For me it is difficult to find words for what might have been unfolding recently. May be it could be named to have beome more independent of fixed mindsets, of having had the opportunity of allowing myself to be there without fear or inner “must” of any kind, of having been able to just flow with the energy while warmly being together with kindred hearts and so was able to be there for others and able to really support others in momentary intense need. I am deeply grateful for this experience of kind togetherness and the tint of and appearing of some kind of inner freedom which has been lost already as a child. Taking a deep breath while being deeply grateful.
I have learned that it is okay to stand up to keep my peace, to keep my sanity. It’s ok to not be the version they want me to be, it’s ok to be there for me for once. So often, so often do I get lost in being there for others, being the listening ear, the punching bag… and yet, not allowed to have off days myself. I am learning that I am important too, and I need to take care of myself first before caring for others. It’s been rough losing friendships, losing others, feeling lonelier choosing myself – but in the end, I am keeping MY peace and that’s okay too.
I feel more confident at my job since I received a promotion. To tell you the truth I wasn’t sure I could handle it. A lot of excel which I was self taught but I have come along way and pushed myself.
I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time pondering this,
vacillating between self-congratulation
and self-criticism.
I would rather take the time to see how my husband and partner
has changed . . .
How he has changed,
has changed the both of us,
and the same works for me.
How I have changed
has changed the both of us.
The first few years of our marriage were disastrous . . .
we were both flailing,
but determined to make it work.
Over time,
both of our edges have softened quite a lot,
and he has become much more patient and compassionate with me . . .
I think me having to get a new hip
followed by me falling down a 15 step flight of stairs
has been a wake up call.
He has had his own health issues too . . .
they are the boring ones
until it happens to you . . .
bi-focal glasses,
crowns, then bridges, then dentures,
and of course hearing aids.
Amazingly enough
he has dealt with all of this with good grace
and has accepted what has to be done.
Where he seldom offered real kindness or tenderness,
he has become more understanding of my needs,
and cheerfully helps me out wherever he can.
He has also begun to open up to me
much, much more than he used to,
which took a very long time . . .
in the past
he never wanted to admit he was stuck or felt badly about something,
but I believe he finally trusts me.
This is really saying something
considering how he was treated as a child . . .
and he’s not so quick to blame anymore.
I think these are life changing advances . . .
some things still annoy me
but I don’t take them personally,
and they are not as important as they were
all those years ago.
I am grateful to the moon and stars and back . . .
he’s all I have left of my family.
My sister,
then my father and a few years later,
my mother,
and then
during the pandemic my little brother.
I think that somehow
we have helped to change ourselves and each other
into what we had hoped the other really was.
And we’re still working on it. ♥
1. I’ve been better at holding boundaries and not feeling bad when I say no to things. It’s brings me peace when I’m able to prioritize my time and be honest about what is actually doable rather than stretching myself thin.
2. Regulating my feelings when I’m mad, upset, or stressed. I didn’t get a lot of guidance growing up on how to handle big emotions. I have a bad track record of going from 0 to 100 pretty fast. I’ve been better at taking a step back and communicating or problem solving calmly instead of crashing out lol.
Hopefully, I am on a general progression of change. A gradual fine tuning. Progress is slow, but over time, I am seeing results. Some of the goals are, being kinder, more empathetic, less reactive,
less judgmental, healthier, calmer, and being a better partner.
I am being more diligent about how I spend my time. I’ve been utilizing Google calendars (I’m normally a pen and paper kind of girl) but with navigating multiple part time jobs, I needed other tool to help me visualize my work week. This has also ensured me to stay on top of my routines because I can see when I’ll be occupied yet still be able to craft time to my practices that keep me grounded and sane. And for that, I am grateful. 🙏🏽🧡
It is almost a year ago now that I learned that there were several credible allegations that the spiritual teacher who I had followed devotedly for over 20 years had harmed some of his students. In the past year, I have become increasingly open to the idea that there are many spiritual paths and even seemingly non-spiritual paths that can lead to a very fulfilling life of service. I have been learning to listen first and foremost to my own inner guide while I still do get inspiration from many spiritual writers and teachers. I have become much more interested in finding out about female spiritual writers and feminine aspects of God (while recognizing that female spiritual teachers can also be fallible, just as the male teacher was who I had followed). My former spiritual teacher had discouraged conscious concentration on the breath, so I have been growing in body awareness and body appreciation as I experiment with some simple breathing practices and body awareness practices. As crushing as it was to learn about the allegations against my former teacher, I somehow still have a strong faith in humanity and the ability of human beings to do amazing, brave, loving things. I think that I am stronger, humbler, and more open than I was a year ago this time.
I can relate to your experience, Drea. I experienced disillusionment when a yogi I had followed for ten years, and was very devoted to, was forced out of his ashram and organization after many credible allegations of sexual abuse. This happened in 1994. For the most part his teachings were sound; he just didn’t practice what he preached. I still feel some sadness over the situation. I don’t regret having followed him. From this experience I have learned not to put anyone on a pedestal. I have also learned to rely more on myself and my own intuition. Although his organization has grown and thrived as a holistic health center, I don’t feel like it was able to maintain the sacred feel that it had when he was there. He was a charismatic leader but did not possess the humbleness and strength that he asked of his followers. I have written a lot here, as I have not thought about him this deeply in many years.
Sending much love to you Elizabeth. I have a pretty good idea of what this betrayal of trust feels like. And like you, I have grown from this experience.
Thank you, Mary ♥️ I agree with what you wrote in my case as well, “For the most part his teachings were sound; he just didn’t practice what he preached. I still feel some sadness over the situation. I don’t regret having followed him. From this experience I have learned not to put anyone on a pedestal. I have also learned to rely more on myself and my own intuition. ” Sending much love to you as well.
I’ve become aware of shame when it arises. I witness it as it moves through my body, crests, and then resolves on its own. This shame has been running in the background my entire life, because my family practiced poisonous pedagogy. If I avoid feeling the shame, it draws in thoughts and memories like an aggressive tide. This wave of debris then informs my behavior, my sense of self and reality. Awareness puts a wrench in the works. To witness a shame wave in all its unpleasant glory is a helpful, because I can isolate it, witness it, and let it pass.
I love Thay and his message from the quote of the day ! Having three grown adult boys I’m so happy to say that my mental health hase improved dramatically from four years ago when I started this meditation method of discarding the false self which is an illusion. All the negative minds and thoughts are actually leaving due to having an actual method of discarding them.
For me I’m leaving my boys with no regrets about how I have moved my life because I’m eliminating my – karma ( my life lived ), my habits (inherited from all my ancestors since beginning-less time and my body – also false . This is the greatest gift to them and that is why I’m doing it . I don’t want them to have to carry my stuffing bags 💼 . I’m so incredibly grateful life . Thank you so much for this very precious moment which is the gift of life that keeps giving every time I choose to surrender. Truly surrendering is a gift of the universe. Thank you 🙏
A gift we can all give to our children and to the world . We want to change the world – it start with actions to change myself . Everything’s my fault . 🙌🌱 Thanks Drea !
I didn’t notice that I’ve just grown recently, but I am aware that I have grown compared to my past self years ago. Five years have passed since I moved to the U.S. There are still more things to learn and more areas to improve. May everyone find some peace and joy today!
My Ngoc, you’ve certainly grown a lot. Just like with the rest of us, there’s always room for improvement which all points back to my response a couple days ago about a competitive over championship mindset.
I feel more confident facing conflict heads on. There are a few factors going for me.
I’m past my relationship struggles with a couple American women. Long story short: there’s the aggressive woman and a Big Island one I met from Blind and vision-impaired programs who happened to be besties. The aggressive one went great lengths just to have me while the Big Island one is known to be 2-faced, cheerful, and charming. The first one is the lesser of the 2 evils, because it’s visible. Paw Mu was absolutely right that they came at me hard, and it’s reflective in my pleasing behaviors towards Ngoc in the early stages of the marriage. This brings me to culture.
This reminds me of my mom encouraging me to marry someone my culture. Paw Mu even told me that too, of course. Quite a few people close to me did. The marriage between Ngoc and I started out as me sponsering her to the US and helping her build a future. Now, especially over the last year, that intention has evolved into building a future together. Kindness was the root. The trunk and branches grew into love. Back to culture.
My family is also mixed culture but with a more Vietnamese base. This is where building from the root helps. They’d be able to stand in the middle. For example, back in 2023, after my mom talked to both of us, it turned out that Ngoc needed to work on her attitude. I needed to be more assertive. We needed to work on determination, because we were taking the easy way out and giving up too easily. Years later, she were the biggest advocates for each other.
Having our spouses on our side is the best feeling in the world. This, of course, doesn’t mean that we should please them all the time. That’s suspicious. The point here is that we see them not only everyday but every night too. This is even more crucial as mental health and even autism get involved. Speaking of bipolar mania, autism, and culture, I’ve also learned backstage politics.
I use the pipeline building method. It’s basically trusting intuition, developing relationships, and learning how different people work inside out, their connections, and how they’re compatible with us. One thing I’ve also learned is that trustworthiness alone isn’t enough, because they may have sketchy connections. Buddy systems is where curruption begins. Building from the root gives me my pipeline of people that starts with my family.
Give yourself the gift of free bi-monthly inspiration including uplifting articles, diverse stories, supportive practices, videos, and more, delivered with heart to your inbox.
For me it is difficult to find words for what might have been unfolding recently. May be it could be named to have beome more independent of fixed mindsets, of having had the opportunity of allowing myself to be there without fear or inner “must” of any kind, of having been able to just flow with the energy while warmly being together with kindred hearts and so was able to be there for others and able to really support others in momentary intense need. I am deeply grateful for this experience of kind togetherness and the tint of and appearing of some kind of inner freedom which has been lost already as a child. Taking a deep breath while being deeply grateful.
”Taking a deep breath while being deeply grateful.”
What a valuable and freeing experience,
dear Ose . . .
hold it close to your heart. ♥
I have learned that it is okay to stand up to keep my peace, to keep my sanity. It’s ok to not be the version they want me to be, it’s ok to be there for me for once. So often, so often do I get lost in being there for others, being the listening ear, the punching bag… and yet, not allowed to have off days myself. I am learning that I am important too, and I need to take care of myself first before caring for others. It’s been rough losing friendships, losing others, feeling lonelier choosing myself – but in the end, I am keeping MY peace and that’s okay too.
I feel more confident at my job since I received a promotion. To tell you the truth I wasn’t sure I could handle it. A lot of excel which I was self taught but I have come along way and pushed myself.
I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time pondering this,
vacillating between self-congratulation
and self-criticism.
I would rather take the time to see how my husband and partner
has changed . . .
How he has changed,
has changed the both of us,
and the same works for me.
How I have changed
has changed the both of us.
The first few years of our marriage were disastrous . . .
we were both flailing,
but determined to make it work.
Over time,
both of our edges have softened quite a lot,
and he has become much more patient and compassionate with me . . .
I think me having to get a new hip
followed by me falling down a 15 step flight of stairs
has been a wake up call.
He has had his own health issues too . . .
they are the boring ones
until it happens to you . . .
bi-focal glasses,
crowns, then bridges, then dentures,
and of course hearing aids.
Amazingly enough
he has dealt with all of this with good grace
and has accepted what has to be done.
Where he seldom offered real kindness or tenderness,
he has become more understanding of my needs,
and cheerfully helps me out wherever he can.
He has also begun to open up to me
much, much more than he used to,
which took a very long time . . .
in the past
he never wanted to admit he was stuck or felt badly about something,
but I believe he finally trusts me.
This is really saying something
considering how he was treated as a child . . .
and he’s not so quick to blame anymore.
I think these are life changing advances . . .
some things still annoy me
but I don’t take them personally,
and they are not as important as they were
all those years ago.
I am grateful to the moon and stars and back . . .
he’s all I have left of my family.
My sister,
then my father and a few years later,
my mother,
and then
during the pandemic my little brother.
I think that somehow
we have helped to change ourselves and each other
into what we had hoped the other really was.
And we’re still working on it. ♥
Recently? I have grown as a yoga teacher, which I know will continue on this journey. I enjoy it so much!
I’ve seen myself grow in two ways recently:
1. I’ve been better at holding boundaries and not feeling bad when I say no to things. It’s brings me peace when I’m able to prioritize my time and be honest about what is actually doable rather than stretching myself thin.
2. Regulating my feelings when I’m mad, upset, or stressed. I didn’t get a lot of guidance growing up on how to handle big emotions. I have a bad track record of going from 0 to 100 pretty fast. I’ve been better at taking a step back and communicating or problem solving calmly instead of crashing out lol.
Hopefully, I am on a general progression of change. A gradual fine tuning. Progress is slow, but over time, I am seeing results. Some of the goals are, being kinder, more empathetic, less reactive,
less judgmental, healthier, calmer, and being a better partner.
My confidence is improving.
I’m feeling better about myself.
I am being more diligent about how I spend my time. I’ve been utilizing Google calendars (I’m normally a pen and paper kind of girl) but with navigating multiple part time jobs, I needed other tool to help me visualize my work week. This has also ensured me to stay on top of my routines because I can see when I’ll be occupied yet still be able to craft time to my practices that keep me grounded and sane. And for that, I am grateful. 🙏🏽🧡
It is almost a year ago now that I learned that there were several credible allegations that the spiritual teacher who I had followed devotedly for over 20 years had harmed some of his students. In the past year, I have become increasingly open to the idea that there are many spiritual paths and even seemingly non-spiritual paths that can lead to a very fulfilling life of service. I have been learning to listen first and foremost to my own inner guide while I still do get inspiration from many spiritual writers and teachers. I have become much more interested in finding out about female spiritual writers and feminine aspects of God (while recognizing that female spiritual teachers can also be fallible, just as the male teacher was who I had followed). My former spiritual teacher had discouraged conscious concentration on the breath, so I have been growing in body awareness and body appreciation as I experiment with some simple breathing practices and body awareness practices. As crushing as it was to learn about the allegations against my former teacher, I somehow still have a strong faith in humanity and the ability of human beings to do amazing, brave, loving things. I think that I am stronger, humbler, and more open than I was a year ago this time.
I can relate to your experience, Drea. I experienced disillusionment when a yogi I had followed for ten years, and was very devoted to, was forced out of his ashram and organization after many credible allegations of sexual abuse. This happened in 1994. For the most part his teachings were sound; he just didn’t practice what he preached. I still feel some sadness over the situation. I don’t regret having followed him. From this experience I have learned not to put anyone on a pedestal. I have also learned to rely more on myself and my own intuition. Although his organization has grown and thrived as a holistic health center, I don’t feel like it was able to maintain the sacred feel that it had when he was there. He was a charismatic leader but did not possess the humbleness and strength that he asked of his followers. I have written a lot here, as I have not thought about him this deeply in many years.
Sending much love to you Elizabeth. I have a pretty good idea of what this betrayal of trust feels like. And like you, I have grown from this experience.
Thank you, Mary ♥️ I agree with what you wrote in my case as well, “For the most part his teachings were sound; he just didn’t practice what he preached. I still feel some sadness over the situation. I don’t regret having followed him. From this experience I have learned not to put anyone on a pedestal. I have also learned to rely more on myself and my own intuition. ” Sending much love to you as well.
I’ve become aware of shame when it arises. I witness it as it moves through my body, crests, and then resolves on its own. This shame has been running in the background my entire life, because my family practiced poisonous pedagogy. If I avoid feeling the shame, it draws in thoughts and memories like an aggressive tide. This wave of debris then informs my behavior, my sense of self and reality. Awareness puts a wrench in the works. To witness a shame wave in all its unpleasant glory is a helpful, because I can isolate it, witness it, and let it pass.
I have accepted my accomplishments. I can give myself credit for the struggles I have come through with humbly knowing I had lots of backup.
Good for you, Yram. That’s not easy. I have yet to get there.
I love Thay and his message from the quote of the day ! Having three grown adult boys I’m so happy to say that my mental health hase improved dramatically from four years ago when I started this meditation method of discarding the false self which is an illusion. All the negative minds and thoughts are actually leaving due to having an actual method of discarding them.
For me I’m leaving my boys with no regrets about how I have moved my life because I’m eliminating my – karma ( my life lived ), my habits (inherited from all my ancestors since beginning-less time and my body – also false . This is the greatest gift to them and that is why I’m doing it . I don’t want them to have to carry my stuffing bags 💼 . I’m so incredibly grateful life . Thank you so much for this very precious moment which is the gift of life that keeps giving every time I choose to surrender. Truly surrendering is a gift of the universe. Thank you 🙏
Antoinette, what a gift to your sons that you are consciously resolving the baggage that would have otherwise been carried by them.
A gift we can all give to our children and to the world . We want to change the world – it start with actions to change myself . Everything’s my fault . 🙌🌱 Thanks Drea !
I didn’t notice that I’ve just grown recently, but I am aware that I have grown compared to my past self years ago. Five years have passed since I moved to the U.S. There are still more things to learn and more areas to improve. May everyone find some peace and joy today!
My Ngoc, you’ve certainly grown a lot. Just like with the rest of us, there’s always room for improvement which all points back to my response a couple days ago about a competitive over championship mindset.
I feel more confident facing conflict heads on. There are a few factors going for me.
I’m past my relationship struggles with a couple American women. Long story short: there’s the aggressive woman and a Big Island one I met from Blind and vision-impaired programs who happened to be besties. The aggressive one went great lengths just to have me while the Big Island one is known to be 2-faced, cheerful, and charming. The first one is the lesser of the 2 evils, because it’s visible. Paw Mu was absolutely right that they came at me hard, and it’s reflective in my pleasing behaviors towards Ngoc in the early stages of the marriage. This brings me to culture.
This reminds me of my mom encouraging me to marry someone my culture. Paw Mu even told me that too, of course. Quite a few people close to me did. The marriage between Ngoc and I started out as me sponsering her to the US and helping her build a future. Now, especially over the last year, that intention has evolved into building a future together. Kindness was the root. The trunk and branches grew into love. Back to culture.
My family is also mixed culture but with a more Vietnamese base. This is where building from the root helps. They’d be able to stand in the middle. For example, back in 2023, after my mom talked to both of us, it turned out that Ngoc needed to work on her attitude. I needed to be more assertive. We needed to work on determination, because we were taking the easy way out and giving up too easily. Years later, she were the biggest advocates for each other.
Having our spouses on our side is the best feeling in the world. This, of course, doesn’t mean that we should please them all the time. That’s suspicious. The point here is that we see them not only everyday but every night too. This is even more crucial as mental health and even autism get involved. Speaking of bipolar mania, autism, and culture, I’ve also learned backstage politics.
I use the pipeline building method. It’s basically trusting intuition, developing relationships, and learning how different people work inside out, their connections, and how they’re compatible with us. One thing I’ve also learned is that trustworthiness alone isn’t enough, because they may have sketchy connections. Buddy systems is where curruption begins. Building from the root gives me my pipeline of people that starts with my family.