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I’m actually less tolerant now towards friendships that drain me – I will not listen endlessly to complaining without action anymore.
I became more aware of the friendships that are actually nurturing for both sides and actively try to nourish those connections consciously.
How has living gratefully changed my relationships?
Let me count the ways . . .
I look at people differently,
with kindness, love, and understanding
because I understand
that we all have our troubles.
I am grateful for the man who helps me unload my recycling at the dump,
knowing he has a thankless job,
but still has it in him to exchange a few jokes with me.
I am grateful for the cash register person at Walmart,
who is generally seen as invisible,
but she makes my day a little easier.
I am grateful for Garrett at our local pharmacy,
who always remembers my name,
and who frequently fields complaints by unhappy customers.
I am grateful for the young personal trainer at planet fitness,
who always paused in conversations with others
to toss me a welcoming smile.
Sadly,
he is no longer there to greet me . . .
he was killed in a motorcycle accident last week.
All of these people
could be gone in a flash . . .
I think it’s important to let people know I appreciate them,
so they have something a little sweet in their pockets
to take home with them at day’s end.
My relationships with them
are superficial and fleeting,
but important
because they people my world,
and learning to be grateful
has brought them out of the shadows . . .
my life is richer
for the contact I have with them,
no matter how brief
and I always bring home a little sweetness from them too,
which reminds me
that we are all family
in the end.
When you mentioned the young man killed in a crash, I immediately thought of Ellen Bass’s poem “If You Knew.”
What if you knew you’d be the last
to touch someone?
If you were taking tickets, for example,
at the theater, tearing them,
giving back the ragged stubs,
you might take care to touch that palm,
brush your fingertips
along the life line’s crease.
When a man pulls his wheeled suitcase
too slowly through the airport, when
the car in front of me doesn’t signal,
when the clerk at the pharmacy
won’t say Thank you, I don’t remember
they’re going to die.
A friend told me she’d been with her aunt.
They’d just had lunch and the waiter,
a young gay man with plum black eyes,
joked as he served the coffee, kissed
her aunt’s powdered cheek when they left.
Then they walked a half a block and her aunt
dropped dead on the sidewalk.
How close does the dragon’s spume
have to come? How wide does the crack
in heaven have to split?
What would people look like
if we could see them as they are,
soaked in honey, stung and swollen,
reckless, pinned against time?
https://www.ayearofbeinghere.com/2013/05/ellen-bass-if-you-knew.html
Thank you so much,
dear Barb,
for posting Ellen Bass’s poem . . .
It’s rather what I was trying to say in my post,
and so beautifully expressed.
I love it. ♥
Beautiful Sparrow, thank you 🙂
Thank you,
dear Michele . . . ♥
It helped to open my heart and connection with my fellow people, it opened up to allow vulnerability without defensive reacting and supported as well to be kind as well towards myself more, all leading to deeper relationships and kind togetherness with the ones i am with and with all life in general. Thank you.
I accept people more easily than before and I respect that they also have human minds to let go of . No use in trying to change others when it’s actually my responsibility to change myself . To see things in my perspective is my own fault . I’m grateful to have this opportunity to change as much as I can each day . I’m thankful to have so many kind and supportive friends around. Everyone is my teacher and I’m grateful. Thank you .
I am less judgemental, I am always looking for the common ground and doing my best to see the beauty in others even when I do not agree with them.
Gratitude makes it easier to glide past the little things that might otherwise become more of an annoyance. Being consciously grateful for the good things someone else does builds a stock of goodwill in my mind that buffers and softens my reactive reflexes.
“…builds a stock of goodwill in my mind that buffers and softens my reactive reflexes.” – Well put, Barb. A stock of goodwill to soften reactivity. A good thing to remember.
I’m more likely t0 be the person who points out how beautiful or pleasant something is. I’m more likely to let small things go and less likely to get wound up in drama. I’m more patient. I have trouble seeing exactly how those qualities have changed my relationships, but I think overall there’s more fun and less taking everything so seriously.
The practice has been beneficial in many ways. The most significant is how I app myself more in a loving way.
I think practicing gratitude, has helped me see my relationships more clearly. Allowing me to recognize and express my gratitude to the people I love. And also to distance myself from relationships that are not good for me.
Astute point about gratitude helping you distance yourself from relationships that are not good for you. I pondered how what you wrote applied to my own situation. I think that practicing gratefulness makes it more obvious when someone is a habitual taker (vs. someone who gives or balances giving and taking). Almost like gratefulness shines a light on the ungrateful. I’d never thought of it as a protective tool in that way, but it really is. Thank you for your comment, Charlie, it certainly triggered my own insight.
I would have to say that living gratefully has made me less judgmental, more accepting & more loving in my relationships. I have learned to value each person more deeply. I am more tolerant & compassionate of “the way some people are”. My heart & soul have opened more & more.
In turn, being grateful I have also learned to be more compassionate & loving towards myself.
“We are all walking each other home.”
(Not sure whose quote this is, Ram Dass?)
🕊️🩷✨
I’ve seen it attributed to Ram Dass, yes, rendered as “We’re all just walking each other home.”
It has offered new perspectives on relationships and people in general. I feel more compassionate towards myself and others and am much less judgmental of others’ paths. I contribute a lot of this to my yoga path as well – they really go hand in hand.
I reference this website, some of the reflections, and share it when possible. Grateful for this site!
Barb – made me think of you
https://nationaltoday.com/world-bicycle-day/
Woohoo! And I’ll be riding today, too. Thanks, Michele!
My relationship with others. My relationship with me myself and I. My relationship with the earth. Clarity, fortune, love, non-judgementalism, joy, all around better mental health have all been a benefit of living each day I am gifted with gratitude. My relationship with alcohol has also changed. For all of the above and to all who share their reflections among these electronic pages I am grateful.
“Was it necessary to do it?”
I tell you that ant is very alive!
Look at how he fusses at being stepped on.
Mary Oliver
May all avoid the need to fuss. Namaste
Help me,
dear Joseph . . .
I can’t find this poem. ♥
My therapist told it to me and I asked her e-mail it to me. Not much help. I will ask my therapist where she came across it on the 10th.
Thank you,
dear Joseph . . .
I couldn’t find more than those few lines
when I looked on the internet. ♥
Love the thought provoking post and quotes, dear Joseph.
I have a deeper appreciation not just for my relationships but also for the people I don’t know well but are part of my everyday existence.
Me too,
dear Laura . . . ♥
I feel a stronger sense of connection with my root people. It’s played a crucial role in helping me become more resilient like during my childhood. Roots are everything.