I try to get into the moment. Feel what emerges. I try to remain open to everything that is still emerging in my consciousness, give it space, look at it without holding on to it. Slowly I begin to listen to the outside, hear the birds… And then trust and confidence come.
I am talking here about the “small, everyday” grief. I have not yet had to mourn any major or dramatic losses. But maybe that’s how I prepare myself?
Thru my daughter’s addiction over the years I found an online family support group that taught me that I needed to take care of myself first and foremost and to find a “win” at least once a week (Doing something positive just for me). Otherwise, dealing with too much sorrow day in and day out is definitely not healthy at all. I also turned to my faith and eventually found this wonderful site. Practicing gratefulness has made a big impact for me and I found joy again instead of hiding in my sorrow. My daughter thankfully continues to do well- 5 mos sober as of June 20th!
There is so much wisdom in this post Robin Ann.
It’s wonderful that you are taking care of yourself
and finding a win for yourself each week is an excellent idea.
I’m going to start giving that gift to myself as well.
Thank you for sharing this!!
Profound progress on your daughter’s part, Robin Ann. She is courageous. Finding a « win » at least once a week for yourself…, that’s building a muscle! Thanks for those words.
Just trying to remember being in the moment, as it bears both joy and sorrow without preference, so learning to accept that it is what it is gives peace in a given moment, bears equanimity and gratefulness due to just be with what is, moment by moment and with an open heart to whatever shows up. Rich moments and all inclusive. Thank you. Again, being grateful keeps the door open in a natural way without effort.
I think you can keep that door open by dealing with your grief and sorrow instead of stuffing it, pretending it’s not there, etc. Richard Rohr’s daily meditation for June 23rd addresses this issue. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-universal-need-to-grieve/
I’m reminded of a line I can’t quote exactly to the effect that when someone dies, the depth of our grief reflects the depth of our love. One of my brothers died by drowning several years ago. I still miss him but I don’t think about how he died; I think of the memories of spending time with him, his creativity as an artist and musician, his smile, his Peter Pan qualities that made everyone love him for the boy he was at heart. Out of his death I also came into a closer relationship with my sister-in-law, who is a sister to me now in a way that she said directly probably wouldn’t have been the case if he were alive and my time was always spent with the two of them, not with her alone. Joy can be possible out of even the deepest sorrow–not immediately, but it’s there to be discovered.
Barb, I also have a sister-in-law who is more like a sister to me after my brother’s untimely death. We both still miss him but treasure the special bond we now share.
I think about how back in 2022, I was dealing with a lot of difficult changes which resulted in a lot of grief. I began spending time outside in nature for it was the only thing that soothed me. I’d be feeling heavy emotions, then I’d see a beautiful deer passing by. Or the wind blowing the leaves in a way that looked like they were dancing. I would notice trees, many of time fallen or half dead, yet still providing support to those around it. There was this one time I was on a trail and I noticed this big and beautiful tree to my left. I was captivated so I got closer. I then saw what appeared to be a small Tupperware container near the base of the tree, it was being hidden by some rocks. Inside was a rubber stamp, an ink pad, and a small notebook. The last entry was from over 5 years ago! It made me realize someone else had a connection with this tree and decided to bring joy by placing this small treasure (more about this here: https://www.letterboxing.org/) I realized then that joy can be found all around me, I just have to get closer and look around.
I haven’t been on here as much lately and I’ve missed it. Excited to continue answering these questions again. May you all be well. Also sending lots of love to you Nanette, thinking of you.
Thank you for the link to letterboxing. What a fun idea! It immediately made me think of BookCrossing, which I just learned of yesterday (tracking where your book goes when you set it free in the world) https://www.bookcrossing.com/. The WWW has given us some wonderful ways to connect. Remembering these connections keeps the door to joy open.
Sometimes it’s good to think of others while you are sad to help get out of that negative space. I always remember that there is someone out there who has it way worse than you.
Today’s question falls in line with today as it is International Widows’ Day. Loving kindness to all.
Well said, Michele. It’s easy to do that when things are going our way. The question ultimately comes down to can we do it when things are NOT going our way? That’s a whole different ballgame itself. It’s like the different between practices and games.
Like I’ve said before, we’re living in a society of 1st world problems. It’s easy to get stuck. Myself included. Like we’ve said before, there’s always people who are doing more and having it worse than us.
To quote one of America’s greatest treasures, “If you want the rainbows, you have to put up with a little rain.” Dolly Parton
When sorrow sets in I try to focus and be grateful for the reason behind it. Most of the time my sorrow stems from the fact that I have different forms of love in my life. Sometimes it is selfish and full of self pity. After I dwell in sorrow for the needed time I remind myself to be grateful for the love that existed to bring me the sorrow. If it stems from self pity I acknowledge it, mentally kick myself in the arse and focus on everything I have to be thankful for.
It is a gift to feel sorrow we just can’t stay in that well too long. Or course sometimes everything I said is easier said than done. That is why prayer and faith are the rope I use to pull myself out.
As I read today’s question, I first thank my Lord for His protection over me. He has saved me from physical sorrows in my life. Thus, most of the suffering in my life stems from my mind. I often find myself living in the past, regretting what once was, which sometimes blinds me from seeing the beauty in my current life. In my case, practicing mindfulness and staying present has helped me open the door to joy, even in times of darkness. Whenever I feel like I miss my past, I take a calming breath and remind myself how grateful I am to live in this moment, free from physical pain and surrounded by a comfortable environment.
Happy Sunday to everyone!
My Ngoc, I’ve been guilty of that myself too. This is one of the main drawbacks to introversion. Overthinking and living in the past or even future go together with the first one being more common. Being present is something we can learn from extraverts. This is one of the examples where having a social life is valuable. We don’t need to be social butterflies, but basics can go a long ways. For starters, it’s the standardized family and a few close friends standard. As if for friends, this all points back to the saying 1 genuine friend>10 friends.
This is a very timely question. I have let sadness sorrow take up residence in my heart.
I have been welcoming joy by reaching out to others and being creative.
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Easier said than done but trying to be present, through play like a child, with humility, open to joyful surprises
Beautiful Palm!♥️
Yes dear Palm!
Dear Anna! Thank you!
Hello dear Anna!
I try to get into the moment. Feel what emerges. I try to remain open to everything that is still emerging in my consciousness, give it space, look at it without holding on to it. Slowly I begin to listen to the outside, hear the birds… And then trust and confidence come.
I am talking here about the “small, everyday” grief. I have not yet had to mourn any major or dramatic losses. But maybe that’s how I prepare myself?
Yes, Barba!
You have made a practice of consciously letting go.
Beautiful!♥️
Thru my daughter’s addiction over the years I found an online family support group that taught me that I needed to take care of myself first and foremost and to find a “win” at least once a week (Doing something positive just for me). Otherwise, dealing with too much sorrow day in and day out is definitely not healthy at all. I also turned to my faith and eventually found this wonderful site. Practicing gratefulness has made a big impact for me and I found joy again instead of hiding in my sorrow. My daughter thankfully continues to do well- 5 mos sober as of June 20th!
There is so much wisdom in this post Robin Ann.
It’s wonderful that you are taking care of yourself
and finding a win for yourself each week is an excellent idea.
I’m going to start giving that gift to myself as well.
Thank you for sharing this!!
I am happy for you dear Robin Ann, and I wish the best for you and your daughter.
Glad to hear that Robin Ann – may she continue on 🙂
Profound progress on your daughter’s part, Robin Ann. She is courageous. Finding a « win » at least once a week for yourself…, that’s building a muscle! Thanks for those words.
So good to hear.
Just trying to remember being in the moment, as it bears both joy and sorrow without preference, so learning to accept that it is what it is gives peace in a given moment, bears equanimity and gratefulness due to just be with what is, moment by moment and with an open heart to whatever shows up. Rich moments and all inclusive. Thank you. Again, being grateful keeps the door open in a natural way without effort.
I think I will always want to keep the door open to joy.
I can’t imagine living with only sorrow.
I am with you, dear Mary.
And I am with you dear Anna♥️
🙏❤️
Love and prayers to you dear Palm.
It’s so good to be in touch with you again!!
Dear Mary, I am so happy to be in touch with you again too!
I think you can keep that door open by dealing with your grief and sorrow instead of stuffing it, pretending it’s not there, etc. Richard Rohr’s daily meditation for June 23rd addresses this issue.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-universal-need-to-grieve/
Thanks for Richard Robe’s link
Thanks for sharing, Carol, I feel I’ve lost the weeping mode, something to meditate on
Filler reading helps me open the door to joy in times of sorrow.
I’m reminded of a line I can’t quote exactly to the effect that when someone dies, the depth of our grief reflects the depth of our love. One of my brothers died by drowning several years ago. I still miss him but I don’t think about how he died; I think of the memories of spending time with him, his creativity as an artist and musician, his smile, his Peter Pan qualities that made everyone love him for the boy he was at heart. Out of his death I also came into a closer relationship with my sister-in-law, who is a sister to me now in a way that she said directly probably wouldn’t have been the case if he were alive and my time was always spent with the two of them, not with her alone. Joy can be possible out of even the deepest sorrow–not immediately, but it’s there to be discovered.
Barb, I also have a sister-in-law who is more like a sister to me after my brother’s untimely death. We both still miss him but treasure the special bond we now share.
I think about how back in 2022, I was dealing with a lot of difficult changes which resulted in a lot of grief. I began spending time outside in nature for it was the only thing that soothed me. I’d be feeling heavy emotions, then I’d see a beautiful deer passing by. Or the wind blowing the leaves in a way that looked like they were dancing. I would notice trees, many of time fallen or half dead, yet still providing support to those around it. There was this one time I was on a trail and I noticed this big and beautiful tree to my left. I was captivated so I got closer. I then saw what appeared to be a small Tupperware container near the base of the tree, it was being hidden by some rocks. Inside was a rubber stamp, an ink pad, and a small notebook. The last entry was from over 5 years ago! It made me realize someone else had a connection with this tree and decided to bring joy by placing this small treasure (more about this here: https://www.letterboxing.org/) I realized then that joy can be found all around me, I just have to get closer and look around.
I haven’t been on here as much lately and I’ve missed it. Excited to continue answering these questions again. May you all be well. Also sending lots of love to you Nanette, thinking of you.
Thank you for the link to letterboxing. What a fun idea! It immediately made me think of BookCrossing, which I just learned of yesterday (tracking where your book goes when you set it free in the world) https://www.bookcrossing.com/. The WWW has given us some wonderful ways to connect. Remembering these connections keeps the door to joy open.
This sounds like fun also. Do you participate?
My practices are all about balance.
Joy and sorrow exist, sometimes right
next to each other, it’s my job to be
open to experiencing the moment.
So wise and true.
I needed to hear this Charlie. Thank you.
I just read yesterdays questions and answers. Nanette I hope you are feeling better and will keep you in my prayers.
Sometimes it’s good to think of others while you are sad to help get out of that negative space. I always remember that there is someone out there who has it way worse than you.
Today’s question falls in line with today as it is International Widows’ Day. Loving kindness to all.
Well said, Michele. It’s easy to do that when things are going our way. The question ultimately comes down to can we do it when things are NOT going our way? That’s a whole different ballgame itself. It’s like the different between practices and games.
Like I’ve said before, we’re living in a society of 1st world problems. It’s easy to get stuck. Myself included. Like we’ve said before, there’s always people who are doing more and having it worse than us.
To quote one of America’s greatest treasures, “If you want the rainbows, you have to put up with a little rain.” Dolly Parton
When sorrow sets in I try to focus and be grateful for the reason behind it. Most of the time my sorrow stems from the fact that I have different forms of love in my life. Sometimes it is selfish and full of self pity. After I dwell in sorrow for the needed time I remind myself to be grateful for the love that existed to bring me the sorrow. If it stems from self pity I acknowledge it, mentally kick myself in the arse and focus on everything I have to be thankful for.
It is a gift to feel sorrow we just can’t stay in that well too long. Or course sometimes everything I said is easier said than done. That is why prayer and faith are the rope I use to pull myself out.
As I read today’s question, I first thank my Lord for His protection over me. He has saved me from physical sorrows in my life. Thus, most of the suffering in my life stems from my mind. I often find myself living in the past, regretting what once was, which sometimes blinds me from seeing the beauty in my current life. In my case, practicing mindfulness and staying present has helped me open the door to joy, even in times of darkness. Whenever I feel like I miss my past, I take a calming breath and remind myself how grateful I am to live in this moment, free from physical pain and surrounded by a comfortable environment.
Happy Sunday to everyone!
My Ngoc, I’ve been guilty of that myself too. This is one of the main drawbacks to introversion. Overthinking and living in the past or even future go together with the first one being more common. Being present is something we can learn from extraverts. This is one of the examples where having a social life is valuable. We don’t need to be social butterflies, but basics can go a long ways. For starters, it’s the standardized family and a few close friends standard. As if for friends, this all points back to the saying 1 genuine friend>10 friends.
This is a very timely question. I have let sadness sorrow take up residence in my heart.
I have been welcoming joy by reaching out to others and being creative.
May your days become lighter and brighter.