Over the years
I’ve become well acquainted with death
and with the dying process.
I believe
that being witness to the dying
is one of the most sacred gifts I could receive.
I have not attended violent death
except vicariously,
through the news
and stories I’ve been told
by those who have been there.
My father’s death
moved me deeply,
and I hold the experience close to me
these many years later.
It was not sudden in the grand scheme of things . . .
he was gone
within two weeks of being diagnosed with cancer,
but had not been his resilient self
for several years.
On his last day
he told me he was seeing things
and wasn’t sure if they were real or hallucinations,
but I knew that the veil between physical life
and bodily death
was starting to tear.
We had a lovely evening
with close family gathered around his bed
in his home . . .
just my mother,
my brother and his wife,
and me . . .
after my brother left,
my mother went to bed,
and the lights were turned out,
I lay on the fold away couch in the living room,
listening.
Around 2:30 in the morning
I stirred,
not knowing if I’d been asleep
or dreaming awake,
and heard the song ‘Angel’
playing in my head,
and I could hear my father stirring in the next room,
struggling to breathe . . .
sitting on the bed
I raised him up
and held him in my arms,
rocking . . .
”it’s okay”, I said,
“it’s okay”.
He laid his head on my breast,
he quieted,
and then he died.
I sensed a deepest Peace
surround us
as I held him a few moments longer,
feeling the Life leave his tired, old body.
And then I felt Grace.
The magnificence
of this experience
has stayed with me
and colors my life still . . .
I feel so honored
to have shared this incredible gift. ♥
Dear Sparrow, your post brought a tear to my eye. 😢 This is so beautiful & heart wrenching. Reminds me of my dear brother’s passing….😢 and what I witnessed & felt.
Thank you for sharing.🙏🏻
Have a blessed day. 🩷🕊️
It’s such a gift,
dear PKR,
isn’t it,
to share in someone else’s dying.
Each story
builds upon the one before
and we begin to the see
the true face of the Universe.
Thank you
for telling me
that reading my story
meant something to you. ♥
One time on the way down Mt Buster near Naseby, I saw the head of a young stag pop up out of the tussock. We stopped and then four more stags trotted out across the track and up hill into the golden tussock, caught in the light of the setting Autumn sun, merging gold into gold.
The first time I went to Ireland we went to Dingle Peninsula. We stayed at an old Farm Bed and Breakfast right on the water. It was so breathtaking. Sheep and cows up on the cliffs overlooking the ocean and views of Blasket Island. It felt like a fairy tale to me! It is important to me because it was a dream come true to go to Ireland! 💖
A memory of awe that would be really important to me would have to be the last thanksgiving with my mom. Unfortunately, the memory is very slim, but it was the last Thanksgiving where I was surrounded by all my favorite things and people, my family on her side, friends who never shared blood. SO much love & faith, so much safety. I truly miss it.
Sitting on a borrowed surfboard in the Pacific Ocean back in late April 2017. It was my solo celebration surf trip to Pavones, Costa Rica after I got out of that toxic 1st marriage. I had already been tasting my freedom for a few months but taking that trip was everything for me. There I was, in a spot I’d dreamed of visiting for years. Sitting in this cool ocean surrounded by jungle and mountains. Giant tortugas in the water. Smiling faces from all over the world, cheering each other into waves. The big hot sun glaring down. I remember just sitting there basking in the joy. I was really there. Finally! Physically there, but also mentally where I wanted to be. Everything was lighter. I felt a freedom I’d never known before and I was engulfed in gratitude.
The first thing I thought of in response to this question was the births of my children. Watching them being born with the aid of a mirror and then holding them while the rest of the world (and delivery room) faded away. Most of my kids were born during the day, so those kids get a call from me on their birthday about the time they were born. I’m never quite sure that the calculations are correct from changes in daylight savings time and/or time zone differences. I’m still in awe of them as they have navigated their own lives!
I do something similar, Enndee, telling The Story of How You Were Born to each daughter on her birthday. It’s become a bit of a tradition that they ask for.
Memories of my child’s growth & development, my husband’s love after 30 years, connecting moments of deep sharing and laughter, Lake Michigan, my mom and sister’s strong hugs—these are all joys. Some sad things bring awe too: memories of being with my father as he was dying, a deep friendship with a 97 yo woman with whom I also accompanied in her dying.
I appreciate being reminded of that. I was present when my former mother-in-law died and it was indeed moments of awe. So much struggle and then peace, and her face turning to marble in a beautiful way that represented the end of pain. Seems to me that as a society we view death as defeat rather than a natural expectation and something that we can respect and honor in the moment.
I agree,
dear Barb . . .
our Western society
has got it all wrong.
I saw a Japanese film
many years ago
called ‘Departures’,
which had an exquisitely sensitive view
on death and how to honor it. ♥
My most memorable moment of awe was sitting in Sykes Hot Spring early one morning, surrounded by towering redwoods, shafts of sunlight, the sounds of the rushing river, the warmth of the springs, and the flitting of Blue Jays. It was so special. No one is allowed to explore this area anymore because of wildfire damage. I’m so glad I made the 11 mile trek while I was able 💖
I can’t think of one major moment, but many smaller moments that left me feeling like something had changed. Mostly, these moments have been out in nature and experiencing the natural world. Some of these moments involved psycho active substances.
A few involved people doing or saying something important or new or awe inspiring.
I am grateful to have had many such moments in my life.
Right now is lovely moment. I’m on the mat stretching after a nice workout and it’s blue skies outside . so I’m never gonna feel better or younger than I do absolutely this moment so I’m very grateful for today thank you.!
Nice no matter what- just live today and live truly today and tomorrow will follow naturally. My meditation teachers always reminds us that we must do it today and tomorrow will follow naturally. I see how clearly this is Trith talking. Have a beautiful evening. (Here it’s evening)
There was a time in my life that was very dark. I was divorced from a man whom I had been in a relationship my entire adult life. He became alcoholic and life with him was unsustainable for raising a child. I was alone with a child to support and a mortgage and then the recession hit and I lost my job. My family lived hours away and in a rural area without many job opportunities. My mortgage was completely upside down ( I owed more than it was worth). My car was 15 years old and on its last legs. I remember lying in bed, worried I would lose my house, that I wouldn’t find work, that I wouldn’t be able to raise my son properly. I was scared and shaking. Suddenly, I felt warmth. I felt a blanket being pulled around me, quite like when my mother or grandmother or father would tuck me in at night when I was a little child. With this warmth I had a complete sense of safety and knew without doubt that everything would end up all right. And it did!
Several of us referred to the birth of our children. I’m on that list as well. I made a whole human being with my body, and then I made another one!
I can look back at the memory now and refer to my feelings as awe, although to be honest it’s a wrenching physical experience, harder than anything else I’ve ever done, and I was heartily relieved to be done with it both times. Awe may not have been top of mind–amazement + relief is probably more accurate, along with fierce, deep, immediate love. That love for two amazing people continues through all the years.
Thank you for this! You helped me realize I do have an answer to this. (I usually don’t think of “awe” as my response to things that happen even when they’re amazing.)
Visiting my first glacier-fed river as a child. We canoed down the river on a school trip. I remember how in the shallows it was clear as glass, and in the deeper parts, hints of milky turquoise. The pull of the river, the sound of water on stone, the tall pines, the silence permeating everything–it was my first glimpse into mountain reality. Something must have stuck with me, because now I live near mountains and still feel awe.
What a beautiful description! I’m right there with you as you describe it. And it makes me want to get out somewhere in nature beyond the sounds of human life.
There have been times that I have been in church and heard a message and I just could feel the Holy Spirit inside of me moving me forward and past mistakes of the past.
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Over the years
I’ve become well acquainted with death
and with the dying process.
I believe
that being witness to the dying
is one of the most sacred gifts I could receive.
I have not attended violent death
except vicariously,
through the news
and stories I’ve been told
by those who have been there.
My father’s death
moved me deeply,
and I hold the experience close to me
these many years later.
It was not sudden in the grand scheme of things . . .
he was gone
within two weeks of being diagnosed with cancer,
but had not been his resilient self
for several years.
On his last day
he told me he was seeing things
and wasn’t sure if they were real or hallucinations,
but I knew that the veil between physical life
and bodily death
was starting to tear.
We had a lovely evening
with close family gathered around his bed
in his home . . .
just my mother,
my brother and his wife,
and me . . .
after my brother left,
my mother went to bed,
and the lights were turned out,
I lay on the fold away couch in the living room,
listening.
Around 2:30 in the morning
I stirred,
not knowing if I’d been asleep
or dreaming awake,
and heard the song ‘Angel’
playing in my head,
and I could hear my father stirring in the next room,
struggling to breathe . . .
sitting on the bed
I raised him up
and held him in my arms,
rocking . . .
”it’s okay”, I said,
“it’s okay”.
He laid his head on my breast,
he quieted,
and then he died.
I sensed a deepest Peace
surround us
as I held him a few moments longer,
feeling the Life leave his tired, old body.
And then I felt Grace.
The magnificence
of this experience
has stayed with me
and colors my life still . . .
I feel so honored
to have shared this incredible gift. ♥
Dear Sparrow, your post brought a tear to my eye. 😢 This is so beautiful & heart wrenching. Reminds me of my dear brother’s passing….😢 and what I witnessed & felt.
Thank you for sharing.🙏🏻
Have a blessed day. 🩷🕊️
It’s such a gift,
dear PKR,
isn’t it,
to share in someone else’s dying.
Each story
builds upon the one before
and we begin to the see
the true face of the Universe.
Thank you
for telling me
that reading my story
meant something to you. ♥
Thank you for sharing, this touched me.
♥
Namaste, dear Sparrow.
Namaste,
dear Joseph . . . ♥
Thank you for sharing, dear Sparrow. A gift, indeed.
It was surely a gift,
dear Enndee,
and I hold in to my heart
every day.
Thank you . . . ♥
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Sparrow.
I’m grateful,
dear Drea,
that you too,
could feel the beauty
in the experience.
Thank you. ♥
One time on the way down Mt Buster near Naseby, I saw the head of a young stag pop up out of the tussock. We stopped and then four more stags trotted out across the track and up hill into the golden tussock, caught in the light of the setting Autumn sun, merging gold into gold.
What a beautiful description! Thank you for sharing.
The first time I went to Ireland we went to Dingle Peninsula. We stayed at an old Farm Bed and Breakfast right on the water. It was so breathtaking. Sheep and cows up on the cliffs overlooking the ocean and views of Blasket Island. It felt like a fairy tale to me! It is important to me because it was a dream come true to go to Ireland! 💖
A memory of awe that would be really important to me would have to be the last thanksgiving with my mom. Unfortunately, the memory is very slim, but it was the last Thanksgiving where I was surrounded by all my favorite things and people, my family on her side, friends who never shared blood. SO much love & faith, so much safety. I truly miss it.
Sitting on a borrowed surfboard in the Pacific Ocean back in late April 2017. It was my solo celebration surf trip to Pavones, Costa Rica after I got out of that toxic 1st marriage. I had already been tasting my freedom for a few months but taking that trip was everything for me. There I was, in a spot I’d dreamed of visiting for years. Sitting in this cool ocean surrounded by jungle and mountains. Giant tortugas in the water. Smiling faces from all over the world, cheering each other into waves. The big hot sun glaring down. I remember just sitting there basking in the joy. I was really there. Finally! Physically there, but also mentally where I wanted to be. Everything was lighter. I felt a freedom I’d never known before and I was engulfed in gratitude.
💦💦💦💦☀️
Sounds amazing!
The first thing I thought of in response to this question was the births of my children. Watching them being born with the aid of a mirror and then holding them while the rest of the world (and delivery room) faded away. Most of my kids were born during the day, so those kids get a call from me on their birthday about the time they were born. I’m never quite sure that the calculations are correct from changes in daylight savings time and/or time zone differences. I’m still in awe of them as they have navigated their own lives!
I do something similar, Enndee, telling The Story of How You Were Born to each daughter on her birthday. It’s become a bit of a tradition that they ask for.
How wonderful! Grateful for these moments to share.
Memories of my child’s growth & development, my husband’s love after 30 years, connecting moments of deep sharing and laughter, Lake Michigan, my mom and sister’s strong hugs—these are all joys. Some sad things bring awe too: memories of being with my father as he was dying, a deep friendship with a 97 yo woman with whom I also accompanied in her dying.
Sharing in someone’s death,
dear Barb,
is one of the most sacred times I can think of. ♥
I appreciate being reminded of that. I was present when my former mother-in-law died and it was indeed moments of awe. So much struggle and then peace, and her face turning to marble in a beautiful way that represented the end of pain. Seems to me that as a society we view death as defeat rather than a natural expectation and something that we can respect and honor in the moment.
I agree,
dear Barb . . .
our Western society
has got it all wrong.
I saw a Japanese film
many years ago
called ‘Departures’,
which had an exquisitely sensitive view
on death and how to honor it. ♥
My most memorable moment of awe was sitting in Sykes Hot Spring early one morning, surrounded by towering redwoods, shafts of sunlight, the sounds of the rushing river, the warmth of the springs, and the flitting of Blue Jays. It was so special. No one is allowed to explore this area anymore because of wildfire damage. I’m so glad I made the 11 mile trek while I was able 💖
I can’t think of one major moment, but many smaller moments that left me feeling like something had changed. Mostly, these moments have been out in nature and experiencing the natural world. Some of these moments involved psycho active substances.
A few involved people doing or saying something important or new or awe inspiring.
I am grateful to have had many such moments in my life.
Right now is lovely moment. I’m on the mat stretching after a nice workout and it’s blue skies outside . so I’m never gonna feel better or younger than I do absolutely this moment so I’m very grateful for today thank you.!
Antoinette, blue skies tomorrow in the Twin Cities before rain on Thursday and even Friday.
Nice no matter what- just live today and live truly today and tomorrow will follow naturally. My meditation teachers always reminds us that we must do it today and tomorrow will follow naturally. I see how clearly this is Trith talking. Have a beautiful evening. (Here it’s evening)
There was a time in my life that was very dark. I was divorced from a man whom I had been in a relationship my entire adult life. He became alcoholic and life with him was unsustainable for raising a child. I was alone with a child to support and a mortgage and then the recession hit and I lost my job. My family lived hours away and in a rural area without many job opportunities. My mortgage was completely upside down ( I owed more than it was worth). My car was 15 years old and on its last legs. I remember lying in bed, worried I would lose my house, that I wouldn’t find work, that I wouldn’t be able to raise my son properly. I was scared and shaking. Suddenly, I felt warmth. I felt a blanket being pulled around me, quite like when my mother or grandmother or father would tuck me in at night when I was a little child. With this warmth I had a complete sense of safety and knew without doubt that everything would end up all right. And it did!
☀️❤️ Trusting life, dear Christine.
Several of us referred to the birth of our children. I’m on that list as well. I made a whole human being with my body, and then I made another one!
I can look back at the memory now and refer to my feelings as awe, although to be honest it’s a wrenching physical experience, harder than anything else I’ve ever done, and I was heartily relieved to be done with it both times. Awe may not have been top of mind–amazement + relief is probably more accurate, along with fierce, deep, immediate love. That love for two amazing people continues through all the years.
The birth of my daughter. Thee best gift I have ever received. She is a gem. I am blessed. 🙏🏻🩷
🕊️🩷
Thank you for this! You helped me realize I do have an answer to this. (I usually don’t think of “awe” as my response to things that happen even when they’re amazing.)
Visiting my first glacier-fed river as a child. We canoed down the river on a school trip. I remember how in the shallows it was clear as glass, and in the deeper parts, hints of milky turquoise. The pull of the river, the sound of water on stone, the tall pines, the silence permeating everything–it was my first glimpse into mountain reality. Something must have stuck with me, because now I live near mountains and still feel awe.
Sounds Beautiful!
Beautiful 😍
What a beautiful description! I’m right there with you as you describe it. And it makes me want to get out somewhere in nature beyond the sounds of human life.
There have been times that I have been in church and heard a message and I just could feel the Holy Spirit inside of me moving me forward and past mistakes of the past.