That I am in control of everything or that I need to be in control of everything. I need to remember that control is an illusion that I create to make myself feel safe(r).
Sometimes
I become weary of talking about myself . . .
after all,
it’s not really all about me in the end.
It’s about the lives who have touched me
over the years . . .
the stories are endless–
some incredulous,
some mundane.
All worth telling
but all in the past.
Most of the stories about me
are illusions,
whispers simmering in my ears,
and yes,
sometimes shouts . . .
“you don’t belong,”
“you’re not good enough,,
” you are small and dirty.”
“You’ll never amount to anything,”
I know them well,
and a vast majority of people I know
recognize them too.
Yet we suffer in our silent little pods,
isolated,
plotting ways to disguise them,
twist them from braids to curls,
afraid,
always afraid
that others will see through them
and know us as worthless frauds
who are just taking up room and using resources
meant for those who are more deserving.
These
started to wither a little
and many have fallen away
since I left organized religion
and opened my heart to Gratitude,
pure and simple..
Sometimes now,
I don’t even hear them at all anymore,
and am living more and more in the Light,
knowing them to be false messages in the grand scheme of things.
And then,
when I am not feeling well,
after a really bad day,
or in the dead of night after a nightmare that wakes me,
a shadow of shame falls over me
and I think,
“Now I’ve grown arrogant,
overstepping my recovery . . .
making too much of myself.”
So it’s a bit of a see saw,
or a yo-yo . . .
I just hang on
knowing that tomorrow is another day.
Those stories don’t live in me anymore . . .
they only come to visit. ♥
I’m not sure that we can let go of some of our life-limiting stories. We can grow in awareness that they are life-limiting and practice mindfulness when they raise their heads but the “I am not enough” or “I’m not allowed to fail” or “If I can’t do it perfectly, I best not try.” I know these statements are false but they still arise from time to time and some times I can let them go and sometimes they win. Either way I respond is a form of surrender to what I can do in the moment.
I feel as if I’ve already done a lot of letting go of the idea that I have to put most of my energy into my job. I give it a lot because I love what we’re working toward. But at the end of the day when it’s quitting time I actually quit. We call Friday Fri-YAY because we have the whole weekend ahead.
I remember the days when I did All The Things to grow, to build a professional network (in a city I no longer live in), to try to do everything instead of recognizing that isn’t humanly possible. That did let me build toward what I do now so it wasn’t wasted. It helped me overcome limitations that everyone has when they’re younger, such as lack of experience and skill in organizing work to do things more efficiently or effectively. Things that once took a lot of thought now come as reflexes.
But moving upward in a career can move you from one set of limitations to another, self-imposed set of expectations that are limiting in their own way. I don’t have to be ambitious and work for a promotion, for example. I can appreciate where I am, value my own contributions, enjoy working with the great team I’ve assembled around me. At this point I plan to do this until I decide to retire or move to something else that I want because I want it, not because it’s somehow higher, better, more important.
I think I need to answer this as I know I need to not that I am ready- lately my life is a series of learning to let go.
I need to let go of my self doubt- when I sit with myself my mind and body become lighter when I think of certain decisions. But grows heavy with responsibilities, and guilt if I chose the path that a moment ago felt light and right. Then there is doubt that I have not done all I could. I need to let go and trust myself, God, the universe and stop limiting myself with “what ifs” and “ but you should”.
I sometimes tell myself that I am a fearful person. But telling myself that doesn’t help me to grow my courage. Fear is a common human emotion that all of us experience at times, so labelling myself as especially fearful isn’t helpful. So maybe a better story might be “I share fearfulness with all humans, and I am working to expand my courage.” or something along those lines.
I experience fear in the form of anxiety.
Not just in this extra crazy political environment,
but just as a person with a tendency toward anxiety.
But I have done a lot of brave things too.
I feel sure that you also have done a lot of brave things too, Elizabeth.
Fear doesn’t rule us.
We feel the fear and do it anyway.
That is one thing that helps me to feel good about myself.
🌷🌷🌷
I just read a line in a novel last night: “Courage isn’t an absence of fear. It’s the light we find when fear is all there is.”
(Book is by Stuart Turton, The Devil and the Dark Water–not an otherwise uplifting book, pretty dark and full of bad things happening and beliefs in a devil making people do them, set in the period when the Dutch East Indies Company had a lot of power.)
I’m reading “Healing the Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw. In it, he explains the family dynamics that lead children to feel flawed for just being themselves. The core shame of “there is something intrinsically wrong with me” becomes the source code for all kinds of limiting beliefs. Generations of families live under this source code.
I am ready to let go of the core limiting story, the I am somehow flawed or wrong. My family believed that about themselves and I inherited it. I refuse to build my life around that core story. I belong here with all my skills and talents, all my quirks and character flaws, just like everyone else who is here. We all belong here just as we are.
I am in the throes of changes at work. I’m a little bit stuck, waiting for leadership to open my new position. I talk to my mind about fear that my promotion won’t go through. I was a wanderer in my 20s and a little bit of a late bloomer in my field and I remind myself, “I’m exactly where I need to be.” As I write this, I also remind myself “my experiences made me uniquely qualified for my work.“ I will carry this with me in the leadership meeting today.
This brings me back to the 2 months when Ngoc was in Vietnam and California respectively. Of course, I knew that grown ups were going to constantly ask me “Do you miss your wife” in a babyish voice in various forms. Of course, I was embarrassed, because I felt like I was being treated like a little kid. Fortunately, my days of rebellion and discomfort are a thing of the past. The main Paw Mu advice I kept in mind was to build or stay connected to the root. It’s helped me receive care, be more friendly, and socialable.
Being closer to my family has led me to a new passion. My mom has taught me many types of Vietnamese poetry writing. Folks were surprised, jumped in, and played along as I made poem after poem. Having new interests helps time pass on by and deal with challenges more effectively.
During that time, I talked about integrity a lot in my answers. Therefore, a limitting belief I’m ready to let go is “I need to pull strings and rely on backstage politics to thrive in more challenging social situations.” I’m replacing that with “I can thrive in any setting by letting things happen naturally and being honest with myself.” One big step I’m addressing that is by pivitting away from Phil Jackson’s zen.
On the surface, Phil’s 11 rings suggests that he cares about winning. Going deeper, he used basketball more for recognition and writing zen books. It’s why he jumped from star to star going from Chicago to LA where he had MJ, Pippen, Kobe, and Shaq do much of the work for him. That mindset really backfired during his 3 miserable executive years in NY. He loves Shunryu Suzuki and played a pivital part in inspiring me to read “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.”
The 2 main takeaways I took from that book are right understanding and how zen shouldn’t be used for personal gain. Now, I’ve shifted to PM7 Zen for integrity and aligns much more with Suzuki’s ideas. It’s the 7 advice from Paw Mu summarized in these principles.
1. Build from the root.
2. Detach from your ways.
3. Take responsibility.
4. Trust your people.
5. Look beyond the surface.
6. Expect nothing in return.
7. Appreciate simpler pleasures.
Sean Coughlin, the buddy I’ve talked about before from 6th grade, and I are working on these together. Our zen calender now goes from July-June in 4 3-month quarter cycles as usual. My yearly goal is #1. His is #3. My 2 Q1 goals are #2 and 7. His are #5 and 6. The change has quickly had a positive affect on my well-being. It goes to show how it all starts and ends with roots and hearts.
I love how you responded to Charlie’s post,
saying, “shred away” . . ..
he had mentioned shedding stories.
I got a tickle of the two takes . . .
shedding vs. shredding,
both great ways of saying it. 🙂
Charlie, I know what you mean. I live a laid back lifestyle but never consider myself a finished product. That’s fixed mindedness and complacency in one.
The limiting beliefs of not being good enough and not being worthy of happiness and a good life. I’ve done a pretty good job the past few years, mainly the past year, but those thoughts still creep in. I know that I am good enough. I have a good life. I love the path I’m on and all of the opportunities that continue opening up for me. I will continue doing the work because I am worthy of all things good – we all are 🙂
Sunnypatti, this reminds me of some past conversations between Drea and me here on these threads on how I managed to get past that in a culture that highly values productivity. First of all, for starters, I’m glad I’m on the path I’m on having a few part-time casual performing jobs.
The stories that are fragments of old ideas such as “I’m not very good in math,” do need to be banished. I’m a Beloved child of the Divine, can replace that negativity. Happy Wednesday.
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That I am in control of everything or that I need to be in control of everything. I need to remember that control is an illusion that I create to make myself feel safe(r).
♥
Sometimes
I become weary of talking about myself . . .
after all,
it’s not really all about me in the end.
It’s about the lives who have touched me
over the years . . .
the stories are endless–
some incredulous,
some mundane.
All worth telling
but all in the past.
Most of the stories about me
are illusions,
whispers simmering in my ears,
and yes,
sometimes shouts . . .
“you don’t belong,”
“you’re not good enough,,
” you are small and dirty.”
“You’ll never amount to anything,”
I know them well,
and a vast majority of people I know
recognize them too.
Yet we suffer in our silent little pods,
isolated,
plotting ways to disguise them,
twist them from braids to curls,
afraid,
always afraid
that others will see through them
and know us as worthless frauds
who are just taking up room and using resources
meant for those who are more deserving.
These
started to wither a little
and many have fallen away
since I left organized religion
and opened my heart to Gratitude,
pure and simple..
Sometimes now,
I don’t even hear them at all anymore,
and am living more and more in the Light,
knowing them to be false messages in the grand scheme of things.
And then,
when I am not feeling well,
after a really bad day,
or in the dead of night after a nightmare that wakes me,
a shadow of shame falls over me
and I think,
“Now I’ve grown arrogant,
overstepping my recovery . . .
making too much of myself.”
So it’s a bit of a see saw,
or a yo-yo . . .
I just hang on
knowing that tomorrow is another day.
Those stories don’t live in me anymore . . .
they only come to visit. ♥
Just like that damnedable monkey who comes less often to jump about.
Exactly,
dear Joseph! 🙂
I’m not sure that we can let go of some of our life-limiting stories. We can grow in awareness that they are life-limiting and practice mindfulness when they raise their heads but the “I am not enough” or “I’m not allowed to fail” or “If I can’t do it perfectly, I best not try.” I know these statements are false but they still arise from time to time and some times I can let them go and sometimes they win. Either way I respond is a form of surrender to what I can do in the moment.
I read Richard Rohr’s meditation this morning and found it very helpful to me. In its own way, it addresses today’s question.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/faithful-to-the-journey/
I feel as if I’ve already done a lot of letting go of the idea that I have to put most of my energy into my job. I give it a lot because I love what we’re working toward. But at the end of the day when it’s quitting time I actually quit. We call Friday Fri-YAY because we have the whole weekend ahead.
I remember the days when I did All The Things to grow, to build a professional network (in a city I no longer live in), to try to do everything instead of recognizing that isn’t humanly possible. That did let me build toward what I do now so it wasn’t wasted. It helped me overcome limitations that everyone has when they’re younger, such as lack of experience and skill in organizing work to do things more efficiently or effectively. Things that once took a lot of thought now come as reflexes.
But moving upward in a career can move you from one set of limitations to another, self-imposed set of expectations that are limiting in their own way. I don’t have to be ambitious and work for a promotion, for example. I can appreciate where I am, value my own contributions, enjoy working with the great team I’ve assembled around me. At this point I plan to do this until I decide to retire or move to something else that I want because I want it, not because it’s somehow higher, better, more important.
Like the many here of not being of worth to deserve being happy, of not being enough.
I think,
dear Ose,
that we can only let go of these stories from within,
not from without . . .
Bless you ♥
I think I need to answer this as I know I need to not that I am ready- lately my life is a series of learning to let go.
I need to let go of my self doubt- when I sit with myself my mind and body become lighter when I think of certain decisions. But grows heavy with responsibilities, and guilt if I chose the path that a moment ago felt light and right. Then there is doubt that I have not done all I could. I need to let go and trust myself, God, the universe and stop limiting myself with “what ifs” and “ but you should”.
The “what ifs”,
dear Deann,
are especially tenacious
and difficult to let go . . .
I do this too. ♥
That I have to do more. (I don’t deserve a break)
That good things can’t happen to me. (Comparison is a priority)
The future will only bring hardship. (Things can’t change for the better. What can happen will happen )
Two of those ring true for me 1 & 3.
The aging process has made me take breaks from my labors and I have become quite fond of them.
No future tripping! Always practicing this one, same as I practice meditation . . . daily.
Thank you Yram
I sometimes tell myself that I am a fearful person. But telling myself that doesn’t help me to grow my courage. Fear is a common human emotion that all of us experience at times, so labelling myself as especially fearful isn’t helpful. So maybe a better story might be “I share fearfulness with all humans, and I am working to expand my courage.” or something along those lines.
I experience fear in the form of anxiety.
Not just in this extra crazy political environment,
but just as a person with a tendency toward anxiety.
But I have done a lot of brave things too.
I feel sure that you also have done a lot of brave things too, Elizabeth.
Fear doesn’t rule us.
We feel the fear and do it anyway.
That is one thing that helps me to feel good about myself.
🌷🌷🌷
Yes, sometimes that’s what we have to do– “feel the fear and do it anyway” and not let fear rule us ♥️
Many years ago a wise lady taught me that “the opposite of fear is not courage, it is love.”
Yes! I like it
I just read a line in a novel last night: “Courage isn’t an absence of fear. It’s the light we find when fear is all there is.”
(Book is by Stuart Turton, The Devil and the Dark Water–not an otherwise uplifting book, pretty dark and full of bad things happening and beliefs in a devil making people do them, set in the period when the Dutch East Indies Company had a lot of power.)
I like that quote– thanks!
I’m reading “Healing the Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw. In it, he explains the family dynamics that lead children to feel flawed for just being themselves. The core shame of “there is something intrinsically wrong with me” becomes the source code for all kinds of limiting beliefs. Generations of families live under this source code.
I am ready to let go of the core limiting story, the I am somehow flawed or wrong. My family believed that about themselves and I inherited it. I refuse to build my life around that core story. I belong here with all my skills and talents, all my quirks and character flaws, just like everyone else who is here. We all belong here just as we are.
Yes Drea, we all belong here just as we are. Namsate
Thank you,
dear Drea,
for this hopeful and uplifting post. ♥
Yes! I feel this. Thank you for sharing that book as well as all else you shared, Drea.
Thank you
I am in the throes of changes at work. I’m a little bit stuck, waiting for leadership to open my new position. I talk to my mind about fear that my promotion won’t go through. I was a wanderer in my 20s and a little bit of a late bloomer in my field and I remind myself, “I’m exactly where I need to be.” As I write this, I also remind myself “my experiences made me uniquely qualified for my work.“ I will carry this with me in the leadership meeting today.
Good luck!
Good luck ! 😉 you know you are in the right place !
All the best to you, Avril! You are exactly where you need to be 🙂
Good Luck!
May the spirit be with you.
Good luck at the meeting today, Avril.
This brings me back to the 2 months when Ngoc was in Vietnam and California respectively. Of course, I knew that grown ups were going to constantly ask me “Do you miss your wife” in a babyish voice in various forms. Of course, I was embarrassed, because I felt like I was being treated like a little kid. Fortunately, my days of rebellion and discomfort are a thing of the past. The main Paw Mu advice I kept in mind was to build or stay connected to the root. It’s helped me receive care, be more friendly, and socialable.
Being closer to my family has led me to a new passion. My mom has taught me many types of Vietnamese poetry writing. Folks were surprised, jumped in, and played along as I made poem after poem. Having new interests helps time pass on by and deal with challenges more effectively.
During that time, I talked about integrity a lot in my answers. Therefore, a limitting belief I’m ready to let go is “I need to pull strings and rely on backstage politics to thrive in more challenging social situations.” I’m replacing that with “I can thrive in any setting by letting things happen naturally and being honest with myself.” One big step I’m addressing that is by pivitting away from Phil Jackson’s zen.
On the surface, Phil’s 11 rings suggests that he cares about winning. Going deeper, he used basketball more for recognition and writing zen books. It’s why he jumped from star to star going from Chicago to LA where he had MJ, Pippen, Kobe, and Shaq do much of the work for him. That mindset really backfired during his 3 miserable executive years in NY. He loves Shunryu Suzuki and played a pivital part in inspiring me to read “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.”
The 2 main takeaways I took from that book are right understanding and how zen shouldn’t be used for personal gain. Now, I’ve shifted to PM7 Zen for integrity and aligns much more with Suzuki’s ideas. It’s the 7 advice from Paw Mu summarized in these principles.
1. Build from the root.
2. Detach from your ways.
3. Take responsibility.
4. Trust your people.
5. Look beyond the surface.
6. Expect nothing in return.
7. Appreciate simpler pleasures.
Sean Coughlin, the buddy I’ve talked about before from 6th grade, and I are working on these together. Our zen calender now goes from July-June in 4 3-month quarter cycles as usual. My yearly goal is #1. His is #3. My 2 Q1 goals are #2 and 7. His are #5 and 6. The change has quickly had a positive affect on my well-being. It goes to show how it all starts and ends with roots and hearts.
Thanks Loc Tran
No problem, Carol Ann.
Thanks Loc Tran. I can thrive in any social setting… I needed that this morning.
No problem, Avril. We can work on integrity together. To put in a nutshell, productivity sweeps truth under the rug.
As I have aged, I am slowly shedding the stories.
Mostly the “enough” stories. Good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, etc…
Happy Wednesday folks!
Shred a way Charlie ! Good job 👏 !
I love how you responded to Charlie’s post,
saying, “shred away” . . ..
he had mentioned shedding stories.
I got a tickle of the two takes . . .
shedding vs. shredding,
both great ways of saying it. 🙂
Charlie, I know what you mean. I live a laid back lifestyle but never consider myself a finished product. That’s fixed mindedness and complacency in one.
The limiting beliefs of not being good enough and not being worthy of happiness and a good life. I’ve done a pretty good job the past few years, mainly the past year, but those thoughts still creep in. I know that I am good enough. I have a good life. I love the path I’m on and all of the opportunities that continue opening up for me. I will continue doing the work because I am worthy of all things good – we all are 🙂
Sunnypatti, this reminds me of some past conversations between Drea and me here on these threads on how I managed to get past that in a culture that highly values productivity. First of all, for starters, I’m glad I’m on the path I’m on having a few part-time casual performing jobs.
The stories that are fragments of old ideas such as “I’m not very good in math,” do need to be banished. I’m a Beloved child of the Divine, can replace that negativity. Happy Wednesday.
I had that story, too. I’m actually conquering it with brain training. And now I’m learning to do mental maths and really enjoying it.
I am ready to let go of any negative stories about myself and stay focused on Positivity.