There is the usual selection of thoughts
that swirl around in my head . . .
do I deserve this?
(positive)
do I deserve this?
(negative)
I am not ______________ enough–
(fill in the blank)
good
tall
graceful
kind
fast
outgoing
right
strong
motivated
talented
comfortable
kind
healthy…………………….
and on and on and on
until the sun sets on my life,
and who knows?
maybe beyond.
If I am to be honest,
most of them
don’t keep me up at night,
although I often dream of being in trouble.
Perhaps the one that stands out the most right now
is that I often think I am not doing enough . . .
not that I have to be busy all of the time,
but that I should be busy more of the time,
and doing things that the world expects of me
rather than doing things that mean the most to me.
Maybe what I need to do
is find a balance for that . . .
do a little of this and a little of that,
the trouble being
that I don’t have the energy I used to have,
which leaves me unsatisfied
that I haven’t done more of each.
Freeing myself of judgment around it
would help,
and I have been working on it
with some small success,
and I am grateful for that.
Part of releasing judgment
is acceptance,
which is a little more complicated,
but sitting with the sun shining down on my face
and feeling the earth beneath my feet
helps.
I think I’ve been provided
with all that I need to be free.
My job is to find the key,
put it in the lock
and turn it . . .
I trust
that the door will open
when I am ready. ♥
I can overanalyze/overthink past human interactions, sometimes significant/notable past events from many years ago. In the process, I can be quite critical, unforgiving, of myself in terms of what I said and/or did. I’d like to free myself from this rumination habit of mine.
I have a strong tendency to think that I can cram more into a given span of time than I actually can. I’m “shoulding” on myself when I do that and then can’t deliver. I’d like to free myself from this habit of underestimating how long something will take or overestimating my ability to do something quickly or both. This can happen with work, with travel preparations as it did last weekend, with doing “just one more thing” before leaving the house to go somewhere.
I can sometimes put down the to-do list and tell myself it can wait until later and that’s always a relief. I need to remember how good that space feels and create more of it for myself.
As the aging process continues Barb, I must work in more time for just about everything. Just like any of the repair folks that work in travel time and mileage into every estimate. And any how, as Juan Lopez told me many years ago, ‘Joe, if you finish everything today, what will you do tomorrow?’
. . . a good tendency to tame,
dear Barb.
Speaking for myself at 77 years of age,
I can only tell you
that the sooner you stop ‘shoulding’ yourself
the more content your older years will be. 🙂
Last night, I watched an in depth documentary about the University of Idaho murders, probably about three hours worth and I paid rapt attention the whole time. I let the film infiltrate my mind well after it was over. Before bed, I could not bring myself to venture to the dark end of the house and put my clothes in the washing machine. I too was afraid to get too close to the windows lest a killer be waiting in the bushes. So I was terrified to shut them for the night. I know it’s only a couple of small things, but for an hour or so, I let Bryan Kohberger control my actions. I have to free myself from letting my imagination take over when I hear about bad things happening to other people.
I still cope with the message that I have to be perfect to be loved. I walked away from several opportunities in my life because of my fear of failure. I do better than in years past but that bully still shows up from time to time. Unlike Joseph, I can’t yet put him in my lap but I can lovingly tell him to sit down and be quiet! I remember over 30 years ago when my husband and I separated. I was staying with a dear friend and we were praying that evening and she said, “If that bully of yours would show himself, I’d kill him!” I know today that I can’t kill him because he’s part of me. But I’m getting better at healing myself from that message that I am not enough.
I’d like to free myself of the rabbit holes and monkey chatter of “what ifs”, especially when it comes to our country and world situation. In the dark of night it those two things steal my sleep and rest. I’m continuing to work on and build my practices of breath work, contemplation and letting go.
I’d like to free myself from that internalized productivity frenzy, the one that says rest and being slow are a waste of time. Rest is healthy. Taking my time is freeing.
“Taking my time is freeing”–yes! Years ago I came to this realization with “bike time”: Once I’m on my bike it will take the time it takes to get somewhere. This is also true in a vehicle, but easier to recognize when you don’t have an accelerator other than your own legs and lungs. I get there when I get there.
People show love in different ways. Maybe I couldn’t understand if my family loves me or not. It is not about finding the truth, but thoughts like “I’m unloved” would negatively impact me days before I even find out whether I am loved or not. I’d love to free myself from that kind of thought. Happy Friday to everyone! ☔
My Ngoc, that’s exactly me with care not too long ago. For me, it’s not whether they care or not. It’s how they cared for me. It’s how I got into string-pulling in the first place for autonomy for a long time and just outgrew that recently.
In the past, when a new idea or opportunity was presented to me, I could be quick to judge it, often in a dismissive way. I have been working on this for a long time. It really was a habit. It still happens, however much less frequently. It is so freeing. For this I am grateful.🌸
If this question came up 3 months ago, I would have talked about pulling strings for my basic desires for autonomy. Studying the bible and strengthening my relationship with God has helped me with integrity and outgrow my old ways.
Because I spent many years in fantasy of one type or another, I’m faced with my anger and fear which were always buried. It tough to live with although it’s getting better. To be free of them is a life goal. Will reiterate that Pema Chodron’s quote about feeling whatever with kindness to change the situation and have a “more workable” life is greatly helping me.
I have been practicing gratefulness, meditation, along presence to what is, for a while now. It has been a god send to truly explore and receive the benefits of said practice. Life’s complications and challenges for the most part do not bring about the incessant loop of doom and “why me” to my continuous stream of thoughts within. When my mind begins to wander and speed up on the thought loop, monkey jumping to and froe, branch to branch, bring it back to the breath and invite that damn monkey into my lap to visit, rather than shoot him out of the trees. Practice & Patience.
Peace, Love & Light.
Dear Joseph,
Yea it takes 24/7 mindfulness ! You are doing great and we just keep letting them go and remain in the present moment. I’m so grateful you are here dear Joseph. Hugs 🤗
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Habit I would like to free myself from: listening with criticism of others and of myself.
There is the usual selection of thoughts
that swirl around in my head . . .
do I deserve this?
(positive)
do I deserve this?
(negative)
I am not ______________ enough–
(fill in the blank)
good
tall
graceful
kind
fast
outgoing
right
strong
motivated
talented
comfortable
kind
healthy…………………….
and on and on and on
until the sun sets on my life,
and who knows?
maybe beyond.
If I am to be honest,
most of them
don’t keep me up at night,
although I often dream of being in trouble.
Perhaps the one that stands out the most right now
is that I often think I am not doing enough . . .
not that I have to be busy all of the time,
but that I should be busy more of the time,
and doing things that the world expects of me
rather than doing things that mean the most to me.
Maybe what I need to do
is find a balance for that . . .
do a little of this and a little of that,
the trouble being
that I don’t have the energy I used to have,
which leaves me unsatisfied
that I haven’t done more of each.
Freeing myself of judgment around it
would help,
and I have been working on it
with some small success,
and I am grateful for that.
Part of releasing judgment
is acceptance,
which is a little more complicated,
but sitting with the sun shining down on my face
and feeling the earth beneath my feet
helps.
I think I’ve been provided
with all that I need to be free.
My job is to find the key,
put it in the lock
and turn it . . .
I trust
that the door will open
when I am ready. ♥
I can overanalyze/overthink past human interactions, sometimes significant/notable past events from many years ago. In the process, I can be quite critical, unforgiving, of myself in terms of what I said and/or did. I’d like to free myself from this rumination habit of mine.
Welcome to being human,
dear Brian . . .
this is something that I too,
have worked on
for most of my life . . .
WIP. 🙂
I have a strong tendency to think that I can cram more into a given span of time than I actually can. I’m “shoulding” on myself when I do that and then can’t deliver. I’d like to free myself from this habit of underestimating how long something will take or overestimating my ability to do something quickly or both. This can happen with work, with travel preparations as it did last weekend, with doing “just one more thing” before leaving the house to go somewhere.
I can sometimes put down the to-do list and tell myself it can wait until later and that’s always a relief. I need to remember how good that space feels and create more of it for myself.
As the aging process continues Barb, I must work in more time for just about everything. Just like any of the repair folks that work in travel time and mileage into every estimate. And any how, as Juan Lopez told me many years ago, ‘Joe, if you finish everything today, what will you do tomorrow?’
Ha, love that line from Juan Lopez!
. . . a good tendency to tame,
dear Barb.
Speaking for myself at 77 years of age,
I can only tell you
that the sooner you stop ‘shoulding’ yourself
the more content your older years will be. 🙂
Last night, I watched an in depth documentary about the University of Idaho murders, probably about three hours worth and I paid rapt attention the whole time. I let the film infiltrate my mind well after it was over. Before bed, I could not bring myself to venture to the dark end of the house and put my clothes in the washing machine. I too was afraid to get too close to the windows lest a killer be waiting in the bushes. So I was terrified to shut them for the night. I know it’s only a couple of small things, but for an hour or so, I let Bryan Kohberger control my actions. I have to free myself from letting my imagination take over when I hear about bad things happening to other people.
When I am alone,
dear Louise,
I too,
sometimes get the ‘heebie jeebies’. ♥
🙏
I still cope with the message that I have to be perfect to be loved. I walked away from several opportunities in my life because of my fear of failure. I do better than in years past but that bully still shows up from time to time. Unlike Joseph, I can’t yet put him in my lap but I can lovingly tell him to sit down and be quiet! I remember over 30 years ago when my husband and I separated. I was staying with a dear friend and we were praying that evening and she said, “If that bully of yours would show himself, I’d kill him!” I know today that I can’t kill him because he’s part of me. But I’m getting better at healing myself from that message that I am not enough.
I would like to check out what my attitude is when I am annoyed by someone instead of being open and aware of this person as gift.
It’s a giant step,
dear Patricia,
to realize that things and people who don’t please us
are gifts
just as much as our joys. ♥
Recognizing an opportunity to learn and grow instead of someone getting under your skin is a big shift indeed.
I’d like to free myself of the rabbit holes and monkey chatter of “what ifs”, especially when it comes to our country and world situation. In the dark of night it those two things steal my sleep and rest. I’m continuing to work on and build my practices of breath work, contemplation and letting go.
I’d like to free myself from that internalized productivity frenzy, the one that says rest and being slow are a waste of time. Rest is healthy. Taking my time is freeing.
“Taking my time is freeing”–yes! Years ago I came to this realization with “bike time”: Once I’m on my bike it will take the time it takes to get somewhere. This is also true in a vehicle, but easier to recognize when you don’t have an accelerator other than your own legs and lungs. I get there when I get there.
This comment sent me back to read my old blog posts on this theme. https://bikestylelife.com/2011/09/14/biking-as-downtime-and-other-musings-on-overproductivity/ and https://bikestylelife.com/2011/09/24/its-all-in-the-attitude/.
I agree, Drea. We get to enjoy life easier. Whoever came up with the old addage of “If you rest, you rust” loves to be on the go.
I don’t mind a little rust,
dear Loc . . .
just like work-worn hands and wrinkles.
They’re a little endearing. ♥
Rust never sleeps. Neil Young
People show love in different ways. Maybe I couldn’t understand if my family loves me or not. It is not about finding the truth, but thoughts like “I’m unloved” would negatively impact me days before I even find out whether I am loved or not. I’d love to free myself from that kind of thought. Happy Friday to everyone! ☔
My Ngoc, that’s exactly me with care not too long ago. For me, it’s not whether they care or not. It’s how they cared for me. It’s how I got into string-pulling in the first place for autonomy for a long time and just outgrew that recently.
Any negativity… when I catch myself, let it go.
https://nationaltoday.com/harry-potter-birthday/
In the past, when a new idea or opportunity was presented to me, I could be quick to judge it, often in a dismissive way. I have been working on this for a long time. It really was a habit. It still happens, however much less frequently. It is so freeing. For this I am grateful.🌸
If this question came up 3 months ago, I would have talked about pulling strings for my basic desires for autonomy. Studying the bible and strengthening my relationship with God has helped me with integrity and outgrow my old ways.
Because I spent many years in fantasy of one type or another, I’m faced with my anger and fear which were always buried. It tough to live with although it’s getting better. To be free of them is a life goal. Will reiterate that Pema Chodron’s quote about feeling whatever with kindness to change the situation and have a “more workable” life is greatly helping me.
I have been practicing gratefulness, meditation, along presence to what is, for a while now. It has been a god send to truly explore and receive the benefits of said practice. Life’s complications and challenges for the most part do not bring about the incessant loop of doom and “why me” to my continuous stream of thoughts within. When my mind begins to wander and speed up on the thought loop, monkey jumping to and froe, branch to branch, bring it back to the breath and invite that damn monkey into my lap to visit, rather than shoot him out of the trees. Practice & Patience.
Peace, Love & Light.
Dear Joseph,
Yea it takes 24/7 mindfulness ! You are doing great and we just keep letting them go and remain in the present moment. I’m so grateful you are here dear Joseph. Hugs 🤗
As Antoinette and/or Michele would say,
dear Joseph,
we are WIP. ♥