Just by listening and not trying to fix whatever it is. Just being there for the person is a gift, without preaching, advising, or anything…just listen….
Honestly, I don’t know anyone who is suffering who I haven’t reached out to yet, but if I do encounter someone, I can always give them a message of hope or, if nothing else, the gift of love and presence.
For me, recently it has been occurring to me, first determine if you have any basis of trying to help them. How can I give anyone advice on say, doing this or that action, when I can’t even do it myself consistently? The wisest person I knew was someone who just offered care and compassion, you are hungry, here’s food, you are scared, here’s comfort … everything else they left up to the person to figure out and I think that is about as much positive impact as any person can make until they truly master whatever the circumstances are that the other is going through and often when it comes to the bigger stuff, most of us I think are pretty clueless.
Sometimes what you think helps, actually hinders. My suffering needed to be worked out internally. What helped me the most during my darkest hour was watching my mentor live her life, what a delight and treat of a human being she was.
She didn’t advise me or let me go on. What she did was live a good life, through all her many losses, trials and difficulties. She recently transitioned to another place, even her transition, was done with such dignity and grace. Her example carries me to this day.
I try to send messages to someone I know who’s suffering deeply. He doesn’t seem to answer the phone or even read my messages all the time . I have tried during this whole pandemic to keep him from being depressed. I know it’s not my responsibility, but I pray he makes it out of this alive and well.
Besides the suffering they are living with, I bring up other stuff – the subjects we normally talk about. And introduce levity whenever appropriate – laughter is the best thing!
I found that each person that I know who is suffering has different ways of receiving what they need. Some need just listening, others need help with food, cleaning, comfort gifts , driving to the doctors etc. I found it helps to stay in touch and feel out what someone might need. A hug, smile or even a paid for therapy session to get them started with a good therapist . A gift of a paid massage too is so helpful for stressed folks and is well received. It does take courage to step forward to help. Please do something, just take three deep breaths it works for me to feel courage to act.
I have applied to be a mentor to a newly arrived Afghani family. I helped another family from that country a few years ago and it was the most enriching experience of my life.
Thank you, Holly. I am really looking forward to it. I am still friends with the first Afghani family. There were 4 children; all have gone to college, 3 have married, two have children and the parents are doing well overall.
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I’ll keep a watchful eye to see where the suffering is. The rest will follow.
Just by listening and not trying to fix whatever it is. Just being there for the person is a gift, without preaching, advising, or anything…just listen….
Honestly, I don’t know anyone who is suffering who I haven’t reached out to yet, but if I do encounter someone, I can always give them a message of hope or, if nothing else, the gift of love and presence.
For me, recently it has been occurring to me, first determine if you have any basis of trying to help them. How can I give anyone advice on say, doing this or that action, when I can’t even do it myself consistently? The wisest person I knew was someone who just offered care and compassion, you are hungry, here’s food, you are scared, here’s comfort … everything else they left up to the person to figure out and I think that is about as much positive impact as any person can make until they truly master whatever the circumstances are that the other is going through and often when it comes to the bigger stuff, most of us I think are pretty clueless.
Sometimes what you think helps, actually hinders. My suffering needed to be worked out internally. What helped me the most during my darkest hour was watching my mentor live her life, what a delight and treat of a human being she was.
She didn’t advise me or let me go on. What she did was live a good life, through all her many losses, trials and difficulties. She recently transitioned to another place, even her transition, was done with such dignity and grace. Her example carries me to this day.
I try to send messages to someone I know who’s suffering deeply. He doesn’t seem to answer the phone or even read my messages all the time . I have tried during this whole pandemic to keep him from being depressed. I know it’s not my responsibility, but I pray he makes it out of this alive and well.
Depending on the circumstance, give. Give my presence, my time, food, whatever the situation asks for.
Besides the suffering they are living with, I bring up other stuff – the subjects we normally talk about. And introduce levity whenever appropriate – laughter is the best thing!
I can direct them to a space that will start the journey to healing and learning.
I found that each person that I know who is suffering has different ways of receiving what they need. Some need just listening, others need help with food, cleaning, comfort gifts , driving to the doctors etc. I found it helps to stay in touch and feel out what someone might need. A hug, smile or even a paid for therapy session to get them started with a good therapist . A gift of a paid massage too is so helpful for stressed folks and is well received. It does take courage to step forward to help. Please do something, just take three deep breaths it works for me to feel courage to act.
I’m educator and therapist and I hope my job make a positive difference.
It does, surely!
Be a good listener.
I have applied to be a mentor to a newly arrived Afghani family. I helped another family from that country a few years ago and it was the most enriching experience of my life.
Bless you, bless you, bless you, LInda! It brings tears of joys to my eyes. 💐
Thank you, Holly. I am really looking forward to it. I am still friends with the first Afghani family. There were 4 children; all have gone to college, 3 have married, two have children and the parents are doing well overall.
The gift of time and consideration are most precious of all; notice the someone within the suffering and the strength of their endurance.
Offering words of encouragement, either thru text, phone calls or sending a card. Prayer…sending prayers up, on their behalf. And listening….🙏