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To receive more gratefully, I focus on the generosity of the giver, vs. what is given to me. This has helped me accept compliments more graciously:)
I really don’t see this as an issue with me. We all need support and need to be open to it
I was raised with the mantra ‘it is far better to give than to receive’. That imbalance continues to play out in my family of origin, and life.
A few years ago on retreat, I was grateful for the insight and reframe – that giving and receiving go together and are of equal value/ weight. i am able to receive most easily when I accept that sometimes we are asked to receive and / or ask for help, and other times we are asked to give. Lots to discern, explore, discover, practice, learn in this … Chocolate is an easy one 🙂
This is hard for me to do because I constantly hear my dad’s voice in my head. “Work hard and be independent, earn your keep and take pride in a job well done. Help OTHERS, but don’t ask for help yourself. There are many others more needy than you.”
I’m recently learning that asking for help doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It simply means I’m not alone. I’m learning and practicing how to receive, though I still initially resist and deflect.
Something that helps me receive is to remember…I love doing God’s work of caring and helping others. When I deny others’ help for me, I’m denying them this same privilege and honor to help nurture humankind.
I’ll continue practicing to receive.
Thank you NatureGirl. I have a similar voice in my head, also from my father. I appreciate your reframe, and seeing it as a practice to learn to receive …
Perhaps life is not about comfort (as a priority). Some of my most valuable life lessons were the hardest things I have ever experienced. My direct experience of Grace is that it is ever present. I just need to be open to it to receive.
So true! It’s been the same in my own life, too. Blessings.
I have been having conflicts with a few people in my life (I will be vague in the interest of privacy). Something I discussed with a therapist was my feeling that I am “too much,” that my needs are too big for others.
In several of these relationships, I have clear examples of people not meeting my needs and even telling me pretty explicitly that I am asking too much of them. This creates tension and conflict for me. I am continuously replaying a particular battle in my head.
Recently, though, some of these people have made efforts to be available or meet my needs. Just today, somebody asked me very directly, “Can I do anything for you?”
I responded no for a variety of reasons even though I am frequently frustrated that this person does not present that type of opportunity. I do not blame myself for that decision. I do take it as a sign that some dialogue with this person might be possible in the future.
I have seen similar change with other people in my life. It is not consistent, but I can at least believe that people are trying rather than continuing past conflicts.
Just as I give, I receive…A reciprocity of sorts. I don’t give to receive but when I do receive I must remind myself, that this is good, it is part of the process. I, like many have felt unworthy & uneasy receiving but darn it I am worthy. And it is ok to ask for help.
To remember that I am worthy.
By recognizing that I am worthy; deserving of love and goodness and allowing people to help and give when they offer.
I can allow myself to recieive mroe easily by not just being stuck in the past and instead opening up to the people around me and telling them how i feel
I can be more open, open to those who offer me help, open to trusting that I am worthy of receiving, open to believing the universe wants us all to live an beautiful life ♥️🙏🌼
When it comes to receiving help I know I “don’t want to be a bother”. I don’t know precisely where that came from, although now that I’ve typed those words I realize I can hear them in my mother’s voice. Self-sufficiency feels like a form of strength. I need to recognize that if I enjoy giving to others, the only way they get to have that enjoyment is if I receive.
In receiving negative feedback I’ve been helped for a long time by remembering that what you say is more about you than it is about me. I’m fairly good at depersonalizing–have to remember to listen for the nuggets that may have some truth even when they sting.
Me, too, Barb! ‘Don’t want to be a bother. I was raised to be Good, which is pretty narrow 😐 Thanks for your post 🙂
“if I enjoy giving to others, the only way they get to have that enjoyment is if I receive”
Thank you Barb, it seems so common or even banal but foolishly I’ve never look at that from this perspective. I’m going to meditate on it. Again, thank you!
By opening myself up to possibilities and eliminating the probabilities I can be more open to receiving from others because the willingness to receive is there.
It all boils down to willingness and trust and the reminder that I am of worth even when I don’t think I’m worthy.
It can be very difficult to accept and receive help even when we know we need it, especially if our independence feels threatened. Becoming bed-bound was a huge challenge as I needed help with the most personal things. Even 20 years on I still sometimes find it difficult to receive some of the help I need, especially when it’s not quite the way I want it! But I am grateful that there are people willing to help me and I always try to accept all help with good grace and compromise on how things are done. As with everything it’s a work in progress😄
Wow, Butterfly – what a challenge to be dependent on the service and the ways that others do it! Warm wishes to you! 🙂
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