over “my space.” It’s now move out and move in week. Well, I’ve ceased my ‘fight’ about my new locale. I’m saying a mantra of serenity prayers as I know that works in all matters of my life. Am also planning on staying hydrated and nourished during the process. Leaning on trusting Julia of Norwich-“all shall be well….”🌻have a Blessed Sunday all.
Sending you some positive energy Carla and well wishes on your upcoming relocation to the new office. When I was in the office I would bring in positivity/kindness cards and either hand them out or let people pick them out randomly for themselves – everyone loved it.
All the best for the chanage of your office. May “your space” be giving you joy and insoiration, dear Carla. I press my thumbs that all will be well for you. May you have a relaxing Sunday.
Based on my life experiences, I have learned to trust the unknown. I gave myself a lot of stress trying to control things and figure things out in the past, and I finally realized that the only thing I could truly control was myself. Finding peace with that has allowed me to be at peace with my outer world, and honestly, it has been unfolding really beautifully since then. There are still bumps in the road, but they aren’t permanent… much like this life itself.
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Having lived both trusting too much
and trusting too little,
I have learned to balance vigilance with flying recklessly by the seat of my pants . . .
too much vigilance
prevented me from courageously stepping out,
trying new things,
opening myself up to love and joy,
while too little,
although I had many ‘adventures’,
got me into a lot of trouble.
It is still hard to trust enough
to ask for help,
but that is another Question
for another day.
For now,
I am learning
to trust my own judgment
about when to trust and when not to trust,
taking what I think is the best of both ways
and steering my little boat into calmer waters,
which I think
it is time for me to do. ♥
That’s just it, isn’t it? “Might benefit”. We don’t know what will happen if we release vigilance and instead trust.
I hadn’t applied the label “vigilance” to one particular relationship interaction, although I guess it could be viewed that way. I think of it as taking care to avoid questions I know will bring a reaction of pain and unhappiness for someone I love who’s had a lot of disappointment in their career. As I sit with this I’m realizing I also avoid celebrating my own success in conversations with them because I don’t want to create a painful contrast. But maybe I wouldn’t! I don’t know. Maybe this person is capable of being glad for me without laying it alongside their own path and comparing. I could ask, although that goes directly to the heart of their pain and they don’t like to think about it, preferring to keep it capped and avoid poking at it. Or I could just be me, be happy and express that happiness when something goes well, and see what happens.
As I think this through I don’t know that the benefit to me–expressing an aspect of myself I tend to throttle back–is worth the potential of pain to the other person. No one has to be everything to another. Now that I’ve thought about it from this angle, I can be more clear with myself that I don’t need to let care for their feelings constrain what I do in my actual career, and that can be enough of a benefit.
Barb, this sounds like a tricky situation. I can say that I’m experiencing a phase of disappointment and shame around career. Nobody else in my life is, though (which is a relief to me!). When they celebrate, my own feelings do pop up, and I am okay with it because I feel like life is inviting me to work through these feelings. I don’t think that’s a common approach to such feelings. But I wonder if ultimately your friend will have to “feel to heal” and you holding back, while considerate and protective, isn’t going to stop that person from feeling/healing regardless. Wishing you the best with this situation, you are empathetic and considerate to think of things as you do.
Thank you so much for this, Drea.
For the last 4 years or so, I have had to learn to let go & surrender to a higher power as I have experienced so much loss, heartache, trials & tribulations. I learned I had so very little control over many of life’s events. The only control I truly have is how I respond to what is happening. I can sit & fret, worry, stress, drive myself crazy or I can surrender & trust in a higher power. I have chosen to surrender when in the midst of life’s trials & I must admit I have felt more calm, more empowered than when I thought I had to control it all. Surrendering has liberated me.
I believe that the Universe has my back.
Let go, let God.✨🙏🏻✨
🕊️🩷
PKR, it sounds like you have really adapted to some incredible difficulties and found a new source of liberation. That’s hard to do. I honor your practice and courage to surrender.
My dear friend who just passed had some firmly held beliefs. Sometimes she expressed them with anger so loaded that you could almost feel the room vibrate. I responded by growing nauseous and distancing myself. I was bullied by my family growing up, and my response to her anger was to shrink back into a little girl. Our relationship was polarized by politics like so many in America.
Our workaround was that she muted her strong beliefs and I slowly learned ways to work with my own response to anger, and also hid my opposite opinions. When she was dying none of that mattered. None of it. Beliefs melted away, they were irrelevant, an artifact of another world.
I need to trust that I can continue to build skills around talking across the divide, and remaining calm in the face of someone else’s rage. I assume she felt like I would always shrink away from or dismiss some of her views. As a result, she wasn’t her full self for a while with me, nor I with her. We didn’t have the skills to have that conversation. I thought she’d live a lot longer than she did. And in the end, none of that stuff mattered at all.
I need to trust that I can remain open and receptive to someone’s underlying pain, even if it’s scary and I want to hide. Our lost intimacy, connection, trust over the last few years cost us time that we will never get back.
You have such clarity,
dear Drea . . .
I think
that one of the gifts of your relationship
was discernment and wisdom. ♥
Thank you Sparrow, I think so too. Our situation forced me to reflect a lot–about my own reactions, about what was going on in the world, about control. I appreciate your validation.
Dear Drea, sending you love. 🩷
I recently lost my dear dear friend & she & I had very different opinions on so many things not just politics. Her low self esteem & negativity made it extremely difficult for me to be around her as I have chosen a different view of life. I realized she was in my life to teach me & I to teach her. We are all students & teachers.
You did the best you could. Blessings. ✨
🩷🤗
PKR, I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. It sounds like what you went through was really hard. You love someone, and then your choices and their choices diverge, and you have this rift … it’s so painful. Indeed, we are all students and teachers. Thank you for sharing your similar story. Blessings to you, too.
It sounds like the time you did have together triggered a lot of growth (self awareness) in you and is still doing so today. As one of my mentors use to say, “There is nothing more real than a relationship.”
It really did trigger a lot of growth and continues to. Funny how someone can be a strong teacher without intending to.
Every aspect!
Truth.
Most likely, the opportunity to experience richer and fuller interpersonal relationships.
Thank you for today’s question, which gave me an opportunity to reflect on my life. The aspect of making a living feels quite heavy, and I’m learning to release that burden and open my trust to the unknown. I’m studying Human Services, a field I’ve long wanted to work in. However, with the rapid growth of technology and AI, I wonder if many jobs will be taken away from humans, especially those with disabilities like me. For now, I’ll just focus on doing my best in studying and volunteering. Everything will come at the right time. Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday with your friends and loved ones.
Ngoc, as someone whose industry has also been impacted by AI, I understand that it’s good at certain things, but not others. I also have a friend who works in assistive technology and she customizes help for every patient. I can’t help but wonder if your disability might actually be something that offers insight and specialization.
My Ngoc, as we’ve talked about before, the purpose of planning is responsibility. Beyond that, spontaneity is healthier. This all points back to “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.”
I had fun at my mom’s friend’s party last night. We ate food and had a concert. I was put on the spotlight quite a bit and relished it. In years past, I would have struggled at these parties. It all points back to the root of Paw Mu rebellion I’ve mentioned before that has been corrected reflected during the time when Ngoc was in Vietnam visiting her family for 6 weeks months ago.
The days of the 3Rs I’ve talked about in rebellion, resentment, and regret are in the rear view mirror. This question reminds me of Paw Mu’s advice of cleaning up everything referencing the mind. Of course, there’s always room for improvement, but I’ve done a good job for the most part which is about the best anyone can ask for. In hindsight, I chose the right quarterly and yearly zen goals in detaching from our ways, appreciating simpler pleasures, and building from the root respectively. Interacting with my sister-in-law Tracy was once a huge area of struggle.
My parents not only have limitted English but also have cancer that I’ve talked about before limitting the capacity to support me in my basic services for daily living. They refered me to Tracy. She’s very caring and intelligent. What makes interacting with her challenging is incompatible methods and values.
Tracy’s a rough communicator with productivity as her core value. My method is gentle and value well-being. Power is determined by age in Asian cultures and productivity in America. She clearly has the upperhand over me coming from both angles. Even then, those interactions are becoming a working progress.
Fortunately, I’m in a room with Tracy alone rarely and temporarily. Having trusted people who make me feel comfortable like my mom and Ngoc also helps ease the heavy vibe. On top of all, I trust whatever reading my 3rd eye gives me and just run with it. As the old saying goes “Stick with first choice.” Despite different roots, she and I firmly believe in aligning our lives with the standard lifestyle. Of course, Tracy points back to productivity. Mine comes from a place of isolation prevention.
Loc, you have a good attitude in a difficult situation.
Drea, converting to Christianity has greatly helped me. Truth is truth. It’s low in context, straight-forward, and firm. I read the bible everyday on the Bible App on my phone.
“Power is determined by age in Asian cultures and productivity in America.” Wise words
Thanks, Carol Ann. Being by-cultural and a tweener for old and new school puts me in the position to play chest while the majority plays checkers. Human chest is backstage politics, because it’s mastering dynamics in social interactions, thought processes, behaviors, and underlying motivations/desires.
Wow, that question is a mouthful, lol … I feel like all aspects of my life need to trust in the unknown/Universe, which is hard sometimes bc we wants answers immediately and there are times we do not get answers…
Have a peaceful relaxing Sunday everyone.
Happy National Friendship Day to you all:)
Thank you, and a Friendly Day to you ,friend Michele.
Michele, I totally get you. I know with aspergers syndrome. These people have been known to be lazer focused on goals. Not only that, America is all about productivity as I’ve talked about multiple times before. Needing to find answers is a common trap when the smart way is to let them come. We create our own prisons through our basic desire for perfection and productivity.
I need to ponder this question more. My capacity to trust the unknown is pretty slim. I do repeat many mantras but I rely on “what if’s and I should” to get me through. Yesterday I did a releasing ritual. Maybe mini ones will be the answer.
As parents, our first instinct is always to protect our children from harm. As my children are becoming teenagers and flirting with more independence, letting go is scary! Allowing them the opportunity to grow and discover who they are is going to require me to release some control. It is only through me trusting the unknown that they have the space they need to fully develop into their true selves.
My lovely wife Cheryl and I did the best we could. I think I released more control than her. Our children are now 35 and 37 and we all love each other, visit and get along. All will be well Megmonarch.
Megmonarch, I can tell you care deeply about your children and are doing what’s right for them.
Today i feel really sick with pain in my abdomen, and i have to go to work in a while for 8 or nine h. So I will keep my reply short. To trust the unknown has been gone since many years and I will do my best to overcome it, as this probably will be essential for whatever is or is not to come.
To trust the unknown in the sense of Julian of Norwich who has been cited here. To trust and have faith still is accompanied with essential fear, but at least, this is a conscious state and i hope that by now, i might be able to reply to it adequately. Guess that all of my being would benefit.
I hope you are feeling better tonight,
dear Ose . . .
peace
and restful sleep. ♥
Soothing thoughts dear Ose.
Feel better, Ose!
Hope you feel better Ose. 🤗🩷
Hope your tummy calms down today, Ose.
I’ve learned to just do my best and proceed even if I am shaking in my boots!
Hope you feel better soon, Ose 🍀
I hope you feel better Ose and your pain subsides.
I’ve written here before about an upcoming relocation to a new office building and my concerns over “my space.” It’s now move out and move in week. Well, I’ve ceased my ‘fight’ about my new locale. I’m saying a mantra of serenity prayers as I know that works in all matters of my life. Am also planning on staying hydrated and nourished during the process. Leaning on trusting Julia of Norwich-“all shall be well….”🌻have a Blessed Sunday all.
Sending you some positive energy Carla and well wishes on your upcoming relocation to the new office. When I was in the office I would bring in positivity/kindness cards and either hand them out or let people pick them out randomly for themselves – everyone loved it.
All the best for the chanage of your office. May “your space” be giving you joy and insoiration, dear Carla. I press my thumbs that all will be well for you. May you have a relaxing Sunday.
ALL aspects of my life would greatly benefit……
Based on my life experiences, I have learned to trust the unknown. I gave myself a lot of stress trying to control things and figure things out in the past, and I finally realized that the only thing I could truly control was myself. Finding peace with that has allowed me to be at peace with my outer world, and honestly, it has been unfolding really beautifully since then. There are still bumps in the road, but they aren’t permanent… much like this life itself.