I’ve been commiserating
with all of my friends who’ve been having house issues . . .
Cathe,
with her chimney leaking and basement flooding,
Mimi with her washing machine filters,
Erika with her well,
and Dennis with his furnace.
Helpers for these kinds of repairs
are very hard to find,
and not all are reliable.
Last night
my husband,
while attending to something else in the basement,
discovered a broken cast iron pipe
with water leaking out onto the basement floor.
You neither want nor need the long story,
but it has turned out
that our septic system is backed up
and some of the water leaking in the basement
is sewage.
We refuse to call Patterson Plumbing again
because he loudly complained and demeaned me
when he worked on the plumbing in our bathroom . . .
and complained about the fixtures I chose to put in
because they weren’t standard issue,
His beautiful young daughter works with him in the field,
and she could do much on her own,
but he will not sign her on as an apprentice
and has her listed on his books as a ‘secretary’ . . .
this means
she can’t count any of the years she’s been training
towards having a certification for being a full-fledged plumber,
which I think stinks,
so that was another reason not to call him,
so we were one phone number shy
when we started looking through the phone book.
No one we called
could help until December at the earliest.
Rather than panic with my dear husband,
or leave him to take care of it on his own
I made a conscious decision
to sit and suffer with him . . .
I sat with and supported him through those calls,
which is what he needed . . .
when he is dealing with something like this
he likes for me to see his suffering,
and be a witness to how hard he is trying,
and he loves me for that.
I love him
for allowing me to see his vulnerability,
and don’t mind
letting everything else go
to be that witness.
Days later
we will laugh
and tease each other about this near-disaster . . .
the whole affair
will end up being one small building block
in the bond we share on this planet.
And there it is . . .
a very ordinary story that says
how easy it is to give a little more,
and how rewarding it can be. ♥
I read this first thing today and thought about a coworker. Today, I let go of my fear of people, relaxed and was able to be present to her. I joined in when she was watering. I think she was pleased, which is important to me. So I took the question to work with me and acted on it.
I could listen more fully to my husband when he talks. I do listen, but my focus could be better.
So today I will bring my full focus to my husband when he is talking to me. ☀️
I will practice pausing, checking in and being present – with myself, my husband and all I am in the presence of today. I suppose that means I will practice slowing down, being present in my body and with the people and world around me, and trust and allow the day to unfold from a place of trust, allowing and tenderness.
My husband and I started discussing where to go for dinner Thursday night to celebrate my birthday, so that’s one thing. Planning for a special date reminds us of how much we enjoy being together.
I have a meeting with my management team first thing this morning. I usually ask how their weekend went. This question has me started thinking about a different question, or a different way of framing it.
I’ve been meaning to send boxes of some of my jams and jellies to the family members who planned our recent amazing trip to England, as a thank-you for all their work. I did a ton of canning over the weekend so it’s time to get on this. (I wanted to wait until I had some of the new recipes on hand.)
I will write some notes on some chosen cards and get them mailed. People still really like receiving mail – and it cuts to the chase for me. The small notecard makes me keep it brief – mainly, my message is usually hello – thank you – grateful for you – wish you well – appreciate you so much. sending love.
I may want to share a recent quote or saying I have come upon, or give a little update or ask after something important to their world — but keeping it easy and open is important to me. Then I use some nice stickers or return address labels – I have address labels with cheery pictures and the say “Kindness is a gift. Thank you for yours.” above my address. It is making me feel cheered just telling you all about this. Let’s have a good day if we can, Community. carol ann.
Your reflections makes me think of my Mom – she was a HUGE card giver and so many family/friends loved that about her.
I love giving Halloween cards and enjoy picking out new ones each year. I just received a text from my of my best friends
“hey, I can’t remember if I thanked you for my Halloween card or not but I love it. It’s so cute. Thank you for thinking of me. I just wanted to make sure that I told you. You are the only person on the planet that ever sends a Halloween card and it makes me happy” – totally made my day when I read it.
your reply made me smile, Barb! I so relate! I have even had a favored card reprinted a few times after it was no longer available for purchase, so I could use it to share with more than one person. It was hard to give up if only one, and then gone. Sometimes, I mail the card without writing on it, enclosing a note on a separate page, so the recipient can (hopefully) enjoy both receiving the card and then sending it on themself! And some of my cards were so outdated… they just weren’t funny the way I thought they were a few decades ago! Those mainly went to thrift stores… but some were actually distasteful to me at this stage, and I even just put some in the recycling rather than potentiate whatever the perspective was. All that, and I STILL have tons of cards. Yep! Start and keep sending!! xox
I could certainly check in on a few friends.
See how they’re doing. Thanks for the reminder.
As for deepening my relationships. That’s a tricky one. I’m happy to go deep. But I find most people are hesitant to share the darker and more troubling stuff, and like to keep it very surface. Which is okay.
I lost what I wrote and I am not up to rewriting it so I will just say based on today’s quote, I need to deepen my connection and my concern for everyone not just someone I care about. And since that involves my relationship with myself, with others, with my environment, with my God, it is a tall order. Richard Rohr’s meditation today relates so I’ve shared the link. I think I will share it with my congressmen, also. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/a-teaching-to-be-lived-out/
Offer an ear without judgement, a hug, and words like, “I love you,” and “thank you.” For those I cannot offer those things to in person, I will send a text letting them know that I’m thinking about them and hope they are well.
I’ll reach out and try to schedule a time to get together over coffee or lunch, with no agenda or purpose other than to catch up. Guys seem to have a harder time doing that than many women I know. We think we need an event or agenda that we can use as an excuse to get together… to watch a game or get something done. Maybe it’s fear of vulnerability. Why not be bold and be the one to invite a reunion, just because I care.
Yes, Tom. I know the feeling well. I do have a couple of friends that will meet for coffee or a bite. But mostly guys are resistant. I think I used to be like that too.
But I will say, after spending some time recently, cleaning an apartment, with a good friends brother, we were able to have a fairly deep conversation while we worked. In fact, he is known for not sharing, or even acknowledging his feelings, but because (I think) of our busyness, we were able to connect and share some stuff. Funny how this all works.
This has happened to me too,
dear Charlie . . .
working on a project with a group or team.
Doing the work
is sometimes the grease that gets the wheels rolling. 🙂
Tom. You just spoke my language. To put in a nutshell, guys are known to bond with head. Women bond with heart. It’s true that we have the fear of having our vulnerabilities being exposed in the open. Luckily, for me, it’s not the root of conforming to traditional gender norms of how men should be strong and not show emotions. If that was the case, I’ve gotten past that long ago. My root stems from a basic desire for autonomy. As I’ve mentioned before on many of my answers, it’s the fear of being steered in an undesirable direction even out of good will.
I echo today is a day I am setting an intention to be present. My maternal aunt is staying for an extended visit and she is an intense person. She often leads with what needs to be done as opposed to, “how are you?” Her brashness is a good teaching device. It’s making me want to always check in with others before going into the day’s business. Today I am going to catch her first, warmly great her, and lovingly impose chit-chat before the to-do list. I want her to feel that she matters.
Avril, your maternal aunt reminds me of my sister-in-law, Tracy. Tracy reminds me of Paw Mu who I’ve talked about before too on multiple occasions on the surface. Tracy and Paw Mu share different roots. Tracy’s root is productivity while Paw Mu’s well-being like Ngoc, me, and members here on the grateful living community. This sounds funny, but it feels like I’m you and your maternal aunt is Tracy.
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I checked in on my friend Karen today. Her Mom is on hospice and went to ER yesterday in lots of pain. I know she appreciates my support. 🙏
I’ve been commiserating
with all of my friends who’ve been having house issues . . .
Cathe,
with her chimney leaking and basement flooding,
Mimi with her washing machine filters,
Erika with her well,
and Dennis with his furnace.
Helpers for these kinds of repairs
are very hard to find,
and not all are reliable.
Last night
my husband,
while attending to something else in the basement,
discovered a broken cast iron pipe
with water leaking out onto the basement floor.
You neither want nor need the long story,
but it has turned out
that our septic system is backed up
and some of the water leaking in the basement
is sewage.
We refuse to call Patterson Plumbing again
because he loudly complained and demeaned me
when he worked on the plumbing in our bathroom . . .
and complained about the fixtures I chose to put in
because they weren’t standard issue,
His beautiful young daughter works with him in the field,
and she could do much on her own,
but he will not sign her on as an apprentice
and has her listed on his books as a ‘secretary’ . . .
this means
she can’t count any of the years she’s been training
towards having a certification for being a full-fledged plumber,
which I think stinks,
so that was another reason not to call him,
so we were one phone number shy
when we started looking through the phone book.
No one we called
could help until December at the earliest.
Rather than panic with my dear husband,
or leave him to take care of it on his own
I made a conscious decision
to sit and suffer with him . . .
I sat with and supported him through those calls,
which is what he needed . . .
when he is dealing with something like this
he likes for me to see his suffering,
and be a witness to how hard he is trying,
and he loves me for that.
I love him
for allowing me to see his vulnerability,
and don’t mind
letting everything else go
to be that witness.
Days later
we will laugh
and tease each other about this near-disaster . . .
the whole affair
will end up being one small building block
in the bond we share on this planet.
And there it is . . .
a very ordinary story that says
how easy it is to give a little more,
and how rewarding it can be. ♥
Best of luck with your house issue, doesn’t sound like an easy thing to deal with right now.
A life’s complication and challenge handled nicely, dear Sparrow. Thank you for sharing. I can learn from this lesson.
Things don’t always go that smoothly,
dear Joseph,
but thanks for the cudos. 🙂
I read this first thing today and thought about a coworker. Today, I let go of my fear of people, relaxed and was able to be present to her. I joined in when she was watering. I think she was pleased, which is important to me. So I took the question to work with me and acted on it.
I could listen more fully to my husband when he talks. I do listen, but my focus could be better.
So today I will bring my full focus to my husband when he is talking to me. ☀️
Communicate my needs and thoughts clearly and effectively
I will practice pausing, checking in and being present – with myself, my husband and all I am in the presence of today. I suppose that means I will practice slowing down, being present in my body and with the people and world around me, and trust and allow the day to unfold from a place of trust, allowing and tenderness.
Beautiful, KC.
Give them a call.
🕊️♥️
Yes, I needed this reminder! Thank you, PKR.
My husband and I started discussing where to go for dinner Thursday night to celebrate my birthday, so that’s one thing. Planning for a special date reminds us of how much we enjoy being together.
I have a meeting with my management team first thing this morning. I usually ask how their weekend went. This question has me started thinking about a different question, or a different way of framing it.
I’ve been meaning to send boxes of some of my jams and jellies to the family members who planned our recent amazing trip to England, as a thank-you for all their work. I did a ton of canning over the weekend so it’s time to get on this. (I wanted to wait until I had some of the new recipes on hand.)
I will write some notes on some chosen cards and get them mailed. People still really like receiving mail – and it cuts to the chase for me. The small notecard makes me keep it brief – mainly, my message is usually hello – thank you – grateful for you – wish you well – appreciate you so much. sending love.
I may want to share a recent quote or saying I have come upon, or give a little update or ask after something important to their world — but keeping it easy and open is important to me. Then I use some nice stickers or return address labels – I have address labels with cheery pictures and the say “Kindness is a gift. Thank you for yours.” above my address. It is making me feel cheered just telling you all about this. Let’s have a good day if we can, Community. carol ann.
Your reflections makes me think of my Mom – she was a HUGE card giver and so many family/friends loved that about her.
I love giving Halloween cards and enjoy picking out new ones each year. I just received a text from my of my best friends
“hey, I can’t remember if I thanked you for my Halloween card or not but I love it. It’s so cute. Thank you for thinking of me. I just wanted to make sure that I told you. You are the only person on the planet that ever sends a Halloween card and it makes me happy” – totally made my day when I read it.
Thank you Carol Ann.
Yes, and for me, keeping it simple is the key!
I have so many cards I’ve gotten over the years because I liked the saying or the design. Time to send some of those!
your reply made me smile, Barb! I so relate! I have even had a favored card reprinted a few times after it was no longer available for purchase, so I could use it to share with more than one person. It was hard to give up if only one, and then gone. Sometimes, I mail the card without writing on it, enclosing a note on a separate page, so the recipient can (hopefully) enjoy both receiving the card and then sending it on themself! And some of my cards were so outdated… they just weren’t funny the way I thought they were a few decades ago! Those mainly went to thrift stores… but some were actually distasteful to me at this stage, and I even just put some in the recycling rather than potentiate whatever the perspective was. All that, and I STILL have tons of cards. Yep! Start and keep sending!! xox
I could certainly check in on a few friends.
See how they’re doing. Thanks for the reminder.
As for deepening my relationships. That’s a tricky one. I’m happy to go deep. But I find most people are hesitant to share the darker and more troubling stuff, and like to keep it very surface. Which is okay.
So true, Charlie.
I lost what I wrote and I am not up to rewriting it so I will just say based on today’s quote, I need to deepen my connection and my concern for everyone not just someone I care about. And since that involves my relationship with myself, with others, with my environment, with my God, it is a tall order. Richard Rohr’s meditation today relates so I’ve shared the link. I think I will share it with my congressmen, also.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/a-teaching-to-be-lived-out/
Thank you,
dear Carol Ann,
for this meditation from Richard Rohr . . .
I missed it yesterday. ♥
Offer an ear without judgement, a hug, and words like, “I love you,” and “thank you.” For those I cannot offer those things to in person, I will send a text letting them know that I’m thinking about them and hope they are well.
Like Michele has said, reminding my people that I love them, that I care for them deeply.
I’ll reach out and try to schedule a time to get together over coffee or lunch, with no agenda or purpose other than to catch up. Guys seem to have a harder time doing that than many women I know. We think we need an event or agenda that we can use as an excuse to get together… to watch a game or get something done. Maybe it’s fear of vulnerability. Why not be bold and be the one to invite a reunion, just because I care.
I agree,
dear Tom,
that men are less likely to meet with no agenda.
I hope this changes,
as men need this sort of thing
at least as much as women. ♥
Yes, Tom. I know the feeling well. I do have a couple of friends that will meet for coffee or a bite. But mostly guys are resistant. I think I used to be like that too.
But I will say, after spending some time recently, cleaning an apartment, with a good friends brother, we were able to have a fairly deep conversation while we worked. In fact, he is known for not sharing, or even acknowledging his feelings, but because (I think) of our busyness, we were able to connect and share some stuff. Funny how this all works.
He felt very comfortable with you, Charlie. That is a gift.
This has happened to me too,
dear Charlie . . .
working on a project with a group or team.
Doing the work
is sometimes the grease that gets the wheels rolling. 🙂
Tom. You just spoke my language. To put in a nutshell, guys are known to bond with head. Women bond with heart. It’s true that we have the fear of having our vulnerabilities being exposed in the open. Luckily, for me, it’s not the root of conforming to traditional gender norms of how men should be strong and not show emotions. If that was the case, I’ve gotten past that long ago. My root stems from a basic desire for autonomy. As I’ve mentioned before on many of my answers, it’s the fear of being steered in an undesirable direction even out of good will.
I echo today is a day I am setting an intention to be present. My maternal aunt is staying for an extended visit and she is an intense person. She often leads with what needs to be done as opposed to, “how are you?” Her brashness is a good teaching device. It’s making me want to always check in with others before going into the day’s business. Today I am going to catch her first, warmly great her, and lovingly impose chit-chat before the to-do list. I want her to feel that she matters.
Oh, Avril, you are so kind.
Avril, your maternal aunt reminds me of my sister-in-law, Tracy. Tracy reminds me of Paw Mu who I’ve talked about before too on multiple occasions on the surface. Tracy and Paw Mu share different roots. Tracy’s root is productivity while Paw Mu’s well-being like Ngoc, me, and members here on the grateful living community. This sounds funny, but it feels like I’m you and your maternal aunt is Tracy.