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I try to see others for the good in them not the bad. A lot of talk about Kelse in the Super Bowl ‘shoving’ his coach. Yes horrible, but he apologized, the coach accepted the apology and we need to move on. Maybe Kelse will learn from this what forgiveness is and just maybe this will lead him down a better path in life and he can be a better person in the end.
My seven year old son has autism. While it brings it’s challenges, I refuse to see it as a “disorder.” It has made my son the magical human being that he is.
I have a few good friends with autistic children, and I love their lack of inhibitions. They are very special, and in no case do their parents consider them anything but a blessing.
One of them, a teenager at the time, was sitting at a table with us at a church supper and the rector – a real phony bologna – was pontificating about something or another. He (the autistic young man) shouted out “do you really believe that?” His parents were embarrassed, but he only said what everyone else was thinking. I loved it.
My eye is drawn to things that have
wear. Things that are weathered.
Things that show signs of being used.
Rusty barbed wire. Moss covered fence
posts. Foot worn bricks. Old, well used tools.
Rusty, faded signs with old paint patina.
Gnarled trees. Ancient paths.
I know I’m not the only one that enjoys
these things, but they do bring me pleasure
and I like to photograph them.
And of course, people. People’s
“imperfections” are just the things that
make them unique. It’s when people try
to hide or cover up these things, that
makes them difficult to appreciate.
I was just talking to my dental hygienist
about our little imperfections.
What was once a cause for anxiety,
is now a topic to talk about with someone
new. I confessed that I had difficulty
knowing my left from my right and she
confessed the she had difficulty with the
order of the months.
Charlie, at 66 I am still much better at north, south, east and west than right or left. I always need to think a bit.
I have a black cashmere sweater that I received as a gift many many years ago. There’s a little hole in the left arm sleeve and it shrunk a few times in the wash (yes, I know you’re not supposed to put cashmere sweaters in the wash machine, but I’m a rebel😊) so it doesn’t fit quite right. Sleeves and length are about 3/4 what they’re supposed to be. But when I put it on, I always feel so cozy and loved.
Thinking about this question some more I thought of kintsugi, the Japanese art of mending something broken in a visible way so the mend becomes part of the object’s beauty. That brought me back to this piece on wabi sabi, a concept someone else may have commented about on here that led me to it in the first place: https://www.omaritani.com/blog/wabi-sabi-philosophy-teachings. A couple of lines from the piece by Omar Itani:
All things in life, including you, are in an imperfect state of flux, so strive not for perfection, but for excellence instead.
Perfection does not exist because imperfection is the natural state of life—you are whole, the entirety of you, as you are.
When my daughters were little I took them on autumn walks I called leafspeditions. We were looking for interesting leaves. Not the most beautiful, not the most perfect–interesting. It might be a leaf gnawed by an insect to create an intricate tracery, or one curled up as it dried out to form a tiny telescope they could peer through. My hope was that they would learn to look for wonder rather than perfection.
They’re grown women now. In the fall when I go for walks I still watch for leaves. I carry them home and make arrangements on the ground near my front door, then take a picture and send it to them as a reminder of those walks.
When I think of the beauty I find in nature I don’t think of perfection. Our eyes aren’t drawn to perfect symmetry the way they are to the variations that make each bush or tree or plant individual. Those imperfections don’t make them flawed; they make them unique. Humans, too.
That’s a great practice! I find myself doing similar with my boys.
A few years ago, I took a photo of the flower on a red hibiscus. Of course, it was dried, wrinkled, and still short of falling off of it’s stem. And whereas the full bloom flower had been a beautiful thing, this beauty still showed its glory, but now in a multitudes of purples, reds, browns, and a few blacks. It was, to me an example of even in death there is beauty.
Seems to me that seeing the beauty that constantly surrounds us is a blessing. Every year when our garden fades to its end, I am always impressed with the way the flowers continue to be beautiful.
From everything I’ve read, what I have learned is that we are all different. We should embrace any ‘imperfections’ – it is those imperfections that makes us each unique.
We also should not care what others think of us. I know that one is hard and is a work in progress but definitely worth letting go of.
I wrote my thoughts and then saw you had a very similar thought. Celebrate uniqueness!
I understand that today’s question is quite unusual as we don’t usually reflect on what others think about us. However, I will try my best to answer it. I need to do a little mental yoga and consider whether the “flaw” is something that others judge about me, or something that I am already judging in myself. It is hard to think objectively about our personality, but people have told me that I am too talkative, too loud, and too impatient (which I posted about yesterday). These attributes have both positive and negative polarities. When I am not expressing as my highest self, they can appear as bombastic, impractical, or even argumentative. However, when I am maintaining my daily sadhana, I am joyful, effervescent, and full of energy.
That is quite a question. I am not able to see from someone else’s eyes. If I could, would I be judgmental towards that person for perceiving something as flawed or imperfect because that something brings delight to me? Or am I over pondering this particular question?
I’m drawing a blank. Probably because I’ve been very judgemental of my own flaws recently. Look forward to reading others responses. They are my teachers and I often find them delightful.
When I searched my journals this morning for the word “delight,” I found this quote from Jack Gilbert’s poem “A Brief for the Defense.”
“We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of this world.”
Thank you for the Jack Gilbert reference. I had read the poem a while back and more recently tried to remember it and couldn’t summon up enough to do a productive search.
A link: https://poetrysociety.org/poems/a-brief-for-the-defense
So descriptive of our species “……..in the ruthless furnace of this world.” Carol. History is full of examples of just that. Loving Kindness your way Carol. I too have experienced being too harsh in judging my own flaws.
A stormy day…..homebound with a good book.
That sounds smart not flawed.
Broken wood furniture. I see possibilities, I see healing, I see stories from times past. I feel care and attention, I live renewal and recreation.
Cool question! The practice of meditation to some people may seem like a waste of time, but this method of surrendering the false self is the best thing I have ever done in my life ! I’m completely in awe of what reflection of looking at this so called me and seeing how much I’m full of 💩! I’m grateful for the universe and grateful to the helpers who are angels to hold my hand when I have felt completely in the dark. But they are here with me strip away everything to reveal truth which is not me .
Thank you so much . ☺️
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