Please log in or Create a Profile to post a comment.
We're celebrating 25 years with you!
Help us sustain and grow our programs, support our global community, and make Br. David's vision for a more grateful world a reality.
Give $25 today to make the next 25 years possible!
2000 to 2025: Give $25 For Our 25th
When there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel!
When my actions seem to be making a difference.
Robin, there’s no better buzz than helping others.
I’m a bit of a hypocrite,
I think . . .
I am so very grateful for my life
and for the many gifts I’ve been given,
but during times of adversity
my halo slips,
and sometimes even falls off . . .
I don’t sweat the small stuff too much,
like the power going out,
my car needing a brake job,
or a filling that has fallen out being put back in.
I can even pay lip service to gratitude
when more annoying things happen,
like my husband offering up a criticism that might be valid
or it might not.
It really doesn’t roll off my back,
like I would like him to think.
I harbor these lacks of genuine gratitude
in a little rusty box
in a corner of my heart,
with a gnarly little key
to lock them away,
where they might grow into a resentment
much bigger than they should be,
or they might disappear
if I lack the energy to keep them alive.
I never know.
The times
when I am completely bereft of reasons to find gratitude
in a difficult situation
are when it remains chronic
and there is no relief.
When my hip was so bad I could barely walk,
even with a walker,
I could have been grateful that I could walk at all . . .
I could have been grateful
just to be alive,
or that I could still see, hear, taste and touch . . .
that I could still think and use my brain.
But I didn’t . . .
it took six months
for the doctors to believe I was in excruciating pain,
and discover the reason for the pain,
and then another three months
before I could get that hip replaced.
During that time
I wallowed on the sofa
and wrote every day in my journal
that I was grateful for this or that,
but I didn’t really feel grateful.
I am very ashamed of that now,
and try to use that experience to be more consciously thankful,
with more sincerity,
for the ‘small’ things.
I pay more attention to the petty annoyances
as well as the larger ones . . .
that rusty little box
will hopefully get emptier and emptier
until finally I hope
I can toss it away.
Sparrow, I’m so sorry to hear about your pain and I hope you don’t suffer from it now after you got the help . I appreciate that you are brave enough to say that you’re hiding things that make you suffer. We all have these minds and it’s wonderful to hear you will soon throw away that box . It’s so joyful to let go of these minds .
My new hip works fine,
dear Antoinette,
and is pain free,
but thank you for asking.
I am more grateful of my mobility now,
especially after losing it for a spell.
The issue of your hip pain sounds incredibly difficult, Sparrow! I am impressed that you kept up the journaling practice even though you did not actually feel the gratitude.
I imagine that the experience has led to you becoming all the more compassionate with others when they are in pain.
Doctors here,
dear Elizabeth,
are very cautious about giving opiods
because the epidemic
has hit the Northeast pretty hard,
but yes,
it was very frustrating for me.
Thank you for caring . . . ♥
Those doctors who couldn’t believe you had severe hip pain when you told them you did were horrible!
Please don’t feel bad about not feeling grateful, when you were in so much pain.
I don’t love criticism from my husband either.
♥️
I had to smile,
dear Mary,
when I read
that you don’t love criticism from your husband either . . .
I don’t think any of us do. 🙂
🥰
Thank you so much dear Sparrow. My lovely wife Cheryl told be two days in a row, close to the top of her volume, that I am driving her crazy. A bunch of flowers in town caught my eye when I went for the Sunday Denver Post. I put the in a small vase on the table. When Cheryl got home from her mothers she told me that was mentally abusive to bring flowers when we had been fighting. I did not engage but did remind her I was not arguing with anyone and had just listened to her vent. I need to remember to not put resentments in my own little spot. Resentment is taking poison, waiting for the other to die.
Awe.so sorry this happened : (
My best friend in HS is a therapist and even she will tell us stories of conflicts/heated arguments with her spouse and has had to go to therapy about it.
We do the best we can.
I too,
am sorry,
dear Joseph,
that your lovely wife Cheryl
did not like the flowers . . .
I saw them
more as a sign of peace and understanding,
loving in spite of disagreement.
Definitely let go of the resentment. 🙂
I am so sorry to hear that your beautiful gesture of flowers was misunderstood, Joseph!
I wanted to share a beautiful prayer that I find so helpful when I am being misunderstood (one could replace the word “Lord” with “Source” or some other words.
Evening Prayer for the Sabbath, from the Jewish Liturgy
In this moment of silent communion with Thee, O Lord, a still small voice speaks in the depth of my spirit.
It speaks to me of the things I must do to attain holy kinship with Thee and to grow in the likeness of Thee.
I must do my allotted task with unflagging faithfulness even though the eye of no taskmaster is on me.
I must be gentle in the face of ingratitude or when slander distorts my noblest motives.
I must come to the end of each day with a feeling that I have used its gifts gratefully and faced its trials bravely.
O Lord, help me to be ever more like Thee, holy for Thou art holy,
loving for Thou art love.
Speak to me, then, Lord, as I seek Thee again and again in the stillness of meditation, until Thy bidding shall at last become for me a hallowed discipline, a familiar way of life.
Thank you Elizabeth.
What a beautiful prayer,
dear Elizabeth . . . ♥
Yes, to put it simply a difficult situation brought me here- it brought me to a deeper lesson in living grateful, it brought me growth, an understanding of listening to my truth and a stronger connection with God.
Deann, it’s funny how that works. We’re not who owe think we are.
If I am in a difficult situation, I am not grateful. The issue takes precidence. When I calm down, I can usually see the good that came out of it.
I agree Yram.
I can see the good that comes out of hardship in retrospect.
At the time, not so much.
It has been difficult for me to feel that I am leading a meaningful life since I retired.
An aspect of this that I can feel grateful for is that in retirement I have so much freedom
to create the life I want. I will need to spend some time reflecting on why, with so much freedom,
I haven’t created a life that feels more meaning to me.
I only take care of this place now. Retired from ditch riding after 23 seasons, 10 years ago. I have not taken any fence jobs for three years now. Just bale a little hay for others now and then. Sometimes I feel I identify with haying and irrigating this place too much. I know in my essence this place would be fine without me manipulating it. Just my ego tells a different story. Guess I still struggle with meaning.
♥️♥️♥️
I wonder if freedom actually makes it harder to find meaning, like too many choices? I’m struggling with meaning even though I’m not retired, but I am post-one career (which came with its own sort of pre-packaged meaning and identity) and into an uncertain future. I like Yram’s advice to be gentle and enjoy the liminal in-between time.
Really there is meaning in my life now, as I think about it.
It’s just not as obvious as it was when I was teaching.
Drea, that concept sounds familiar. I vaguely remember a saying along the lines of how an idol mind being the devil’s playground.
I think it takes time to find that niche. It is good to have exploration time.. be gentle and enjoy.
Thanks Yram. Be gentle and enjoy, yes, that sounds just right. 🌷🌷🌷
When I am doing well, I can see difficult situations as an opportunity to practice and use the tools that I have learned. And as for feeling grateful about an aspect of difficult situations, yeah, I am grateful for all of it. It’s all experience. As long as I don’t harden and close my heart, but keep it open, even just a bit, and soften it with compassion, I feel like I can be enriched by even the most difficult situations.
I have plenty of anger and hate for certain people.
But I know, that’s what created them in the first place. We are all battered around by our circumstances and shaped by our experiences. It’s when we harden ourselves that we repeat the cycle of pain and trauma. I am here to give and receive love. Simple as that.
Charlie, I know that too well when it comes to haitrid towards certain people. Luckily, my hate list is really short. It would take a lot to make it there. I always remind myself of the Adam and Eve story. We’re all ciners, live in a fallen world, and deserved to be loved and forgiven.
”It’s when we harden ourselves that we repeat the cycle of pain and trauma.”
So true,
dear Charlie . . .
it’s worth learning that lesson. ♥
Sparrow, I know all that too well. It’s natural to do that to protect ourselves. There comes a point where those walls need to be taken down. Slow and steady wins the race.
That’s a beautiful thought to land on, Charlie. “I am here to give and receive love. Simple as that.”
Barb, the secret has been revealed to why I’ve been doing so well despite Ngoc in Vietnam now. For me, that’s also being able to receive care from many different ways. Giving is easy, because I have more autonomy.
For me, it takes awhile to feel grateful for a difficult situation. I spent a large part of my life suppressing my true emotions, and I feel like I am NOW allowing myself to feel the anger and sadness and grief. There’s days where I’m able to tap into gratitude more easily but sometimes I can’t. And I tell myself that’s ok too.
I agree with Drea and Yram, Jenifer.
Courageous and healthy. Absolutely.
You are really doing the work.
Sending much love to you. ♥️
Good for you for feeling now and giving yourself permission to heal. It’s a courageous journey, not for the faint of heart. Keep up the good work.
That sounds very healthy.
I think there will always be difficult situations to choose to walk through or run from. That’s Life. I become grateful for the spiritual tool kit I have and ability to use those tools and Grace to walk through the experience. Touchstones lead to spiritual growth, if I choose to embrace the experiences the event provides.
Walking through life experiences.
And using them to grow spiritually. Beautiful, Carla.
Carla, I once heard a saying from Shaq on pressure that you either walk in or away from it.
I’m drawing a blank. Every difficult situation I can think of like climate change, the war in Ukraine, people starving in Gaza, the “Us and Them” mentaility in my own country,etc., etc. , all make me feel quite helpless. I am thankful/grateful that I personally can choose to still be kind.
My mind immediately went to our national trauma in the US, Carol. I decided I could be grateful that people are rising up, working together, speaking up. Perhaps we find more common ground than some of us realized was there when we say that all children should get to eat lunch and ride their bikes to school, we all love national parks, we don’t think public lands should be sold off to the highest bidder and strip-mined or developed instead of being places where we can walk into the wild, we think people who work hard for wages deserve to benefit from our systems at least as much as the bazillionaires who are exploiting them for personal gain.
Amen, Barb. Amen.
I was in a relationship where I practiced commitment and loyalty because I was convinced that deep inside, we were okay, we had each other’s backs. Well, that turned out to not be the case at all. I was devastated. I learned that tolerating mistreatment due to an underlying faith that “they don’t mean it” and “deep inside we’re all okay” is not the thing to do. Instead, challenge mocking. Challenge critical jabs. Challenge shaming. And don’t stop challenging such things. Because the person will reveal what underlies their behavior faster, and I will be able to decide how I would like to relate to them.
I went along like that for many years,
dear Drea,
in multiple relationships . . .
it almost felt like I was choosing them
because I didn’t deserve anything better.
I am healing now,
and I hope and pray that you are too,
because the burden of carrying these things
is too great
in the end. ♥
I’m very glad you’re healing, Sparrow. So am I. These types of people conditioned me from childhood to be of service to them. Everything was wound up in those sorts of relationships because I wasn’t aware of the alternative. Well, I am now, and I continue to heal, slow and steady.
These people know how to find us,
dear Drea,
because we feed their egos in a very sick way.
It’s a long, slow, slog,
this healing business,
and it is easy for me to slip back into old behavior
when I am tired or just world weary,
but you are right . . .
slow and steady
we heal if we want to.
Thank you for caring . . . ♥
You are so good and kind, Drea. I’m so sorry that someone answered your goodness with hurtfulness.
I know from reading your comments that you are very wise.
And by speaking up about your experiences you are a real teacher.
You teach and you inspire. And I am so grateful for you.
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement, Mary. I am also deeply grateful for you and your presence here.
ditto
I know from your comments that you have been through so much, Antonia.
Like Drea, I am also very glad that you are here.
I’m sorry you went through that, Antonia, it’s brutal. Glad you’re here.
The aspect to feel grateful for in any difficult situation is the opportunity to learn the lesson that life wants me to learn so that I can become a better me. Easy to say, not always easy depending on the situation. I’ve got something going on with my mom right now that is gnawing at me, but after talking about it with my sister, it makes sense. I learned something just having that conversation, but the real lesson will come from how I deal directly with the situation. I’m always grateful for anything that helps me grow!
This question reminds me of an answer to one just last week about Ngoc going to Vietnam for 6 weeks to be with her side of the family and her twin sister’s baby followed by going to California for 10 days after returning home for 2 days. 1 aspect I can identify that I feel great about is being able to find the root causes that triggered my rebellion and defiance. It’s why I’m able to receive care from all angles well surprisingly.
I thank everyone forthe support and reinforcements here. It means a lot and keeps me humbled.
I am so glad that you are doing well, Loc, and able to receive care from all angles despite your rebellious streak.
You do have lots of support here, Loc!♥️
Good for you, Loc. All the best to you and your wife.
Thanks, Linda.
Yes, there are people/events/memories that I do NOT feel grateful for – these are learning lessons and/or negative/toxic and not healthy.
Wishing everyone a good week 🙂
Some people teach us how NOT to be!
Amen!
Well said,
dear Barb . . . ♥
When I face difficulty, I know that I’m not alone. God is always with me, and my family and loved ones aren’t leaving me alone. I’m fortunate. I’m grateful. May you all have a wonderful week full of energy. 💐
My Ngoc, you got here before me. Belief in god helps a lot. We’re fortunate to have good loving family. He created that for us.
Our son is 36. He came out to us at 16. Not so much a shock or surprise but a final realization. I love my son and have been there for him as best I could. I know we love each other, he is a good, kind person and will be here Memorial weekend with his partner for a visit. Peace and love to all.
Peace and love to you, and to your family, dear Joseph.
Glad to hear you support your son. My Uncle did not support my cousin and it made things very difficult. Enjoy your visit!
Enjoy family time together – my youngest daughter is coming down for Memorial Day weekend and I’m very much looking forward to her visit.