I was the oldest daughter so I grew up taking care of my younger siblings. My Mother was a nurse so I also learned a great deal from her.
I think naturally I am a caregiver. My Mother told me I was a compassionate person and I am. My faith has also taught me to help those in need.
I am currently in my last semester of nursing school and have had many clinicals thus far in my academic journey. Every single one of these clinicals have involved caring for patients in times of need. I chose this profession because I wanted to do something that not only mattered to me, but mattered to others. I wanted to work in a profession where I could make a difference no matter how big or small. As my time and experience has gone on, and will only continue to go on, I have learned that caring for others can be extremely fulfilling while also very challenging. I always try to be kind to the people I interact with and am always trying to make sure they are comfortable. I have talked to many different people through my clinicals and while I enjoy making people feel better or helping in any way I can, I have also looked inward and have found myself more grateful for my health and my life. I realize how lucky I am to be healthy and loved and loving to others and want to use my health to spread love and happiness to others wherever and whenever I can.
My husband was recently in the hospital for 24 days and now in a rehab facility. It is so comforting for him and me to see a medical person give a spirit of love to their charge. It is amazing how it shines through. God bless your work/ ministry.
Andrea, nurses make all the difference in one’s well-being and experience in a hospital stay. Thank you for taking your role, with all its opportunities and challenges to heart. You make the world a better place.🩷
Caring for others
has taught me to look beyond myself
and my own problems, pains, and concerns . . .
I worked in nursing homes for many years,
and witnessed pain and anguish on a daily basis.
The people I cared for
ranged in age from somewhere in their 30’s
to over 100 . . .
Mother Fan and Richard Elliot.
I remember them well.
The people under my care
dealt with their lives in different ways . . .
some seemed to be beyond their miseries,
lost in a world of dementia,
some suffered openly,
and some
took their lives in good stride.
Addie Howard
was one of these . . .
after lunch
I would come to take her back to her room,
and she would brighten up when she saw me coming,
and say, “I’m ready to go back to my cabin now”
with a glorious smile on her face,
her ‘cabin’ being one of four beds
in a dark, little room.
She always saw the bright side of things
and the goodness in others.
When my own life
wants to overwhelm me
I think back on these men and women,
especially as I have come to
and passed the age of some of them.
Caring for them
has taught me patience,
compassion, and wisdom.
Inside of each person
is a being . . .
something alive and real
and vital in a way that younger people don’t see.
These people were people,
not bodies in beds,
and they broadened my view of humanity in general . . .
Some of the things that I learned
I only understood later,
but the seeds had been planted. ♥
My youngest sister and I are the only two siblings left. She was in town briefly this weekend and there was a rush of memories of how she came when I called for help taking care of our middle sister who passed last June. I wanted so to keep my middle sister at my home instead of putting her in a facility but it was humbling to know that I could not lift her or physically care for her without help. So I experienced both sides of the situation. To help her, I needed help. I am not able to help others like I did when I was younger. More and more I have had to ask others for help. That said, I have come to believe that “intention/motiviation” is the most important element of helping others. Do I want to help so I can feel better about myself or do I want to help because there is a need?
“Do I want to help so I can feel better about myself or do I want to help because there is a need?” is a really great question to keep asking. I”m going to come back to it when I feel that urge to help (it can seem compulsive sometimes). Thank you Carol.
Being the oldest of 4 and a latchkey kid, I’ve been a caregiver my whole life. That took a toll over the years, as caregiving for others left no time for caring for myself, and I didn’t know how important it was to do so. There came a point where I realized that self-care was very important, and to take proper care of others in my life, that needed to include me. This makes me remember a surf-dad in my old community telling me years ago that we can’t take care of anyone if we can’t take care of ourselves. He was speaking of my ex, but it was good for me to hear. So, while caring for others became too much with the toxic relationships that I enabled as an adult, it did lead to learning what I needed to. I take much better care of myself these days, tending to my spirit, my mind, and my body. And it helps me take good care of the relationships I have in my life now.
So true, Patti…thankfully you learned a hard lesson. Those of us who were taught to be people-pleasers can keep coming around the mountain and wondering why we end up in the same place ’til the light bulb goes on!
The way I learned to care growing up is not the way I practice it now. Changing my experience of caring has been a lot of work. My parents didn’t question their own old-style upbringing, in which children were closer to a commodity—used for labor, meant to be grateful to be housed and fed, and shouldn’t expect any favors from their parents.
My parents were lucky to improve their economic lot, so the labor I did growing up wasn’t manual, it was to appease my extremely volatile mother and keep her from agitating the men in the family. Everyone was content with the arrangement of the invisible helper girl child, but it came at a steep price for me.
Similar to what Jenifer mentioned, I didn’t see myself as a whole person, but as someone whose only use and value was in emotionally supporting, feeding, and anticipating others’ needs. Mutuality, reciprocity, goodwill, generosity, collective care, all of these things I had to learn as an adult.
Now I practice these things, with an astute consciousness to my own tendencies around self-sacrifice, ignoring my own body, pleasing others, etc. Caring is beautiful and fulfilling, and for me, there is some caution and discernment, because I’ve learned the hard way how caring can be exploited into cruelty.
When I think about your parents missing out on a loving, respectful, supportive, heartfelt relationship with you, Drea, it is heartbreaking. You finding you, becoming you, speaks to the resilience and possibility that you are. 🩷
I grew up,
dear Drea,
with a mother very much as you describe,
and know well what you speak of.
It is hard to break out of that cage.
Keep spreading your wings . . .
fly. ♥
Caring for others has been a foundation stone in my life. As a youngster I would help shovel the walkways of the elders, never accepting a payment. I’d leave bouquets of dandelions on doorstops, not knowing they were weeds. In grade school I’d help tutor or listen to those struggling with reading. In adulthood my career was in geriatrics. I got involved in civic responsibilities-ensuring a park could reduce gun violence and volunteered on my neighborhood assoc. board. All these activities led me to being a public servant as a crime victim advocate, and safety educator. Am still working in the inner city of Minneapolis and enjoying it 28 yrs later. My role is being a listener first versus “a fixer.” Grateful for an avocation to help others.
Carla, what a fulfilling avocation, and your endurance shows how deeply committed you must be. I am wondering, what did your group do to reduce gun violence in the park? Here, we have a park with gun violence, and the police put up fences and monitoring equipment. It seems to have reduced the violence, but I’ve always wondered if there is a more regenerative solution than surveillance and barriers.
Drea, thanks for asking. we door knocked homes/Apts around the park to attend a few community mtgs w/Park police, park board, staff, so they could hear our concerns. Attendees made “ground rules” for that park, like enforce park curfew —those nearby agreed to call after hours; violence centered around basket ball hoops -park staff were detailed to take them down at park’s close. If I recall we said no gang colored T shirts (hard to monitor). Simple placard with “the rules” were posted at the park and were cleaned if graffitied. It took a few months of dedicated focus to get changes in place. Those who had the negative behavior grew tired of being watched and left the location. Many times CPTED— Crime Prevention Through Environmental Design, the gates and chain link fences, “hardware pieces” are needed too.. And people willing to play and gather in park, do trash clean up. Deciding to not give up on their public amenity/park. ( Prayer, patience, and persistence). Bless you!
Carla, this is so interesting. It sounds like a combination of neighbors’ engagement, placards that are cleaned, time, and commitment. I biked through the park today and saw no rules posted, and gang graffiti on one of the signs. It was clean at least. Thanks so much for sharing details of what you did, I see now how multiple things need to happen at once to keep this park in a good place.
Yes Drea it does take many to work on urban issues. Good luck!
2
Jenifer
4 weeks ago
From a young age, caring for others was all that I knew. If you do things for others, they won’t leave you. They’ll want you to stay. This lead to people pleasing tendencies and not having boundaries for myself, “they need me! I must help them!” Because Isn’t that what love is? Helping others, always being there for others? I say yes, but to an extent. Love is empowering, not enabling. Love is present, even when you may not be physically there.
Caring for others include yourself as well. It means tending to myself, nourishing my body and listening to what I need. I recently realized that I don’t see myself as a person, one who is deserving of good things and a happy life. One time, I was talking down about myself to my therapist to which they respond “don’t put down my client like that” I went quiet, for a moment, then began to cry. I am their client! I am a person! Who, like everyone else, deserves mercy and grace!
I still aspire to care for others because I truly believe it’s our God-given duty, and now I know that includes myself as well. And for that, I am grateful. 💗
Caring for others makes me realize how easy I have it. There are always people who have it worse and are doing more than me. With all that being said, it teaches me resilience.
I am fortunate to be in a “helping profession.” I teach women about holistic wellness for a major healthcare corporation and focus on stress resilience through mindfulness and movement. When my patients and clients share the strategies’ impact on their lives, I am touched to my heart. It is soul-stirring when my class emerges from Silence at the end of meditation without the worries of thirty minutes prior. When a mature lady completes her first three-mile hike on uneven, hilly terrain, I jump for joy!
My bond with human beings along with the bond of many other beings and our planet earth for that matter has smoothed my edges like water smoothing the rough edges of a rock, until it is the shape of a sphere. Very few become a perfectly round sphere, but all will become a sphere over time. I have no problem caring for others, my challenge comes from accepting others care for me. Since I am now practicing a semblance of self-care, I have found it easier to accept care from others. The aging process has made it acutely evident to me I must ask or seek help now and then. Tasks I once preformed without thought now require the hands of others along with mine. I have the gift of one more day. May I accept graciously any help and or care offered. May all encounter some care and peace today. Namaste.
” The aging process has made it acutely evident to me I must ask or seek help now and then.”
This has been an extremely hard lesson for me as well,
dear Joseph . . .
when my hip went bad
I had to surrender;
I had no choice.
And believe it or not,
it felt good. ♥
I think one of the first phrases we learn is “ I can do it ourself.” I can appreciate the sentiment of allowing people to help us. Our need for independence and self reliance runs deep
Same, Joseph. Accepting care from others is harder for me, because their ways and mine are often incompatible. I’ve talked about it before in past answers concerning my relationship with Traditional Asian cultures.
Caring for others is the most importantly the best gift of life ! I’m so grateful to be able to truly see that living for others is our gift. We live as the whole because that is our true self .
There isn’t any other way . The sun doesn’t shine for itself. Natures flow is everywhere and lives for the whole as the whole .
Happy April Fool’s day everyone! Funny day for a birthday ! My poor mom lol 😂.
Wishing you all a sunshiny day! 🌻💯🙌
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I was the oldest daughter so I grew up taking care of my younger siblings. My Mother was a nurse so I also learned a great deal from her.
I think naturally I am a caregiver. My Mother told me I was a compassionate person and I am. My faith has also taught me to help those in need.
I am currently in my last semester of nursing school and have had many clinicals thus far in my academic journey. Every single one of these clinicals have involved caring for patients in times of need. I chose this profession because I wanted to do something that not only mattered to me, but mattered to others. I wanted to work in a profession where I could make a difference no matter how big or small. As my time and experience has gone on, and will only continue to go on, I have learned that caring for others can be extremely fulfilling while also very challenging. I always try to be kind to the people I interact with and am always trying to make sure they are comfortable. I have talked to many different people through my clinicals and while I enjoy making people feel better or helping in any way I can, I have also looked inward and have found myself more grateful for my health and my life. I realize how lucky I am to be healthy and loved and loving to others and want to use my health to spread love and happiness to others wherever and whenever I can.
My husband was recently in the hospital for 24 days and now in a rehab facility. It is so comforting for him and me to see a medical person give a spirit of love to their charge. It is amazing how it shines through. God bless your work/ ministry.
Andrea, nurses make all the difference in one’s well-being and experience in a hospital stay. Thank you for taking your role, with all its opportunities and challenges to heart. You make the world a better place.🩷
Thank you Andrea for wanting to do this kind of work. My Mother was a nurse.
Caring for others has helped me feel more connected.
Caring for others
has taught me to look beyond myself
and my own problems, pains, and concerns . . .
I worked in nursing homes for many years,
and witnessed pain and anguish on a daily basis.
The people I cared for
ranged in age from somewhere in their 30’s
to over 100 . . .
Mother Fan and Richard Elliot.
I remember them well.
The people under my care
dealt with their lives in different ways . . .
some seemed to be beyond their miseries,
lost in a world of dementia,
some suffered openly,
and some
took their lives in good stride.
Addie Howard
was one of these . . .
after lunch
I would come to take her back to her room,
and she would brighten up when she saw me coming,
and say, “I’m ready to go back to my cabin now”
with a glorious smile on her face,
her ‘cabin’ being one of four beds
in a dark, little room.
She always saw the bright side of things
and the goodness in others.
When my own life
wants to overwhelm me
I think back on these men and women,
especially as I have come to
and passed the age of some of them.
Caring for them
has taught me patience,
compassion, and wisdom.
Inside of each person
is a being . . .
something alive and real
and vital in a way that younger people don’t see.
These people were people,
not bodies in beds,
and they broadened my view of humanity in general . . .
Some of the things that I learned
I only understood later,
but the seeds had been planted. ♥
Thank you!
“Inside of each person is a being….” So true dear Sparrow, and not always recognized. Thank you for the reminder.
I try to look at the ‘being-ness’ of everything,
as I’ll bet you do too,
dear Joseph. ♥
Thank you for sharing that story sparrow that’s beautiful! 💓
It was both a wonderful and painful time in my life,
dear Antoinette . . .
I’m happy that you enjoyed
sharing in a few moments of it. ♥
Thank you for sharing this story Sparrow 💜
It was a pleasure,
dear Lauryn . . .
I loved Addie Howard. 🙂
What a deep and beautiful experience, Sparrow. Thank you for sharing.
I am grateful,
dear Drea,
to have had the gift of that experience. ♥
My youngest sister and I are the only two siblings left. She was in town briefly this weekend and there was a rush of memories of how she came when I called for help taking care of our middle sister who passed last June. I wanted so to keep my middle sister at my home instead of putting her in a facility but it was humbling to know that I could not lift her or physically care for her without help. So I experienced both sides of the situation. To help her, I needed help. I am not able to help others like I did when I was younger. More and more I have had to ask others for help. That said, I have come to believe that “intention/motiviation” is the most important element of helping others. Do I want to help so I can feel better about myself or do I want to help because there is a need?
That last question makes all the difference!
What an interesting question to pose! Thank you for sharing your story and your insight.
“Do I want to help so I can feel better about myself or do I want to help because there is a need?” is a really great question to keep asking. I”m going to come back to it when I feel that urge to help (it can seem compulsive sometimes). Thank you Carol.
Being the oldest of 4 and a latchkey kid, I’ve been a caregiver my whole life. That took a toll over the years, as caregiving for others left no time for caring for myself, and I didn’t know how important it was to do so. There came a point where I realized that self-care was very important, and to take proper care of others in my life, that needed to include me. This makes me remember a surf-dad in my old community telling me years ago that we can’t take care of anyone if we can’t take care of ourselves. He was speaking of my ex, but it was good for me to hear. So, while caring for others became too much with the toxic relationships that I enabled as an adult, it did lead to learning what I needed to. I take much better care of myself these days, tending to my spirit, my mind, and my body. And it helps me take good care of the relationships I have in my life now.
Life school is the best teacher, SunnyPatti. You have embraced all sides of it. You are a good student.🩷
Thanks, Mary… I try!
Very wise sunnyoatti .
thank you, Antoinette.
You are right,
dear Sunnypatti . . .
some of our most important lessons
come to us through suffering and pain.
Look at how strong you are now! ♥
Strong, indeed! Thank you for giving me a smile 🙂
So true, Patti…thankfully you learned a hard lesson. Those of us who were taught to be people-pleasers can keep coming around the mountain and wondering why we end up in the same place ’til the light bulb goes on!
Took a while, but I’m grateful not to be going ’round the mountain anymore!
The way I learned to care growing up is not the way I practice it now. Changing my experience of caring has been a lot of work. My parents didn’t question their own old-style upbringing, in which children were closer to a commodity—used for labor, meant to be grateful to be housed and fed, and shouldn’t expect any favors from their parents.
My parents were lucky to improve their economic lot, so the labor I did growing up wasn’t manual, it was to appease my extremely volatile mother and keep her from agitating the men in the family. Everyone was content with the arrangement of the invisible helper girl child, but it came at a steep price for me.
Similar to what Jenifer mentioned, I didn’t see myself as a whole person, but as someone whose only use and value was in emotionally supporting, feeding, and anticipating others’ needs. Mutuality, reciprocity, goodwill, generosity, collective care, all of these things I had to learn as an adult.
Now I practice these things, with an astute consciousness to my own tendencies around self-sacrifice, ignoring my own body, pleasing others, etc. Caring is beautiful and fulfilling, and for me, there is some caution and discernment, because I’ve learned the hard way how caring can be exploited into cruelty.
When I think about your parents missing out on a loving, respectful, supportive, heartfelt relationship with you, Drea, it is heartbreaking. You finding you, becoming you, speaks to the resilience and possibility that you are. 🩷
I grew up,
dear Drea,
with a mother very much as you describe,
and know well what you speak of.
It is hard to break out of that cage.
Keep spreading your wings . . .
fly. ♥
Thank you Sparrow, I appreciate you.
Caring for others has been a foundation stone in my life. As a youngster I would help shovel the walkways of the elders, never accepting a payment. I’d leave bouquets of dandelions on doorstops, not knowing they were weeds. In grade school I’d help tutor or listen to those struggling with reading. In adulthood my career was in geriatrics. I got involved in civic responsibilities-ensuring a park could reduce gun violence and volunteered on my neighborhood assoc. board. All these activities led me to being a public servant as a crime victim advocate, and safety educator. Am still working in the inner city of Minneapolis and enjoying it 28 yrs later. My role is being a listener first versus “a fixer.” Grateful for an avocation to help others.
Carla, what a fulfilling avocation, and your endurance shows how deeply committed you must be. I am wondering, what did your group do to reduce gun violence in the park? Here, we have a park with gun violence, and the police put up fences and monitoring equipment. It seems to have reduced the violence, but I’ve always wondered if there is a more regenerative solution than surveillance and barriers.
Drea, thanks for asking. we door knocked homes/Apts around the park to attend a few community mtgs w/Park police, park board, staff, so they could hear our concerns. Attendees made “ground rules” for that park, like enforce park curfew —those nearby agreed to call after hours; violence centered around basket ball hoops -park staff were detailed to take them down at park’s close. If I recall we said no gang colored T shirts (hard to monitor). Simple placard with “the rules” were posted at the park and were cleaned if graffitied. It took a few months of dedicated focus to get changes in place. Those who had the negative behavior grew tired of being watched and left the location. Many times CPTED— Crime Prevention Through Environmental Design, the gates and chain link fences, “hardware pieces” are needed too.. And people willing to play and gather in park, do trash clean up. Deciding to not give up on their public amenity/park. ( Prayer, patience, and persistence). Bless you!
Carla, this is so interesting. It sounds like a combination of neighbors’ engagement, placards that are cleaned, time, and commitment. I biked through the park today and saw no rules posted, and gang graffiti on one of the signs. It was clean at least. Thanks so much for sharing details of what you did, I see now how multiple things need to happen at once to keep this park in a good place.
Yes Drea it does take many to work on urban issues. Good luck!
From a young age, caring for others was all that I knew. If you do things for others, they won’t leave you. They’ll want you to stay. This lead to people pleasing tendencies and not having boundaries for myself, “they need me! I must help them!” Because Isn’t that what love is? Helping others, always being there for others? I say yes, but to an extent. Love is empowering, not enabling. Love is present, even when you may not be physically there.
Caring for others include yourself as well. It means tending to myself, nourishing my body and listening to what I need. I recently realized that I don’t see myself as a person, one who is deserving of good things and a happy life. One time, I was talking down about myself to my therapist to which they respond “don’t put down my client like that” I went quiet, for a moment, then began to cry. I am their client! I am a person! Who, like everyone else, deserves mercy and grace!
I still aspire to care for others because I truly believe it’s our God-given duty, and now I know that includes myself as well. And for that, I am grateful. 💗
Jenifer, the type of healing you’re doing is so hard and so incredibly valuable. Good work my friend.
Caring for others makes me realize how easy I have it. There are always people who have it worse and are doing more than me. With all that being said, it teaches me resilience.
It does change your perspective,
doesn’t it,
dear Loc?
A lesson well earned. ♥
Yes, Sparrow. I also feel a deeper sense of connection as well.
I am fortunate to be in a “helping profession.” I teach women about holistic wellness for a major healthcare corporation and focus on stress resilience through mindfulness and movement. When my patients and clients share the strategies’ impact on their lives, I am touched to my heart. It is soul-stirring when my class emerges from Silence at the end of meditation without the worries of thirty minutes prior. When a mature lady completes her first three-mile hike on uneven, hilly terrain, I jump for joy!
This is awesome! I would love to hear about what you teach!
Here is the website: https://piedmont.org/womensheartsupport everything is free!
“When a mature lady completes her first three-mile hike on uneven, hilly terrain, I jump for joy!”
🙂
I’m glad you chuckled. I’ll be 50 this fall—I am officially a mature lady.
What a wonderful footprint you are leaving in their lives.
Thank you Deann
My bond with human beings along with the bond of many other beings and our planet earth for that matter has smoothed my edges like water smoothing the rough edges of a rock, until it is the shape of a sphere. Very few become a perfectly round sphere, but all will become a sphere over time. I have no problem caring for others, my challenge comes from accepting others care for me. Since I am now practicing a semblance of self-care, I have found it easier to accept care from others. The aging process has made it acutely evident to me I must ask or seek help now and then. Tasks I once preformed without thought now require the hands of others along with mine. I have the gift of one more day. May I accept graciously any help and or care offered. May all encounter some care and peace today. Namaste.
” The aging process has made it acutely evident to me I must ask or seek help now and then.”
This has been an extremely hard lesson for me as well,
dear Joseph . . .
when my hip went bad
I had to surrender;
I had no choice.
And believe it or not,
it felt good. ♥
I think one of the first phrases we learn is “ I can do it ourself.” I can appreciate the sentiment of allowing people to help us. Our need for independence and self reliance runs deep
Same, Joseph. Accepting care from others is harder for me, because their ways and mine are often incompatible. I’ve talked about it before in past answers concerning my relationship with Traditional Asian cultures.
I love caring for others – it’s a huge part of who I am. Caring shows love [in addition to verbal].
May everyone feel cared for.
Caring for others enables me to have a different perspective on life and I’m able to provide genuine kindness and compassion to those in need.
Caring for others is the most importantly the best gift of life ! I’m so grateful to be able to truly see that living for others is our gift. We live as the whole because that is our true self .
There isn’t any other way . The sun doesn’t shine for itself. Natures flow is everywhere and lives for the whole as the whole .
Happy April Fool’s day everyone! Funny day for a birthday ! My poor mom lol 😂.
Wishing you all a sunshiny day! 🌻💯🙌
My grandson’s birthday today. I can remember telling my daughter not to have him on april 1 lol
I know a man from Missouri whose birthday is today. Thank you for the reminder it is April 1st. I will give him a jingle.
😂