My children now only have one parent at such a young age however, on a positive note my son and his GF have become very serious and I look forward to having her join our family 💕✨
For about 6 or 7 years now
my body has been telling me
that my youth is ending,
and yet,
still it lingers.
My hair is white
and skin is growing wrinkles,
hands looking well-worn and gnarly,
along with a small host of maladies.
I sport a thickened waist
and am the proud owner of a relatively new hip.
My brain is tired of bad news
and moving house . . .
after many years of traveling around,
living in places all over the country,
when we purchased this house fourteen years ago,
I promised I’d die here
before pulling up stakes again.
Other than these trivial things,
I remain fairly young.
I’m taking the slow path to old age . . .
I wash my dishes,
feed the cats
(and my husband,
who sometimes feeds me),
dig in my gardens
and haul stones and mulch,
take pen and paintbrush to paper,
read,
and sing in the shower,
most of the time
at the pace of a turtle.
My heart is young though,
and I hope it will always be young . . .
and warm and flexible.
I’ve not yet used up my allotment
of laughter and tears,
or my enjoyment and pure ecstasy
of simply being,
even in my aging flesh.
Flowers, birds, and trees,
all still make my heart lift up,
as do snowy days
and purple sunsets.
Rain
still fills me with the pleasure
I felt in my youth,
and
the sun still warms my bones
the same way it does
with my ancient cat . . .
I’d purr if I could.
Love continues to burn within me,
softened
by years of discovering
what it really is,
letting go of old,
romantic notions
for something much more binding and trustworthy.
So,
as time goes on
I’m willing to let go of all of the
reckless dreams
and fallacies of childhood.
They never served me well,
but were there in the beginning,
I suppose,
to teach me something.
but now
I am beginning to look forward
to more time spent
in my rocking chair,
where I held my first wee baby
oh, so long ago. ♥
With your permission I would love to copy this for my own use only. It so strongly reflects how I feel at this stage of life. Tho I have no gray or white hair (It’s a hereditary thing), but so much of the other experiences of which you speak feel like I could have written this, other than I am not a poet. What a blessing you are to this site. Thank you.
I am happy,
dear Katrina,
that my reflection spoke to you,
and that we are able to connect here
in this safe place.
Of course you may copy it for yourself . . .
I am honored
that you felt it too. ♥
I love this: Love continues to burn within me,
softened
by years of discovering
what it really is,
letting go of old,
romantic notions
for something much more binding and trustworthy.
love this – “I’m taking the slow path to old age” . . .I will remember this and keep in mind, I really like it especially bc I’m feeling old and my kids keep saying, ‘Mom you’re only 57’, LOL
My childhood faith has been ending a sad slow death and I hold myself in compassion when sparks of doubt and condemnation shoot out from the embers to shame me and stress me. I’m so thankful for the new emergence of a beautiful fire of genuine love and interconnection, growing with all humanity and the earth itself. So much more peace here. Less striving. Resting in Love itself. Divine.
What a sweet and beautiful welcome. I certainly feel the spirit of love! Thank you. I enrolled in the grief course, connecting through Rosemary Wahtola Trommer’s writing, and have been so blessed by it. Sending you warm wishes 🙂
My identity as someone who takes on others’ difficulties, carries or resolves them, and assumes that kind of labor is the only reason people value my contributions. I’m so over it. I’m also compassionate for my younger self. A condition of being a family member was emotionally carrying what others were unwilling to handle. I took that role into adulthood, and grew utterly exhausted. I hold my old identity with compassion and love as I move on.
I almost answered something about what my body is capable of doing, but I’m not ready to give up on efforts to bring back some of the flexibility and endurance I had when I followed a much more consistent yoga practice and rode my bike much greater distances. I can hold where I am now with compassion without defining it as an ending. I’m constantly evolving and moving into a new phase, while always carrying within me every age I’ve ever been.
I find it important to hold myself with compassion because over the last 10 years there have been lots of losses in my life. Some people, some abilities and also some bad habits! Willingness and acceptance are my mantras.
CAROL ANN willing and accepting is so important. Having willingness to change and let go of habits and attachment is so important. You’re doing great . 😊
Carol, the part about bad habits sounds like how I’ve gone from a defiant rebel to being devoted to God within a short amount of time. Sounds like Paul all over again. He was wild in his early days. Suddenly, he became the Apossal we know of today. The transformative moment came when he was blind for 3 days.
Drea, I’m so thankful for the self awareness that helped me let the bad habits go. Every once in a while, I fall into that bad behavior space and I am reminded that I use to live that way!
I started this latest version of my life, almost seven years ago, and the newness is wearing off. Maybe that’s an ending of sorts. Now I’m in some sort of settled version. Or a more settled version of my life.
The newness was scary and exciting. I do miss some of that. I don’t think I need to summon compassion, necessarily, but I do need to embrace what is my current reality. Not clinging. Not attaching myself to the past. Being here in this moment.
“Tears in which pain and joy flow together do justice to life in its fullness.” Bro. David…Though I have been in full retirement from professional ministry for one year now, I still find that I have one foot in that arena and always will, to some degree, I suppose. The hardest part has been losing contact with some colleagues. I’m still in touch with a few, but by and large, since I no longer attend major gatherings, I am out of the picture. I don’t publish or otherwise stay active in the institutional connection. I do get asked to fill a pulpit here and there, for which I am grateful – it keeps my exegetical and preaching skills sharper. On the other hand, I am incredibly joyful not to be attending those major gatherings, not even weekly worship, if I don’t want to. I worship from the joy of my heart and in my backyard with the gratitude and praise of a spirit who does so with no institutional requirements. This is the compassion I hold for myself in these days in this matter. This is the justice that I currently experience life in its fullness.
I understand your dilemma,
dear Katrina.
My father,
who was a Presbyterian minister,
knew there would be some difficulties
when he retired . . .
he felt that he would be in the way
of younger people,
and newer ideas.
He moved from Boulder
to Santa Fe,
and found a spiritual community there
for many years. ♥
That is beautiful, Katrina.
I know the feeling of losing that identity and those connections. I struggled mightily with that at one point. I like your balanced approach. Seeing both sides of the coin.
Ngoc will return home tomorrow. During her absence, I continued to devote myself to God. I kept my word on improving my integrity. Emotional inflation got me burnout last year towards the end. It’s the same as cheating. Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win. Miracles come from integrity.
Carol, as they say “Great minds think alike.” We just said the same idea but different wording. Combining both of our ideas, the galatians 6:3 verse stands out. “For if anyone who thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
Our time in Charlotte is slowly coming to an end. While I am excited for our new chapter, I will also very much miss CLT, mostly because of my yoga students. My teaching journey started here, and I’ve made some really beautiful connections. I hold my sadness with compassion, trusting the path will continue unfolding in ways I never would have imagined.
Our beach vacation last month reminded us how much we truly love the ocean and having it nearby. The dogs went nuts when we first got there and they didn’t want to leave. Charlotte has been wonderful, but I have said many times since we’ve been here that it would be perfect if it had a beach. So we are making it happen! Lease is up end of October, so we’ll be gone by then, if not sooner.
A new day has begun. All that is past has ended. All I have is now. The now never seems to end. Only when the eyes close one last time to never open again.
Peace, Love & Light
I will change place of work and living, ans with this, the work method which has been done with all my heart and for the sake of dear people of over 35 years slowly will find an end. The method will change to even more substantial work and to hopefully integrating meditation and spiritual aspects, God willing. I will hold it in compassion by doing my best for all clients concerned to find solutions for them as suitable as possible, which for them probably is the most important to be expected. In my heart, this time and the method will always be honored by me as one of the most suitable to meet the well being of people by deeply listening, accompanying them through difficult times and finding way for them to get well again.
I have been writing and submitting to literary magazines. I have not been following the model for flash fiction with the result that I’m getting rejections. I’m willing to forgo my own ideas about this type of writing and follow the model, which will be challenge enough in itself. An acceptance would really boost my confidence in the whole process. I need to hold my own ideas with compassion . Perhaps I can return to them later.
I remember having read somewhere,
dear Christina,
that Colonel Sanders
was rejected 1009 times
before his Kentucky fried chicken recipe
gained success. 🙂
Keep on truckin’.
A few rejection slips
is nothing. ♥
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My children now only have one parent at such a young age however, on a positive note my son and his GF have become very serious and I look forward to having her join our family 💕✨
I am so sorry. You hold their loss and your own. I feel that way about my daughter losing her very best friend, her brother (my son).
I am so sorry for your loss as well.
For about 6 or 7 years now
my body has been telling me
that my youth is ending,
and yet,
still it lingers.
My hair is white
and skin is growing wrinkles,
hands looking well-worn and gnarly,
along with a small host of maladies.
I sport a thickened waist
and am the proud owner of a relatively new hip.
My brain is tired of bad news
and moving house . . .
after many years of traveling around,
living in places all over the country,
when we purchased this house fourteen years ago,
I promised I’d die here
before pulling up stakes again.
Other than these trivial things,
I remain fairly young.
I’m taking the slow path to old age . . .
I wash my dishes,
feed the cats
(and my husband,
who sometimes feeds me),
dig in my gardens
and haul stones and mulch,
take pen and paintbrush to paper,
read,
and sing in the shower,
most of the time
at the pace of a turtle.
My heart is young though,
and I hope it will always be young . . .
and warm and flexible.
I’ve not yet used up my allotment
of laughter and tears,
or my enjoyment and pure ecstasy
of simply being,
even in my aging flesh.
Flowers, birds, and trees,
all still make my heart lift up,
as do snowy days
and purple sunsets.
Rain
still fills me with the pleasure
I felt in my youth,
and
the sun still warms my bones
the same way it does
with my ancient cat . . .
I’d purr if I could.
Love continues to burn within me,
softened
by years of discovering
what it really is,
letting go of old,
romantic notions
for something much more binding and trustworthy.
So,
as time goes on
I’m willing to let go of all of the
reckless dreams
and fallacies of childhood.
They never served me well,
but were there in the beginning,
I suppose,
to teach me something.
but now
I am beginning to look forward
to more time spent
in my rocking chair,
where I held my first wee baby
oh, so long ago. ♥
How I love this! Embodied and yet rich in spirit. I relate to it as well.
This makes me happy,
dear Kim. ♥
Beautiful, Sparrow. Another poem of life.
Thank you,
dear Barb . . .
I think all of us
carry a poem of life within. ♥
With your permission I would love to copy this for my own use only. It so strongly reflects how I feel at this stage of life. Tho I have no gray or white hair (It’s a hereditary thing), but so much of the other experiences of which you speak feel like I could have written this, other than I am not a poet. What a blessing you are to this site. Thank you.
I am happy,
dear Katrina,
that my reflection spoke to you,
and that we are able to connect here
in this safe place.
Of course you may copy it for yourself . . .
I am honored
that you felt it too. ♥
I love this: Love continues to burn within me,
softened
by years of discovering
what it really is,
letting go of old,
romantic notions
for something much more binding and trustworthy.
Yes, yes, yes.
Thank you,
dear Drea . . .
it’s a long journey,
isn’t it (?)
even though
it goes by in a flash. ♥
love this – “I’m taking the slow path to old age” . . .I will remember this and keep in mind, I really like it especially bc I’m feeling old and my kids keep saying, ‘Mom you’re only 57’, LOL
LOL,
dear Michele . . .
don’t let your kids fool you–
you are not old at all!
Keep the faith. 🙂
💜
🙏
How old are you now ?
I turned 77 in January,
dear Antoinette.
Amazing.
I never imagined being here. ♥
Reflecting on the end of life and if I were to die today seeing it end makes me feel more compassionate about this pain I’m going through right now .
I am so grateful to hear you say that,
dear Antoinette . . .
pain has taught me this as well. ♥
My childhood faith has been ending a sad slow death and I hold myself in compassion when sparks of doubt and condemnation shoot out from the embers to shame me and stress me. I’m so thankful for the new emergence of a beautiful fire of genuine love and interconnection, growing with all humanity and the earth itself. So much more peace here. Less striving. Resting in Love itself. Divine.
Welcome to this heartfelt community of beautiful souls!
What a sweet and beautiful welcome. I certainly feel the spirit of love! Thank you. I enrolled in the grief course, connecting through Rosemary Wahtola Trommer’s writing, and have been so blessed by it. Sending you warm wishes 🙂
Welcome, Kim, to this diverse and loving community of grateful souls.
If you open your arms and your heart,
dear Kim,
the way will open up for you. ♥
Hi Kim! Nice to have you here 🙂
Welcome Kim Dal Porto – this is a caring beautiful Community
The divine in me bows to the divine in you, Kim Dal Porto.
My identity as someone who takes on others’ difficulties, carries or resolves them, and assumes that kind of labor is the only reason people value my contributions. I’m so over it. I’m also compassionate for my younger self. A condition of being a family member was emotionally carrying what others were unwilling to handle. I took that role into adulthood, and grew utterly exhausted. I hold my old identity with compassion and love as I move on.
I almost answered something about what my body is capable of doing, but I’m not ready to give up on efforts to bring back some of the flexibility and endurance I had when I followed a much more consistent yoga practice and rode my bike much greater distances. I can hold where I am now with compassion without defining it as an ending. I’m constantly evolving and moving into a new phase, while always carrying within me every age I’ve ever been.
I liked this – “while always carrying within me every age I’ve ever been”.
I find it important to hold myself with compassion because over the last 10 years there have been lots of losses in my life. Some people, some abilities and also some bad habits! Willingness and acceptance are my mantras.
CAROL ANN willing and accepting is so important. Having willingness to change and let go of habits and attachment is so important. You’re doing great . 😊
There is both positive and negative
in letting go,
isn’t there,
dear Carol Ann?
I like to think
of counting them both
with love . . . ♥
I agree, Sparrow. Otherwise I’m too judgemental and I beat myself up!
Carol, the part about bad habits sounds like how I’ve gone from a defiant rebel to being devoted to God within a short amount of time. Sounds like Paul all over again. He was wild in his early days. Suddenly, he became the Apossal we know of today. The transformative moment came when he was blind for 3 days.
I like the idea of remembering the bad habits I’ve lost! Thanks Carol.
Drea, I’m so thankful for the self awareness that helped me let the bad habits go. Every once in a while, I fall into that bad behavior space and I am reminded that I use to live that way!
I started this latest version of my life, almost seven years ago, and the newness is wearing off. Maybe that’s an ending of sorts. Now I’m in some sort of settled version. Or a more settled version of my life.
The newness was scary and exciting. I do miss some of that. I don’t think I need to summon compassion, necessarily, but I do need to embrace what is my current reality. Not clinging. Not attaching myself to the past. Being here in this moment.
“Tears in which pain and joy flow together do justice to life in its fullness.” Bro. David…Though I have been in full retirement from professional ministry for one year now, I still find that I have one foot in that arena and always will, to some degree, I suppose. The hardest part has been losing contact with some colleagues. I’m still in touch with a few, but by and large, since I no longer attend major gatherings, I am out of the picture. I don’t publish or otherwise stay active in the institutional connection. I do get asked to fill a pulpit here and there, for which I am grateful – it keeps my exegetical and preaching skills sharper. On the other hand, I am incredibly joyful not to be attending those major gatherings, not even weekly worship, if I don’t want to. I worship from the joy of my heart and in my backyard with the gratitude and praise of a spirit who does so with no institutional requirements. This is the compassion I hold for myself in these days in this matter. This is the justice that I currently experience life in its fullness.
I understand your dilemma,
dear Katrina.
My father,
who was a Presbyterian minister,
knew there would be some difficulties
when he retired . . .
he felt that he would be in the way
of younger people,
and newer ideas.
He moved from Boulder
to Santa Fe,
and found a spiritual community there
for many years. ♥
Love your reply, Katrina and glad to find you here.
Second that.
That is beautiful, Katrina.
I know the feeling of losing that identity and those connections. I struggled mightily with that at one point. I like your balanced approach. Seeing both sides of the coin.
Ngoc will return home tomorrow. During her absence, I continued to devote myself to God. I kept my word on improving my integrity. Emotional inflation got me burnout last year towards the end. It’s the same as cheating. Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win. Miracles come from integrity.
LOC, I have found that sometimes miracles come from despair.
Thank you I needed to hear this today !
Letting go of this mind of deep wanting is so painful .
Carol, as they say “Great minds think alike.” We just said the same idea but different wording. Combining both of our ideas, the galatians 6:3 verse stands out. “For if anyone who thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
I have found this to be true for myself
as well,
dear Carol Ann.
There is hope. ♥
Our time in Charlotte is slowly coming to an end. While I am excited for our new chapter, I will also very much miss CLT, mostly because of my yoga students. My teaching journey started here, and I’ve made some really beautiful connections. I hold my sadness with compassion, trusting the path will continue unfolding in ways I never would have imagined.
What is new for you on the Horizon Sunnypatti? Your husband has a career move? Sorry if I missed this news.
Our beach vacation last month reminded us how much we truly love the ocean and having it nearby. The dogs went nuts when we first got there and they didn’t want to leave. Charlotte has been wonderful, but I have said many times since we’ve been here that it would be perfect if it had a beach. So we are making it happen! Lease is up end of October, so we’ll be gone by then, if not sooner.
Oh yes I get that for sure!!
You have moved so much in recent years,
dear SunnyPatti . . .
I admire your courage
as you face this new one.
I’m afraid
I would just feel tired. ♥
This decision has certainly stirred up lots of feelings. Moving is not our favorite thing, but perhaps this one will hold for a while, maybe forever.
A new day has begun. All that is past has ended. All I have is now. The now never seems to end. Only when the eyes close one last time to never open again.
Peace, Love & Light
🙏
Amen, dear Joseph.
Yesterday ended. Today starts anew.
https://nationaltoday.com/world-sea-turtle-day/
https://nationaltoday.com/national-fudge-day/ – fudge makes me remember NJ Boardwalk and Summer days….
I love sea turtles!
same, and I loved working with them at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium when I first moved to FL. ( I volunteered there for awhile)
That sums it up!
I really appreciate your answer, Michele. I am a bit stumped by this question, and you have answered succinctly.
Thank You
I will change place of work and living, ans with this, the work method which has been done with all my heart and for the sake of dear people of over 35 years slowly will find an end. The method will change to even more substantial work and to hopefully integrating meditation and spiritual aspects, God willing. I will hold it in compassion by doing my best for all clients concerned to find solutions for them as suitable as possible, which for them probably is the most important to be expected. In my heart, this time and the method will always be honored by me as one of the most suitable to meet the well being of people by deeply listening, accompanying them through difficult times and finding way for them to get well again.
I have been writing and submitting to literary magazines. I have not been following the model for flash fiction with the result that I’m getting rejections. I’m willing to forgo my own ideas about this type of writing and follow the model, which will be challenge enough in itself. An acceptance would really boost my confidence in the whole process. I need to hold my own ideas with compassion . Perhaps I can return to them later.
I remember having read somewhere,
dear Christina,
that Colonel Sanders
was rejected 1009 times
before his Kentucky fried chicken recipe
gained success. 🙂
Keep on truckin’.
A few rejection slips
is nothing. ♥
Thanks Sparrow.
I’m sure you have considered this, but is self publishing in some form or fashion an option for you?
Hi Katrina. I like the validation that comes with an acceptance by a publication,