honestly – this feels like *the * question in a fully secular sense. i feel a full reflection on this, and a sincere attempt to truly listen with every fiber of our being has the power to transform our lives.
Perhaps learning something new. Sometimes though someone may talk endlessly about so much detail I begin to feel restless. I do not believe it is judgement? But seriously- I do not need to know every detail of installing an auto tiller for a sailboat. I do try to listen though!! I guess I just feel like I have an endless amount of things to do right now after moving.
Usually,
the more attentively I listen,
the more I learn from the other person,
and the more they want to tell me . . .
often,
the story
ends up in a completely different place
than where it started,
which is always enlightening.
Sometimes I am surprised . . .
sometimes they are surprised as well.
I love to listen,
as people have such rich and varied stories,
especially older people,
who have had years to dissect them
to learn from them,
and to let go of judgements around them.
I have had such experiences in my own life
that I fear judgement from others should I tell them,
which has made me slow to judge others.
I am certainly no better than anyone else,
and am keenly aware of that.
Forgive me if I’ve mentioned this before,
but my father,
who was a Presbyterian minister
opened his study to people who wanted to come in and talk.
One day
a woman came to see him,
and sat uncomfortably in her chair . . .
she said to my father,
“I don’t think I can tell you what is troubling me.
I don’t think you would understand my problem.”
My father,
who knew she was having trouble with her growing boys,
said,
“Let me tell you a story . . .”
and he told her about my sister running away from home,
and me being belligerent and rebellious.
After that confession
that he was not a perfect ‘holy man’
she felt free to share her problems.
Sometimes
people don’t want or need advice,
which can sound condescending . . .
sometimes
people just want to be seen and heard.
Sometimes they want to share the hidden part of themselves,
but don’t know how to do it.
When someone wants to talk with me
I just receive it as the gift that it is. ♥
Thank you, Sparrow for reminding me to listen and stop giving advice.
I am again committing to listening, without making suggestions.
I needed that reminder so thank you!
“Sometimes people don’t want or need advice,” no advice, except when requested, along with non judgment are two of the basic tenants when a Life Ring recovery meeting is being conducted as people share. Thank you for the reminder to listen, dear Sparrow.
lifering.org……… empowering your sober self………secular……….not anti religious just non religious….non political…….some focus meetings………many “how was your week” meetings. Zoom meetings each and everyday….all times listed are pacific time……..lifering.org dear Sparrow
Possibly understanding arises, eventually warmth and friendship; an openness for aspects different to own perspectives while in the same time awareness might unfold and space might appear which might offer possibilities. Guessing to never know in advance and to be still and listening with the hearts ear is a fine inner position that allows truth to arise and to unfold into the present moment.
Concern for the other unfolds when I listen without judgement, also ans understanding of, if not always an agreement with the other.
And always what unfolds is the confirmation that the others beliefs and feelings are theirs, and shaped by life experiences that I have not known.
Judgement always rears its head. But, I still do my best to walk in the other person’s shoes and respond from that perspective. That does not necessarily mean I have to agree with them but it does allow me to truly listen not only with my ears but with presence. I have often said that the three words “I hear you” are more important than the three words “I love you.”
It’s impossible for the human mind not to judge and discern. This is something that we let go of the meditation method that I do. However in order to become 100% truth you have to make sure that the false mind disappears 100% and you can only do that with a method you cannot do it anywhere else. The false does not become true unless you actually repent so repenting is not like what you think of in church, this is actually you letting go of all of your mind world which is a picture and your thoughts- thoughts are not Truth.
So I also agree we need to let go of judgement and discernment.
We need to let go of our: karma – life lived, habits- created by our ancestors as well as ourselves, and our body . We have jobs to do ! 🙌🌱💯
When I can listen without judgment, which is rare, I am in a better position to hear what someone is expressing. This is not as easy and sounds. The need to fill space, the desire to give advice, the egos attempt to feel elevated or in control, all of these urges and more, get in the way of listening. Listening with intention, like anything else, is a practice.
Communicating with my wife is always a reminder to listen, do not try to fix, or give advice. I do not always succeed, but I do more often than not, with 36 + years of practice!
Oh, the deep, deep desire to give advice! Thank you for this, Charlie. I’m a “fixer” by nature. This is a great reminder that giving advice is a form of judgment.
When I listen without judgement, I am more likely to hear what someone is saying.
Judgement colors the other person’s words with meaning that was never there.
I am able to let go of my ego when I listen without judgment. When conversing with someone, I had this habit of already thinking what I was about to say and sometimes interrupting them with these thoughts. It wasn’t until a good friend of mine pointed this out during our meditation group meeting, and how it can disrupt us from truly listening to the other person. Quieting my ego can be hard but I feel a sense of ease when I’m able to do so and let the other person speak. And for that, I am grateful 🧡
Listening without judgement & being open gives me a new perspective. It opens my eyes & my heart. Perhaps I will be more compassionate, more understanding, more sympathetic, more loving.
Happy Tuesday to All….🕊️🩵
I have often observed myself listening with anticipation and judgement, and I notice I am not listening at all. I am waiting for the person to pause enough to interject my opinion. For me, this can happen when I am parenting. When my teenage daughter says, “This teacher doesn’t like me,” I instantly want to ask her what she did or didn’t do. I am learning that she wants to be seen and heard most of the time. When I pause and resist going into my head, I can really be with her. I am also learning that sometimes I tend to be biased in assuming the teacher’s or adults she is complaining about are in the right, and that isn’t necessarily true. Deep listening is a profound gift we can offer to each other. So many of us struggle for connection, and when we listen (which I am working on), we initiate that connection.
You took the words right out of my mouth Avril! I also have a tendency to tell others on what to think or how to feel, especially my younger sisters. This makes it seem like I know it all when I really don’t!! Who am I to say how they should feel, for THEY are the experts of their mind and lives not me.
Like most of you said, listening without judgment opens my perspective. Moreover, listening without judgment enhances my practice of critical thinking by allowing me to observe things from different angles. May you all encounter some peace and joy today. ☀ 🌸
My Ngoc, we were taught to give advice, especially in traditional Asian cultures where heart is valued over technique. Everyone is Vietnamese, sits at the table, and eats rice and soup. No need for technique. 1 model applies for all. It’s a family of families culture. I have a few factors going for me.
The US is a melting pod inside and outside. I’ve received helped from psychiatrists over the years. My sensitivity and self awareness is hytened, and I’ve been lonely before. All of this helps me base my technique out of compatibility. It balances me out. My expectations on others are reduced. Empathy comes more naturally. It gives me a better idea of who my people are.
Yram, being present is harder in the 21st century, because most of us are glued to our devices. We also text more than call. When texting, we’re likelier to be in a hurry. On a phone call, we’re likelier to put everything aside and listen keenly to what the speaker has to say.
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honestly – this feels like *the * question in a fully secular sense. i feel a full reflection on this, and a sincere attempt to truly listen with every fiber of our being has the power to transform our lives.
Welcome to the platform. I don’t think we have seen you on here before. And it’s nice to have you.
It does,
dear Chung . . . ♥
Perhaps learning something new. Sometimes though someone may talk endlessly about so much detail I begin to feel restless. I do not believe it is judgement? But seriously- I do not need to know every detail of installing an auto tiller for a sailboat. I do try to listen though!! I guess I just feel like I have an endless amount of things to do right now after moving.
Usually,
the more attentively I listen,
the more I learn from the other person,
and the more they want to tell me . . .
often,
the story
ends up in a completely different place
than where it started,
which is always enlightening.
Sometimes I am surprised . . .
sometimes they are surprised as well.
I love to listen,
as people have such rich and varied stories,
especially older people,
who have had years to dissect them
to learn from them,
and to let go of judgements around them.
I have had such experiences in my own life
that I fear judgement from others should I tell them,
which has made me slow to judge others.
I am certainly no better than anyone else,
and am keenly aware of that.
Forgive me if I’ve mentioned this before,
but my father,
who was a Presbyterian minister
opened his study to people who wanted to come in and talk.
One day
a woman came to see him,
and sat uncomfortably in her chair . . .
she said to my father,
“I don’t think I can tell you what is troubling me.
I don’t think you would understand my problem.”
My father,
who knew she was having trouble with her growing boys,
said,
“Let me tell you a story . . .”
and he told her about my sister running away from home,
and me being belligerent and rebellious.
After that confession
that he was not a perfect ‘holy man’
she felt free to share her problems.
Sometimes
people don’t want or need advice,
which can sound condescending . . .
sometimes
people just want to be seen and heard.
Sometimes they want to share the hidden part of themselves,
but don’t know how to do it.
When someone wants to talk with me
I just receive it as the gift that it is. ♥
Amen to that. Listening, fully listening without judgment or just waiting to talk, is a rare gift offered only by the few.
Thank you, Sparrow for reminding me to listen and stop giving advice.
I am again committing to listening, without making suggestions.
I needed that reminder so thank you!
It’s hard sometimes,
dear Mary,
especially when we think we have the answer. ♥
“Sometimes people don’t want or need advice,” no advice, except when requested, along with non judgment are two of the basic tenants when a Life Ring recovery meeting is being conducted as people share. Thank you for the reminder to listen, dear Sparrow.
Tell me more about Life Ring recovery,
dear Joseph . . . ♥
lifering.org……… empowering your sober self………secular……….not anti religious just non religious….non political…….some focus meetings………many “how was your week” meetings. Zoom meetings each and everyday….all times listed are pacific time……..lifering.org dear Sparrow
Possibly understanding arises, eventually warmth and friendship; an openness for aspects different to own perspectives while in the same time awareness might unfold and space might appear which might offer possibilities. Guessing to never know in advance and to be still and listening with the hearts ear is a fine inner position that allows truth to arise and to unfold into the present moment.
So true, Ose.
Concern for the other unfolds when I listen without judgement, also ans understanding of, if not always an agreement with the other.
And always what unfolds is the confirmation that the others beliefs and feelings are theirs, and shaped by life experiences that I have not known.
Yes! That’s one big problem with judging.
I don’t know the lifetime of experiences of another person.
Judgement always rears its head. But, I still do my best to walk in the other person’s shoes and respond from that perspective. That does not necessarily mean I have to agree with them but it does allow me to truly listen not only with my ears but with presence. I have often said that the three words “I hear you” are more important than the three words “I love you.”
So true, Carol!
What kind of love is it, if I don’t hear or see the other person!
If I don’t hear or see the other person, there is no connection.
It’s impossible for the human mind not to judge and discern. This is something that we let go of the meditation method that I do. However in order to become 100% truth you have to make sure that the false mind disappears 100% and you can only do that with a method you cannot do it anywhere else. The false does not become true unless you actually repent so repenting is not like what you think of in church, this is actually you letting go of all of your mind world which is a picture and your thoughts- thoughts are not Truth.
So I also agree we need to let go of judgement and discernment.
We need to let go of our: karma – life lived, habits- created by our ancestors as well as ourselves, and our body . We have jobs to do ! 🙌🌱💯
When I can listen without judgment, which is rare, I am in a better position to hear what someone is expressing. This is not as easy and sounds. The need to fill space, the desire to give advice, the egos attempt to feel elevated or in control, all of these urges and more, get in the way of listening. Listening with intention, like anything else, is a practice.
Communicating with my wife is always a reminder to listen, do not try to fix, or give advice. I do not always succeed, but I do more often than not, with 36 + years of practice!
Oh, the deep, deep desire to give advice! Thank you for this, Charlie. I’m a “fixer” by nature. This is a great reminder that giving advice is a form of judgment.
Listening with intention, yes!
This is so very true,
dear Charlie,
as with all things that need improving . . .
practice. ♥
When I listen without judgement, I am more likely to hear what someone is saying.
Judgement colors the other person’s words with meaning that was never there.
New understanding, new vistas from which to look at the world and life.
I am able to let go of my ego when I listen without judgment. When conversing with someone, I had this habit of already thinking what I was about to say and sometimes interrupting them with these thoughts. It wasn’t until a good friend of mine pointed this out during our meditation group meeting, and how it can disrupt us from truly listening to the other person. Quieting my ego can be hard but I feel a sense of ease when I’m able to do so and let the other person speak. And for that, I am grateful 🧡
Listening without judgement & being open gives me a new perspective. It opens my eyes & my heart. Perhaps I will be more compassionate, more understanding, more sympathetic, more loving.
Happy Tuesday to All….🕊️🩵
I have often observed myself listening with anticipation and judgement, and I notice I am not listening at all. I am waiting for the person to pause enough to interject my opinion. For me, this can happen when I am parenting. When my teenage daughter says, “This teacher doesn’t like me,” I instantly want to ask her what she did or didn’t do. I am learning that she wants to be seen and heard most of the time. When I pause and resist going into my head, I can really be with her. I am also learning that sometimes I tend to be biased in assuming the teacher’s or adults she is complaining about are in the right, and that isn’t necessarily true. Deep listening is a profound gift we can offer to each other. So many of us struggle for connection, and when we listen (which I am working on), we initiate that connection.
You took the words right out of my mouth Avril! I also have a tendency to tell others on what to think or how to feel, especially my younger sisters. This makes it seem like I know it all when I really don’t!! Who am I to say how they should feel, for THEY are the experts of their mind and lives not me.
Amén
We’re never the expert on someone else’s life, are we? Thank you for that insight.
Like most of you said, listening without judgment opens my perspective. Moreover, listening without judgment enhances my practice of critical thinking by allowing me to observe things from different angles. May you all encounter some peace and joy today. ☀ 🌸
My Ngoc, we were taught to give advice, especially in traditional Asian cultures where heart is valued over technique. Everyone is Vietnamese, sits at the table, and eats rice and soup. No need for technique. 1 model applies for all. It’s a family of families culture. I have a few factors going for me.
The US is a melting pod inside and outside. I’ve received helped from psychiatrists over the years. My sensitivity and self awareness is hytened, and I’ve been lonely before. All of this helps me base my technique out of compatibility. It balances me out. My expectations on others are reduced. Empathy comes more naturally. It gives me a better idea of who my people are.
When I listen without judgement, expectation, anticipation etc. I am in the present and engaged and absorbed with the speaker.
. . . and the speaker
can feel that from you,
dear Yram,
and trust you more for it. ♥
Yram, being present is harder in the 21st century, because most of us are glued to our devices. We also text more than call. When texting, we’re likelier to be in a hurry. On a phone call, we’re likelier to put everything aside and listen keenly to what the speaker has to say.