I was extremely grateful over the loss of my first marriage. I had beat myself up mentally for years for the poor decision making, but life apparently wanted me to learn some big lessons about myself. It was at the end of that marriage and the start of my new freedom that I found love for myself and a strength inside of me that was there all along.
When my soul cat, BC, passed on about 2 1/2 years ago, while devastated, I was so grateful that he chose me to be his person for the last 10 years of his life. He allowed me to take him in. He moved with me when I left that toxic marriage, moved again and again, and when I offered him a new human (my husband now) and a doggie brother, he accepted them both and loved them dearly. He made sure I was safe and in a good place before he let his old age take his body. He was my little shaman cat, and I truly believe he was protecting me and helping me heal. How fortunate was I to have that little spirit drawn to mine? Oh, I do still miss him, but I know we are still connected energetically.
I so admire your courage,
dear SunnyPatti,
to leave a marriage that was killing you,
but more than that,
I admire that you took something positive out of it,
and have grown from the lessons you learned.
Not everyone can do that.
I also love your healing story too . . .
I had a special angel cat too,
named Tulip,
and like you with BC,
I believe she was protecting me too.
Blessings in your ‘new’ life. ♥
Thank you and blessings to you, too, Sparrow.
I don’t think it would have been the same without BC by my side. I bet Tulip was a great companion. I love my dogs, but cats are very special. Little zen masters!
I sit to write,
pen in hand
and paper at the ready . . .
my pen wants to say
that grief is my friend
and I wonder why.
I hate grief and grieving . . .
I despise the helpless broken heart feeling
and I detest the suffering,
the weeping,
the maudlin ritual of bending over with pain and sorrow.
I loathe having to get up every morning
and fake it through another day . . .
I just want to sink into its dark cloak of nothingness.
And yet my pen wants to say
that grief is my friend.
It’s because
my pen knows better . . .
that grief can be well spent
and imparts an intimate gratitude
that is too tender to share with the lesser gratitudes.
It makes me grateful for what I had
in a way that I might otherwise have taken for granted.
It makes me feel
that I have touched the heart of the Universe
in the most holy,
sacred way.
It is profound
and deep . . .
deeper than the sea,
and more tender even
than looking into the face of a flower.
With grief,
for me,
comes Grace
and Grace brings Gratefulness . . .
it consumes my whole space
in which there is no hope,
no glory,
no expectations that i will ever be the same,
and I like that honesty.
It frees me to be in grief
without apology,
without pretense,
and without anything false at all. ♥
Sparrow, you often – consciously or unconsciously – place a bit of humor in your wisdom. Thank you for the smile that occurred when I read: “my pen knows better”😊
During the first few days during the COVID lockdown I began an evening ritual that involved prayers, reading scripture, and reading other inspirational texts. I would read or listen via headphones and then spend a few minutes looking at the trees outside my window. I’m grateful for the spiritual fruit I harvested because of that. Over time I became less fearful of catching the disease and I had deep rest filled sleep. I showered delivery people with simple gifts of masks, gift cards, and hand sanitizer. That was one of my ways of thanking them for taking a risk in my place.
When I was recently unable to continue volunteering for our local Japanese garden due to a sudden and persistent illness, my boss was so sweet and understanding. I still feel valued and given grace. So thankful for her compassion in sending me an email letting me know that I am still always welcome there.
I think gratefulness resources and practice via Grateful Living have provided me with (some inkling) of a grateful perspective to life, and the numerous challenges it presents, including loss. I think I am now far more accepting of imperfection, live with less of an idyllic expectation regarding most processes (e.g., family life), and that I acknowledge and better embrace the many simple joys of life.
I have experienced gratefulness amid loss because it is through the events in my life that have made me suffer immensely recently that I can see God placing this in my life that I need to stop and look at. He gave me a mother and father that encourage me and make me laugh. He have me a sister that hs the wisdom for all the things that I dont know and a brother that will always continue to make me smile. He gave me my best friend, someone that I can look to every single day. There are small moments every day that I have learned to cherish and hold onto. I am grateful for every single one of those moments now, even the times that I hurt because I look back and understand all of it. I know that very soon, I wil understand all of this too.
My dear husband is in a facility now and I miss him being here at home with me every day. I visit him regularly but it is not the same. I miss our times together.
Gratefulness amid loss… When my son graduated and moved on I experienced the loss of his childhood/adolescence. Going through it there was one point amidst the excitement, as I watched him move into a throng of friends, that he looked back-only for a moment-caught my eye and smiled, then turned and was swallowed up by the wave of bodies. My tears just flowed at the loss but I was so very grateful for having had a son and for experiencing motherhood – Especially because we were told it would never happen for us. So both sadness at what the loss of his childhood meant for us, and gratefulness mingled within.
I could write a book on this 😊 just 11 weeks from when my beloved passed away. The whole world has expanded. In joy and in deep pain. Everything around me has more meaning – the stars, food, trees, the garden…I could go on. It’s a whole new world. One I would never choose. But definitely has more meaning.
Sending a virtual hug. Your description reminds me of the poet Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer and how she has processed the grief at her son’s death 4 years ago into poetry expressing her ongoing love for him and for the world around her. Many poems on this theme at https://ahundredfallingveils.com, if poetry appeals to you.
I experienced gratefulness when I witnessed my sister take her last labored breath. It was joy mixed with deep sorrow. She had cancer and she was too weak to take chemo. She accepted that fact and was ready and willing to go. My younger sister and I plus one of her dearest friends were with her. We were playing her favorite music and singing along with it. When the hospice nurse stated, “She’s gone.” She looked so peaceful and that is how I am blessed to remember her–peaceful and at rest.
When my former mother-in-law died I was there with her children and one of my stepdaughters. She also had cancer, extremely advanced when they found it and too late to do anything. She had hospice, which is such a gift, and they could tell us when we all needed to gather. We were around her giving her our love and encouraging her to let go, that we would be all right.
When she took her last breath her whole body relaxed and her face that had held pain turned into peaceful marble. Genuinely beautiful to see her at rest and to know the pain had stopped.
My uncle died several years ago. We were in the room with him. He insisted there was the most beautiful music being played. We never heard it. What a lovely way to enter another life.
I’ve been taught to find gratefulness with every loss. It’s a conditioned response at this point. I’ve had many losses over the past couple of years … 9 relationships (some people died, other times the relationship died) and 1 beloved dog. Sometimes, these extra losses happen when we get relationally healthy. For every loss, I have gratefulness. If I were to share with each person and the dear dog what I am grateful for:
1. I am grateful to be free
2. I am grateful that you taught me what a healthy man is
3. I am grateful to no longer practice codependence with you
4. I am grateful for the time we had and for your profound teachings
5. I am grateful for your generosity and openness to so many
6., 7. I am grateful for the time we got together
8. I am grateful that you showed me what was inside so I could finally take the blinders off
9. I am grateful that you showed me how my desire to be rescued can make me gullible
10. I am grateful for all the love and companionship we shared over the years
There have been moments of gratefulness in my loss. And it seems that loss makes me more aware of the kindness around me. Kind of like today’s MLK quote. It is loss that makes me the most aware of what I have, what is important, and what is precious in this life. Sadly, it is loss that provides the contrast to see with gratitude. That’s one of the great things about this practice, I am confronted with gratitude every morning and not just when things are particularly high or low.
Thank you all, and I hope you have a peaceful weekend. 🙏
I have found gratefulness amid loss thanks to this site. I have learned to ask what the lesson is instead of the “why me”. Loss has helped me lean more on God and to feel the comfort and support he provides which I am grateful for. As Mr. Rodgers said “ Look for the hero’s”, a lesson that brings gratitude during sadness.
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I was extremely grateful over the loss of my first marriage. I had beat myself up mentally for years for the poor decision making, but life apparently wanted me to learn some big lessons about myself. It was at the end of that marriage and the start of my new freedom that I found love for myself and a strength inside of me that was there all along.
When my soul cat, BC, passed on about 2 1/2 years ago, while devastated, I was so grateful that he chose me to be his person for the last 10 years of his life. He allowed me to take him in. He moved with me when I left that toxic marriage, moved again and again, and when I offered him a new human (my husband now) and a doggie brother, he accepted them both and loved them dearly. He made sure I was safe and in a good place before he let his old age take his body. He was my little shaman cat, and I truly believe he was protecting me and helping me heal. How fortunate was I to have that little spirit drawn to mine? Oh, I do still miss him, but I know we are still connected energetically.
I so admire your courage,
dear SunnyPatti,
to leave a marriage that was killing you,
but more than that,
I admire that you took something positive out of it,
and have grown from the lessons you learned.
Not everyone can do that.
I also love your healing story too . . .
I had a special angel cat too,
named Tulip,
and like you with BC,
I believe she was protecting me too.
Blessings in your ‘new’ life. ♥
Thank you and blessings to you, too, Sparrow.
I don’t think it would have been the same without BC by my side. I bet Tulip was a great companion. I love my dogs, but cats are very special. Little zen masters!
”cats are very special” . . .
indeed they are,
dear SunnyPatti. =^..^=
I love your ode to BC. What a sweet and strong guy.
Thank you, Drea. He truly was!
I sit to write,
pen in hand
and paper at the ready . . .
my pen wants to say
that grief is my friend
and I wonder why.
I hate grief and grieving . . .
I despise the helpless broken heart feeling
and I detest the suffering,
the weeping,
the maudlin ritual of bending over with pain and sorrow.
I loathe having to get up every morning
and fake it through another day . . .
I just want to sink into its dark cloak of nothingness.
And yet my pen wants to say
that grief is my friend.
It’s because
my pen knows better . . .
that grief can be well spent
and imparts an intimate gratitude
that is too tender to share with the lesser gratitudes.
It makes me grateful for what I had
in a way that I might otherwise have taken for granted.
It makes me feel
that I have touched the heart of the Universe
in the most holy,
sacred way.
It is profound
and deep . . .
deeper than the sea,
and more tender even
than looking into the face of a flower.
With grief,
for me,
comes Grace
and Grace brings Gratefulness . . .
it consumes my whole space
in which there is no hope,
no glory,
no expectations that i will ever be the same,
and I like that honesty.
It frees me to be in grief
without apology,
without pretense,
and without anything false at all. ♥
Sparrow, you often – consciously or unconsciously – place a bit of humor in your wisdom. Thank you for the smile that occurred when I read: “my pen knows better”😊
Thank you,
dear Cathie . . . 🙂
During the first few days during the COVID lockdown I began an evening ritual that involved prayers, reading scripture, and reading other inspirational texts. I would read or listen via headphones and then spend a few minutes looking at the trees outside my window. I’m grateful for the spiritual fruit I harvested because of that. Over time I became less fearful of catching the disease and I had deep rest filled sleep. I showered delivery people with simple gifts of masks, gift cards, and hand sanitizer. That was one of my ways of thanking them for taking a risk in my place.
What a beautiful tribute to your world,
dear Carol . . . ♥
When I was recently unable to continue volunteering for our local Japanese garden due to a sudden and persistent illness, my boss was so sweet and understanding. I still feel valued and given grace. So thankful for her compassion in sending me an email letting me know that I am still always welcome there.
I think gratefulness resources and practice via Grateful Living have provided me with (some inkling) of a grateful perspective to life, and the numerous challenges it presents, including loss. I think I am now far more accepting of imperfection, live with less of an idyllic expectation regarding most processes (e.g., family life), and that I acknowledge and better embrace the many simple joys of life.
I am grateful
that you are finding a new perspective,
dear Brian. ♥
I have experienced gratefulness amid loss because it is through the events in my life that have made me suffer immensely recently that I can see God placing this in my life that I need to stop and look at. He gave me a mother and father that encourage me and make me laugh. He have me a sister that hs the wisdom for all the things that I dont know and a brother that will always continue to make me smile. He gave me my best friend, someone that I can look to every single day. There are small moments every day that I have learned to cherish and hold onto. I am grateful for every single one of those moments now, even the times that I hurt because I look back and understand all of it. I know that very soon, I wil understand all of this too.
My dear husband is in a facility now and I miss him being here at home with me every day. I visit him regularly but it is not the same. I miss our times together.
Yes,
dear Linda . . .
this is a painful transition,
and because you have shared,
I am able to carry your concerns in my heart
with love . . . ♥
I understand. Enjoy the ministry of presence.
Gratefulness amid loss… When my son graduated and moved on I experienced the loss of his childhood/adolescence. Going through it there was one point amidst the excitement, as I watched him move into a throng of friends, that he looked back-only for a moment-caught my eye and smiled, then turned and was swallowed up by the wave of bodies. My tears just flowed at the loss but I was so very grateful for having had a son and for experiencing motherhood – Especially because we were told it would never happen for us. So both sadness at what the loss of his childhood meant for us, and gratefulness mingled within.
I could write a book on this 😊 just 11 weeks from when my beloved passed away. The whole world has expanded. In joy and in deep pain. Everything around me has more meaning – the stars, food, trees, the garden…I could go on. It’s a whole new world. One I would never choose. But definitely has more meaning.
Sending love and condolences, Claire Jay. What a profound passage.
My deepest condolences and sympathies on your recent loss of your beloved.
I surround you in love because words are temporary.
May this new world be kind, Claire Jay.
Sending a virtual hug. Your description reminds me of the poet Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer and how she has processed the grief at her son’s death 4 years ago into poetry expressing her ongoing love for him and for the world around her. Many poems on this theme at https://ahundredfallingveils.com, if poetry appeals to you.
I wrap my arms around you,
dear Claire
with love . . . ♥
A loss helps me find something new.
I experienced gratefulness when I witnessed my sister take her last labored breath. It was joy mixed with deep sorrow. She had cancer and she was too weak to take chemo. She accepted that fact and was ready and willing to go. My younger sister and I plus one of her dearest friends were with her. We were playing her favorite music and singing along with it. When the hospice nurse stated, “She’s gone.” She looked so peaceful and that is how I am blessed to remember her–peaceful and at rest.
Also, a powerful reading from Richard Rohr’s daily meditation: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/purifying-the-heart/
When my former mother-in-law died I was there with her children and one of my stepdaughters. She also had cancer, extremely advanced when they found it and too late to do anything. She had hospice, which is such a gift, and they could tell us when we all needed to gather. We were around her giving her our love and encouraging her to let go, that we would be all right.
When she took her last breath her whole body relaxed and her face that had held pain turned into peaceful marble. Genuinely beautiful to see her at rest and to know the pain had stopped.
I’m glad,
dear Carol Ann,
that you were there
to share your mother’s peaceful passing . . . ♥
Barb, what a beautiful experience.
It is a joy and a blessing to witness a peaceful death.
My uncle died several years ago. We were in the room with him. He insisted there was the most beautiful music being played. We never heard it. What a lovely way to enter another life.
My father
heard voices
and saw faces,
dear Yram . . .
he wasn’t sure if they were real
or if they were hallucinations . . .
he went in peace. ♥
Yram, Celestial Music…I truly believe it exists.
This is beautiful Carol Ann. So much like my friend who recently passed. A good death, warming the hearts of the living who remember her.
Drea, Yes, “warming the hearts of the living who remember her.”
I’ve been taught to find gratefulness with every loss. It’s a conditioned response at this point. I’ve had many losses over the past couple of years … 9 relationships (some people died, other times the relationship died) and 1 beloved dog. Sometimes, these extra losses happen when we get relationally healthy. For every loss, I have gratefulness. If I were to share with each person and the dear dog what I am grateful for:
1. I am grateful to be free
2. I am grateful that you taught me what a healthy man is
3. I am grateful to no longer practice codependence with you
4. I am grateful for the time we had and for your profound teachings
5. I am grateful for your generosity and openness to so many
6., 7. I am grateful for the time we got together
8. I am grateful that you showed me what was inside so I could finally take the blinders off
9. I am grateful that you showed me how my desire to be rescued can make me gullible
10. I am grateful for all the love and companionship we shared over the years
You are healing from your grief,
dear Drea . . . ♥
What a wonderful way to transform a relationship into a lesson you can carry with you.
Beautiful
Amen.
I’m grateful to be in an easy stretch of my life. Enjoy it while it last.
There have been moments of gratefulness in my loss. And it seems that loss makes me more aware of the kindness around me. Kind of like today’s MLK quote. It is loss that makes me the most aware of what I have, what is important, and what is precious in this life. Sadly, it is loss that provides the contrast to see with gratitude. That’s one of the great things about this practice, I am confronted with gratitude every morning and not just when things are particularly high or low.
Thank you all, and I hope you have a peaceful weekend. 🙏
Namaste,
dear Charlie . . . ♥
Loss does provide the contrast, well put Charlie.
Wisdom… thank you, Charlie
I have found gratefulness amid loss thanks to this site. I have learned to ask what the lesson is instead of the “why me”. Loss has helped me lean more on God and to feel the comfort and support he provides which I am grateful for. As Mr. Rodgers said “ Look for the hero’s”, a lesson that brings gratitude during sadness.
A friend once said about his diminishment ” I can’t play the violin anymore but I can play the harmonica.”
🙂