Leaving hospital recently, after an unexpected five-night stay. I shared a room with two other women, one of whom had been in hospital for a whole month. I felt lucky and a little guilty leaving to go home.
When I went to 2 new nature preserves for the first time recently. That was the last time. I needed my nature fix and change of scenery! Brings me joy!!
On Tuesday morning
my husband went to a dental appointment,
and I was alone in the house for several hours.
Something happened in that time,
and a ‘deep sense of aliveness’
overtook me . . .
I reached out and grabbed that moment,
riding it for as long as I could . . .
I felt like my face was on fire
and my heart raised up in my chest.
I didn’t look,
but I know that my eyes shone with tears.
It was like having a vision
only there was nothing to see . . .
I felt held and loved
beyond measure.
If I lived constantly in that state
people would surely think I’m crazy,
and I’d probably be unable to fend for myself,
but there you have it.
I feel painfully alive
when in the presence of death,
as if I and the scene I am present to
are the only things that exist in the world
captured in a moment
that is frozen in time.
When Grace comes to me
and warms my grieving heart
she brings a sweet joy
that makes the loss bearable,
and more intense
than either the joy or the sorrow are
on their own.
That was sort of the feeling I had
on Tuesday.
These moments arrive,
usually unexpectedly,
and I feel blessed for them,
but they don’t happen every day.
I feel very much alive today,
and present to my life . . .
grateful and content.
I ask for nothing more,
and yet . . .
and yet the Deep comes to touch me
and move me
all on its own.♥
That’s beautiful, Sparrow. I learned there are various states of samadhi, it sounds like you experienced a powerful one. I believe they’re mentioned in Patanjali’s work.
I’ve just always accepted these occurrences,
dear Drea,
and never really questioned them.
I have not heard of Patanjali or his work,
but now
I will take the time
to take a look.
Thank you . . .
Namaste. ♥
If by “aliveness”, you mean, being aware and present of my connectedness to all of this, I catch glimpses of it often, but last weekend, hiking through the coastal forest and eating blackberries and huckleberry’s along the way, feeling my body moving through time and space, I felt pretty alive and my senses felt activated, and trying to avoid stepping on banana slugs kept me focused. 😬
My wife, who is a big fan of banana slugs, kept a running count of all of those creatures. 😁
Oh my, I had to look them up in Wikipedia. Oh my. I read they can be almost 10 inches long and live 1 to 7 years. Then I looked up just regular slugs, but I just had to stop reading. I guess I’m just not a slug person. 😬
Just curious though… Do you know how many banana slugs your wife counted that day? 🧐🤓
Banana slugs . . . . been a while since I have heard their name. Knew them well from 75 to 79 when I lived in McKinleyville, Arcata and briefly in Eureaka. Certainly, are some bright yellow creatures! Thanks for the memory jog, Charlie.
If you pick one up, it takes a long time to get the slime off your hands. They’re extremely waterproof, and I think their slime is protective as well. Speaking from experience.
Yesterday I was trail running in a thick aspen stand, soft dirt, bent trunks, tree eyes everywhere. Thunder rumbled from the big mountains above. Raindrops splatted down, first gently, then rushing the thirsty earth. The sound of breath, of shoes on soil, wind in aspen leaves, shining green; my legs fumbling downhill, the rush of smiling in the storm, the thrill of loping through the forest with its old wisdom embracing my brief life–all felt dimensional and alive.
It was fun! I wouldn’t have guessed that running can be fun … it’s exercise, maybe a form of relief … but was very pleased that it became fun that day.
Yesterday riding my bike home from yoga class. I chose to take a different route because I could, feeling the spaciousness of time with no schedule pushing me and the gentle movement of my body. It was still warm but the day’s heat had passed. I rode along the waterfront where I can see the boats in the marina, their masts like white trees above blue water. Leaves fluttered down from some of the trees; fall is falling a bit more each day, but it’s still summer. I rode through the big park with its tall old trees draped in moss and ferns, enjoying the cool shade. Once home, I picked a handful of raspberries from the late crop that’s coming on, then tomatoes. My dinner was fresh ripe tomatoes with cheddar and crackers, eaten outside with a glass of cabernet, and those raspberries, each one its own little jewel worth eating slowly, one at a time.
Lovely description,
dear Barb . . .
I feel like I was pedaling along with you
through those trees
and into the open,
reminding me of Camden harbor
near to where I once lived.
Thank you
for sharing this ‘little’ moment. ♥
I just read today’s “word for the day”, a beautiful quote by Joanna Macy, which deeply resonated with me. Her words made me pause. I took a moment to let her wise words sink in. How beautiful that I/We get to enjoy this beautiful universe. What an honor.
I feel alive everyday.😊
🕊️❤️
I felt a deep sense of aliveness on my walk yesterday. I also felt a deep sense of aliveness when I received encouragement and wisdom from many of you. Thank you very much.
When I am on the stage, immersing my soul and my voice in the songs I am singing, a deep sense of aliveness is present. The ability to sing is a valuable gift from God. 🎶 Happy Friday to all!
NGOC, I agree. Use that gift every chance you get. I sang for many years and it always felt like I sang to me through me. The ability to sing is definitely a valuable gift. To have it and share it an even greater gift.
Christina, I remember feeling that last year with extended family over for food and games. Not having gifts was nice. It’s a waste of money, and there’s always a good chance that it’s either too much for the receiver or that they don’t like it. Quality time with loved ones is quite plenty.
Oh god, probably the last time I felt “alive” was July 2, 2025! I wrote about it on my little travel blog: https://baixing.travellerspoint.com/1484/
I did a big hike in China with some people I met in a hostel in the city. It was great and I haven’t been on a big hike in more than a year now, I guess! I didn’t notice until today, thanks to this fun community.
I have been reading a Mary Oliver poem daily. Her keen sense of observation of the natural world and her ability to describe what she sees and feels in words moves me so deeply, I don’t
want to leave the page. So, I don’t. I read it again, and then sometimes again. She takes me right to her place of inspiration.🌸
I love Mary Oliver’s poetry. A while back I found https://yearsrisingmaryoliver.blogspot.com/ by LoraKim Joyner. She’s a UU minister and wrote her thoughts about each poem as she read her way through, posing questions for the reader.
I realized she sometimes excerpted a longer poem so it isn’t the same as reading them in the book but I appreciated her thoughts. I ended up reading a science fiction book she wrote thanks to the blog; she’s also a veterinarian who specializes in avian conservation and wrote a book centered on parrots.
No Kidding Michele. One of my brothers in law was diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer. He is right now in the hospital with severe reactions after two rounds of chemo. My sister said he has so many sores in his moth that he can neither eat nor drink. We saw him in April, and he was his six four, strapping self. Only a year older than me. A person never knows when or where. Best to stay present and live for today.
I’m sorry to hear,
dear Joseph,
of your brother in law’s illness,
and will hold him in my heart.
I know . . .
it’s hard to imagine a vibrant ‘young’ man
so quickly brought low
unexpectedly.
I suppose it’s all unexpected
until it happens.
“A person never know when or where.”
I keep this in mind daily,
as I hear about people around me
falling ill
or suddenly dying . . .
and so I practice presence,
like you,
and appreciate what I’ve been given. ♥
I listened to a webinar yesterday about some wonderful work in storygathering around transportation use by older people in Newark, NJ. They rejected “senior” citizens and wanted to be referred to as seasoned citizens. That works for me as I get closer to that status: a little pepper, a little honey.
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Leaving hospital recently, after an unexpected five-night stay. I shared a room with two other women, one of whom had been in hospital for a whole month. I felt lucky and a little guilty leaving to go home.
When I went to 2 new nature preserves for the first time recently. That was the last time. I needed my nature fix and change of scenery! Brings me joy!!
On Tuesday morning
my husband went to a dental appointment,
and I was alone in the house for several hours.
Something happened in that time,
and a ‘deep sense of aliveness’
overtook me . . .
I reached out and grabbed that moment,
riding it for as long as I could . . .
I felt like my face was on fire
and my heart raised up in my chest.
I didn’t look,
but I know that my eyes shone with tears.
It was like having a vision
only there was nothing to see . . .
I felt held and loved
beyond measure.
If I lived constantly in that state
people would surely think I’m crazy,
and I’d probably be unable to fend for myself,
but there you have it.
I feel painfully alive
when in the presence of death,
as if I and the scene I am present to
are the only things that exist in the world
captured in a moment
that is frozen in time.
When Grace comes to me
and warms my grieving heart
she brings a sweet joy
that makes the loss bearable,
and more intense
than either the joy or the sorrow are
on their own.
That was sort of the feeling I had
on Tuesday.
These moments arrive,
usually unexpectedly,
and I feel blessed for them,
but they don’t happen every day.
I feel very much alive today,
and present to my life . . .
grateful and content.
I ask for nothing more,
and yet . . .
and yet the Deep comes to touch me
and move me
all on its own.♥
That’s beautiful, Sparrow. I learned there are various states of samadhi, it sounds like you experienced a powerful one. I believe they’re mentioned in Patanjali’s work.
I’ve just always accepted these occurrences,
dear Drea,
and never really questioned them.
I have not heard of Patanjali or his work,
but now
I will take the time
to take a look.
Thank you . . .
Namaste. ♥
What an amazing experience, Sparrow!
I think
we are all full of amazing experiences,
dear Mary . . .
we just don’t always recognize them. ♥
If by “aliveness”, you mean, being aware and present of my connectedness to all of this, I catch glimpses of it often, but last weekend, hiking through the coastal forest and eating blackberries and huckleberry’s along the way, feeling my body moving through time and space, I felt pretty alive and my senses felt activated, and trying to avoid stepping on banana slugs kept me focused. 😬
My wife, who is a big fan of banana slugs, kept a running count of all of those creatures. 😁
I had never heard of banana slugs – did a search and damn if they don’t look like a banana, LOL, perfect name for them.
Oh my, I had to look them up in Wikipedia. Oh my. I read they can be almost 10 inches long and live 1 to 7 years. Then I looked up just regular slugs, but I just had to stop reading. I guess I’m just not a slug person. 😬
Just curious though… Do you know how many banana slugs your wife counted that day? 🧐🤓
Banana slugs . . . . been a while since I have heard their name. Knew them well from 75 to 79 when I lived in McKinleyville, Arcata and briefly in Eureaka. Certainly, are some bright yellow creatures! Thanks for the memory jog, Charlie.
Banana slugs
are people too,
but I think I’ll keep my distance,
dear Charlie. 🙂
If you pick one up, it takes a long time to get the slime off your hands. They’re extremely waterproof, and I think their slime is protective as well. Speaking from experience.
😂
Love your perspective on this, Sparrow!
I like hearing about the banana slugs, reminds me of living in the Bay Area and taking long hikes and rides through the redwood forests. So immersive.
Yesterday I was trail running in a thick aspen stand, soft dirt, bent trunks, tree eyes everywhere. Thunder rumbled from the big mountains above. Raindrops splatted down, first gently, then rushing the thirsty earth. The sound of breath, of shoes on soil, wind in aspen leaves, shining green; my legs fumbling downhill, the rush of smiling in the storm, the thrill of loping through the forest with its old wisdom embracing my brief life–all felt dimensional and alive.
So dynamic, Drea. Engaging with Big Weather is such a thrill!
I like the term Big Weather! It was indeed Big Weather. Thanks Mary.
That sounds both fun and intense, Drea! Almost out of body, watching yourself, yet completely connected to your body and the forest.
Mary, yes, that’s exactly how it felt!
Nothing like letting the rain wash over me. Glad you enjoyed life, Drea.
Thanks Joseph. The rain feels especially good this year, in the drought.
Oh how thrilling
that must have felt,
dear Drea . . .
the unexpected experience
sounds so enlivening,
and even fun. ♥
It was fun! I wouldn’t have guessed that running can be fun … it’s exercise, maybe a form of relief … but was very pleased that it became fun that day.
Yes!
Yes, those summer storms in the mountains can really wake you up. 😁
Yes, I would never volunteer to have one on top of me, but there’s a thrill when they do come.
I’m there with you, Drea, thanks to your description.
Yesterday riding my bike home from yoga class. I chose to take a different route because I could, feeling the spaciousness of time with no schedule pushing me and the gentle movement of my body. It was still warm but the day’s heat had passed. I rode along the waterfront where I can see the boats in the marina, their masts like white trees above blue water. Leaves fluttered down from some of the trees; fall is falling a bit more each day, but it’s still summer. I rode through the big park with its tall old trees draped in moss and ferns, enjoying the cool shade. Once home, I picked a handful of raspberries from the late crop that’s coming on, then tomatoes. My dinner was fresh ripe tomatoes with cheddar and crackers, eaten outside with a glass of cabernet, and those raspberries, each one its own little jewel worth eating slowly, one at a time.
Lovely description,
dear Barb . . .
I feel like I was pedaling along with you
through those trees
and into the open,
reminding me of Camden harbor
near to where I once lived.
Thank you
for sharing this ‘little’ moment. ♥
Oh, this sounds like the perfect summer afternoon.
💯
I just read today’s “word for the day”, a beautiful quote by Joanna Macy, which deeply resonated with me. Her words made me pause. I took a moment to let her wise words sink in. How beautiful that I/We get to enjoy this beautiful universe. What an honor.
I feel alive everyday.😊
🕊️❤️
Yesterday’s quote from Toni Morrison also belongs here: “At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
I felt a deep sense of aliveness on my walk yesterday. I also felt a deep sense of aliveness when I received encouragement and wisdom from many of you. Thank you very much.
You are deeply alive to me,
dear Carol Ann. ♥
When I am on the stage, immersing my soul and my voice in the songs I am singing, a deep sense of aliveness is present. The ability to sing is a valuable gift from God. 🎶 Happy Friday to all!
NGOC, I agree. Use that gift every chance you get. I sang for many years and it always felt like I sang to me through me. The ability to sing is definitely a valuable gift. To have it and share it an even greater gift.
I wish I had been there,
dear Ngoc. ♥
I love this!
My Ngoc, we had one of those moments not too long ago: just a couple weeks ago performing at a wedding.
About an hour ago when I took a shower 🚿, AND felt the water 💧, and enjoyed the scent of the soap,
As someone who’s camping without shower access right now, I very much appreciate this.
It was yesterday evening when I was talking to Martin. He and I were speaking the same language. 2 straight shooters came together.
Reflecting on it, I think as Christmas nears I get a deep sense of aliveness or maybe it’s called getting in the spirit.
Christina, I remember feeling that last year with extended family over for food and games. Not having gifts was nice. It’s a waste of money, and there’s always a good chance that it’s either too much for the receiver or that they don’t like it. Quality time with loved ones is quite plenty.
Oh god, probably the last time I felt “alive” was July 2, 2025! I wrote about it on my little travel blog: https://baixing.travellerspoint.com/1484/
I did a big hike in China with some people I met in a hostel in the city. It was great and I haven’t been on a big hike in more than a year now, I guess! I didn’t notice until today, thanks to this fun community.
I have been reading a Mary Oliver poem daily. Her keen sense of observation of the natural world and her ability to describe what she sees and feels in words moves me so deeply, I don’t
want to leave the page. So, I don’t. I read it again, and then sometimes again. She takes me right to her place of inspiration.🌸
I have a lot of respect and love
for Mary Oliver . . .
the way she lived and loved,
and the way she saw things
and wrote about them. ♥
I am a fan too.
Love Mary Oliver.❤️
I love Mary Oliver’s poetry. A while back I found https://yearsrisingmaryoliver.blogspot.com/ by LoraKim Joyner. She’s a UU minister and wrote her thoughts about each poem as she read her way through, posing questions for the reader.
I realized she sometimes excerpted a longer poem so it isn’t the same as reading them in the book but I appreciated her thoughts. I ended up reading a science fiction book she wrote thanks to the blog; she’s also a veterinarian who specializes in avian conservation and wrote a book centered on parrots.
Very interesting, Barbara. I will check out this link. Thank you.🌺
Thanks for the link!
On August 25th, PBS is having a special on Mary Oliver: Saved by the Beauty of the World.
Christine, I JUST asked my husband if he knew the date of the MO special as I knew it was coming up. And here you are with the answer! Thank you. 🌺
Thank you for this,
dear Chistine . . .
I will check and see when it is on
where I live. ♥
Thank you for sharing this, Christine!
Thank you, Christine for the heads up.
It’s been awhile… although when someone passes away I am fully aware of my aliveness and we are all on borrowed time.
Happy Friday Everyone.
https://nationaltoday.com/national-senior-citizens-day/
No Kidding Michele. One of my brothers in law was diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer. He is right now in the hospital with severe reactions after two rounds of chemo. My sister said he has so many sores in his moth that he can neither eat nor drink. We saw him in April, and he was his six four, strapping self. Only a year older than me. A person never knows when or where. Best to stay present and live for today.
I’m sorry to hear,
dear Joseph,
of your brother in law’s illness,
and will hold him in my heart.
I know . . .
it’s hard to imagine a vibrant ‘young’ man
so quickly brought low
unexpectedly.
I suppose it’s all unexpected
until it happens.
“A person never know when or where.”
I keep this in mind daily,
as I hear about people around me
falling ill
or suddenly dying . . .
and so I practice presence,
like you,
and appreciate what I’ve been given. ♥
Wishing your brother-in-law relief from his pain from the chemo therapy, strength and loving kindness to your sister.
I listened to a webinar yesterday about some wonderful work in storygathering around transportation use by older people in Newark, NJ. They rejected “senior” citizens and wanted to be referred to as seasoned citizens. That works for me as I get closer to that status: a little pepper, a little honey.
I like that too.
‘Seasoned citizens’ . . .
I like that,
dear Barb. ♥