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Many years ago,
I sewed elaborate beaded jewelry,
and for a time,
worked with a couple who also did bead work.
We set up a booth every weekend at the local greyhound track in Apache Junction, Arizona
to sell our wares.
Larry,
who was color-blind,
and a fast talking, charismatic salesman at heart,
always made a point of capitalizing on his ‘infirmity’
by purposely inserting a mis-colored bead in his pieces,
saying that only the lord god
was able to do anything perfectly,
the only entity in this universe that was capable of perfection.
His wife
was a mild mannered woman-child he had rescued off the streets of Phoenix.
Later,
I graduated to arts and crafts fairs
and juried street shows
from Sedona up to Santa Fe . . .
while Larry took up preaching the gospel,
and he and Audrey
fled to Texas,
trying to escape the long arm of the law,
and I never saw them again.
But I always remembered his take on perfection vs. imperfection.
For me,
crafting the jewelry
was a perfect or not-for-sale proposition,
but in the rest of my life
I was sadly lacking.
I was a complete and total failure . . .
I could not console myself
with ‘god is the only perfection’ story,
and it took me many years
to consider,
and then realize
that imperfection had its advantages.
I saw deeply,
that nothing in Nature
is perfectly perfect . . .
Nature is perfectly imperfect.
Who has ever seen a garden without one brown leaf,
without one weed,
without one bug-eaten stem?
I really try
not to take it too far though,
which could lead me to perfect imperfection . . .
I could leave my bed unmade,
bills unpaid,
dishes in the sink,
which graduates to outright neglect . . .
cats and dogs unfed,
plants languishing without care.
I was sadly lacking.
I’m still trying to find balance,
and it is not easy,
although it is simple.
I rely on the example of the Divine
to chart my path forward . . .
and find satisfaction with perfect imperfection,
which is warmer and more organic
than pristine, sterile perfection . . .
I think I like a little dirt on my hands.
I believe the dirt on my hands and a life out of doors has kept me, for 67 years, with no known allergies. My theory any how, dear Sparrow.
I think this may be true for me as well,
dear Joseph . . . ♥
Letting go of perfection in one area in my life.
I don’t know.
I think a lot of my perfectionism shows up as pushing myself to do more
because moderate effort isn’t enough to bring about results that I see as being good enough.
There is a saying that seems helpful.
Lower your standards, accomplish more.
For a person like me, that’s good advice.
Also, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good”
I agree,
dear Charlie . . . ♥
This reminds me of something I read or heard recently–can’t remember the source. “If starting seems too difficult the first step isn’t small enough.”
Love this. Thanks, Barb!
I am not a perfectionist – and have never been as far as I can remember…My issue sometimes is the opposite:)
I smiled reading todays meditation. If I return to the “just take twenty minutes” plan regarding my horizontal paper piling system will decrease. It’s worked before. It’s impossible to take +hours on a weekend or evening post work thinking I’ll make a dent in this insanity. Yes I’m smiling. Pausing this Memorial Day 🇺🇸weekend in the USA to remember those fallen soldiers from past and present wars/conflicts. Including a 27 yr old cherished nephew. Peace to all especially Gold star families ⭐️
I am so sorry,
dear Carla,
that you lost your beloved nephew
to war . . . ♥
Thank you dear sparrow. It’s been 14 years. There’s been some healing. And an entire family never forgets. 💕
Perfectionism as a way of being is thorny. To me, it has an undertone of “you are not good enough as you are.” So it creates this constant nervousness and an underlying shame. I tell myself a lot: “Do it messy.”
And if it’s one of those unique situations where you have to get it right, like French patisserie, hyper-realistic drawing, or a pre-flight checklist, I have to slow down and get into a hyper-focused, patient perspective. Even that is not perfection, though, that’s precision!
Striving for perfection can quickly become a practice in self-defeat and shame. It reinforces the sense of never being enough. And those rare times perfection is attained, it’s delight, awe, surprise, unpredictable, almost transcendent. What happens if we decouple labor from perfection? Labor is practice, learning, the fulfillment of doing the work. Perfection is something that may bless us along the way, and something to be deeply grateful for. The only benefit I can see in laboring for perfection is that it might continually humble us along the way.
Good question to ponder, thank you to the Grateful.org team and for everyone here for your thoughtful answers. Wishing everyone a beautifully imperfect weekend.
I like this a lot. Thank you 🙏
Thank you Charlie.
I agree,
dear Drea . . .
the striving for perfection
can be self-defeating.
I am currently practicing,
“do the best you can with what you are given”
and it’s working pretty well for me. ♥
Thank you Sparrow. I’m working on the same thing.
I don’t know that I’m wedded to perfection in any part of my life, really. I’ve relaxed, come to recognize standards society created that I don’t have to accept as having value. I don’t have six-pack abs and wouldn’t know what to do with them if I did. My house isn’t immaculate; it’s lived-in and comfortable. My yard could use some weeding, and here I am sitting on the deck enjoying the birds, the cool morning air, the buzzing of bees in the nearby columbine. If I emptied my inbox it would just fill up again. With all that lack of “perfection” I have good health, things coming up in the garden beds, bushes loaded with berries (pruning hard really worked!), the thought that I might take a bike ride later, and a long weekend in which to not think about work. Perfect.
Barb, beautifully put. Also this made me smile: “I don’t have six-pack abs and wouldn’t know what to do with them if I did.” Have a restful long weekend.
“I don’t have six-pack abs and wouldn’t know what to do with them if I did.”
Love this!!
I’m not sure I ever chased perfection. I have had issues with expectations and re adjusting when they’re not met. Every day, I step out my door, and I try to be open to whatever might happen. It doesn’t always work. Sometime my world gets narrowed down to my little task at hand and I’m inside my head and my little world of worries.
It’s when I can start my day with gratitude and feel like this is enough, that’s when I seem to be able to tap into the flow and magic that’s out there in the world.
You are fortunate,
dear Charlie,
to be able to tap into that magic. 🙂
Charlie, yes, the idea of being enough is a big perspective shift for me too. It seems to make everything more manageable.
Being enough. That’s it Drea.
I am enough. That’s what I need to realize.
Not being pleased with the results of moderate effort
is just a symptom of the problem for me.
Knowing that I am enough is the answer.
Thank you Drea.
☀️☀️☀️
🥰
Even though I have perfectionist tendencies, I can’t actually identify an area of my life where I feel like I am consistently perfectionist. I think that what I am needing right now is not to branch out into new possibilities, but just to have more time for the possibilities I already am engaged with. And to recognize that perfectionism can creep in for me if I am tired, or if I haven’t had a big picture look at my intentions for the day. If I know the big activities that I want to have time for in a day, I am less likely to get mired in the details for too long in just one of those activities.
Yes, keeping the big picture in mind would stop me from getting mired in the details.
Very true, Elizabeth!
Elizabeth, I feel you on perfectionism creeping in when tired. It sounds like you have a solid grasp of what you need in order to stay balanced on a given day.
This is an area I struggle with. I was a dancer. I explored modeling. I was an excellent student. All areas in which perfectionism is lauded. I even had a great deal of success as a yoga teacher towing the same line. My meditation practice brought me the first insights on this disordered behavior. The fact that we called it, a practice was such a shift for me. The idea that something could never be perfected—in fact that being the beauty of it. When I shifted away from postural yoga into yogic philosophy which has meditation as its central practice, I learned that this process never stops. We always have the opportunity to be students. I shifted more into the empty cup perspective, what do I really know anyway. I still have what we call in yogic philosophy the samskara (not samsara) of the illusion of perfection. I talk to this habit and love it into relaxing. I’ll get there or I won’t. I hold it more loosely now.
What you have written is so interesting, Avril.
I struggle with wanting to be the best or one of the best at whatever I do.
That kind of thinking can creep into everything, especially everything I do in public.
When you mention the empty cup perspective I think of holding my beliefs loosely
and being open to other ideas that may be true.
It sounds like you are working gently with yourself on releasing perfectionism,
but you are not being perfectionistic about this.
Thank you Avril for this post.
I mentioned yesterday that meditation was good for everything… and I love how it helped you recognize your perfectionism. For a practice that we generally do with our eyes closed, it certainly helps open them to so much. You are a beautiful example of Yoga.
Yes, Avril. The term “practice” has also opened doors for me. I can feel my shoulders relaxing when I think of things this way. And like Sparrow, it also reminded me of Wabi-sabi.
I like the idea of doing things as a practice too.
“We sittin’ here talkin’ ’bout practice; not the game” Allen Iverson.
”I talk to this habit and love it into relaxing. I’ll get there or I won’t. I hold it more loosely now.”
Gently said,
dear Avril . . .
reminding me,
for some reason
of the Japanese art of Kintsugi. ♥
Yes, Avril, I love what you said here too, loving a habit into relaxing.
Yes, loving a habit, into relaxing. Love this!
I’m with Michele on this question. One Day at a Time. Sometimes, one moment at a time! There is a meditation in Fr Richard Rohr’s May 23rd Meditation that I found helpful. just scroll down past the quotes. It’s from Mirabai Starr. Not sure I’ve spelled her name correctly. I think it speaks to this question.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/tricycle-of-faith-weekly-summary/
Thank you,
dear Carol,
for posting this link . . .
for some reason
Richard Rohr’s meditations
have not been coming to my inbox anymore. ♥
Carol, I love how you live in the moment.
This is hard for me as I am a perfectionist, lol. One day at a time…
Wishing everyone a nice weekend 🙂
It’s hard for me too, Michele.
Baby steps for me!
Michele, My mentor use to tell me the same. “When you are a perfectionist it’s best to live one day at a time. It’s easier to be perfect that way!” 🙂
I am not a perfectionist. I do the best I can. On Thursday, I did step 1 and step 2 of my goals for the year at work and managed to get it down on my own. Hurray! This is how I learn and manage what is expected of me not waiver on trying to get it all down at once. I am also managing the utilities at our new home. This was not an easy task but I am happy to say I finally figured out services needed (with zero help from prior owner) and only have 1 more to figure out but it is not urgent. This makes me very happy and helps rid of stress!
You are doing well, Robin Ann.
What strikes me is that it is the journey, not the destination that is important.
You must have read
the Parable of Mushin’,
dear John . . . 🙂
https://hack.org/~mc/texts/the-parable-of-mushin.txt
Yes, John. Life is process not product.
John, America is a productive culture. It’s easy to get caught up in the destination and lose track of the journey.
Expectation is one of my life’s areas that letting go of it brings peace and releases disappointment in my life.
My Ngoc, your answer matches mine.
A friend of mine that I used to run surf contests with once said to me, “you’re a perfectionist, Patti, and I love that!” I did appreciate her sentiment, as running great events was important to me. But being a perfectionist is a lot of work, takes up a lot of space in the mind, and usually causes stress. I have been learning to lighten up, let go, and go with the flow, especially since ending my first marriage. I’m teaching at the studio I love tomorrow morning. It’s my 1st live class, and I’ve been practicing what I’m going to do since I signed up two weeks ago! The other day, I realized I left out something I wanted to include but still used up my full hour. There was some unnecessary stuff that went on in my brain, and I had to remind myself that it’s okay. Even if I forget something, who will know? And I’ve been in numerous classes where the teacher couldn’t remember which side we were on or mixed their words up a bit… and it was all okay! The practice still went on.
I truly believe my healing processing and trusting my path more is the reason I have this opportunity tomorrow at all, so I look forward to what else is in store as I drop the perfectionism and start teaching what I love so much!
Relax,
dear Sunnypatti,
and enjoy your class tomorrow . . .
we’ll be thinking of you. ♥
Enjoy teaching that first live class, and congratulations!
Thank you!
This reminds me of past jobs that involved putting on events. I had the realization that so often, I was the only one who knew something was “missing” because it was only missing from the version in my head. As far as anyone knew, they were experiencing the full event. We can create or feed that gap in our imagination, or we can live the reality of what does happen.
I’ve been to a lot of yoga classes over the years and my favorite teachers were always the ones who *didn’t* do things perfectly! They showed me I didn’t have to attain perfection; I could show up and practice and that was all that was needed.
I appreciate when teachers laugh at their mistakes. I have utilized that in my practice as a student, so I’ll extend that as a teacher and guide. It truly is all about showing up.
i remember having similar thoughts of events that you mentioned, and then being given kudos after it was over. Thanks for sharing, Barb!
Patti, I hope you can not worry about performing and put that energy into sharing your gift and training. Sending you loving energy.
Thank you, Carol. I appreciate that energy! I practiced a little earlier, mixed it up from my original plan, and enjoyed it. I think the students who show up tomorrow will as well. The good thing is that I’ve been practicing there and will most likely know everyone who signs up. That’ll make it easier to read the room 🙂
I wish you a great first time class and hope it goes smoothly for you.
Namaste.
Thank you so much and namaste to you, too!