Right now this moment is super challenging for me . I don’t know what more to say but to lay it all out there . I want to say to everyone here who has waked this journey with me now for many years thank you so much for all of your well wishes and kindness. I am so grateful.
Tonight after coming home from an 8 day trip Ii went the sexual assault senter at the hospital.. I had to finally see that I have been sexually assaulted multiple times in a bad relationship over time .
So right now this very present moment is showing me that I have people who love me and don’t want me to be hurt anymore . My helper who I have told you about many times sent me the hotline for violence and abuse and told me that it’s time to get help. This meditation has helped me for four years to become stronger and more capable than ever before. For that I’m very grateful.
Now I must see clearly and see that I have to block myself from this person. I’m scared to this and I feel like I can’t do it . But with the help and intervention of others I will take these steps now to stop this.
I guess here they say 1 out of 5 women experience sexual abuse. It’s possible and likely that it is way more than that . I’m not alone and I feel like it’s pathetic- like how could I let this happen and on and on the thoughts run like a storm at sea with no clear end in sight.
The universe has my back- the universe will take me to safety. It’s time to show me what self love means when all I really want to do is let it all happen because I feel like I deserve it .
So professional help is needed to heal from past trauma and whatever all this has been .
What helps me return to the present moment is trusting the universe’s hand is literally holding my hand. And it’s time to face whatever is happening and heal . Not just for me but for everyone. I have not told anyone about this – only my middle son knows something happened and my meditation helper . So far the abuse hotline people and the hospital are going to start the process and I’ll be starting each day with baby steps .
I can’t say that I’m ready for any of this . Not at all but will I ever be ready ? If I don’t do anything it will never stop and won’t end well.
If I want to stop seeing this I have to make changes ! The future won’t change unless I take action. So here goes . Thank you .
Ah me,
dearest Antoinette . . .
I almost feel like I had written your words,
as I have been through the same thing
many years ago,
and I don’t have to tell you
it was torture . . .
all of it.
You are starting to see though,
and this gives me hope for you.
I am not proud to say
that I am one of those people who didn’t report it,
and I know for certain there are others.
You are absolutely right–
if you don’t do anything
it will never stop and won’t end well.
You are hesitant and uncertain,
but you ARE ready . . .
I can hear it in your voice.
Keep the faith
and keep taking those baby steps.
I can testify that there is a way through this,
and I will hold you in my heart the whole way
with much love . . . ♥
Yes we are one of many and this has been decades in the making . Standing up and reporting it is for all of us. It’s not only about me – it’s me too. And it happens so often that we have to stand up now . It’s about the little girls and boys all over the world. I am just one person but I have to stop the trauma bond and break the habit. It’s generational trauma /habits . It’s got to stop . Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry this happened to you too.
ELIZABETH,
This means so much to me . Thank you . Today I went to a place for women who have been sexually abused. It’s been going on for years. So now I’m going to start the process of blocking this Pierson and try to break the bond of abuse/trauma . It’s taking all my energy to not go back to the situation. As sick as that sounds .
Our septic system backed up last week,
causing sewage water to leak into our cellar
and down the wall of the foundation . . .
all thoughts of being present
went out the window.
My husband called septic companies and plumbers,
but no one could come until December,
and we would not be able to use water in the house
until the ‘situation’ was cleared up.
I was overwhelmed and near panic,
and paced the floors,
wondering what to do.
Finally,
a call came in and someone from an excavating company
said he could squeeze us in the next day.
One sigh of relief . . .
the iron bands squeezing my chest loosened a little
One of the plumbers we had called,
phoned back
and said he could work on the leak from the inside of the house
if the pipe was cleared.
Another sigh of relief,
and another loosening of the bands.
Good as their word,
both the septic guy and the plumber showed up.
It was then discovered that although the tank itself was intact,
the pipe from tank to house was still plugged
and he couldn’t drain it.
He did however offer us the services of a company that had a jetter truck
who could come out the next day
and power wash that drain pipe,
which actually happened.
Yet another sigh of relief . . .
we could now use our water.
As the tension in my body receded,
I was released from the bands around my chest
and had myself a good, long think.
My life
generally runs pretty smoothly these days . . .
I am alone much of the time
and not easily distracted from presence of mind . . .
I have even prided myself in my ability to be in the moment,
but our little emergency
knocked me off my feet
and reminded me to be always vigilant . . .
not tense and waiting,
but soft and open.
The incident
has surely humbled me
and gave me a nudge I needed
to get me back on track
and off my self-made pedestal.
It’s not over . . .
the plumber needs to come back multiple times,
and the whole operation
is going to cost a young fortune,
but this challenge
is an opportunity to practice in trying circumstances,
and I feel strengthened by my failure
to be calm and keep a cool head.
So I say my heartfelt ‘thanks’ to the Universe
for this little lesson in Life. ♥
Oh, Sparrow, just thinking of what you have been through makes me tense. I give thanks that it is all working out now. Your words….”not tense and waiting but soft and open” are words I so needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing.
It’s going to be an ongoing saga for a bit,
dear Carol Ann,
but I’ve had the wake up call
and hope I can handle it all with a little more grace.
I’m happy that what I said
means something to you. ♥
Like all in this world, our own infrastructure is impermanent. This time of year it is the falling groundwater level. We become more aware of how long the pump runs, so the pump does not pump air and burn out. The water running through the pump cools them down. It was a dry summer with a sparse snow pack. The deep wells in the center of the valley created a large void that needs to be filled. Water above and below ground is always seeking its level. The water below our place, on the edge of the valley and along the Alamosa River, is seeking fast. I have a water sounder and have been colleting data, depth to water readings, since 2003 in a spread sheet. The trends are obvious to me. Much good thought for your repairs dear Sparrow.
Thank you,
dear Joseph,
for your kind thoughts . . .
your issues
seem to depend more on the need for water,
and since agua es vida,
you have a lot to lose
if you don’t get moisture this winter.
May your pumps
always have enough water
so they are not pumping air. ♥
Dear SPARROW
Wow fantastic good job at seeing a hard time in life with grace and patience!
I hope that they clean it all up and you can use the water soon ! Hugs 🤗
I don’t feel like I’ve done a good job at all,
dear Antoinette,
but I have learned a lesson,
we do at least
have the ability to have water in the house again.
Thank you for sending good vibes. ♥
For me, it’s all about coming back to the breath.
I take a deep belly breath through my nose, and let out a long exhale through pursed lips.
Releasing tension that I’m holding, and coming back to my senses. Coming back to this moment and this place.
What helps me return to the present moment when life gets busy is to be still and use my senses – hear/listen (to birds, songs, poetry) , look (around m environment), feel (hug myself and other beings), taste (eat and drink slowly), smell (the scent of myself and all beings), to wake me up and breath the moment.
Looking up at the sky, whether that’s looking through my office window at the sky above trees in the adjacent park, or going outside for a walk and looking up. It’s always there, it’s ever-changing, it doesn’t ask anything of me except to breathe and observe.
Checking whether my shoulders are hunched up! If they are, I lower them and take a deep breath.
Most recently I’ve started an occasional breathing practice that will be familiar to some of you as a yoga practice. I block one nostril, take a full inhale/exhale, then block the other nostril, inhale/exhale, repeat this a few times. It calms me and gives me a bit of recharge. https://pranadan.com/alternate-nostril-breathing/
Adding that I’m just back from a full week of work travel. I’m getting a different kind of return to the present moment by coming home yesterday, sleeping in my own bed, taking time this morning to drink coffee, read with my cat stretched out warm and long on my lap, just BE HOME.
I find when I get busy I get distracted. This can cause a cut, dropping something, bumping into an object, etc. That brings me back to the present quickly.
Lately,
dear Yram,
for me,
what brought me back to presence,
was a situation last week
that humbled me,
and made realize I cannot take the Practice
for granted.
Thank you for your insight and observation. ♥
YRAM, your response helps me to reframe those little mishaps as something to be grateful for– a signal that can help remind me to go back to the present moment ♥️
The suggestion in the question is that hectic motion (busyness) takes us out of the present. If I can surrender and lovingly witness myself being hectically busy–and trust the process–then I can be present when life is busy. That kind of attention is a work in progress.
I enjoy the easy stretches while they last. When life gets busier, an answer will come up. One thing for sure is that nothing’s perminant and the busy times will pass. The harder we work, the earlier and faster it those times will pass. Working smarter and harder can certainly be done.
When my lifestyle gets busy, it is a different busy. Sometimes it requires manual labor. Then the aging process begins to enter the mix. What I do is stop more often and observe. Straighten out my back, breathe and gaze at the sky, the surrounding Sangre De Cristo, Crestone Needles and the San Juan mountain ranges, the winged beings, the cottonwoods, shed of leaves dormant for the duration, till spring. I observe without naming, conceptualizing what is before my eyesight and just breathe in the presence of the spot in which I live. Peace & Love.
Joseph, When you say “observe without naming,” it reminds me of my tendency to label people, places and things. That’s not a healthy practice. It promotes an “us and them” mentality.
Hello Christina, I began this practice after hearing Eckhart Tolle speak of it in several of his recorded talks throughout the years. The more I practice, the more moments of presence I receive.
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Focusing on what I am able to control. Having my priorities checked off. Being grateful for where I am at.
Right now this moment is super challenging for me . I don’t know what more to say but to lay it all out there . I want to say to everyone here who has waked this journey with me now for many years thank you so much for all of your well wishes and kindness. I am so grateful.
Tonight after coming home from an 8 day trip Ii went the sexual assault senter at the hospital.. I had to finally see that I have been sexually assaulted multiple times in a bad relationship over time .
So right now this very present moment is showing me that I have people who love me and don’t want me to be hurt anymore . My helper who I have told you about many times sent me the hotline for violence and abuse and told me that it’s time to get help. This meditation has helped me for four years to become stronger and more capable than ever before. For that I’m very grateful.
Now I must see clearly and see that I have to block myself from this person. I’m scared to this and I feel like I can’t do it . But with the help and intervention of others I will take these steps now to stop this.
I guess here they say 1 out of 5 women experience sexual abuse. It’s possible and likely that it is way more than that . I’m not alone and I feel like it’s pathetic- like how could I let this happen and on and on the thoughts run like a storm at sea with no clear end in sight.
The universe has my back- the universe will take me to safety. It’s time to show me what self love means when all I really want to do is let it all happen because I feel like I deserve it .
So professional help is needed to heal from past trauma and whatever all this has been .
What helps me return to the present moment is trusting the universe’s hand is literally holding my hand. And it’s time to face whatever is happening and heal . Not just for me but for everyone. I have not told anyone about this – only my middle son knows something happened and my meditation helper . So far the abuse hotline people and the hospital are going to start the process and I’ll be starting each day with baby steps .
I can’t say that I’m ready for any of this . Not at all but will I ever be ready ? If I don’t do anything it will never stop and won’t end well.
If I want to stop seeing this I have to make changes ! The future won’t change unless I take action. So here goes . Thank you .
Ah me,
dearest Antoinette . . .
I almost feel like I had written your words,
as I have been through the same thing
many years ago,
and I don’t have to tell you
it was torture . . .
all of it.
You are starting to see though,
and this gives me hope for you.
I am not proud to say
that I am one of those people who didn’t report it,
and I know for certain there are others.
You are absolutely right–
if you don’t do anything
it will never stop and won’t end well.
You are hesitant and uncertain,
but you ARE ready . . .
I can hear it in your voice.
Keep the faith
and keep taking those baby steps.
I can testify that there is a way through this,
and I will hold you in my heart the whole way
with much love . . . ♥
Yes we are one of many and this has been decades in the making . Standing up and reporting it is for all of us. It’s not only about me – it’s me too. And it happens so often that we have to stand up now . It’s about the little girls and boys all over the world. I am just one person but I have to stop the trauma bond and break the habit. It’s generational trauma /habits . It’s got to stop . Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry this happened to you too.
Antoinette, I see you in your light and courage and wish you much strength as you take this step.
I have just lit a candle for you on the Gratefulness web page.
Sending much love ♥️
ELIZABETH,
This means so much to me . Thank you . Today I went to a place for women who have been sexually abused. It’s been going on for years. So now I’m going to start the process of blocking this Pierson and try to break the bond of abuse/trauma . It’s taking all my energy to not go back to the situation. As sick as that sounds .
You can do this,
dear Antointette . . .
you are stronger than you know.
It was hard for me too,
to leave my ‘situation’
and took more than one try. ♥
♥️
Our septic system backed up last week,
causing sewage water to leak into our cellar
and down the wall of the foundation . . .
all thoughts of being present
went out the window.
My husband called septic companies and plumbers,
but no one could come until December,
and we would not be able to use water in the house
until the ‘situation’ was cleared up.
I was overwhelmed and near panic,
and paced the floors,
wondering what to do.
Finally,
a call came in and someone from an excavating company
said he could squeeze us in the next day.
One sigh of relief . . .
the iron bands squeezing my chest loosened a little
One of the plumbers we had called,
phoned back
and said he could work on the leak from the inside of the house
if the pipe was cleared.
Another sigh of relief,
and another loosening of the bands.
Good as their word,
both the septic guy and the plumber showed up.
It was then discovered that although the tank itself was intact,
the pipe from tank to house was still plugged
and he couldn’t drain it.
He did however offer us the services of a company that had a jetter truck
who could come out the next day
and power wash that drain pipe,
which actually happened.
Yet another sigh of relief . . .
we could now use our water.
As the tension in my body receded,
I was released from the bands around my chest
and had myself a good, long think.
My life
generally runs pretty smoothly these days . . .
I am alone much of the time
and not easily distracted from presence of mind . . .
I have even prided myself in my ability to be in the moment,
but our little emergency
knocked me off my feet
and reminded me to be always vigilant . . .
not tense and waiting,
but soft and open.
The incident
has surely humbled me
and gave me a nudge I needed
to get me back on track
and off my self-made pedestal.
It’s not over . . .
the plumber needs to come back multiple times,
and the whole operation
is going to cost a young fortune,
but this challenge
is an opportunity to practice in trying circumstances,
and I feel strengthened by my failure
to be calm and keep a cool head.
So I say my heartfelt ‘thanks’ to the Universe
for this little lesson in Life. ♥
Sending you positive energy that your sewage/plumbing repairs are fixed quickly and properly.
Thank you,
dear Michele . . . ♥
Oh, Sparrow, just thinking of what you have been through makes me tense. I give thanks that it is all working out now. Your words….”not tense and waiting but soft and open” are words I so needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing.
It’s going to be an ongoing saga for a bit,
dear Carol Ann,
but I’ve had the wake up call
and hope I can handle it all with a little more grace.
I’m happy that what I said
means something to you. ♥
Like all in this world, our own infrastructure is impermanent. This time of year it is the falling groundwater level. We become more aware of how long the pump runs, so the pump does not pump air and burn out. The water running through the pump cools them down. It was a dry summer with a sparse snow pack. The deep wells in the center of the valley created a large void that needs to be filled. Water above and below ground is always seeking its level. The water below our place, on the edge of the valley and along the Alamosa River, is seeking fast. I have a water sounder and have been colleting data, depth to water readings, since 2003 in a spread sheet. The trends are obvious to me. Much good thought for your repairs dear Sparrow.
Thank you,
dear Joseph,
for your kind thoughts . . .
your issues
seem to depend more on the need for water,
and since agua es vida,
you have a lot to lose
if you don’t get moisture this winter.
May your pumps
always have enough water
so they are not pumping air. ♥
Dear SPARROW
Wow fantastic good job at seeing a hard time in life with grace and patience!
I hope that they clean it all up and you can use the water soon ! Hugs 🤗
I don’t feel like I’ve done a good job at all,
dear Antoinette,
but I have learned a lesson,
we do at least
have the ability to have water in the house again.
Thank you for sending good vibes. ♥
Taking a walk usually helps me. If I am at work, we have a serenity room w/ yoga mats and a chair to relax & put your legs up.
love that your work has a serenity room – all employers should do that, lol
For me, it’s all about coming back to the breath.
I take a deep belly breath through my nose, and let out a long exhale through pursed lips.
Releasing tension that I’m holding, and coming back to my senses. Coming back to this moment and this place.
When the mind begins to wander, bring it back to the breath.
Yes,
dear Joseph . . .
that’s what I do too. ♥
What helps me return to the present moment when life gets busy is to be still and use my senses – hear/listen (to birds, songs, poetry) , look (around m environment), feel (hug myself and other beings), taste (eat and drink slowly), smell (the scent of myself and all beings), to wake me up and breath the moment.
Looking up at the sky, whether that’s looking through my office window at the sky above trees in the adjacent park, or going outside for a walk and looking up. It’s always there, it’s ever-changing, it doesn’t ask anything of me except to breathe and observe.
Checking whether my shoulders are hunched up! If they are, I lower them and take a deep breath.
Most recently I’ve started an occasional breathing practice that will be familiar to some of you as a yoga practice. I block one nostril, take a full inhale/exhale, then block the other nostril, inhale/exhale, repeat this a few times. It calms me and gives me a bit of recharge. https://pranadan.com/alternate-nostril-breathing/
Adding that I’m just back from a full week of work travel. I’m getting a different kind of return to the present moment by coming home yesterday, sleeping in my own bed, taking time this morning to drink coffee, read with my cat stretched out warm and long on my lap, just BE HOME.
I know the feeling,
dear Barb,
and am grateful you are home safely. ♥
“Sacred Pauses” to borrow a phrase from my dear friend Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr.
♥
I find when I get busy I get distracted. This can cause a cut, dropping something, bumping into an object, etc. That brings me back to the present quickly.
Lately,
dear Yram,
for me,
what brought me back to presence,
was a situation last week
that humbled me,
and made realize I cannot take the Practice
for granted.
Thank you for your insight and observation. ♥
YRAM, your response helps me to reframe those little mishaps as something to be grateful for– a signal that can help remind me to go back to the present moment ♥️
I’m afraid I haven’t been being present. One concept at a time! Happy Saturday all!
The suggestion in the question is that hectic motion (busyness) takes us out of the present. If I can surrender and lovingly witness myself being hectically busy–and trust the process–then I can be present when life is busy. That kind of attention is a work in progress.
Oh, very good answer! Don’t try to step away, be present with what is. “Life is what it is now.”
Fascinating, Drea.
my breath -taking mindful slow breaths.
Wishing everyone a great weekend 🙂
https://nationaltoday.com/go-for-a-ride-day/
https://nationaltoday.com/international-survivors-of-suicide-loss-day/
I enjoy the easy stretches while they last. When life gets busier, an answer will come up. One thing for sure is that nothing’s perminant and the busy times will pass. The harder we work, the earlier and faster it those times will pass. Working smarter and harder can certainly be done.
Practicing Stop. Look. Go enables me to return to the present moment.
When my lifestyle gets busy, it is a different busy. Sometimes it requires manual labor. Then the aging process begins to enter the mix. What I do is stop more often and observe. Straighten out my back, breathe and gaze at the sky, the surrounding Sangre De Cristo, Crestone Needles and the San Juan mountain ranges, the winged beings, the cottonwoods, shed of leaves dormant for the duration, till spring. I observe without naming, conceptualizing what is before my eyesight and just breathe in the presence of the spot in which I live. Peace & Love.
I too,
am of an age,
dear Joseph,
where I need to take more breaks,
which always opens me up to presence as well.
I know of what you speak. ♥
Joseph, When you say “observe without naming,” it reminds me of my tendency to label people, places and things. That’s not a healthy practice. It promotes an “us and them” mentality.
Hi Joseph. I’ve always noted how you look without naming or conceptualizing. Getting the rational mind out of the way seems like a kind of freedom.
Hello Christina, I began this practice after hearing Eckhart Tolle speak of it in several of his recorded talks throughout the years. The more I practice, the more moments of presence I receive.