When I am busy searching for something else, I might be missing my inner peace, the still voice speaking to me, the gift from other beings, the answers to the very thing I am busy searching for, not being grateful for the moment given, not living imperfectly well with purpose, …. “I had not loved enough. I’d been busy, busy, so busy, preparing for life, while life floated by me, quiet and swift as a regatta.” Lorene Cary
All that is worthwhile must start with embracing and full presence in the moment. We might miss the starting point and every step that must follow if we are preoccupied with the search.
Lal Moti Lal
visited my family from his home in Pakistan,
when I was about twelve years old,
back when it was ‘East’ and ‘West’.
I had met
and fallen in love with him as a toddler . . .
his white tunic and trousers against his dark skin
enchanted me,
also his glittering smile,
white bright teeth and turban,
and sparkling eyes in wrinkled smiles,
but most importantly,
the rides he gave me on his tall shoulders.
Now,
later,
he came for a more sedate visit . . .
twelve year olds
don’t ride on men’s shoulders,
but he still brought gifts . . .
in my mother’s kitchen
he taught me how to make curried chicken,
lentil soup
like they eat back home,
and the patient art of making chepatis.
I’d knead the dough until my hands were tired,
and he’d say to knead it longer,
and longer,
and longer,
telling me the secret
was well kneaded dough.
I think back on that now,
and the time it took to make those chepatis,
and the question comes up,
was I wasting my time
when I can just drive to the store
and buy flour tortillas or some similar substitute?
Should I be spending my valuable time
doing something else?
Thinking of what or who I might be in the future,
“while life floated by me,
quiet and swift as a regatta.”?
I think,
that if I have thoughts as I die
I’d rather remember Lal’s gentle instructions,
his head bent over my shoulder
as I kneaded the fragrant dough,
and felt it stretch and soften through my hands.
I want to be present to my life,
to learn,
to live it . . .
really,
what else should I possibly be seeking?
All of the wisdom of the Universe
is held within Presence. ♥
For me, never a waste of time to prepare food. So much more joy ensues, rather than being waited on. Besides, I have never eaten at any restaurant that I felt prepared food better than me and my lovely wife Cheryl.
Myself. I am missing out on knowing, loving, understanding, who I truly am. I miss having hobbies that I enjoyed. I miss feeling loved and comfortable with myself. I miss being able to relax and enjoy time with loved ones. I am missing out on living my true life, being who I truly am because my trauma response takes over searching for safety, acceptance, love but at the same time not letting people get to close. I am sick of searching for constant perfection in everything I do. Making my mind always racing and searching for what I need to do and say.
I am missing who I am, what do I want to do and say, not what I think I should because of others or my because of my trauma.
I am ready to meet my true self.
I am ready to find me.
The true me is who and what I miss the most
You are still there,
dear JMC . . .
nothing is gone.
You don’t need your trauma
to re-make who you are.
It’s a choice–
a very hard choice,
and a difficult path,
but you CAN release that wonderful human being you are.
Take baby steps . . .
one thing at a time . . .
talk to someone,
smile at someone,
hold a flower in your hand,
look up at the stars.
It’s the little things
that might remind you
that there is a life beyond the trauma.
You’ve been changed by it,
but you don’t need to let it annihilate
your very dear and precious being.
Don’t forget . . .
baby steps,
one day at a time . . .
it all adds up
with love . . .
sparrow ♥
I keep searching and planning for the time when everything is completed to my satisfaction – the house cleaned, the laundry done, the yard beautiful, the clutter gone through and dispersed, my diet on track, with meals prepped and cooked, my body moving better, my prayer/meditation life connected, my life of service and teaching in action…only to feel so frustrated that it never happens, no matter how hard I try. I feel exhausted all the time and I still don’t have time to simply enjoy life. What might I be missing while I’m searching for all that?
This feels like such a long list with an expectation of doing A+ work in all of it! I think of my job, where there’s always more to do than I could possibly deliver even if I worked 12-hour days 7 days a week and did nothing else. That’s not a realistic expectation. The phrase I use a lot with my team, all of whom want to do their best and produce a lot, is “We do what we can with what we have.”
In any given day that’s all we can ask of ourselves for any part of our lives. Missing out on living fully within the one life you have because it hasn’t been perfected (and couldn’t be) so you’re always looking past it and considering it less-than by measuring it against some imagined perfect state–is that where you are?
Presence,
dear Katrina . . .
I did this for a very long time,
and in the grand scheme of things
I’ve only recently
been able to change the record.
It works though,
if you work it
with love . . . ♥
Often it was much, and sometimes much too much what life asked of me, which probably is true in many people´s lifes. Following life´s flow now might bring change, which i hope will give space for being together with dear friends and work which I might be able to contribute as well as meditation and music, which was painfully missing due to overload and a busy mind trying fo find back into life´s flow. For this, a door seems to open, and I dearly hope. it will be possible, and if not, something else will be, hopefully included my love for substantial work, meditation and music..
I don’t really feel like I’m searching for anything right now. I am content with my life, but something may arise in the future.
For now, I am happy noticing the things that I do. The student who came late to class and did her best despite not being very energetically present on her mat. The little red birds singing in a tree near where my car was parked when I left the studio earlier. The gorgeous, aromatic lavender plants outside of Whole Foods when I stopped earlier for a few things. I couldn’t resist and put one in my cart. The purply-pink flowers I bought yesterday and accidentally cut too short for my vase… most of the flowers are out, but there are a few that aren’t. They actually look pretty in the glass with the blue and green swirls around them. The photos my niece posted of her son’s first birthday party yesterday and the very red icing all over his face, hands, and highchair – oof! He looked so happy. For a baby who was born 2 months early, weighing just under 4lbs, he is now thriving. What a blessing.
I didn’t think I had an answer. Then I looked out the window at the green trees and gently falling rain and realized I might be missing the things I enjoy doing in the real world because I’m busy searching for information online, and that search then takes me down byways I didn’t intend to follow and suddenly another hour has passed.
Other than that effect of the digital world, I don’t believe I’m searching for anything in my life that causes me to miss something else. I’m satisfied and fortunate in the life I lead every day.
I am pretty good at going where life takes me. Although it’s a paradox for me. I like to be in control.
Yet, I love it when the unexpected comes along.
I’m getting better at this. Loosening my grip. A little.
Reminding myself of the amazing things that I have experienced, due to things not going as planned.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
Loc, just tell me that the weather today is warm and it’s a good time for an outdoor walk that he knows I’d enjoy. However, it’s getting toward the end of the semester, and assignments and projects are mostly due at the same time. I might miss our beautiful walk until the semester ends. I’m not happy about it. But it’s about responsibility with my role as a student.
Not too long ago, I’d probably say “Intimacy with my family”, because I was too busy searching for my Locster business ventures. Realizing that I can’t serve 2 masters leads to me letting go of that to serve god. Being closer to god makes it easier to accept the fact that we’ll always be little kids in the eyes of our elders and embrace protective care. I saw what happened to Shaq as a cautionary tale where his wife, Shonny, divorced him back in 2011, and he has had to live alone in his mansion for 15 years.
Nowadays, I have everything I need. By searching for god only, I’m not missing out on anything at all.
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When I am busy searching for something else, I might be missing my inner peace, the still voice speaking to me, the gift from other beings, the answers to the very thing I am busy searching for, not being grateful for the moment given, not living imperfectly well with purpose, …. “I had not loved enough. I’d been busy, busy, so busy, preparing for life, while life floated by me, quiet and swift as a regatta.” Lorene Cary
All that is worthwhile must start with embracing and full presence in the moment. We might miss the starting point and every step that must follow if we are preoccupied with the search.
I do not believe I am searching for something else. I do however wonder what life may look like when I retire but time will tell.
Lal Moti Lal
visited my family from his home in Pakistan,
when I was about twelve years old,
back when it was ‘East’ and ‘West’.
I had met
and fallen in love with him as a toddler . . .
his white tunic and trousers against his dark skin
enchanted me,
also his glittering smile,
white bright teeth and turban,
and sparkling eyes in wrinkled smiles,
but most importantly,
the rides he gave me on his tall shoulders.
Now,
later,
he came for a more sedate visit . . .
twelve year olds
don’t ride on men’s shoulders,
but he still brought gifts . . .
in my mother’s kitchen
he taught me how to make curried chicken,
lentil soup
like they eat back home,
and the patient art of making chepatis.
I’d knead the dough until my hands were tired,
and he’d say to knead it longer,
and longer,
and longer,
telling me the secret
was well kneaded dough.
I think back on that now,
and the time it took to make those chepatis,
and the question comes up,
was I wasting my time
when I can just drive to the store
and buy flour tortillas or some similar substitute?
Should I be spending my valuable time
doing something else?
Thinking of what or who I might be in the future,
“while life floated by me,
quiet and swift as a regatta.”?
I think,
that if I have thoughts as I die
I’d rather remember Lal’s gentle instructions,
his head bent over my shoulder
as I kneaded the fragrant dough,
and felt it stretch and soften through my hands.
I want to be present to my life,
to learn,
to live it . . .
really,
what else should I possibly be seeking?
All of the wisdom of the Universe
is held within Presence. ♥
For me, never a waste of time to prepare food. So much more joy ensues, rather than being waited on. Besides, I have never eaten at any restaurant that I felt prepared food better than me and my lovely wife Cheryl.
Store bought flour tortillas
taste nothing
like real chepatis,
dear Joseph . . .
YES
to home cooking
and time is never wasted on it. ♥
Myself. I am missing out on knowing, loving, understanding, who I truly am. I miss having hobbies that I enjoyed. I miss feeling loved and comfortable with myself. I miss being able to relax and enjoy time with loved ones. I am missing out on living my true life, being who I truly am because my trauma response takes over searching for safety, acceptance, love but at the same time not letting people get to close. I am sick of searching for constant perfection in everything I do. Making my mind always racing and searching for what I need to do and say.
I am missing who I am, what do I want to do and say, not what I think I should because of others or my because of my trauma.
I am ready to meet my true self.
I am ready to find me.
The true me is who and what I miss the most
You are still there,
dear JMC . . .
nothing is gone.
You don’t need your trauma
to re-make who you are.
It’s a choice–
a very hard choice,
and a difficult path,
but you CAN release that wonderful human being you are.
Take baby steps . . .
one thing at a time . . .
talk to someone,
smile at someone,
hold a flower in your hand,
look up at the stars.
It’s the little things
that might remind you
that there is a life beyond the trauma.
You’ve been changed by it,
but you don’t need to let it annihilate
your very dear and precious being.
Don’t forget . . .
baby steps,
one day at a time . . .
it all adds up
with love . . .
sparrow ♥
I keep searching and planning for the time when everything is completed to my satisfaction – the house cleaned, the laundry done, the yard beautiful, the clutter gone through and dispersed, my diet on track, with meals prepped and cooked, my body moving better, my prayer/meditation life connected, my life of service and teaching in action…only to feel so frustrated that it never happens, no matter how hard I try. I feel exhausted all the time and I still don’t have time to simply enjoy life. What might I be missing while I’m searching for all that?
This feels like such a long list with an expectation of doing A+ work in all of it! I think of my job, where there’s always more to do than I could possibly deliver even if I worked 12-hour days 7 days a week and did nothing else. That’s not a realistic expectation. The phrase I use a lot with my team, all of whom want to do their best and produce a lot, is “We do what we can with what we have.”
In any given day that’s all we can ask of ourselves for any part of our lives. Missing out on living fully within the one life you have because it hasn’t been perfected (and couldn’t be) so you’re always looking past it and considering it less-than by measuring it against some imagined perfect state–is that where you are?
Katrina, I gave up trying to be done several years back. I have accepted i will be done when my eyes close for the final time. It has been cathartic.
Presence,
dear Katrina . . .
I did this for a very long time,
and in the grand scheme of things
I’ve only recently
been able to change the record.
It works though,
if you work it
with love . . . ♥
I’m not searching for something else at the moment but the question implies the importance of being Present.
Happy Sunday ya’ll 🙂
I so agree,
dear Michele!
A happy Sunday
to you as well . . . 🙂
Often it was much, and sometimes much too much what life asked of me, which probably is true in many people´s lifes. Following life´s flow now might bring change, which i hope will give space for being together with dear friends and work which I might be able to contribute as well as meditation and music, which was painfully missing due to overload and a busy mind trying fo find back into life´s flow. For this, a door seems to open, and I dearly hope. it will be possible, and if not, something else will be, hopefully included my love for substantial work, meditation and music..
The present moment.
🕊️🩷
Indeed,
dear PKR. ♥
I don’t really feel like I’m searching for anything right now. I am content with my life, but something may arise in the future.
For now, I am happy noticing the things that I do. The student who came late to class and did her best despite not being very energetically present on her mat. The little red birds singing in a tree near where my car was parked when I left the studio earlier. The gorgeous, aromatic lavender plants outside of Whole Foods when I stopped earlier for a few things. I couldn’t resist and put one in my cart. The purply-pink flowers I bought yesterday and accidentally cut too short for my vase… most of the flowers are out, but there are a few that aren’t. They actually look pretty in the glass with the blue and green swirls around them. The photos my niece posted of her son’s first birthday party yesterday and the very red icing all over his face, hands, and highchair – oof! He looked so happy. For a baby who was born 2 months early, weighing just under 4lbs, he is now thriving. What a blessing.
”The purply-pink flowers I bought yesterday and accidentally cut too short for my vase…”
Find a shorter vase,
dear SunnyPatti . . . 🙂
I have one, but it’s too skinny for the bunch!
♥:)♥
Sunnypatti, as the old saying goes “The past is history. The future’s a mystery. The present’s a gift.”
I didn’t think I had an answer. Then I looked out the window at the green trees and gently falling rain and realized I might be missing the things I enjoy doing in the real world because I’m busy searching for information online, and that search then takes me down byways I didn’t intend to follow and suddenly another hour has passed.
Other than that effect of the digital world, I don’t believe I’m searching for anything in my life that causes me to miss something else. I’m satisfied and fortunate in the life I lead every day.
I am pretty good at going where life takes me. Although it’s a paradox for me. I like to be in control.
Yet, I love it when the unexpected comes along.
I’m getting better at this. Loosening my grip. A little.
Reminding myself of the amazing things that I have experienced, due to things not going as planned.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
Life is not happening to me, Life is happening as me.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
I need to remember this,
dear Charlie,
when the going gets rough. ♥
Loc, just tell me that the weather today is warm and it’s a good time for an outdoor walk that he knows I’d enjoy. However, it’s getting toward the end of the semester, and assignments and projects are mostly due at the same time. I might miss our beautiful walk until the semester ends. I’m not happy about it. But it’s about responsibility with my role as a student.
My Ngoc, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. That consistent quality time isn’t actually too far off. We have a few weeks left.
Not too long ago, I’d probably say “Intimacy with my family”, because I was too busy searching for my Locster business ventures. Realizing that I can’t serve 2 masters leads to me letting go of that to serve god. Being closer to god makes it easier to accept the fact that we’ll always be little kids in the eyes of our elders and embrace protective care. I saw what happened to Shaq as a cautionary tale where his wife, Shonny, divorced him back in 2011, and he has had to live alone in his mansion for 15 years.
Nowadays, I have everything I need. By searching for god only, I’m not missing out on anything at all.
Purpose……
Maybe,
dear EJP,
your purpose
is already before you. ♥