This is a mantra I try to hold onto.
I make a decision on the information I have at the time. If the decision turns out well, I rejoice. If not so good, I deal with the consequences.
This may or may not address imperfections. That is the decision I made to post!
I sought absolute perfection
when I was a little girl . . .
at my grandmother’s knee,
I determinedly stitched a hem
on an emerald green sateen dress I was making for my sock doll,
Gertrude . . .
I so wanted to impress her
with my very fine stitchwork . . .
close and precise.
As I clipped the last thread,
and reached up to show her,
my face opened in a proud smile,
I suddenly noticed
that from the outside,
every single stitch was visible.
Now,
in case you don’t know this,
when sewing a hem,
the intention
is to sew fewer stitches,
not more,
into the back threads of the garment . . .
this way the hem is invisible from the front..
I think I gasped
as I held the doll out to her . . .
she looked over my handiwork
and placed it back in my hand
with a tender smile on her face
(she was a tender woman),
and said,
”what a beautiful job,
dear.
I can see you worked very hard on this.”
Although I knew better,
I tucked the compliment in my heart,
and later understood
that my very imperfect hem
was perfectly imperfect to her.
Later,
my mother showed me how to make a perfectly perfect hem,
but I had gotten the kindest acknowledgement from my wise grandmother
that there was beauty in imperfection too.
The lesson
wasn’t fully assimilated
until I got older,
as I continued my desire for socially acceptable perfection,
but time slips away,
our energy and abilities begin to fail us,
and now
I know how to make compromises
and accept most of what I can’t do as well.
I try my very best to work with what I have
and then release it gratefully to the Universe.
With the gardens that cover our property,
through torn knees
and the need for a new hip,
as well as arthritis setting in,
I have finally relented
and let someone else handle the mulch . . .
I don’t let anyone mess with my flowers.
It’s freeing to let go . . .
my work flows out of me more smoothly,
and I am happy with what I create,
knowing that it is the very best that I can do
and that is good enough for me.
What a beautiful example of graciously living into the physical limitations that can come with aging, Sparrow! I am still “middle-aged” and haven’t had to deal with physical limitations, but I feel like I should save the post to reread 10 years from now and be inspired by.
I especially like this line:
“I know how to make compromises
and accept most of what I can’t do as well.
I try my very best to work with what I have
and then release it gratefully to the Universe.”
I also love your story of your grandmother and the doll’s dress hem ♥️
Living in each moment requires dealing with what that moment brings, whether perfect or imperfect. I try to avoid setting up expectations that create room for disappointment. I take it as it comes, it is what it is. Perfect.
Funny. I just did. I sent a close up selfie of my face, first thing in the morning, to a friends group. With all my cosmetic imperfections on full display. Why not?
The quote of the day really says it all. We will never be perfect. So stop waiting. Start whatever it is now. I hope you all have a peaceful Saturday. 🙏
I just reread your response Charlie and a few lines really spoke to me
“We will never be perfect.
So stop waiting
Start whatever it is now.”
I do portraits with graphite pencils and enjoy this very much.
Years ago in school I painted in oil and was pretty good at it.
I have considered doing my portraits in oil again
but not too seriously because I feel like I’m still learning portraiture using graphite.
I’ve told myself that when I get better at portraiture I will start using oils again.
And then I reread your response. 🤔
I felt as though today’s question was just for me,
and now I feel the same way about your comment.
Okay. I hear you.
☀️🙋🏻♀️
I feel this way too,
dear Charlie . . .
our teeny tiny bathroom
was gutted months ago
and is waiting to be finished.
My husband has run into some disturbing issues,
and so
has not worked on it since then.
I told him this morning,
”it must be put back together soon.
I understand it can’t be done perfectly,
but do the best you can
with what you have.
It’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.”
I’ve adopted this into my thought processes
and it works. ♥
I’m not sure how I feel about this question — in my perception, the word “imperfection” is laden with judgment. We are as we are, nothing more and nothing less. I believe I can work on cultivating actions that bring me closer to my higher self, my true nature, and connect me more deeply with the Divine, or I can act mindlessly out of fear or self-centeredness from my ego. This question didn’t resonate with me today. Seeking perfection can cause negative thinking.
Thank you for this, Avril. Such a good point. Society creates artificial standards, then judges us for falling short of the impossible. We don’t ask to enter that race; people around us assume we’re in it and tell us we’re losing.
Interesting take on this, Avril.
I get that you are rejecting the judgement and shaming
associated with the terms perfection and imperfection.
I agree.
As for me, I struggle quite a bit with my own perfectionism
and see it as something I need to overcome in order to feel free.
So today’s question sounded to me like it was written just for me.
Funny how we can agree in principle,
and still look at these questions very differently.
😊
I have trouble accepting my own mistakes. This is a trait that runs through my family.
Accepting my imperfection means that I have to hold two realities at the same time.
1-Being imperfect is part of being human
2-When given a choice, I want to choose that which gives me my desired outcome.
So because I am human, I cannot always choose my desired outcome
But I always want my desired outcome.
So in order to accept my imperfection,
along with my desire to choose a desired outcome,
I will have to take my life, with all of its particular situations, more lightly
instead of trying so hard to maintain control.
I will have to be more relaxed with what I view as a mistake,
less focused on outcomes, I could live my life in a flow.
But can I do this?
I will have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.
My focus will shift from trying to get desired outcomes,
to living life from love and gratefulness.
Choosing flow over control.
Being able to embrace my imperfection requires a change of focus,
a reframing of how I see my life, of how I see this one life that I have been given.
As I’m writing and reflecting on imperfection,
I’m beginning to see what I’ve been missing in my quest to get things right.
Living life is about living in the present moment.
If my focus is on the present moment,
I will not be living in regret over perceived mistakes that I have made.
My focus will be on living my life in the eternal now.
When my mind begins to wander, bring it back to the breath. This helps me stay grounded in spaciousness to live a fully as possible with present. Thank you, Mary.
Yes, it is all about learning to let go.
Letting go of control,
releasing my desire to control outcomes.
And yes, becoming free.
Thank you, Sparrow.
♥️
“I will have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.
My focus will shift from trying to get desired outcomes, to living life from love and gratefulness. Choosing flow over control.”
Woh! This is beautiful, Mary.
It reminds me of riding my mountain bike.
You have to hang on, but not too tight. You have to look where you want to go, but not too closely. You have to stay loose and be in the flow, but still do the things to keep yourself upright and moving forward.
“I would have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.” “Choosing flow over control.” Thank you for these two quotes, Mary! Sometimes when I get feeling wound up inside, the one word, “Spaciousness” is what helps me the most. Your words remind me of Spaciousness.
Oh gosh, this is an important and difficult one for me. I can really get caught in harsh self-judgment if I feel like I made a wrong decision or feel that I am not doing enough to help out in some situation. And then I get judgmental at myself for being judgmental of myself!
I don’t really know the answer for how to get out of the cycle, but I like the wording of the question, and maybe just thinking of those words “we are all perfectly imperfect” and “I have the option to embrace imperfection” can help me.
And also recognizing that those strong self-recriminating emotions come from somewhere deep, deep down, beyond my conscious mind, and sometimes things beyond my conscious awareness must trigger those emotions. Just recognizing that and riding out the wave of self-recrimination without identifying my true essence with it, knowing that it too shall pass.
Embrace my imperfection. Yes, I have to. We have a shadow side: we aren’t just sweet, kind, loving etc. We- or rather I, am judgemental, grumpy, critical of others. And somehow I need to acknowledge and accept that , even if I don’t like it, and even if I am trying to change.
Right now, my challenge at work is to speak out loud, hopefully without anger, what is not working, what is not right. That is not easy for me to do, because it exposes me and my thoughts and it is judgemental, and I don’t want to be thought of as “not nice.” But the alternative is pretending I’m okay, silencing myself. And silencing myself is a recipe for internal stress and deep unhappiness.
Good luck with your work situation, Maeve! I hope that you find a way to tap into your inner power, kindness, and authenticity and speak up, and feel good about yourself no matter how others react to what you say.
This one is so, so wonderful. Thank you for reminding me of it.
“And if you are riding on a bicycle
or a skateboard, in a wheelchair, each revolution
of the wheels a prayer as the earth revolves:
less harm, less harm, less harm.”
I hope it comes through…it is such a powerful poem. It’s called “Pray for Peace” by Ellen Bass so if the link doesn’t work you can just google it to get to her website.
I consider it a victory when I accept my imperfections without criticism. But embrace? That’s a tall order! I am interested to see what others have to say about their experience.
By reminding myself that imperfection is a path of self-training in my life, not my personality. Just like I admit that I’m not a good person, I know that I must practice being better to the people around me. <3 Have a wonderful weekend to ur community of wisdom and joy. 🍀
Dear Ngoc,
I have noticed your kindness and your desire to help others.
If there were more people in the world like you, it would be a better world.
You are truly a good person, Ngoc.
My Ngoc, it all starts and ends with having the proper definition of constructive criticism. It’s disapproval of our actions or words. Insults are destructive; not constructive criticism. It’s easy to think that we’re bad people when in truth, we’re the opposite.
My mentor use to say, “Live one day at a time, Carol. It’s the only way to be happy with your need to be perfect!”When you are given the message that you have to perform, be perfect, to be loved, it is a heavy burden. You live with such a deep fear of failure. In today’s question: ” Given that we are all ‘perfectly imperfect,’ how might I embrace imperfection?” I am drawn to the term ‘perfectly imperfect.’ My fear of failure was so great that I walked away from many opportunities that were offered to me in my younger years. I’m just thankful that today I know that I do not have to be perfect to be loved. I still struggle with a fear of failure but find that I am more accepting of this fear and I do not fight or flee from it. I just remind my self that I do not have to be worthy because I am of worth.
Dear Carol, This sounds so much like me, my thinking and my struggles.
I was very drawn to the term perfectly imperfect too.
My fear of failure is still strong,
but I am more likely to do things despite my fear than I was in the past.
I’m not completely sure that this is true though,
because I have always tried to do things even when I was afraid.
I embrace myself for my rebellion side as well. It helps me not feel constrained to certain cultural or societal standards. I came to forge my own path and blaze my own trail. It helps me accept others for who they are.
For example, Ngoc’s inconsistent tendencies and emotional side can drive me crazy. As they say, “You can’t live with or without them.” I try to see it as an amusement park. I love Valleyfaire, an amusement park in Minnesota, and have been there before. I’m very sure my rebellion streak has driven her crazy before in the past. My gentleness and active listening calms her down while she accepting me for who I am tames me.
This all brings me to the Adam and Eve story. We’re all cinners afterall. I remember commenting on one of EJP’s answers mentioning how god loves and forgives all of us and that we should do the same for each other.
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For me – all I can do is do the best I can. I am imperfect and that is fine . Sometimes the challenge for me is dealing with the perfectionist.
This is a mantra I try to hold onto.
I make a decision on the information I have at the time. If the decision turns out well, I rejoice. If not so good, I deal with the consequences.
This may or may not address imperfections. That is the decision I made to post!
I sought absolute perfection
when I was a little girl . . .
at my grandmother’s knee,
I determinedly stitched a hem
on an emerald green sateen dress I was making for my sock doll,
Gertrude . . .
I so wanted to impress her
with my very fine stitchwork . . .
close and precise.
As I clipped the last thread,
and reached up to show her,
my face opened in a proud smile,
I suddenly noticed
that from the outside,
every single stitch was visible.
Now,
in case you don’t know this,
when sewing a hem,
the intention
is to sew fewer stitches,
not more,
into the back threads of the garment . . .
this way the hem is invisible from the front..
I think I gasped
as I held the doll out to her . . .
she looked over my handiwork
and placed it back in my hand
with a tender smile on her face
(she was a tender woman),
and said,
”what a beautiful job,
dear.
I can see you worked very hard on this.”
Although I knew better,
I tucked the compliment in my heart,
and later understood
that my very imperfect hem
was perfectly imperfect to her.
Later,
my mother showed me how to make a perfectly perfect hem,
but I had gotten the kindest acknowledgement from my wise grandmother
that there was beauty in imperfection too.
The lesson
wasn’t fully assimilated
until I got older,
as I continued my desire for socially acceptable perfection,
but time slips away,
our energy and abilities begin to fail us,
and now
I know how to make compromises
and accept most of what I can’t do as well.
I try my very best to work with what I have
and then release it gratefully to the Universe.
With the gardens that cover our property,
through torn knees
and the need for a new hip,
as well as arthritis setting in,
I have finally relented
and let someone else handle the mulch . . .
I don’t let anyone mess with my flowers.
It’s freeing to let go . . .
my work flows out of me more smoothly,
and I am happy with what I create,
knowing that it is the very best that I can do
and that is good enough for me.
What a beautiful example of graciously living into the physical limitations that can come with aging, Sparrow! I am still “middle-aged” and haven’t had to deal with physical limitations, but I feel like I should save the post to reread 10 years from now and be inspired by.
I especially like this line:
“I know how to make compromises
and accept most of what I can’t do as well.
I try my very best to work with what I have
and then release it gratefully to the Universe.”
I also love your story of your grandmother and the doll’s dress hem ♥️
It’s been a tough lesson for me,
dear Elizabeth,
and I still need little reminders.
Thank you. ♥
ps. My grandmother was an angel.
I bet your flowers are beautiful, Sparrow!
I love the way you let go of the mulching
and kept what you most loved, the flowers!
♥️🌷
Mulching is also expensive,
dear Mary . . .
I do my best with the flowers
and I think they understand. 🙂
♥️♥️♥️
Living in each moment requires dealing with what that moment brings, whether perfect or imperfect. I try to avoid setting up expectations that create room for disappointment. I take it as it comes, it is what it is. Perfect.
Funny. I just did. I sent a close up selfie of my face, first thing in the morning, to a friends group. With all my cosmetic imperfections on full display. Why not?
The quote of the day really says it all. We will never be perfect. So stop waiting. Start whatever it is now. I hope you all have a peaceful Saturday. 🙏
I just reread your response Charlie and a few lines really spoke to me
“We will never be perfect.
So stop waiting
Start whatever it is now.”
I do portraits with graphite pencils and enjoy this very much.
Years ago in school I painted in oil and was pretty good at it.
I have considered doing my portraits in oil again
but not too seriously because I feel like I’m still learning portraiture using graphite.
I’ve told myself that when I get better at portraiture I will start using oils again.
And then I reread your response. 🤔
I felt as though today’s question was just for me,
and now I feel the same way about your comment.
Okay. I hear you.
☀️🙋🏻♀️
I feel this way too,
dear Charlie . . .
our teeny tiny bathroom
was gutted months ago
and is waiting to be finished.
My husband has run into some disturbing issues,
and so
has not worked on it since then.
I told him this morning,
”it must be put back together soon.
I understand it can’t be done perfectly,
but do the best you can
with what you have.
It’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.”
I’ve adopted this into my thought processes
and it works. ♥
Thanks Charlie!
I love your sense of humor and your lack of vanity!
♥️
I’m not sure how I feel about this question — in my perception, the word “imperfection” is laden with judgment. We are as we are, nothing more and nothing less. I believe I can work on cultivating actions that bring me closer to my higher self, my true nature, and connect me more deeply with the Divine, or I can act mindlessly out of fear or self-centeredness from my ego. This question didn’t resonate with me today. Seeking perfection can cause negative thinking.
Thank you for this, Avril. Such a good point. Society creates artificial standards, then judges us for falling short of the impossible. We don’t ask to enter that race; people around us assume we’re in it and tell us we’re losing.
I agree, Avril. And I think you stated it perfectly😁. The seeking of perfection is a distraction. And it seems to be based on fear and judgment.
Interesting take on this, Avril.
I get that you are rejecting the judgement and shaming
associated with the terms perfection and imperfection.
I agree.
As for me, I struggle quite a bit with my own perfectionism
and see it as something I need to overcome in order to feel free.
So today’s question sounded to me like it was written just for me.
Funny how we can agree in principle,
and still look at these questions very differently.
😊
I have trouble accepting my own mistakes. This is a trait that runs through my family.
Accepting my imperfection means that I have to hold two realities at the same time.
1-Being imperfect is part of being human
2-When given a choice, I want to choose that which gives me my desired outcome.
So because I am human, I cannot always choose my desired outcome
But I always want my desired outcome.
So in order to accept my imperfection,
along with my desire to choose a desired outcome,
I will have to take my life, with all of its particular situations, more lightly
instead of trying so hard to maintain control.
I will have to be more relaxed with what I view as a mistake,
less focused on outcomes, I could live my life in a flow.
But can I do this?
I will have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.
My focus will shift from trying to get desired outcomes,
to living life from love and gratefulness.
Choosing flow over control.
Being able to embrace my imperfection requires a change of focus,
a reframing of how I see my life, of how I see this one life that I have been given.
As I’m writing and reflecting on imperfection,
I’m beginning to see what I’ve been missing in my quest to get things right.
Living life is about living in the present moment.
If my focus is on the present moment,
I will not be living in regret over perceived mistakes that I have made.
My focus will be on living my life in the eternal now.
When my mind begins to wander, bring it back to the breath. This helps me stay grounded in spaciousness to live a fully as possible with present. Thank you, Mary.
And thank you Joseph. ♥️
Lovely May – just live today! Just live one hour . Live now . Hugs 🤗
Thank you, Antoinette!
It is so freeing
to be able to let go,
dear Mary . . .
I do it,
but need constant reminders . . .
thank you. ♥
Yes, it is all about learning to let go.
Letting go of control,
releasing my desire to control outcomes.
And yes, becoming free.
Thank you, Sparrow.
♥️
“I will have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.
My focus will shift from trying to get desired outcomes, to living life from love and gratefulness. Choosing flow over control.”
So very well said…thank you for this, Mary.
Thank you Lauren.
This is a very important topic for me.
Woh! This is beautiful, Mary.
It reminds me of riding my mountain bike.
You have to hang on, but not too tight. You have to look where you want to go, but not too closely. You have to stay loose and be in the flow, but still do the things to keep yourself upright and moving forward.
Thanks Charlie!
I love this!
The analogy of living life well
to riding a mountain bike.
The visual is so helpful too!
😊
“I would have to pull myself out of my preoccupation with specific situations,
and look at my life in terms of the big picture.” “Choosing flow over control.” Thank you for these two quotes, Mary! Sometimes when I get feeling wound up inside, the one word, “Spaciousness” is what helps me the most. Your words remind me of Spaciousness.
I love that. Spaciousness, room to move around, room to live well.
Yes, spaciousness!
Oh gosh, this is an important and difficult one for me. I can really get caught in harsh self-judgment if I feel like I made a wrong decision or feel that I am not doing enough to help out in some situation. And then I get judgmental at myself for being judgmental of myself!
I don’t really know the answer for how to get out of the cycle, but I like the wording of the question, and maybe just thinking of those words “we are all perfectly imperfect” and “I have the option to embrace imperfection” can help me.
And also recognizing that those strong self-recriminating emotions come from somewhere deep, deep down, beyond my conscious mind, and sometimes things beyond my conscious awareness must trigger those emotions. Just recognizing that and riding out the wave of self-recrimination without identifying my true essence with it, knowing that it too shall pass.
I feel you, my friend.
I really do.
♥️
Embrace my imperfection. Yes, I have to. We have a shadow side: we aren’t just sweet, kind, loving etc. We- or rather I, am judgemental, grumpy, critical of others. And somehow I need to acknowledge and accept that , even if I don’t like it, and even if I am trying to change.
Right now, my challenge at work is to speak out loud, hopefully without anger, what is not working, what is not right. That is not easy for me to do, because it exposes me and my thoughts and it is judgemental, and I don’t want to be thought of as “not nice.” But the alternative is pretending I’m okay, silencing myself. And silencing myself is a recipe for internal stress and deep unhappiness.
Good luck with your work situation, Maeve! I hope that you find a way to tap into your inner power, kindness, and authenticity and speak up, and feel good about yourself no matter how others react to what you say.
Thanks, Elizabeth.
Great poem from Ellen Bass
https://www.ellenbass.com/books/the-human-line/pray-for-peace/
May all pray for peace. Thank you, dear Carol.
This one is so, so wonderful. Thank you for reminding me of it.
“And if you are riding on a bicycle
or a skateboard, in a wheelchair, each revolution
of the wheels a prayer as the earth revolves:
less harm, less harm, less harm.”
”Great poem”,
dear Carol,
is an understatement!
It’s wonderful . . .
thank you. ♥
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I will remember this throughout my day.
That is so good. Thank you, Carol 🙏
As I work through my day, I will keep this in mind and try to make my existence a prayer.
A wonderful poem! Thank you for sharing.
I had already posted when I saw this poem on Ann Lamont’s site on facebook so I googled it and found this link:
https://www.ellenbass.com/books/the-human-line/pray-for-peace/
I hope it comes through…it is such a powerful poem. It’s called “Pray for Peace” by Ellen Bass so if the link doesn’t work you can just google it to get to her website.
I consider it a victory when I accept my imperfections without criticism. But embrace? That’s a tall order! I am interested to see what others have to say about their experience.
By reminding myself that imperfection is a path of self-training in my life, not my personality. Just like I admit that I’m not a good person, I know that I must practice being better to the people around me. <3 Have a wonderful weekend to ur community of wisdom and joy. 🍀
Dear Ngoc,
I have noticed your kindness and your desire to help others.
If there were more people in the world like you, it would be a better world.
You are truly a good person, Ngoc.
My Ngoc, it all starts and ends with having the proper definition of constructive criticism. It’s disapproval of our actions or words. Insults are destructive; not constructive criticism. It’s easy to think that we’re bad people when in truth, we’re the opposite.
My mentor use to say, “Live one day at a time, Carol. It’s the only way to be happy with your need to be perfect!”When you are given the message that you have to perform, be perfect, to be loved, it is a heavy burden. You live with such a deep fear of failure. In today’s question: ” Given that we are all ‘perfectly imperfect,’ how might I embrace imperfection?” I am drawn to the term ‘perfectly imperfect.’ My fear of failure was so great that I walked away from many opportunities that were offered to me in my younger years. I’m just thankful that today I know that I do not have to be perfect to be loved. I still struggle with a fear of failure but find that I am more accepting of this fear and I do not fight or flee from it. I just remind my self that I do not have to be worthy because I am of worth.
Dear Carol, This sounds so much like me, my thinking and my struggles.
I was very drawn to the term perfectly imperfect too.
My fear of failure is still strong,
but I am more likely to do things despite my fear than I was in the past.
I’m not completely sure that this is true though,
because I have always tried to do things even when I was afraid.
Carol, reminds me that I used to joke about my musical ability, by saying that “I’m hoping to achieve mediocrity some day”😁
😂
🙂
I embrace myself for my rebellion side as well. It helps me not feel constrained to certain cultural or societal standards. I came to forge my own path and blaze my own trail. It helps me accept others for who they are.
For example, Ngoc’s inconsistent tendencies and emotional side can drive me crazy. As they say, “You can’t live with or without them.” I try to see it as an amusement park. I love Valleyfaire, an amusement park in Minnesota, and have been there before. I’m very sure my rebellion streak has driven her crazy before in the past. My gentleness and active listening calms her down while she accepting me for who I am tames me.
This all brings me to the Adam and Eve story. We’re all cinners afterall. I remember commenting on one of EJP’s answers mentioning how god loves and forgives all of us and that we should do the same for each other.
I like “embrace myself for my rebellion side”.
Mabe, since amigo is friend in spanish and rhymes with ego, it’s our downfall if we’re not friends with our ego.
What a simple but wonderful saying, Loc. Love you as always! 😘
My Ngoc, I remember you and your twin sister talking about grampa and gramma last night.