Yes like Barb said when things are bad we need to find or look for a little joy. In my recovery support group for families it is called ” a win”. Doing something for yourself. My friend Nan always would remind me to just do things for me. Maybe it is buying yourself some flowers, a new book to read or going to listen to some music.
To tell you the truth it felt like a task at first but I see now the reasoning behind it. Helps u stay afloat!!
I don’t need to have joy with in my reach all of the time . . .
don’t get me wrong–
I like joy,
I like to be joyful,
but sometimes
it can be a little frenetic.
I haven’t tested it,
but I think I could connect with joy whenever I want to,
but I don’t always want to.
Sometimes
I want to feel the weight of the world . . .
sometimes I want compassion and empathy
to make my heart ache
and my eyes to burn with tears.
I don’t like feeling agony and pain,
but perhaps they have a place,
which makes me think of a Bible passage
that was made into a song in the 70’s . . .
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
I want my hands to get a little dirty,
I want to feel my blood,
warm and dark,
flowing through my arteries and veins . . .
I want to feel like I’m a visceral part of creation,
and that includes a little suffering,
don’t you think?
We’ve said it ourselves,
and heard it said 1000 times,
but if there was no dark
how would we know the light? ♥
I am a bit enchanted by Dwight YoKam now,
dear Joseph . . .
he makes me think a bit
of Chris Isaak,
who had some music I really loved.
Thank you for this turn on. ♥
Great question. That is the tricky part about gratefulness for me.
How to be grateful when I’m sad or worried or anxious.
I will be using the word grateful in the place of joyful
because gratefulness leads to joyfulness.
**One thing that helps me is to get out of my head a bit
by naming 5 things I see, 5 things I hear, and 5 sensations that I can feel.
**It also helps me to notice how my feet feel on the floor, and then to feel things around me,
like the sofa that I am sitting on, the table in front of me.
I have read about doing the above as ways to bring me into the present moment.
There may be more to it but these are the parts that I can remember. Maybe someone who knows of these exercises can respond by reminding me of the parts that I am not remembering.
**Another thing that helps me is to go outside,
get some fresh air and get out into nature.
**I can also also review in my mind all that my body does to make my life possible.
**I can also notice things I take for granted,
but that are so important, like fresh water.
**It also helps me to think about things that I like a lot
like hot tea in a favorite cup fixed just the way I like it,
**and the comfort I feel in my robe and slippers.
**Talking and snuggling with my cats and feeling their soft coats
also helps me to feel grateful and helps to bring me into the moment.
**Staying in the moment is probably the most important thing I can do.
I struggle with feeling grateful when I’m having difficult emotions but these are some of the ways that I find the gratefulness.
And it is in gratefulness that I feel joy.
Hot tea in a favorite cup. I enjoy a 24 oz tumbler of tea each evening when I read the days reflections. A concoction of sleepy time vanilla, sleepy time extra, tension tamer and raspberry zinger. Another of my daily rituals. I take tea bags with me when I travel, so ingrained is partaking my evening tea.
I’m experiencing myself in an irritable state due to having over-reached physically and emotionally. I don’t like the idea of reaching for anything right now. What resonates is the idea of backing into surrender the way one rests into the soft back of a couch. Surrender to what? Well, this morning I surrendered myself to the structure of my workout. I feel surrendered to the irritability in my body, which feels biological. Little jabby reactions spewing forth, okay. Surrender to the process of packing. Life is a bunch of movements and materials, and I’m a tiny witness in it. This perspective helps me be more open to receiving (rather than reaching for) joy.
So good that you are listening to your body, and honouring where it is at/ what you are feeling/ needing … Also that you are open to surrender, listen, and receive …
Btw – I am so appreciating and enjoying the gratefulness playlist, which you put on Spotify for all of us. I noticed one more song entry on the question of the day, in case you wish to add that last one to the list. I so appreciate that you generously listened, heard, gathered up and created an active playlist for our word of the day community. Wow! I am still listening and working through it. What an incredible list, and gift!
Wishing you a beautiful day of deep listening, and attending to whatever your dear body, mind, heart, soul needs ..
With appreciation to you, the community and the grateful.org team, for an incredible playlist. In my wee experience so far (still haven’t made it through one round!), it spans a full range of human emotions and experience. And yes – at least in my world – it sparks a whole bunch of inner peace, and joy! Thank you Drea, and all!
What a timely question- even in a stressful period of my life, I rarely let it completely get me down. Today I am just “pissy”. Lots of little things that I normally just shrug off, today not feeling it. I do appreciate all the answers today and seem to need to “ sit in” these feelings a little longer.
However as I was typing I looked up and a red-headed woodpecker landed on a tree, bringing a smile. Then reminded me of watching g cartoons with my dad and honestly felt a spark of joy and smile.
I remind myself that the opposite of happy is sad…but the opposite of joy is sorrow. Am I feeling sorrow or sadness? Most of the time when I feel that joy is beyond reach, it is because I am feeling sadness. For me sadness is a sign that EGO is running the show and I am either dwelling on the past or toying with the future. The present moment may not be happy but it always offers me joy if I am willing to claim it. When my sister passed last summer, I felt sorrow but joy was also present. Joy that she passed peacefully. Joy that she gifted me with so many loving memories. Joy that with our younger sister’s love and help, I was able to be there for her in her time of need. I find that the strength I need is always in the present moment but I must claim it. Also, this morning I wish to share yesterday’s daily meditation from Richard Rohr about our ancestors. As you all know I have shared that I often claim the strength of my ancestors. This is such a beautiful reading that speaks to the importance of both joy and sorrow.
Thank you for the link, Carol. A powerful reminder of how much strength we all have. I met a woman from South Sudan yesterday who has been through hell and whose life’s work is to make the situation for girls in South Sudan better. It was moving to meet her. I think it’s existentially necessary to have strength and courage when things fall apart, and to draw on love and connection.
I appreciate everyone’s answers about acceptance and knowing joy is there even if not active in the moment, and accepting the moment we’re in with its feelings.
The underlying premise in the question is that we need to try to connect with joy when things are bad. This feels like setting up an emotion as a goal, which isn’t landing for me. The moments when joy has felt out of reach are the ones that help me appreciate joy when it comes. Without the darkness there is no light.
My default setting is more equanimity than anything else. If I’m discontented for some reason (which is my reading of feeling that joy is beyond reach) I’d want to get back to contentment, or at least acceptance, not try to get past that to joy. Joy to me is a heightened experience, an exuberance, a feeling like I have a giant bubble in my chest lifting me up onto my toes and wanting to burst forth. That’s pretty big!
Outside my window right now green things are greening all around. The columbine and creeping jenny I put in a few years ago are both looking glorious under the Dr. Seuss tree with its bowl cut. Some of the seeds I’m starting using a “snail seed” coil have started poking up in the pie pans in my kitchen window. This is all wonderful and I’m feeling deep happiness. That’s pretty wonderful right there. It doesn’t need to be full-blown joy to be worth experiencing.
“This feels like setting up an emotion as a goal, which isn’t landing for me.” — thank you for writing this, Barb. I read it and realized that our society does that a lot! Very astute observation.
When joy feels beyond reach, I usually cannot make myself actually feel joy in that moment. But simply reminding myself that joy exists and that I have felt joy before and will likely feel it again can be a comfort.
I also wanted to share a link to a beautiful poem that my husband just wrote about this subject on his blog junctionofbeautyandlove.com
“Unknotted
laughter arises
unbidden
from the belly
of delight” 🙂 🙂 🙂
How serendipitous,
dear Elizabeth,
that your husband
wrote this poem
just at the time this Question
came up . . .
I love how it takes me through the cycle . . . ♥
I try to touch joy every day. A lot of it is found in this gratitude practice. Stopping and slowing down for a minute to think about the world outside of my body, the world that goes on around me, but does not necessarily need me to exist, helps me to see and feel joy. From the outside, I usually look to be full of joy. Sometimes my joy is manufactured for others. Even this “manufactured” joy can bring me to real joy. Funny how that works.
May you all find some joy today. 🙏
Made me think of the quote, “fake it till you make it.”
Not that you meant you were faking joy, but I understood the idea of manufacturing joy for others sometimes
In itself brings you joy👍💕
Your “manufactured joy” reminds me of what I’ve read about how feelings follow actions. Smiling activates the hormones associated with happiness. We think the brain is in charge, but so much of us resides in the body’s systems beyond the brain.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
I am not sure how to think about this one…when I am in a situation that clouds me from experiencing the joy that lives constantly within, I try to be present to that situation, emotion, or crisis as it is in that moment. I do not try to connect with that deep joy that is always present if not felt. I try to be authentic to what is happening at the moment.
However, once peace and acceptance of what is occurring – or has occurred -unfolds, then that situation is one more experience that helps shape that joy.
Another way I think about it is that I work to not hold onto that which clouds my joy, once I have made some peace with the situation. And once I let go, then the experience of joy begins to shine through naturally.
I don’t try to reach for that joy in a crisis, I just try not to feed the cloud in front of it, so that the cloud dissipates.
I will make it my intention to find joy especially on those days I feel glum. Sometimes my joy can be something as simple as clean water to wash my face, ( which I guess is really not that simple). ❤️🕊️
Even if I cannot touch joy in a moment, I try to stay open to it. Sometimes, there can be temptation to stew in a negative emotion but it’s important not to live there for its own sake. All emotions are important, but I try to leave space for joy to find me.
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Yes like Barb said when things are bad we need to find or look for a little joy. In my recovery support group for families it is called ” a win”. Doing something for yourself. My friend Nan always would remind me to just do things for me. Maybe it is buying yourself some flowers, a new book to read or going to listen to some music.
To tell you the truth it felt like a task at first but I see now the reasoning behind it. Helps u stay afloat!!
With love
I don’t need to have joy with in my reach all of the time . . .
don’t get me wrong–
I like joy,
I like to be joyful,
but sometimes
it can be a little frenetic.
I haven’t tested it,
but I think I could connect with joy whenever I want to,
but I don’t always want to.
Sometimes
I want to feel the weight of the world . . .
sometimes I want compassion and empathy
to make my heart ache
and my eyes to burn with tears.
I don’t like feeling agony and pain,
but perhaps they have a place,
which makes me think of a Bible passage
that was made into a song in the 70’s . . .
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
I want my hands to get a little dirty,
I want to feel my blood,
warm and dark,
flowing through my arteries and veins . . .
I want to feel like I’m a visceral part of creation,
and that includes a little suffering,
don’t you think?
We’ve said it ourselves,
and heard it said 1000 times,
but if there was no dark
how would we know the light? ♥
I hear many songs by the Byrd’s on Dwight Yoakam’s ‘Bakersfield Beat’ channel on Sirius radio. dear Sparrow.
I am a bit enchanted by Dwight YoKam now,
dear Joseph . . .
he makes me think a bit
of Chris Isaak,
who had some music I really loved.
Thank you for this turn on. ♥
Great question. That is the tricky part about gratefulness for me.
How to be grateful when I’m sad or worried or anxious.
I will be using the word grateful in the place of joyful
because gratefulness leads to joyfulness.
**One thing that helps me is to get out of my head a bit
by naming 5 things I see, 5 things I hear, and 5 sensations that I can feel.
**It also helps me to notice how my feet feel on the floor, and then to feel things around me,
like the sofa that I am sitting on, the table in front of me.
I have read about doing the above as ways to bring me into the present moment.
There may be more to it but these are the parts that I can remember. Maybe someone who knows of these exercises can respond by reminding me of the parts that I am not remembering.
**Another thing that helps me is to go outside,
get some fresh air and get out into nature.
**I can also also review in my mind all that my body does to make my life possible.
**I can also notice things I take for granted,
but that are so important, like fresh water.
**It also helps me to think about things that I like a lot
like hot tea in a favorite cup fixed just the way I like it,
**and the comfort I feel in my robe and slippers.
**Talking and snuggling with my cats and feeling their soft coats
also helps me to feel grateful and helps to bring me into the moment.
**Staying in the moment is probably the most important thing I can do.
I struggle with feeling grateful when I’m having difficult emotions but these are some of the ways that I find the gratefulness.
And it is in gratefulness that I feel joy.
P.S. I love
♥️♥️♥️
the Word for the Day
Hot tea in a favorite cup. I enjoy a 24 oz tumbler of tea each evening when I read the days reflections. A concoction of sleepy time vanilla, sleepy time extra, tension tamer and raspberry zinger. Another of my daily rituals. I take tea bags with me when I travel, so ingrained is partaking my evening tea.
Have you tried Bigelow Sweet dreams? It is very calming
I’m experiencing myself in an irritable state due to having over-reached physically and emotionally. I don’t like the idea of reaching for anything right now. What resonates is the idea of backing into surrender the way one rests into the soft back of a couch. Surrender to what? Well, this morning I surrendered myself to the structure of my workout. I feel surrendered to the irritability in my body, which feels biological. Little jabby reactions spewing forth, okay. Surrender to the process of packing. Life is a bunch of movements and materials, and I’m a tiny witness in it. This perspective helps me be more open to receiving (rather than reaching for) joy.
Drea,
So good that you are listening to your body, and honouring where it is at/ what you are feeling/ needing … Also that you are open to surrender, listen, and receive …
Btw – I am so appreciating and enjoying the gratefulness playlist, which you put on Spotify for all of us. I noticed one more song entry on the question of the day, in case you wish to add that last one to the list. I so appreciate that you generously listened, heard, gathered up and created an active playlist for our word of the day community. Wow! I am still listening and working through it. What an incredible list, and gift!
Wishing you a beautiful day of deep listening, and attending to whatever your dear body, mind, heart, soul needs ..
With appreciation to you, the community and the grateful.org team, for an incredible playlist. In my wee experience so far (still haven’t made it through one round!), it spans a full range of human emotions and experience. And yes – at least in my world – it sparks a whole bunch of inner peace, and joy! Thank you Drea, and all!
Warmly,
KC
What a timely question- even in a stressful period of my life, I rarely let it completely get me down. Today I am just “pissy”. Lots of little things that I normally just shrug off, today not feeling it. I do appreciate all the answers today and seem to need to “ sit in” these feelings a little longer.
However as I was typing I looked up and a red-headed woodpecker landed on a tree, bringing a smile. Then reminded me of watching g cartoons with my dad and honestly felt a spark of joy and smile.
God, the universe, Mother Nature? Reaching out?
I’m pissy too, maybe something in the air? At least we are handling it well. The red-headed woodpecker sounds like such a joy to witness.
I remind myself that the opposite of happy is sad…but the opposite of joy is sorrow. Am I feeling sorrow or sadness? Most of the time when I feel that joy is beyond reach, it is because I am feeling sadness. For me sadness is a sign that EGO is running the show and I am either dwelling on the past or toying with the future. The present moment may not be happy but it always offers me joy if I am willing to claim it. When my sister passed last summer, I felt sorrow but joy was also present. Joy that she passed peacefully. Joy that she gifted me with so many loving memories. Joy that with our younger sister’s love and help, I was able to be there for her in her time of need. I find that the strength I need is always in the present moment but I must claim it. Also, this morning I wish to share yesterday’s daily meditation from Richard Rohr about our ancestors. As you all know I have shared that I often claim the strength of my ancestors. This is such a beautiful reading that speaks to the importance of both joy and sorrow.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/healing-the-wounds-of-exile/
Thank you Carol for this short, powerful essay.
Thank you for the link, Carol. A powerful reminder of how much strength we all have. I met a woman from South Sudan yesterday who has been through hell and whose life’s work is to make the situation for girls in South Sudan better. It was moving to meet her. I think it’s existentially necessary to have strength and courage when things fall apart, and to draw on love and connection.
I appreciate everyone’s answers about acceptance and knowing joy is there even if not active in the moment, and accepting the moment we’re in with its feelings.
The underlying premise in the question is that we need to try to connect with joy when things are bad. This feels like setting up an emotion as a goal, which isn’t landing for me. The moments when joy has felt out of reach are the ones that help me appreciate joy when it comes. Without the darkness there is no light.
My default setting is more equanimity than anything else. If I’m discontented for some reason (which is my reading of feeling that joy is beyond reach) I’d want to get back to contentment, or at least acceptance, not try to get past that to joy. Joy to me is a heightened experience, an exuberance, a feeling like I have a giant bubble in my chest lifting me up onto my toes and wanting to burst forth. That’s pretty big!
Outside my window right now green things are greening all around. The columbine and creeping jenny I put in a few years ago are both looking glorious under the Dr. Seuss tree with its bowl cut. Some of the seeds I’m starting using a “snail seed” coil have started poking up in the pie pans in my kitchen window. This is all wonderful and I’m feeling deep happiness. That’s pretty wonderful right there. It doesn’t need to be full-blown joy to be worth experiencing.
“This feels like setting up an emotion as a goal, which isn’t landing for me.” — thank you for writing this, Barb. I read it and realized that our society does that a lot! Very astute observation.
When joy feels beyond reach, I usually cannot make myself actually feel joy in that moment. But simply reminding myself that joy exists and that I have felt joy before and will likely feel it again can be a comfort.
I also wanted to share a link to a beautiful poem that my husband just wrote about this subject on his blog junctionofbeautyandlove.com
https://junctionofbeautyandlove.com/2025/04/26/welcome-to-the-world-of-wonder/
Beautiful- tks for sharing
“Unknotted
laughter arises
unbidden
from the belly
of delight” 🙂 🙂 🙂
How serendipitous,
dear Elizabeth,
that your husband
wrote this poem
just at the time this Question
came up . . .
I love how it takes me through the cycle . . . ♥
What a refreshing poem, thank you Elizabeth and thank you to your husband!
Thanks for sharing the link to your husband’s poetry…very helpful and inspiring!
Love the poem! Thank you, Elizabeth… and thank you husband 🙂
Thank you for sharing the poem, Elizabeth. I loved it. (I read poetry every morning.)
Remembering that joy exists feels just right as a next step when it seems out of reach.
I try to touch joy every day. A lot of it is found in this gratitude practice. Stopping and slowing down for a minute to think about the world outside of my body, the world that goes on around me, but does not necessarily need me to exist, helps me to see and feel joy. From the outside, I usually look to be full of joy. Sometimes my joy is manufactured for others. Even this “manufactured” joy can bring me to real joy. Funny how that works.
May you all find some joy today. 🙏
Yes very true, this site is a reminder of sorts
May you find some joy today, too, dear Charlie. Your post and the comments from others have gifted me with a huge smile!
Made me think of the quote, “fake it till you make it.”
Not that you meant you were faking joy, but I understood the idea of manufacturing joy for others sometimes
In itself brings you joy👍💕
Your “manufactured joy” reminds me of what I’ve read about how feelings follow actions. Smiling activates the hormones associated with happiness. We think the brain is in charge, but so much of us resides in the body’s systems beyond the brain.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
YES about smiling!!
I am not sure how to think about this one…when I am in a situation that clouds me from experiencing the joy that lives constantly within, I try to be present to that situation, emotion, or crisis as it is in that moment. I do not try to connect with that deep joy that is always present if not felt. I try to be authentic to what is happening at the moment.
However, once peace and acceptance of what is occurring – or has occurred -unfolds, then that situation is one more experience that helps shape that joy.
Another way I think about it is that I work to not hold onto that which clouds my joy, once I have made some peace with the situation. And once I let go, then the experience of joy begins to shine through naturally.
I don’t try to reach for that joy in a crisis, I just try not to feed the cloud in front of it, so that the cloud dissipates.
Yes, this too will pass if I let it! LET is such a wonderful word to remember!
A wonderful response, Cathie! Waiting for the clouds to clear, and knowing there’s joy behind it.
Thank you for this, Cathie.
I love it. 🙏
I will make it my intention to find joy especially on those days I feel glum. Sometimes my joy can be something as simple as clean water to wash my face, ( which I guess is really not that simple). ❤️🕊️
Good reminder to notice the simple things. Clean water is a feat, as you mentioned. I forget that too often.
Even if I cannot touch joy in a moment, I try to stay open to it. Sometimes, there can be temptation to stew in a negative emotion but it’s important not to live there for its own sake. All emotions are important, but I try to leave space for joy to find me.
I am experiencing more disconnect than connection. I will practice being in the present today.
If I have nothing to be joyful about myself, I join others and find joy in theirs. May you all encounter some peace and joy today. 🌸
My Ngoc, I subscribe to this mindset. It’s one of the benefits to collectivism. Collectivism and the butterfly affect go together.