Good Evening, I had commitments that started before daybreak today that kept me away from the computer. I share something I wrote when we had this question in 2023 and apparently, I have never gotten back to working on the poem!
Working Tenderness poem Oct 2023
How can I honor the tenderness within me? By admitting and honoring the power of vulnerability that dwells in us all. We crave security when life calls us to risk. As I pondered this question this morning, a poem began to form. It’s rough and I will probably revisit it so this is not it’s final form but I’m willing to share it because I know that sharing here each day has taught me to honor the tenderness within me and the tenderness within each an everyone of you. Maybe, the title will be “Try a little Tenderness.”
We rant and we rave
and we judge and we joke.
We laugh and we cry
We jab and we poke
at Life.
We deny our feelings
because we have been told
that to feel
is weakness
We must be bold
I come to the foot of the cross
where Vulnerability hangs.
I hear the words.“Father, forgive them.”
And I feel the pangs
of tenderness.
I witness how
the willingness
to be vulnerable
changes passion
into compassion
Let us all have eyes to see
and ears to hear.
Let us all have the
willingness to try
a little tenderness.
just right now by soon falling asleep and hopefully will wake up to a day where greeting my fellow people will iclude a tender perspective on each of them.
By being supportive and kind. Btw my son told me last night that his last GF that he broke up with in December that they are going to try again. He appreciated my support. She has been in therapy since then and she is working on some past issues. I do truly hope things work out with them. They are very cute together.
What also comes to mind is my Dad who is in his late 80’s. He hardly leaves his condo due to issues with accidents. He is remarried so he is not alone. I did find a tender way of mentioning Depends to him. It was Rick Steves that mentioned using them after his prostate surgery.
I can honor the tenderness with in me
by sharing it when and wherever I can,
even if I meet scorn from another.
It gives pause to the one who scorns,
at the very least.
and it’s worth it
to be able to lift up another person if there is no scorn..
I will keep trying,
as I am sure the inner lives of those who scorn
are miserable,
full of hate, fear, and anger.
Otherwise,
a person or group of people like this
wouldn’t be lashing out at the rest of us.
I know that there are many other people
Who are caught in their own anguish,
And they need our tenderness even more.
I smile at strangers . . .
A real smile,
Not the polite one we use casually,
But a real one . . .
One that lights up the face
And sparkles from the eyes.
We all know the difference.
It takes a cool, clear mind and heart
to offer this tenderness,
and I am often mired in my own problems,
but I try anyway,
and call it a part of my practice.
There is still kindness and compassion and beauty
to be attended to . . .
the need for tenderness in this world
has never been greater.
And I want to be an instrument towards this end. ♥
C/W for discussion of injury and death. Possibly not where everyone else went with this question; I’m responding in the middle of my work day and it’s top of mind.
I let it show! I tear up easily (thanks a lot, Mom-who-cried-easily and set me up to cry at Hallmark commercials). If that happens in a work context I sometimes name it: “This is really getting to me.” I’m a supervisor of others and I want it to be okay to be human in the moment.
I work in an arena that deals with violent, tragic, preventable deaths and life-altering injuries and it’s unrealistic to think this never affects us. I use my position power to remind others to take care of that tenderness. In particular, when people talk about traffic deaths as data it can come across as very cold: “We’ve had a 24% increase in pedestrian deaths”.
I was in a listening session with tribal representatives and one of them said in response to a data overview, “To you they’re dots on a map. We know their names.” I’ve repeated that or some variation of it ever since when I’m talking about what’s happening. More than one person on my team has experienced a driver hitting them with a vehicle. A driver hit my husband (fortunately not life-altering but it so easily could have been). A cousin of mine was killed decades ago riding his bike on a quiet county road.
It’s traffic violence. I’m not taking care of the tenderness if I don’t name that reality for what it is. We’re too “motornormative” in our thinking–accepting levels of violence and pollution when a vehicle is involved that we’d never accept in any other setting. (More on this: https://www.theverge.com/2023/1/31/23579510/car-brain-motornormativity-study-ian-walker)
Thank you for what you do, Barb C, and for doing the hard work of staying tender in the midst of it. It must be hard sometimes to keep from closing up to protect oneself. That is also powerful that you are role-modelling staying tender as a supervisor.
This is very interesting, Barb. I’ve never thought of driving in this way.
I read the article about motornormativity, also interesting.
Where I live, it would be too dangerous to use a bike for transportation,
although some people who can’t afford cars do use a bike to get around.
So being able to get to work, shop for groceries and run errands safely depends on money.
Those who have it can live more safely, those who don’t have few options.
Such a sad commentary on our country.
Your work sounds very intense, Barb.
It sounds like you do what you can to protect your tenderness and sensitivity
as well as that of those who work under you.
Tackling the violence and the pollution caused by motor vehicles is just huge.
So much has to change to lessen or eliminate this problem.
Thanks for sharing about this issue, Barb,
that you deal with everyday in your work.
Thank you, Mary. It became my calling years ago. In more recent years I came to understand how many people can’t or don’t drive (25-30% in my state, which is pretty typical nationwide). For many of these people “just call an Uber” isn’t a solution. Could be a disability, could be poverty, could be age, could be legal issues–so many reasons.
So they walk long distances on highway shoulders, they bike where there are no marked bike lanes, they wait by the road for the bus that comes once an hour (once a day in our more rural areas). They’re all exposed to the possibility that someone driving who isn’t thinking at all about people outside their vehicle will strike and kill them with a 2-ton steel box and then say “they were wearing a dark coat” instead of “I’m responsible for this potential killing machine and its safe and careful operation”.
This is just chilling , Barb.
When I drive I think about being careful, because I don’t want to have an accident.
And by having an accident, I usually think of crashing into another vehicle or some kind of barricade or a pole. I certainly don’t want to hit a pedestrian, but I’m really not thinking about them.
As I type, I’m going over in my mind which roads that that I drive might have pedestrians, and which would be especially dangerous for pedestrians.
My neighborhood has one curve that is dangerous because of limited visability. I’ve always thought that it was dangerous, but for pedestrians, and people walk in the neighborhood all the time, it’s a lethal accident waiting to happen.
But there are other dark roads and so many roads without sidewalks.
Thank you so much, Barb, for this information. I will now be much more careful with my car. They certainly are dangerous machines. You have given me a lot to think about.
This is a band new day that I have never seen before is a beautiful way to start rach and every new day we are blessed with . I’m grateful for this meditation method that is teaching me how to truly kneel down and kiss the ground – like Runi says right ? There are a million ways to learn to kiss the ground. I really appreciate the meditation that has been teaching me each moment t to surrender my false self which is the lie and my original sin, as well as my karma – life lived . Thank you so much universe for allowing me another day to let go. I love you .
Seek out and spend time with the people who appreciate having tenderness extended to them. Not everyone is comfortable appreciating or receiving tenderness, and some people really thrive in its presence. I think it is important for me to comprehend that and learn to enjoy those that value tenderness from me and yet not harshly judge those that prefer not to be open to it. I have some small children and their families who really respond positively to tenderness, and it brings out a part of me I enjoy sharing; so that can be a bit of a lovely deep well for me to go to anytime I want to strengthen and enjoy sharing my tenderness. I have a stickie above my counter that is written as a quote: “I want to be your friend”. I believe that that came from our reflections here, and it is in reference to what a smile to someone can say. I have really enjoyed thinking about that quote when I get the opportunity to smile at someone. So even that smile can extend a tenderness, and someone else can receive or not, but at least it is good for me to extend it. I think my more important practice needs to be being gentle to myself and others when they do not choose to reciprocate or appreciate tenderness extended. That can be rec’d as a “rebuff” or negative judgement coming back at me, and can elicit a knee-jerk negative feeling/judgement/disappointment in me. This question is very helpful to let me consider just putting it out there and accepting that sometimes it may not be rec’d with appreciation, and that needs to be fine. It is appealing to me to share tenderness – now I can tag on to that process the awareness that it does not have to be rec’d or reciprocated for me to enjoy extending it. Now THAT’s an Aha! …can’t wait to extend tenderness and have it be rebuffed and not feel bad about it! I will celebrate my conquering that little negative maneuver! Thank you, Grateful!!!!!
That is really a great point, Carol Ann! It does indeed take a great deal of inner strength and detachment to not feel rebuffed if others are not comfortable with our expression of tenderness. And if we know a person is really uncomfortable with it, sometimes it might be best not to express it. The Gratefulness Law comes to mind — Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
I can honor the tenderness within me by trying to be aware of my rigid and dualist thought patterns.
Softening my heart. Calming my mind. And acknowledging the sadness that is overwhelming me, regarding the end of our democracy experiment, while at the same time, staying firmly planted in this moment of beauty and connection.
“acknowledging the sadness that is overwhelming me…” I am with you, Charlie. Sometimes I feel alone and isolated in this sadness, and it helps to hear other people like you verbalize it. We are not alone! There are so many feeling it.
At the same time, I feel some hope that this dark time is waking people up, and that we may realize that our democracy has actually been slowly withering for years, and that maybe we might pass through a dark tunnel of time and come out with a true, engaged democracy on the other end.
I too,
feel a great sense of grief,
dear Charlie,
regarding what’s going on in our country,
and it’s not easy to feel tenderness
towards the megalomaniac who is tearing our democracy apart.
I won’t let this difficulty
close my heart however . . .
we are needed
to bring more tenderness into the world.. ♥
I’m finishing up Pema Chödrön’s book Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World. In the chapter titled “Mission Impossible” she discusses bodhichitta and the “no exceptions” rule. The greater wish is “to help all sentient beings, without a single exception, to wake up completely.” She says we can come up with a list of people who must be exceptions and writes, “But imagine if Adolf Hitler had woken up fully and become free from suffering. Would he have done any of the things he did?”
I’m not yet able to carry much compassion for those who are ravaging our systems to their own immense benefit. I can at least wish for them that they wake up.
By doing some self-compassion exercises to set the tone, and then noticing throughout the day when I am jumping ahead or being harsh, and re-focusing on the inner tenderness. The interesting thing, living in a part of the city where women have been followed and I sometimes walk past drug deals, is that I feel like if I don’t walk around defensive and ready to fight or flee, someone will target me. There’s a balance to play with here: I can allow myself to feel tender, honoring what is within, while practicing strength and caution too.
Drea, wise you are. I have traveled to many parts of the world, solo, for my work. You learn the value of carrying yourself with a certain posture, purpose, and quite simply a “don’t mess with me” demeanor. It doesn’t lessen the compassion for the drug dealer, the suspect person who eyes you up. It is a reality that we, as women, and men, manage.🩷
By making time to sit with and experience my emotions. I once learned a practice which I can’t remember the name of now, and probably don’t remember the details of correctly either. But the essence of it was to imagine lovingly cradling our own emotions or emotional self in the tender embrace of our larger Self. So I would like to more often sit and do my version/memory of this practice. I appreciate also what Mary said about how perfectionism can stifle the tenderness, and what Laura said about “express it”. I will try to remember those two bits of wisdom as well today as I honor the tenderness within me.
I feel like I am doing that,
dear Elizabeth,
when I’m cuddling with my 18 year old cat
who is living on borrowed time.
Thank you for sharing your practice . . .
I will be more aware,
now that you have mentioned it. ♥
By letting my feelings be, all the way out to the edges. No self judgements. Update on road trip to pass on familial items- there was a severe snow storm, which impacted my road trip. It all worked out and I found it wasn’t time, yet, to send the items into the Universe. Thanks to all for your support.
Let go of negativity and negative minds. Let go of anger and harshness and Kepp letting go. Let go of judgement and discrimination of this or that .
When I let go I become much more soft and accepting then I’m able to honour the tenderness within. It’s hard for me to actually see it because it’s covered up by a lot of other minds which want to push and force things to go my way !
The false self is a very powerful thing that often tricked me. No I’m able to let it go over and over and I don’t allow any space to let the demon take over .
You are so right,
dear Antoinette . . .
letting go over and over
is the only way to free ourselves from the demon,
the ego,
the false self.
Thank you for this reminder. ♥
Yes and many people hide the fact that they actually have this inside them . In fact we all have it. We all have this inside us and unless we let it go truly we can’t have peace in ourselves or the world . 💓
I feel a lot of tenderness from within myself
toward my husband, my Mom, friends and family,
and I am comfortable expressing it.
I can honor the tenderness within me by sharing more of this tenderness with myself.
In childhood I saw my parents say negative things about themselves,
and I saw perfectionism throughout my family.
It seemed normal to me.
Whether it is normal or not,
speaking negatively about oneself and expecting perfection from oneself is not helpful.
Instead it can be very demoralizing and discouraging
and can make me want to isolate and stop trying anything that is challenging or new.
I need to be conscious of negative self talk so that I can,
as Carol has suggested, tell that bully within me to sit down and be quiet.
Recognizing and quieting, this hypercritical voice within
will make room for generous and tender thoughts and actions directed toward myself.
I have self love. I want to allow myself to feel it.
Goodbye bully within, hello tender thoughts. ♥️
Thank you for this question.
May we all share some tenderness with ourselves and others today.
Mary, this such a perceptive and accurate summary of how insidious and limiting perfectionism is. Thank you. — I saw perfectionism, throughout my family.
It seemed normal to me.
Whether it is normal or not, it certainly is not helpful.
Instead it can be very demoralizing and discouraging
and can make me want to isolate and stop trying anything that is challenging or new.
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Good Evening, I had commitments that started before daybreak today that kept me away from the computer. I share something I wrote when we had this question in 2023 and apparently, I have never gotten back to working on the poem!
Working Tenderness poem Oct 2023
How can I honor the tenderness within me? By admitting and honoring the power of vulnerability that dwells in us all. We crave security when life calls us to risk. As I pondered this question this morning, a poem began to form. It’s rough and I will probably revisit it so this is not it’s final form but I’m willing to share it because I know that sharing here each day has taught me to honor the tenderness within me and the tenderness within each an everyone of you. Maybe, the title will be “Try a little Tenderness.”
We rant and we rave
and we judge and we joke.
We laugh and we cry
We jab and we poke
at Life.
We deny our feelings
because we have been told
that to feel
is weakness
We must be bold
I come to the foot of the cross
where Vulnerability hangs.
I hear the words.“Father, forgive them.”
And I feel the pangs
of tenderness.
I witness how
the willingness
to be vulnerable
changes passion
into compassion
Let us all have eyes to see
and ears to hear.
Let us all have the
willingness to try
a little tenderness.
I think your poem
is lovely,
just as it is,
dear Carol . . . ♥
just right now by soon falling asleep and hopefully will wake up to a day where greeting my fellow people will iclude a tender perspective on each of them.
By being supportive and kind. Btw my son told me last night that his last GF that he broke up with in December that they are going to try again. He appreciated my support. She has been in therapy since then and she is working on some past issues. I do truly hope things work out with them. They are very cute together.
What also comes to mind is my Dad who is in his late 80’s. He hardly leaves his condo due to issues with accidents. He is remarried so he is not alone. I did find a tender way of mentioning Depends to him. It was Rick Steves that mentioned using them after his prostate surgery.
I can honor the tenderness with in me
by sharing it when and wherever I can,
even if I meet scorn from another.
It gives pause to the one who scorns,
at the very least.
and it’s worth it
to be able to lift up another person if there is no scorn..
I will keep trying,
as I am sure the inner lives of those who scorn
are miserable,
full of hate, fear, and anger.
Otherwise,
a person or group of people like this
wouldn’t be lashing out at the rest of us.
I know that there are many other people
Who are caught in their own anguish,
And they need our tenderness even more.
I smile at strangers . . .
A real smile,
Not the polite one we use casually,
But a real one . . .
One that lights up the face
And sparkles from the eyes.
We all know the difference.
It takes a cool, clear mind and heart
to offer this tenderness,
and I am often mired in my own problems,
but I try anyway,
and call it a part of my practice.
There is still kindness and compassion and beauty
to be attended to . . .
the need for tenderness in this world
has never been greater.
And I want to be an instrument towards this end. ♥
Sparrow, this is so beautiful and inspirational– thank you!
I think,
from everything I’ve read from you
that we are on the same page with this . . .
thank you for your kind words. ♥
C/W for discussion of injury and death. Possibly not where everyone else went with this question; I’m responding in the middle of my work day and it’s top of mind.
I let it show! I tear up easily (thanks a lot, Mom-who-cried-easily and set me up to cry at Hallmark commercials). If that happens in a work context I sometimes name it: “This is really getting to me.” I’m a supervisor of others and I want it to be okay to be human in the moment.
I work in an arena that deals with violent, tragic, preventable deaths and life-altering injuries and it’s unrealistic to think this never affects us. I use my position power to remind others to take care of that tenderness. In particular, when people talk about traffic deaths as data it can come across as very cold: “We’ve had a 24% increase in pedestrian deaths”.
I was in a listening session with tribal representatives and one of them said in response to a data overview, “To you they’re dots on a map. We know their names.” I’ve repeated that or some variation of it ever since when I’m talking about what’s happening. More than one person on my team has experienced a driver hitting them with a vehicle. A driver hit my husband (fortunately not life-altering but it so easily could have been). A cousin of mine was killed decades ago riding his bike on a quiet county road.
It’s traffic violence. I’m not taking care of the tenderness if I don’t name that reality for what it is. We’re too “motornormative” in our thinking–accepting levels of violence and pollution when a vehicle is involved that we’d never accept in any other setting. (More on this: https://www.theverge.com/2023/1/31/23579510/car-brain-motornormativity-study-ian-walker)
Thank you for what you do, Barb C, and for doing the hard work of staying tender in the midst of it. It must be hard sometimes to keep from closing up to protect oneself. That is also powerful that you are role-modelling staying tender as a supervisor.
This is very interesting, Barb. I’ve never thought of driving in this way.
I read the article about motornormativity, also interesting.
Where I live, it would be too dangerous to use a bike for transportation,
although some people who can’t afford cars do use a bike to get around.
So being able to get to work, shop for groceries and run errands safely depends on money.
Those who have it can live more safely, those who don’t have few options.
Such a sad commentary on our country.
Your work sounds very intense, Barb.
It sounds like you do what you can to protect your tenderness and sensitivity
as well as that of those who work under you.
Tackling the violence and the pollution caused by motor vehicles is just huge.
So much has to change to lessen or eliminate this problem.
Thanks for sharing about this issue, Barb,
that you deal with everyday in your work.
Thank you, Mary. It became my calling years ago. In more recent years I came to understand how many people can’t or don’t drive (25-30% in my state, which is pretty typical nationwide). For many of these people “just call an Uber” isn’t a solution. Could be a disability, could be poverty, could be age, could be legal issues–so many reasons.
So they walk long distances on highway shoulders, they bike where there are no marked bike lanes, they wait by the road for the bus that comes once an hour (once a day in our more rural areas). They’re all exposed to the possibility that someone driving who isn’t thinking at all about people outside their vehicle will strike and kill them with a 2-ton steel box and then say “they were wearing a dark coat” instead of “I’m responsible for this potential killing machine and its safe and careful operation”.
This is just chilling , Barb.
When I drive I think about being careful, because I don’t want to have an accident.
And by having an accident, I usually think of crashing into another vehicle or some kind of barricade or a pole. I certainly don’t want to hit a pedestrian, but I’m really not thinking about them.
As I type, I’m going over in my mind which roads that that I drive might have pedestrians, and which would be especially dangerous for pedestrians.
My neighborhood has one curve that is dangerous because of limited visability. I’ve always thought that it was dangerous, but for pedestrians, and people walk in the neighborhood all the time, it’s a lethal accident waiting to happen.
But there are other dark roads and so many roads without sidewalks.
Thank you so much, Barb, for this information. I will now be much more careful with my car. They certainly are dangerous machines. You have given me a lot to think about.
This is a band new day that I have never seen before is a beautiful way to start rach and every new day we are blessed with . I’m grateful for this meditation method that is teaching me how to truly kneel down and kiss the ground – like Runi says right ? There are a million ways to learn to kiss the ground. I really appreciate the meditation that has been teaching me each moment t to surrender my false self which is the lie and my original sin, as well as my karma – life lived . Thank you so much universe for allowing me another day to let go. I love you .
Absolutely key to human connection. Otis Redding knew. https://youtu.be/UnPMoAb4y8U?si=zXU8auZCDwd6KcRM
Seek out and spend time with the people who appreciate having tenderness extended to them. Not everyone is comfortable appreciating or receiving tenderness, and some people really thrive in its presence. I think it is important for me to comprehend that and learn to enjoy those that value tenderness from me and yet not harshly judge those that prefer not to be open to it. I have some small children and their families who really respond positively to tenderness, and it brings out a part of me I enjoy sharing; so that can be a bit of a lovely deep well for me to go to anytime I want to strengthen and enjoy sharing my tenderness. I have a stickie above my counter that is written as a quote: “I want to be your friend”. I believe that that came from our reflections here, and it is in reference to what a smile to someone can say. I have really enjoyed thinking about that quote when I get the opportunity to smile at someone. So even that smile can extend a tenderness, and someone else can receive or not, but at least it is good for me to extend it. I think my more important practice needs to be being gentle to myself and others when they do not choose to reciprocate or appreciate tenderness extended. That can be rec’d as a “rebuff” or negative judgement coming back at me, and can elicit a knee-jerk negative feeling/judgement/disappointment in me. This question is very helpful to let me consider just putting it out there and accepting that sometimes it may not be rec’d with appreciation, and that needs to be fine. It is appealing to me to share tenderness – now I can tag on to that process the awareness that it does not have to be rec’d or reciprocated for me to enjoy extending it. Now THAT’s an Aha! …can’t wait to extend tenderness and have it be rebuffed and not feel bad about it! I will celebrate my conquering that little negative maneuver! Thank you, Grateful!!!!!
That is really a great point, Carol Ann! It does indeed take a great deal of inner strength and detachment to not feel rebuffed if others are not comfortable with our expression of tenderness. And if we know a person is really uncomfortable with it, sometimes it might be best not to express it. The Gratefulness Law comes to mind — Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
I have that same longing in me too,
dear Carol Ann . ..
there’s not enough tenderness in the world.
People keep their guard up. ♥
thank you, Sparrow. Perhaps we can all enjoy tender moments today!!🙏
thank you for being here.
Namaste
to you too,
dear Carol . . . ♥
I can honor the tenderness within me by trying to be aware of my rigid and dualist thought patterns.
Softening my heart. Calming my mind. And acknowledging the sadness that is overwhelming me, regarding the end of our democracy experiment, while at the same time, staying firmly planted in this moment of beauty and connection.
“acknowledging the sadness that is overwhelming me…” I am with you, Charlie. Sometimes I feel alone and isolated in this sadness, and it helps to hear other people like you verbalize it. We are not alone! There are so many feeling it.
At the same time, I feel some hope that this dark time is waking people up, and that we may realize that our democracy has actually been slowly withering for years, and that maybe we might pass through a dark tunnel of time and come out with a true, engaged democracy on the other end.
Oh please let it not be the end, Charlie. I just read a piece by Rebecca Solnit that heartened me and I’ll share that here: https://www.meditationsinanemergency.com/people-get-ready/
Thank you,
dear Barb,
for this positive and hopeful message . . . ♥
Charlie, Your sharing always shouts tenderness and compassion.
I too,
feel a great sense of grief,
dear Charlie,
regarding what’s going on in our country,
and it’s not easy to feel tenderness
towards the megalomaniac who is tearing our democracy apart.
I won’t let this difficulty
close my heart however . . .
we are needed
to bring more tenderness into the world.. ♥
I’m finishing up Pema Chödrön’s book Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World. In the chapter titled “Mission Impossible” she discusses bodhichitta and the “no exceptions” rule. The greater wish is “to help all sentient beings, without a single exception, to wake up completely.” She says we can come up with a list of people who must be exceptions and writes, “But imagine if Adolf Hitler had woken up fully and become free from suffering. Would he have done any of the things he did?”
I’m not yet able to carry much compassion for those who are ravaging our systems to their own immense benefit. I can at least wish for them that they wake up.
It’s one of the hardest things
I have had to work on
in my life,
dear Barb . . .
thank you for the book reference. ♥
and we are here with you, Charlie. Thank you for all you offer.
By doing some self-compassion exercises to set the tone, and then noticing throughout the day when I am jumping ahead or being harsh, and re-focusing on the inner tenderness. The interesting thing, living in a part of the city where women have been followed and I sometimes walk past drug deals, is that I feel like if I don’t walk around defensive and ready to fight or flee, someone will target me. There’s a balance to play with here: I can allow myself to feel tender, honoring what is within, while practicing strength and caution too.
Drea, wise you are. I have traveled to many parts of the world, solo, for my work. You learn the value of carrying yourself with a certain posture, purpose, and quite simply a “don’t mess with me” demeanor. It doesn’t lessen the compassion for the drug dealer, the suspect person who eyes you up. It is a reality that we, as women, and men, manage.🩷
Mary, yes, exactly … being tough without losing compassion is really a fine line, but necessary. Thank you.
Yes, part of self love is protecting yourself.
Yes, loving protection vs. defensive jumpy protection … this is the line I’m playing with, and it is illuminating. Thank you Mary.
By making time to sit with and experience my emotions. I once learned a practice which I can’t remember the name of now, and probably don’t remember the details of correctly either. But the essence of it was to imagine lovingly cradling our own emotions or emotional self in the tender embrace of our larger Self. So I would like to more often sit and do my version/memory of this practice. I appreciate also what Mary said about how perfectionism can stifle the tenderness, and what Laura said about “express it”. I will try to remember those two bits of wisdom as well today as I honor the tenderness within me.
I feel like I am doing that,
dear Elizabeth,
when I’m cuddling with my 18 year old cat
who is living on borrowed time.
Thank you for sharing your practice . . .
I will be more aware,
now that you have mentioned it. ♥
Thank you for sharing this practice, Elizabeth.
This would be helpful for me. ♥️
Give myself a hug and a positive affirmation.
By letting my feelings be, all the way out to the edges. No self judgements. Update on road trip to pass on familial items- there was a severe snow storm, which impacted my road trip. It all worked out and I found it wasn’t time, yet, to send the items into the Universe. Thanks to all for your support.
I”m happy,
dear Carla,
that you are safe
and that everything
worked out in the end. ♥
Let go of negativity and negative minds. Let go of anger and harshness and Kepp letting go. Let go of judgement and discrimination of this or that .
When I let go I become much more soft and accepting then I’m able to honour the tenderness within. It’s hard for me to actually see it because it’s covered up by a lot of other minds which want to push and force things to go my way !
The false self is a very powerful thing that often tricked me. No I’m able to let it go over and over and I don’t allow any space to let the demon take over .
You are so right,
dear Antoinette . . .
letting go over and over
is the only way to free ourselves from the demon,
the ego,
the false self.
Thank you for this reminder. ♥
Yes, Antoinette, it’s hard to be tender and angry or resentful at the same time.
Yes and many people hide the fact that they actually have this inside them . In fact we all have it. We all have this inside us and unless we let it go truly we can’t have peace in ourselves or the world . 💓
Amen . . . ♥
I feel a lot of tenderness from within myself
toward my husband, my Mom, friends and family,
and I am comfortable expressing it.
I can honor the tenderness within me by sharing more of this tenderness with myself.
In childhood I saw my parents say negative things about themselves,
and I saw perfectionism throughout my family.
It seemed normal to me.
Whether it is normal or not,
speaking negatively about oneself and expecting perfection from oneself is not helpful.
Instead it can be very demoralizing and discouraging
and can make me want to isolate and stop trying anything that is challenging or new.
I need to be conscious of negative self talk so that I can,
as Carol has suggested, tell that bully within me to sit down and be quiet.
Recognizing and quieting, this hypercritical voice within
will make room for generous and tender thoughts and actions directed toward myself.
I have self love. I want to allow myself to feel it.
Goodbye bully within, hello tender thoughts. ♥️
Thank you for this question.
May we all share some tenderness with ourselves and others today.
Amen,
dear Mary . . .
that pesky demon again. ♥
♥️
Mary, this such a perceptive and accurate summary of how insidious and limiting perfectionism is. Thank you. — I saw perfectionism, throughout my family.
It seemed normal to me.
Whether it is normal or not, it certainly is not helpful.
Instead it can be very demoralizing and discouraging
and can make me want to isolate and stop trying anything that is challenging or new.
♥️