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I don´t know. Offering time, knowledge, offering cooking for our shared meal and offering my heart, talents and a listening ear for kindred people when needed or required, trying to be supportive to my dear friends, sharing precious time together which i feel being a generous gift of life itself when this is possible. Thank you, dear friends, for sharing your ear for each other. 🙏
I am already very generous to a fault for family members. Sometimes it is what feels right to me.
As far as my time, I will say no if my energy feels depleted.
The question I would like to ponder is: “How can I apply generosity to regenerate and heal the people and things I love?” The answer would involve slowing down with loved ones and deciding how to practice generosity in the moment, or by the day. Practicing stewardship at the places I love to give back to them (picking up trash on the trail, for example, or rebuilding worn down land). Giving time, money, energy, within reach, to groups that uphold values and norms that are precious to me. Really I think slowing down and orienting myself day by day–the way Sparrow mentioned below–would be how I, too, would prefer to practice generosity. As others have mentioned, you need to tend to your own energy and vitality to be generous.
Every day
I wake up
thinking about what good I can put into the world . . .
it is part of my gratefulness practice,
and has been for years.
My resources are limited,
but I believe
that generosity of spirit
is worth at least as much as material goods . . .
I give what I have in me to give
and leave the fancy stuff for others. ♥
I also agree with Drea, I like your daily practice, it made me smile reading “Every day I wake up thinking about what good I can put into the world . . . “
Try it,
dear Michele . . .
you might like it too. 🙂
I like your daily practice, Sparrow.
Thank you,
dear Drea . . .
it works for me. ♥
I could be so much more generous. Generous with my time and my ability to help others.
I hope that in the future, I can give more freely of my time and energy.
I think that in general, I am pretty generous. Before trying to be more generous, it would be helpful for me to strengthen my boundaries in relationships, especially in my relationship with my Mom. Frequently my Mom asks me to do something for her, which usually involves me giving more time and energy to her, often when I’m already feeling depleted. I’m just starting to say no to her. Years ago, when she was more independent, I rarely said no to anything she asked of me. I didn’t have children, so I thought that since I couldn’t be a good Mom, I would be a good daughter. She is 91 now, in pretty good physical health, but emotionally not great. I’m learning to say no, when her requests get to be too much. I sometimes feel like she would completely swallow me up if she could, not because she doesn’t love me, but more so because she feels uncomfortable, and would like for me to fix that for her. For as long as I can remember, I have always have wanted to fix things for my Mom so that she could be happy. I’m finally learning that no matter what I do, I can’t fix enough things for her to make her a happy person. So I’m finally learning to have some healthy boundaries with her. So that’s about it. I’m feeling a little guilty writing this, but I trust everyone here, and I actually think I’m starting to become a bit more wise. Thank you for reading my thoughts on this topic.
Thank you for your encouraging post, dear Mary. Me too, I wanted to make her happy and being a good child, which in fact was never enough to make her happy. But it is possible to transform such unhealthy and nevertheless unintended imprints. Thank you very much for sharing, dear wise friend.
Thank you so much, dear Ose, for letting me know that you have had this experience too.
This is hard stuff for me, but I am definitely making progress.
And thank you for your encouragement. Sending much love, Mary.
You know what Mary, my lovely wife Cheryl can trend at times to glass half empty mood. For many years I tried to snap her out of these moods. It has been just recently I choose to do something Sparrow spoke of once…. “I don’t engage”…….. It has been tough at times to hold my tongue, but I have saved some internal energy. We have been married just a couple months shy of 37 years. Maybe I should have begun earlier……..never know.
I agree, Joseph, that sometimes it’s best to just let the other person be.
Joseph, I just noticed that my husband and I will have been married 37 years in July.
Like you, married in 1988, right? How about that! 😊
Yes, we need to take care of ourselves before helping others! I know that guilt feeling though.
Boundaries are an act of generosity towards your health, energy, and wellbeing.
It has felt good to me to say no, when saying no is the healthy thing to do.
It also feels like a big relief.
I think I am pretty generous. Before trying to be more generous, it would be helpful for me to for me to strengthen my boundaries, with my husband, but especially with my Mom. Frequently my Mom asks me to do something for her, which usually involves me giving more time and energy to her, often when I’m already feeling depleted. I’m just starting to say no to her which she doesn’t like one bit. Years ago, when she was more independent, I rarely said no to anything she asked of me. I didn’t have children, so I thought that since I couldn’t be a good Mom, I would be a good daughter. She is 91 now, in pretty good physical health, but emotionally not great. I’m learning to say no, when her requests get to be too much. I sometimes feel like she would completely swallow me up if she could, not because she doesn’t love me, but more so because she feels uncomfortable, and would like me to fix that for her. And I always have wanted to fix things for my Mom so that she could be happy. I’m finally learning that no matter what I do, I can’t fix things for Mom. So I’m learning to have some healthy boundaries with her.
So that’s about it. Thank you for reading this.
I have a lot of good energy to share, and I try to do so with everyone I encounter. I smile at people when passing on walks. I talk to animals I see on walks – dogs, cats, birds, and chipmunks! I never saw a chipmunk until we moved to NC, and one of the parks we visit has probably way more than I’ve seen living there. They are so tiny, cute & fast! Anyhow… I donate my time when an event and/or cause speak to me. I donate clothing and house goods when I realize they are no longer in use. I donate financially to organizations I care about and who do so much good for the world. I don’t think I could really be “more” generous as I have to use time to be with my husband and dogs as well as care for myself. Without self-care, I cannot give appropriately. As they say, it’s easier to pour from a full cup… or something like that 🙂
I hadn’t heard the saying “it’s easier to pour from a full cup.” I like it!
Gosh, I really have a strong aversion to this question. It brings up “shoulds” in my mind and puts me in a bad place. It makes me feel rebellious. I feel like I already am pretty generous with my time and money and asking myself how I might be more generous is not where I need to be focusing my attention now. I look forward to reading others’ answers. I have been away from this community during a visit from my dad, step-mom and brother. It was a good visit, AND I look forward to reconnecting with you all and with this practice.
I feel like the idea of unconditional generosity has been exploited in patriarchal culture. There’s an expectation on women in particular that we give all the time, and like it. That expectation also acts as a pressure valve on people in helping professions. For example, the nonprofit culture of giving until you burn out. The expectation is also a way that those who hold the money rationalize paying people in helping professions less (teachers, nurses etc.) So ideas of selfishness (as Loc mentioned) and generosity are sometimes used as forms of manipulation. I think the fact that boundaries are having an extended pop-psychology moment signifies that people are tired of being unconditionally generous with time, energy etc.
Yes!
So true, Drea!
Elizabeth, I don’t blame you. The question can come off as being rather judgemental. Coming from a collective culture, that is one drawback I see. “Selfish” is one word often overused.
Selfish and self-care do lie under the same roof. What is seen as selfish in collective cultures is seen as self-care in individualized cultures. Asians and context is like westerners with confidence. With all that being said, you sound a lot like me.
Thank you, Loc. I am glad to know that you can understand where I am coming from.
No problem, Elizabeth. Having spent my childhood and growing up in the west helps a lot.
My time when given is a gift that I can’t get back. I’m somewhat limited physically and a lot of volunteer jobs require physical strength and mobility so I do not feel comfortable volunteering in most situations. That said, I can call others and check on them. I do bake often and share the treats with neighbors, family and friends. One of my neighbors calls me the “cookie lady.” Always, I can be kind, I can smile, I can feed the birds, speak with neighbors on my daily walk. I can contribute to organizations that feed people who are physically hungry and spiritually hungry like Mercy Corp and gratefulness.org. Though I seldom think I am heard, I think it a duty to write to my congressional representatives and express my concerns being sure to back up those concerns with facts. I can work on my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being more diligently. It is only by evolution of our species that we and Mother Earth will survive. I look at my great grandchildren–two beautiful babies in their first year of life and wonder what kind of a world they will inherit.
Hopefully a world that is kinder and gentler, dear Carol.
I like to bake, too, and try to make extra for someone else every time. Easy way to share joy and be generous.
This is a timely question. I awoke in a panic thinking of all the belongings we have that need to be sorted, tossed, and distributed.
I also thought of the capabilities that I have that could be shared. These are needed in the universe right now and are not in the realm of material or monetary form.
I might be more generous with my time and the little money that I have. I’m in my home country now. For most people, returning to their home country is for visiting friends and family, as well as traveling. But for me, I know that I can share with my twin sister, watching over her 3-month-old baby. I just had a couple of times that I spent with my friends. I want to spend as much time as possible with my beloved sister and her son. For money, there are many things that I can buy and want to buy from Amazon. But I prefer saving it for contributions to useful purposes. I’m grateful for time, loved ones, and some money that I have. May you all have a peaceful day. 💐
My Ngoc, I’m glad you’re enjoying time with your twin sister and the baby. I’m looking forward to seeing you too. Time has gone by so fast. It’s just 2.5weeks left now at this point.
Enjoy your time.
I don’t have much, so I tend to think that I don’t have much to share. But what I have might just be exactly what someone else needs. I simply have to offer my time or funds.
I can review how I share or spend my time, talent, or treasurer. Talents are defined as my skill set. There’s a mini project I can give some time and talent to help accomplish the task.
I love how the first answers below are not about material things. I can be more generous with my smile and words of encouragement.
I can also donate more of the possessions I have too much of, it’s time to do another purge of household clutter.
Same. I think the clutter purge is ongoing, even though I try to avoid buying things.