I’m in my hometown now. It’s been just 6 years, but many things have changed. New places for activities, new restaurants—new rules. Admitting that I don’t know many of these new things allowed me to walk in town with a fresh mind and vision.
My Ngoc, I remember returning to Vietnam with my parents in 2000. They said the same on how many things changed in the village of Cam Ranh and the city of Nha Trang where dad and mom were from respectively.
There is no shame in being wrong
or in not knowing . . .
I’ve never been burdened
by this kind of pride.
Many other kinds,
but not this one;
perhaps because no one has really expected me
to have much of a brain about anything,
except animals,
plants,
and heart stuff.
I rarely ask to be taken seriously
and many folks
think that I live with my head in the clouds . . .
they do come to me however,
with questions they’d not ask another human being,
so my word must be of some worth.
So no,
knowing nothing
has never been an issue . . .
besides,
the older I get
the more that I know
thatI don’t know at all,
so in that sense
I am as free as a bird. ♥
Any time when it came to admit that I don´t know, which is not rare. In fact, I guess it is increasing, as what do I really know for sure??? For a long time, I did not even know about myself that I was guided in many aspects, in words and deeds by strong but unperceived underlying fear, which is said to be a bad advisor, one who even pretends to know in order to protect. Saying no where I should have known better or vice versa, saying Yes when I should have known better. After having faced this error and confusion in perception due to fear, faced also the errors in interpretations, reactions and deeds following, this letting go allows now to simply say: I don´t know, if I don´t know, and it is freeing that it is as it is in the very moment, allowing it just to be and let the process move when it moves and allow it to rest when it rests. Wishing all peaceful pentecost holidays.
I would say in a school or job setting is when I have felt the most relief with admitting. But also in religion. I feel like some families growing up make it seem so disrespectful to question your religion, but for me it has only deepened my view points and made me feel more sure when choosing a religion. I do not think it is necessarily a bad thing, there is just a respectful way to do so.
Some time ago I came to the realization that if I “learn out loud” in the moment, I’m growing and also demonstrating to others that it’s okay not to know everything. It’s very freeing to get my ego out of the way, the younger me who wanted to show that she was smart and had a lot to offer, and instead say, “Thank you for that! I didn’t know. I’m [whatever-ing] to build this into my [practice/understanding/project/etc.].”
As a leader of a team, I hope that by doing this I’m demonstrating that they’re also free to learn in the moment, to not know everything and still be trusted and respected as an expert in their field. My role has some position power in my agency and I do this with my peers and higher-ups as well. They can count on me not to claim knowledge I don’t have and that makes me trustworthy. I’m being real and honest.
So much more freedom than the tension of fearing I might be wrong. I’m going to be wrong! Sometimes when I share something in a meeting, at the end I say, “Tell me what I got wrong.” Inviting others to share what they know–and also maybe to not know everything–creates a space of freedom for all of us.
Rachel Maddow
has a news program on Monday nights,
dear Barb . . .
she states her case,
her observations,
and the known facts . . .
then she always asks her guest,
when introducing him or her,
who is a specialist,
“Have I got it right?
Did I miss something?”
I admire
and love that about her. ♥
In my figure drawing class, the new instructor is a very talented young woman. I am always interested to hear everything that she has to say, but she does not project her voice when giving instructions. I can’t hear what she is saying even though I’m wearing my hearing aid. But when she starts giving instructions, I pause before saying anything, because I am one of the older, if not the oldest student in the class. I speak up anyway, but wonder if others are thinking, there goes that old lady again.😐 Still it is worth the bit of embarrassment to be able to hear the instruction. Last week, after class, I suggested to the instructor that she might want to use a microphone. She seemed to think that this was a good idea, and I was happy to hear a younger student agree that this would be helpful. I think others in the class are having trouble hearing her too. I will continue to ask her to speak up when I can’t hear her in class. I am often the person in any class who speaks up, when there is a problem. It is freeing to know that I will be heard when there is an issue.
Is it possible for you to sit in the front of the class? Not sure how the chairs/tables are set up and if there are assigned seats, but this came to mind. I think it is great that you speak up – the fact that you have done this mult times should be a clue for the teacher to speak up or go get that microphone.
Mary, Sometimes when I’m in discussion groups, I can’t hear and I have to do the same thing–ask others to speak louder. I find it difficult to speak up but must do it or there is no use attending the sessions!
I’m reminded of reading or being told years ago that when you speak up, you’re saying something others are thinking. They’ll be glad you said something.
I’m often in large gatherings or meetings. Someone will say, “I don’t need a microphone.” I’ve started saying, “Yes you do! Please use it.” Sometimes I add, “It’s an important accessibility tool.” It’s been my experience that someone starts off projecting to the back of the room, then their voice gets quieter as they speak. Everyone needs a mic.
When have I felt liberated by admitting that I don’t know something? When I stopped looking for answers and started living my questions. I used to think that once I had the answer, I could start to live and so I existed. I’ve learned that when I’m willing to grow and not have all the answers, I’m gifted with realizations and greater self awareness. I share a meditation from my 2016 journal.
Morning Meds, Nov 11 2016 Who Am I?
“Apathy and depression are the prices we pay for having settled for and bought into our smallness. It’s what we get for having played the victim and allowed ourselves to be programmed. It’s the price we pay for having bought into negativity. It’s what results from resisting the part of ourselves that is loving, courageous, and great. It results from allowing ourselves to be invalidated by ourselves or other; it is the consequence of holding ourselves in a negative context. In reality, it is only a definition of ourselves that we have unwittingly allowed to happen. The way out is to become more conscious.”
David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
Good Morning,
I realized several years ago on Thanksgiving Day 1994 that I was fear personified. I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror. I picked up my hairbrush but the lady in the mirror did not pickup the hairbrush. She just stood there pleading to be seen and acknowledged. In that moment I understood the reason the Jewish God is called YAHWEH, the “I AM.” I understood that the question that every one needs to ask is “Who am I?” not “Who is God?” You see, I knew she was what I had become and I did not like what I saw but when I accepted it, it freed me to change. Acceptance freed my energy to become more of what we are all meant to be: FULLY HUMAN. Even typing those two words gifts me with the awe of being alive.
I wish I could tell you that acceptance was magical. It is not. Acceptance had to be renewed daily and some time I faltered and still do but this I know: To live the question “Who am I?” is to refuse to scapegoat others. To live the question “Who am I?” is to own one’s thoughts, feelings and actions. To live the question “Who am I?” is to forsake excuses. To live the question “Who am I?” is to be willing to evolve personally and know that in doing so, one is contributing creatively to the universal evolutionary process.
I close with the definition of Universe (Uni-One; Verse-Song) One song does not limit uniqueness or the creation of beautiful harmonies but it can turn fear into awe.
Blessings, Carol
P.S. Last night, I attended a performance of “Loveland” –a one woman show written and performed by Ann Randolph. Ann writes and performs shows based on her own life—a life I have no doubt has been filled with challenges. My guess is that to write and perform so brilliantly, she lives the question “Who am I?”
So interesting, Carol Ann. Ask who am I rather than who is God. Of course I want the answer to both questions, but asking and trying to discover who I am may be more fruitful. Thank you for your wisdom. 🕊️
I can’t recall a specific experience when I felt liberated by admitting I did not know something. However, many years ago I came to the realization, that the older I get, the less & less I know. I have so much to learn.
We are all students & teachers. I am happy to say I learn something new everyday.
I freely admit my ignorance!
🩷🕊️
It gives me a chance to question and learn more. I know so little about changing technology. Is it liberating to admit?. Yes, but still so hard to learn. That will be the growth. Now what icon do I tap?
When I was still working (as a hospitalist) sometimes the most helpful words I could say to patients were: “I don’t know”. I felt more human, more like a colleague to them, and it helped me find an answer, consultant, social worker or other professional for the patient. I say those words slightly less frequently now, but still on a daily basis. It contributes to my marriage and to nearly any relationship I might have with family or friends.
It is always liberating to admit I don’t know things. Sometimes it’s painful, embarrassing or frustrating but with acceptance of not knowing comes a chance to learn, the chance to be curious, and most importantly ( and most difficult) the chance to sit back and let God take the reigns.
On a side note to Katrina who mentioned wanting to hear Richard Rohr speak a few days ago. He has a podcast. There is also two great interviews with Brene Brown and Richard Rohr on her old podcast ( she has a different one now). That is lovely. She also interviews Bono in a 2 part series and they talk about Richard Rohr that is very contemplative.
Just do a search for him on a podcast app and different things pop up.
The closest that jumps out is just this Monday. I messaged Angela and admitted that politics isn’t my strength. That felt liberating. It helped me be more honest with my emotions. I even said that honesty is greater than politics. The results so far compared to last year has been night and day. Trusting my root people, especially, has made a huge difference.
I made a rhubarb strawberry compote the other night. (I had never made this before) It seemed to take forever for the strawberries to break down. In a phone chat with my good neighbor, I asked her for a solution. She’d had that problem and shared her secret-use a potato masher! The info was liberating- I didn’t feel like a cooking failure. I pause with others this Memorial Day weekend to remember the many fallen soldiers who died, that we might have the freedoms we have. RIP 🇺🇸
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I’m in my hometown now. It’s been just 6 years, but many things have changed. New places for activities, new restaurants—new rules. Admitting that I don’t know many of these new things allowed me to walk in town with a fresh mind and vision.
My Ngoc, I remember returning to Vietnam with my parents in 2000. They said the same on how many things changed in the village of Cam Ranh and the city of Nha Trang where dad and mom were from respectively.
How exciting Ngoc! I hope you enjoy your visit!
Fresh eyes,
dear Ngoc . . . ♥
There is no shame in being wrong
or in not knowing . . .
I’ve never been burdened
by this kind of pride.
Many other kinds,
but not this one;
perhaps because no one has really expected me
to have much of a brain about anything,
except animals,
plants,
and heart stuff.
I rarely ask to be taken seriously
and many folks
think that I live with my head in the clouds . . .
they do come to me however,
with questions they’d not ask another human being,
so my word must be of some worth.
So no,
knowing nothing
has never been an issue . . .
besides,
the older I get
the more that I know
thatI don’t know at all,
so in that sense
I am as free as a bird. ♥
Any time when it came to admit that I don´t know, which is not rare. In fact, I guess it is increasing, as what do I really know for sure??? For a long time, I did not even know about myself that I was guided in many aspects, in words and deeds by strong but unperceived underlying fear, which is said to be a bad advisor, one who even pretends to know in order to protect. Saying no where I should have known better or vice versa, saying Yes when I should have known better. After having faced this error and confusion in perception due to fear, faced also the errors in interpretations, reactions and deeds following, this letting go allows now to simply say: I don´t know, if I don´t know, and it is freeing that it is as it is in the very moment, allowing it just to be and let the process move when it moves and allow it to rest when it rests. Wishing all peaceful pentecost holidays.
Yes to all you have said. Thank you, Ose. 🕊️
I would say in a school or job setting is when I have felt the most relief with admitting. But also in religion. I feel like some families growing up make it seem so disrespectful to question your religion, but for me it has only deepened my view points and made me feel more sure when choosing a religion. I do not think it is necessarily a bad thing, there is just a respectful way to do so.
Some time ago I came to the realization that if I “learn out loud” in the moment, I’m growing and also demonstrating to others that it’s okay not to know everything. It’s very freeing to get my ego out of the way, the younger me who wanted to show that she was smart and had a lot to offer, and instead say, “Thank you for that! I didn’t know. I’m [whatever-ing] to build this into my [practice/understanding/project/etc.].”
As a leader of a team, I hope that by doing this I’m demonstrating that they’re also free to learn in the moment, to not know everything and still be trusted and respected as an expert in their field. My role has some position power in my agency and I do this with my peers and higher-ups as well. They can count on me not to claim knowledge I don’t have and that makes me trustworthy. I’m being real and honest.
So much more freedom than the tension of fearing I might be wrong. I’m going to be wrong! Sometimes when I share something in a meeting, at the end I say, “Tell me what I got wrong.” Inviting others to share what they know–and also maybe to not know everything–creates a space of freedom for all of us.
Rachel Maddow
has a news program on Monday nights,
dear Barb . . .
she states her case,
her observations,
and the known facts . . .
then she always asks her guest,
when introducing him or her,
who is a specialist,
“Have I got it right?
Did I miss something?”
I admire
and love that about her. ♥
In my figure drawing class, the new instructor is a very talented young woman. I am always interested to hear everything that she has to say, but she does not project her voice when giving instructions. I can’t hear what she is saying even though I’m wearing my hearing aid. But when she starts giving instructions, I pause before saying anything, because I am one of the older, if not the oldest student in the class. I speak up anyway, but wonder if others are thinking, there goes that old lady again.😐 Still it is worth the bit of embarrassment to be able to hear the instruction. Last week, after class, I suggested to the instructor that she might want to use a microphone. She seemed to think that this was a good idea, and I was happy to hear a younger student agree that this would be helpful. I think others in the class are having trouble hearing her too. I will continue to ask her to speak up when I can’t hear her in class. I am often the person in any class who speaks up, when there is a problem. It is freeing to know that I will be heard when there is an issue.
Is it possible for you to sit in the front of the class? Not sure how the chairs/tables are set up and if there are assigned seats, but this came to mind. I think it is great that you speak up – the fact that you have done this mult times should be a clue for the teacher to speak up or go get that microphone.
Mary, Sometimes when I’m in discussion groups, I can’t hear and I have to do the same thing–ask others to speak louder. I find it difficult to speak up but must do it or there is no use attending the sessions!
Absolutely!
Good for you,
dear Mary!
Speak up! ♥
Thank you, Sparrow.
I’m reminded of reading or being told years ago that when you speak up, you’re saying something others are thinking. They’ll be glad you said something.
I’m often in large gatherings or meetings. Someone will say, “I don’t need a microphone.” I’ve started saying, “Yes you do! Please use it.” Sometimes I add, “It’s an important accessibility tool.” It’s been my experience that someone starts off projecting to the back of the room, then their voice gets quieter as they speak. Everyone needs a mic.
Thanks, Barb.
When have I felt liberated by admitting that I don’t know something? When I stopped looking for answers and started living my questions. I used to think that once I had the answer, I could start to live and so I existed. I’ve learned that when I’m willing to grow and not have all the answers, I’m gifted with realizations and greater self awareness. I share a meditation from my 2016 journal.
Morning Meds, Nov 11 2016 Who Am I?
“Apathy and depression are the prices we pay for having settled for and bought into our smallness. It’s what we get for having played the victim and allowed ourselves to be programmed. It’s the price we pay for having bought into negativity. It’s what results from resisting the part of ourselves that is loving, courageous, and great. It results from allowing ourselves to be invalidated by ourselves or other; it is the consequence of holding ourselves in a negative context. In reality, it is only a definition of ourselves that we have unwittingly allowed to happen. The way out is to become more conscious.”
David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
Good Morning,
I realized several years ago on Thanksgiving Day 1994 that I was fear personified. I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror. I picked up my hairbrush but the lady in the mirror did not pickup the hairbrush. She just stood there pleading to be seen and acknowledged. In that moment I understood the reason the Jewish God is called YAHWEH, the “I AM.” I understood that the question that every one needs to ask is “Who am I?” not “Who is God?” You see, I knew she was what I had become and I did not like what I saw but when I accepted it, it freed me to change. Acceptance freed my energy to become more of what we are all meant to be: FULLY HUMAN. Even typing those two words gifts me with the awe of being alive.
I wish I could tell you that acceptance was magical. It is not. Acceptance had to be renewed daily and some time I faltered and still do but this I know: To live the question “Who am I?” is to refuse to scapegoat others. To live the question “Who am I?” is to own one’s thoughts, feelings and actions. To live the question “Who am I?” is to forsake excuses. To live the question “Who am I?” is to be willing to evolve personally and know that in doing so, one is contributing creatively to the universal evolutionary process.
I close with the definition of Universe (Uni-One; Verse-Song) One song does not limit uniqueness or the creation of beautiful harmonies but it can turn fear into awe.
Blessings, Carol
P.S. Last night, I attended a performance of “Loveland” –a one woman show written and performed by Ann Randolph. Ann writes and performs shows based on her own life—a life I have no doubt has been filled with challenges. My guess is that to write and perform so brilliantly, she lives the question “Who am I?”
So interesting, Carol Ann. Ask who am I rather than who is God. Of course I want the answer to both questions, but asking and trying to discover who I am may be more fruitful. Thank you for your wisdom. 🕊️
Mary, If my journey is helpful to you, that brings me joy.
♥️♥️♥️
I can’t recall a specific experience when I felt liberated by admitting I did not know something. However, many years ago I came to the realization, that the older I get, the less & less I know. I have so much to learn.
We are all students & teachers. I am happy to say I learn something new everyday.
I freely admit my ignorance!
🩷🕊️
Me too,
dear PKR,
100%. ♥
PKR, I’ve heard of the old addage before on how it ultimately comes down to who we know, not what we know.
It gives me a chance to question and learn more. I know so little about changing technology. Is it liberating to admit?. Yes, but still so hard to learn. That will be the growth. Now what icon do I tap?
Yes Yram, let the icons show the way!
😀
Admitting I don’t know is generally liberating. I’d like to do it more often. Happy weekend, everyone.
When I was still working (as a hospitalist) sometimes the most helpful words I could say to patients were: “I don’t know”. I felt more human, more like a colleague to them, and it helped me find an answer, consultant, social worker or other professional for the patient. I say those words slightly less frequently now, but still on a daily basis. It contributes to my marriage and to nearly any relationship I might have with family or friends.
It is always liberating to admit I don’t know things. Sometimes it’s painful, embarrassing or frustrating but with acceptance of not knowing comes a chance to learn, the chance to be curious, and most importantly ( and most difficult) the chance to sit back and let God take the reigns.
On a side note to Katrina who mentioned wanting to hear Richard Rohr speak a few days ago. He has a podcast. There is also two great interviews with Brene Brown and Richard Rohr on her old podcast ( she has a different one now). That is lovely. She also interviews Bono in a 2 part series and they talk about Richard Rohr that is very contemplative.
Just do a search for him on a podcast app and different things pop up.
The closest that jumps out is just this Monday. I messaged Angela and admitted that politics isn’t my strength. That felt liberating. It helped me be more honest with my emotions. I even said that honesty is greater than politics. The results so far compared to last year has been night and day. Trusting my root people, especially, has made a huge difference.
I made a rhubarb strawberry compote the other night. (I had never made this before) It seemed to take forever for the strawberries to break down. In a phone chat with my good neighbor, I asked her for a solution. She’d had that problem and shared her secret-use a potato masher! The info was liberating- I didn’t feel like a cooking failure. I pause with others this Memorial Day weekend to remember the many fallen soldiers who died, that we might have the freedoms we have. RIP 🇺🇸
At work – if I don’t know something I have no problem asking to find the answer … critical thinking involves asking questions.
Happy Friday Everyone – I’m looking forward to a nice half-day and then a massage with my daughter 🙂
Michele, Sounds wonderful…enjoy….relax-release!
We had a nice mother-daughter time together 🙂