The love,
hate,
and indifference
of other people
have all played a part
in forming me,
as is true for everyone
in one way or another.
They have all taught me the hard lessons . . .
and all have wounded me.
I have felt the pain of others’ rage,
the absolute emptiness of abandonment,
and the soul wrenching grief of loss,
as we all have.
I am not truly alone in this.
It’s easy to accept the consequences of the first two,
but we don’t bargain for what happens
when we love unconditionally.
Invariably,
there is loss involved.
It can’t be avoided,
and many don’t allow themselves the luxury
of loving that way.
I haven’t been loved unconditionally
by too many people . . .
my grandmother,
I think,
my father ,
perhaps,
and the man I share my life with now,
but I have been loved and held
by the Universe,
even when I didn’t know it.
I know it now though,
and pray for the strength to remember this truth
when I will be needing it the most.
I’ve tested the love I’ve received from others
by making bad choices,
and believing other than what I was taught . . .
people
have caveats,
and if I break their rules,
or act outside of what they can expect,
then they start to think differently about me,
so now
in polite society
I hold my cards close to the vest.
My father and my grandmother
are gone now,
but I trust the love of my husband,
as well as the Love of the Universe,
and feel more at ease
than I have ever felt in my life
before. ♥
Loc’s love has made a big difference in my life. Because of our love, I started to communicate in English, live in MN, and be in a healthy relationship where mental health is important to both of us.
The love of so many dear ones, but the one who taught me what unconditional love might look and might feel like is conveyed by my teacher, who had the courage and the deep love to accompany through so many difficult situations, fixed ideas, trauma, fears, false overestimation of self, withdrawal and deep-seated sadness and helped to let go of all the unhealthy perspectives where all this has been hidden even to myself. Without his perseverance, his loving heart for all which is, his freely offered support to move along the border of the unknown in order to let go and through tough and sometimes deeply painful experiences, I would never have had the possibility to learn to love unconditionally. With my deepest gratefulness, and wherever it will lead to, and even if life needs to separate our paths, and although this would create again deep sadness, all will be as it shall be then, and I deeply hope that he in his utterly generous heart may be happy and be blessed forever. Brother David once explained that “Sangha” means our unconditional YES to belonging, and such is this Yes in me now, with all my heart. Thank you, Thank you dearly.
Oh boy, so much love. I’ll start with my beautiful wife, Elena. She showed me love at the exact moment that I needed it most. She could have stopped right there, and that would have been enough. But I have had the incredible fortune, to get to experience it every day since then.
I carry with me, all the love that he’s been given to me throughout my life. There has been so much.
I have been very fortunate to
Jesus, through his teachings of what love of neighbor looks like; my Mama, through her storytelling of and writing skills and her love of children; my daddy who loved me kindly; my sisters who love me unconditionally; my 2 best girlfriends of 70 years who are my “ride or die” friends; my husband through his faithfulness and unique gifts for our family (he’s the ultimate “fix-it” guy); my step-children who have let me love their babies since I never had babies of my own; the Church [Universal]- which though it has been the source of pain for me and many others for a number of reasons, has also been the source of many lived lessons of love – as it, too, wrestles with what it means to be Christ in the world today; and all the dogs and one cat I have had throughout my life. They have all been so faithful, loving, fun…I would not wanted to have been without a one of them.
Thank you for mentioning the love of pets! I’ve had many in my life and have special memories. My somewhat crabby cat is curled up on my legs right now, giving me his warmth and softness.
My parents, my maternal grandmother, my siblings each in their own way. Each husband: #1 was my young love and we created two beautiful, wonderful daughters. #2 was a lesson in what not to do, in some ways; he definitely made a difference in what I would subsequently look for in anyone I might be with, and I’ve stayed close to one of my stepdaughters. I’m married to #3 (third time’s the charm!) and this year we’ll celebrate our 19th anniversary. My daughters, who inspired me to be better from the moment I knew I was pregnant and who return that love and tell me I’ve made a difference in their lives, as does that stepdaughter. My best friends who cheer me on, make me laugh, and commiserate when something doesn’t go well.
Everyone who has loved their craft and shared it with the world has made a difference in my life. I think of poets like Mary Oliver, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, James Crews, Ross Gay, Maya Stein, Maya Angelou. So many writers, artists, composers, singers, actors and actresses, chefs and home cooks whose recipes I make, reporters who track down a story and shine a light on it, teachers who stuck it out through low pay and long, thankless hours, my childhood piano teacher–this list could go on through every facet of life.
I am often reminded of the unconditional love of my mom and dad and how it shaped my life. They grew up in different times, but they always let me know that I was loved. I have no doubt that I disappointed them many, many times, but they were always there for me. I was recently reminded of how they volunteered in their community throughout their lives. I think about their example as I navigate my own life and show love for my family and community.
I learned as a child that love had to be earned. Love was weaponized into control, and control was safety. That’s the mindset of a family stuck in exile; permanent outcasts whose only refuge is materialism. If I hadn’t learned this reality, I wouldn’t have consciously and actively sought warm, connected, unconditional love.
These days, I consider myself blessed to have insight into both realities: the dark mechanisms of weaponized love, and the warm glow of unconditional love. So it is with humility that I say: everyone I met who has loved or tried to love me, or used love to control, they have all made a difference. All of them have helped me become who I am today.
I so relate to your response,
dear Drea,
and share some of the pain you have carried . . .
the gift of knowing the difference between weaponized love
and unconditional love,
is one of the biggest gifts
we could have received,
for it opens our eyes,
makes us brave
and strong.
Namaste . . . ♥
Thank you dear Sparrow. I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but I’m glad you got thru it 💜. And yes, it brings gifts as well as sorrow—courage, deep knowing, mercy, compassion. Many gifts worth remembering and honoring.
My Mom, a very wise and loving step-father, a dear Uncle (RIP) who lived to be 101, two sisters, an Episcopal priest (RIP) who was my counselor and spiritual director for over 27 years, an ex-husband (RIP) who was a good father to our children, two female friends who stood by me and supported me when I divorced him after 35 years of marriage, my son who was there for me then and is there for me now. Also, here for me now are two of my neighbors that I speak of at this site often. They treat me like family. And last but not least, the love and wisdom I experience on this site.
The universe- my true mother/father is the original creator or origin. I can’t en believe how incredibly fortunate I am or I fact of us are ! Now we have the method and means to completely let go and become one with Truth . For this I’m eternally grateful.
I love you universe/God/ buddha/ Allah – (Truth doesn’t exist in names ). Thank you so much!
It is pretty easy for me to answer this question, since my Mom, Dad and wife are at the top of my list. I was in love a couple of other times, and I married one of those persons, and she helped me raise our kids. So, even my ex- made a difference in my life. My wife, now of 20+ years has made a difference in that she and I “get” each other: stupid fart jokes, dad jokes and a slightly off-center sense of humor, as well as a love of books and finding new coffee restaurants..
My older daughter moved to AZ some years ago and lived just 3-4 miles from me, and we thoroughly enjoyed her nearness, and constant sunny disposition. When she returned after 5 years to the east coast, I felt she and I had added a new level of understanding of each other. And now she is planning her wedding.
My younger daughter remains estranged from me since about 2009, when she was still a college student. I do know she is married, and lives in Florida. But, somehow, I still love her – a different kind of love of course, in the absence of contact. But she is (according to her sister) a productive member of society, has been with the same spouse for going on 9 or ten years, and seems content. Her love when she was younger was manifested in her seeming fearlessness: river rafting, rollercoasters and the like. It is not in doubt that her love also made a difference in my life.
There are others, mostly my siblings, who also have made a difference.
So, this list could go on…
My mother, now living in the Light 27 years on 5/27. She taught me it takes more Love to let go than to hold on. She didn’t enable me in the depths of my alcoholic inane behavior. I was led to repair that harm and make amends. I’m grateful I became the daughter she needed me to be in fall of 2008 and spring of 2009. She asked me (not any of her 4 sons) to be her medical power of attorney. I had to stand by and support her decision for hospice care. This experience taught me about the depth of unselfishness. Changed me forever. This Memorial Day weekend I’m holding in prayer and thought, all who lost family members in the wars, and those who’re gone who have no one to remember them. 🇺🇸🌺☮️
Thank you, there’s a line in a book I often read…”there’s a long period of reconstruction ahead and we must take the lead…” I’m grateful I took the action. Namaste
There are so many who have loved me into this version of myself. It’s impossible to list. Some love was bigger and more obvious than others. I am blessed with kind and supportive parents. My husband is my best friend and biggest fan. My children show a love I never knew existed. My best girlfriends stretch and challenge me to show up with greater presence. I van’t list all of those who care—yet it’s powerful to reflect on the impact.
God’s love has made a huge difference. I’m handling the absence of Ngoc differently from last year. This go-around, I’m more honest, humble, and trusting of my root people instead of using backstage politics and pulling strings for my basic desire for autonomy and push affection from my elders away. There’s a verse from Mathew 18:20 that says. “For where 2 or 3 gather in my name, there an I among them.” I’m certainly better for it.
My own love has made the biggest difference in my life. Learning to love myself changed my life and has allowed me to receive love in a way that I couldn’t before.
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The love,
hate,
and indifference
of other people
have all played a part
in forming me,
as is true for everyone
in one way or another.
They have all taught me the hard lessons . . .
and all have wounded me.
I have felt the pain of others’ rage,
the absolute emptiness of abandonment,
and the soul wrenching grief of loss,
as we all have.
I am not truly alone in this.
It’s easy to accept the consequences of the first two,
but we don’t bargain for what happens
when we love unconditionally.
Invariably,
there is loss involved.
It can’t be avoided,
and many don’t allow themselves the luxury
of loving that way.
I haven’t been loved unconditionally
by too many people . . .
my grandmother,
I think,
my father ,
perhaps,
and the man I share my life with now,
but I have been loved and held
by the Universe,
even when I didn’t know it.
I know it now though,
and pray for the strength to remember this truth
when I will be needing it the most.
I’ve tested the love I’ve received from others
by making bad choices,
and believing other than what I was taught . . .
people
have caveats,
and if I break their rules,
or act outside of what they can expect,
then they start to think differently about me,
so now
in polite society
I hold my cards close to the vest.
My father and my grandmother
are gone now,
but I trust the love of my husband,
as well as the Love of the Universe,
and feel more at ease
than I have ever felt in my life
before. ♥
Your writing always moves me, Sparrow. You are loved!
Thank you,
dear Barb . . .
I do feel loved when I come here. 🙂
Sending love to you, Sparrow. And artful, wild society in place of polite society ❤️.
I love artful, wild society,
dear Drea . . .
it’s where my heart blooms. 🙂
“. . . . feel more at ease than I have ever felt in my life before.” So glad to hear dear Sparrow. Namaste and Enjoy.
🙏🏻
Loc’s love has made a big difference in my life. Because of our love, I started to communicate in English, live in MN, and be in a healthy relationship where mental health is important to both of us.
My Ngoc, I’m glad my love has made a difference for you.
The love of so many dear ones, but the one who taught me what unconditional love might look and might feel like is conveyed by my teacher, who had the courage and the deep love to accompany through so many difficult situations, fixed ideas, trauma, fears, false overestimation of self, withdrawal and deep-seated sadness and helped to let go of all the unhealthy perspectives where all this has been hidden even to myself. Without his perseverance, his loving heart for all which is, his freely offered support to move along the border of the unknown in order to let go and through tough and sometimes deeply painful experiences, I would never have had the possibility to learn to love unconditionally. With my deepest gratefulness, and wherever it will lead to, and even if life needs to separate our paths, and although this would create again deep sadness, all will be as it shall be then, and I deeply hope that he in his utterly generous heart may be happy and be blessed forever. Brother David once explained that “Sangha” means our unconditional YES to belonging, and such is this Yes in me now, with all my heart. Thank you, Thank you dearly.
Thank you,
dear Ose,
for your vulnerable and heartfelt reflection . . .
it inspires me
to think more deeply on love. ♥
Oh boy, so much love. I’ll start with my beautiful wife, Elena. She showed me love at the exact moment that I needed it most. She could have stopped right there, and that would have been enough. But I have had the incredible fortune, to get to experience it every day since then.
I carry with me, all the love that he’s been given to me throughout my life. There has been so much.
I have been very fortunate to
Jesus, through his teachings of what love of neighbor looks like; my Mama, through her storytelling of and writing skills and her love of children; my daddy who loved me kindly; my sisters who love me unconditionally; my 2 best girlfriends of 70 years who are my “ride or die” friends; my husband through his faithfulness and unique gifts for our family (he’s the ultimate “fix-it” guy); my step-children who have let me love their babies since I never had babies of my own; the Church [Universal]- which though it has been the source of pain for me and many others for a number of reasons, has also been the source of many lived lessons of love – as it, too, wrestles with what it means to be Christ in the world today; and all the dogs and one cat I have had throughout my life. They have all been so faithful, loving, fun…I would not wanted to have been without a one of them.
Thank you for mentioning the love of pets! I’ve had many in my life and have special memories. My somewhat crabby cat is curled up on my legs right now, giving me his warmth and softness.
My parents, my maternal grandmother, my siblings each in their own way. Each husband: #1 was my young love and we created two beautiful, wonderful daughters. #2 was a lesson in what not to do, in some ways; he definitely made a difference in what I would subsequently look for in anyone I might be with, and I’ve stayed close to one of my stepdaughters. I’m married to #3 (third time’s the charm!) and this year we’ll celebrate our 19th anniversary. My daughters, who inspired me to be better from the moment I knew I was pregnant and who return that love and tell me I’ve made a difference in their lives, as does that stepdaughter. My best friends who cheer me on, make me laugh, and commiserate when something doesn’t go well.
Everyone who has loved their craft and shared it with the world has made a difference in my life. I think of poets like Mary Oliver, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, James Crews, Ross Gay, Maya Stein, Maya Angelou. So many writers, artists, composers, singers, actors and actresses, chefs and home cooks whose recipes I make, reporters who track down a story and shine a light on it, teachers who stuck it out through low pay and long, thankless hours, my childhood piano teacher–this list could go on through every facet of life.
I am often reminded of the unconditional love of my mom and dad and how it shaped my life. They grew up in different times, but they always let me know that I was loved. I have no doubt that I disappointed them many, many times, but they were always there for me. I was recently reminded of how they volunteered in their community throughout their lives. I think about their example as I navigate my own life and show love for my family and community.
I learned as a child that love had to be earned. Love was weaponized into control, and control was safety. That’s the mindset of a family stuck in exile; permanent outcasts whose only refuge is materialism. If I hadn’t learned this reality, I wouldn’t have consciously and actively sought warm, connected, unconditional love.
These days, I consider myself blessed to have insight into both realities: the dark mechanisms of weaponized love, and the warm glow of unconditional love. So it is with humility that I say: everyone I met who has loved or tried to love me, or used love to control, they have all made a difference. All of them have helped me become who I am today.
I so relate to your response,
dear Drea,
and share some of the pain you have carried . . .
the gift of knowing the difference between weaponized love
and unconditional love,
is one of the biggest gifts
we could have received,
for it opens our eyes,
makes us brave
and strong.
Namaste . . . ♥
Thank you dear Sparrow. I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but I’m glad you got thru it 💜. And yes, it brings gifts as well as sorrow—courage, deep knowing, mercy, compassion. Many gifts worth remembering and honoring.
. . . worth it all in the end,
don’t you think,
dear Drea? ♥
I’m getting there, slowly …
My Mom, a very wise and loving step-father, a dear Uncle (RIP) who lived to be 101, two sisters, an Episcopal priest (RIP) who was my counselor and spiritual director for over 27 years, an ex-husband (RIP) who was a good father to our children, two female friends who stood by me and supported me when I divorced him after 35 years of marriage, my son who was there for me then and is there for me now. Also, here for me now are two of my neighbors that I speak of at this site often. They treat me like family. And last but not least, the love and wisdom I experience on this site.
The universe- my true mother/father is the original creator or origin. I can’t en believe how incredibly fortunate I am or I fact of us are ! Now we have the method and means to completely let go and become one with Truth . For this I’m eternally grateful.
I love you universe/God/ buddha/ Allah – (Truth doesn’t exist in names ). Thank you so much!
It is pretty easy for me to answer this question, since my Mom, Dad and wife are at the top of my list. I was in love a couple of other times, and I married one of those persons, and she helped me raise our kids. So, even my ex- made a difference in my life. My wife, now of 20+ years has made a difference in that she and I “get” each other: stupid fart jokes, dad jokes and a slightly off-center sense of humor, as well as a love of books and finding new coffee restaurants..
My older daughter moved to AZ some years ago and lived just 3-4 miles from me, and we thoroughly enjoyed her nearness, and constant sunny disposition. When she returned after 5 years to the east coast, I felt she and I had added a new level of understanding of each other. And now she is planning her wedding.
My younger daughter remains estranged from me since about 2009, when she was still a college student. I do know she is married, and lives in Florida. But, somehow, I still love her – a different kind of love of course, in the absence of contact. But she is (according to her sister) a productive member of society, has been with the same spouse for going on 9 or ten years, and seems content. Her love when she was younger was manifested in her seeming fearlessness: river rafting, rollercoasters and the like. It is not in doubt that her love also made a difference in my life.
There are others, mostly my siblings, who also have made a difference.
So, this list could go on…
My mother, now living in the Light 27 years on 5/27. She taught me it takes more Love to let go than to hold on. She didn’t enable me in the depths of my alcoholic inane behavior. I was led to repair that harm and make amends. I’m grateful I became the daughter she needed me to be in fall of 2008 and spring of 2009. She asked me (not any of her 4 sons) to be her medical power of attorney. I had to stand by and support her decision for hospice care. This experience taught me about the depth of unselfishness. Changed me forever. This Memorial Day weekend I’m holding in prayer and thought, all who lost family members in the wars, and those who’re gone who have no one to remember them. 🇺🇸🌺☮️
💗
Thank you your reflection, Carla. Very moving.
Thank you, there’s a line in a book I often read…”there’s a long period of reconstruction ahead and we must take the lead…” I’m grateful I took the action. Namaste
What a powerful relationship with your mother, especially in the end. Thank you for sharing, Carla.
I went to Omaha and was with her for 3 mo in her hospice. Changed my life & was most intimate and Sacred time I’ve ever had.
There are so many who have loved me into this version of myself. It’s impossible to list. Some love was bigger and more obvious than others. I am blessed with kind and supportive parents. My husband is my best friend and biggest fan. My children show a love I never knew existed. My best girlfriends stretch and challenge me to show up with greater presence. I van’t list all of those who care—yet it’s powerful to reflect on the impact.
Avril, often times, there’s more people who love us more than we realize.
God’s love has made a huge difference. I’m handling the absence of Ngoc differently from last year. This go-around, I’m more honest, humble, and trusting of my root people instead of using backstage politics and pulling strings for my basic desire for autonomy and push affection from my elders away. There’s a verse from Mathew 18:20 that says. “For where 2 or 3 gather in my name, there an I among them.” I’m certainly better for it.
My own love has made the biggest difference in my life. Learning to love myself changed my life and has allowed me to receive love in a way that I couldn’t before.
Self care and self love are so very important, SunnyPatti.
Makes sense, Sunnypatti. It starts and ends with loving ourselves.