For the moment being, i am unable to reply to this question. Something is moving and i do not unterstand so far what happens. Wishing a good day to all.
For me it happens often as long as i am open to different points of view. I work for a company that is very diverse in their hiring practices and has many Employee Resource Groups (ERG) that offer learning events. It is part of our annual Goals to take part in Diversity and I find it very enlightening.
There is a now deceased sage that I read often. He wrote about expectations, and when I have expectations about others, or an event, social situations, etc, I’m setting myself up to be disappointed. When I embrace the other, or situation and “let it be,” my mental twist generally lifts. Peaceful weekend to all. ☮️
This happens almost daily for me. I appreciate the way my mind works, constantly building or identifying connections between different bits of knowledge or experience. Something happens at work, then I read a book or listen to a podcast or have a conversation or just go for a walk and let my mind do its thing, and I have a new framework for that thing that happened. Mental flexibility, not rigidity–room to stretch and grow in new directions.
Over the years the biggest shifts in my perspective have come from learning about privilege, how I benefit from it, and the inequality and injustice created by settler colonialism and white privilege in particular. I’m very lucky that my mom raised me with the right mindset to be ready to receive and learn.
During those lost years in the 70’s and 80’s,
I followed blindly
where my abusive, alcoholic boyfriend led.
I subsisted on the space that was left to me from his illness,
and I became ill too.
Just as I felt I was finding my footing,
he decided to take off for Oregon,
and expected me to go with him . . .
if I didn’t agree,
he was going anyway.
I reluctantly turned in my resignation.
I’d miss seeing my parents,
I”d miss greeting the Flatirons every morning on my way to work . . .
five huge rock formations that guarded the entrance to the mountains.
They had always felt like a stalwart fortress
guarding my back.
I’d miss the few friends I had made.
On my last night at work,
Doreen,
the charge nurse on my shift
took me to Bennigan’s
and gave me a good, long, talk,
no holds barred–
something I needed
but no one dared to do.
She opened my eyes to the reality of my situation
and the dangerous cycle I was revolving in,
and somehow,
she turned my head around.
I didn’t go to Oregon.
Nothing miraculous
came out of that conversation . . .
the boyfriend
returned a few months later
and the cycle started up again,
but this time I was wiser because of Doreen’s truth,
and although it didn’t happen right away,
I was eventually able to leave the relationship,
never to go back again.
It was the beginning
of a long road
towards coming back to life.
I wish I could tell her how grateful I am. ♥
A necessary road to travel, dear Sparrow. Many of us have traveled our own necessary roads. Life is not happening (happened) to me, it is happening (happened) as me. ❤️☀️🌱
I’ll interpret this question to mean “under which conditions does someone else’s perspective shift my point of view?” When someone shares their perspective calmly and respectfully–or can calm down after an outburst–I am likely to incorporate their perspective into my worldview. I actually enjoy broadening my perspective. When someone has a perspective, but chooses to attack or destabilize my perspective instead of opening up about their own, I am not likely to shift my point of view. So it’s a matter of approach.
Drea, although I’ve gotten used to more blunt approaches from my root people that can be misinterpreted as rude, I still find gentler approaches to be helpful. It’s exactly what I use since I firmly believe in treating others the way we want to be treated.
I was a late voter having never voted in my life before age 50. I wanted nothing to do with politics, felt they were all good bullshiters and liars. [still feel this at times]. My son encouraged me how important it is and so I registered and voted for the first time when I was 50. Will continue on.
I pay attention more than ever,
dear Michele,
as I started to vote later as well
(not 50, but still). 🙂
Now
I consider it my duty as a citizen.
I am happy that you are a convert. ♥
I registered un-affiliated 50 years ago. I have voted ever since , now 68, and have always been registered un-affiliated. I am also on your team that politicians all are capable of selling the blind glasses and making them see, Michele.
I’m glad you vote now, Michele! As a former elected official with nine years of service, I can say that they’re not ALL bullshitters and liars 😘.
Every vote counts. Even if your candidate or issue doesn’t win, you’re in the count of those who wanted a different path. You’re not alone, and your vote can encourage the people working for change to step up their efforts because they’re not alone either.
I wouldn’t say “shifted”, but I would say that learning of people’s first hand experiences, have informed my perspective. They have filled out and given my perspective texture. As a straight white male, there are things that I don’t experience. I can imagine them, but I don’t have the experience. So when I can learn about how other people experiences the world, it gets me a little closer the reality of other peoples lives. And vice versa. My experience is no less important.
I just saw an impressive interview with Lena Waithe,
who I had never heard of before . . .
one of the things she talked about,
dear Charlie,
was that everyone’s experience,
everyone’s opinion
is valid
and worth listening to.
We are all connected
and by listening and learning
we see this more clearly every day.
The interview made me think of you. ♥
The most notable time when others’ perspectives shifted my point of view was the years I lived in Europe.
As an American, I grew up in a culture that seems to prefer seeing everything in binary terms. As if there were only two sides to every issue: true or false, black or white; liberal or conservative; right or wrong.
I didn’t want to believe the people of my country were so simplistic, and disagreed with my European colleagues when they suggested that communication needed to be “dumbed down” for Americans because they are so deeply ingrained in dualistic thinking. Unfortunately, I could see too many examples where they were right.
In the decades since, I’ve humbly recognized that every conflict and every situation is multifaceted. There is never just two sides.
Unfortunately, I feel the tendency for dualistic thinking has only gotten worse.
What a wise observation,
dear Tom.
Europe
has been ‘civilized’
a lot longer than the US
and the people there
have profited by taking a longer view . . .
I will pay more attention to this.
Thank you. ♥
Tom, America is rooted in productivity. It’s go-go-go. This makes it easier to be stuck in dualistic thinking. The European lifestyle is more laidback making it easier to see multiple sides on an issue.
I really like the group Braver Angels for this reason – https://braverangels.org. Americans from all backgrounds coming together to understand each other’s points of view.
One of my professors informed me about the relevance of personal experience and educational knowledge and how they impact our work with clients in the field of human services, especially counseling. Previously, I believed personal experience was an advantage because it works as a bridge to build trust with clients. My professor mentioned being asked by her own clients, “Without common experience, how can you support us?” She explains to them that even though she lacks first-hand experience, she has been professionally trained to help. She taught us that while experience is an advantage for validating clients, we must not let it close off our perspectives. For example, we might impose our own feelings on a client simply because we have been through a similar situation, which can lead to a lack of active listening, an essential opportunity to gain information and identify a client’s strengths. Ultimately, the most important factors are not personal experience, but remaining open-minded, seeking to understand the client, and having a heart full of empathy. This teaching truly shifted my perspective on how to work effectively; as a quote of unknown origin says, “The person drinking with you cannot take you home,” meaning that someone who only shares your feelings may not be the one best equipped to help you.
This is so true,
dear Ngoc . . .
I had not thought of it exactly like this before.
Even though an experience might look the same to one person,
it’s different enough
that a larger view is needed
to fully understand the other person’s experience.
Thank you for pointing this out. ♥
I appreciate all your points and your professor’s too, Ngoc. I know I can veer from their story to my story in an effort to identify a point of connection or common experience. Yet no two people can have the same experience.
I’m especially struck by “The person drinking with you cannot take you home.” I know you’re sharing it in a metaphorical sense; I’m also thinking of it literally because the other day I was at an event where a speaker talked about impaired driving and an effort to change the laws in my state. She asked the room, “How many of you weight 85 pounds?” None of us weighed that little. She went on to say, “If you weigh 85 pounds and have one drink, you’re over 0.05 blood alcohol content” (or maybe it was 0.08, which is our current limit under state law that we’re seeking to lower to .05–I don’t remember which). For sure, you AND the person you’re drinking with can’t take you home if they plan to operate a vehicle.
There’s my public service announcement for the day. 😁
This is really interesting: “…we might impose our own feelings on a client simply because we have been through a similar situation, which can lead to a lack of active listening, an essential opportunity to gain information and identify a client’s strengths.” It seems like focusing on active listening — for anyone, not just professionals–is so important.
My Ngoc, we were just talking about exactly that yesterday evening. The question came at the perfect timing. Drinking friends can actually take us home but not the home we want. That home is self-explanatory, because it’s public knowledge.
When I was pursuing my education and training as a life/executive coach, I had a mentor coach who was masterful regarding using succinct, specific language in the coaching process. I learned how powerful fewer, well-chosen words could be in working with others. Bill’s knowledge and example shifted my perspective on effective communication both professionally and personally. I am forever grateful. ♥️
Mary Mantei, I love that: short, sweet, and straight to the point. I’ve come to find that surrounding myself with people with common ground helps speed up the process: the less explanation, the better. The explanation cycle is the last thing we need.
When I’ve listened with an open mind. My therapist helping me to think in “ands” and not “or” or “but” has helped me see my truth and the truths of others when they differ.
Deann, ands are more inclusive. Ors feel divided. Buts pull strings which I’m all too good at. Speaking of which, I’ve come to learn to use corruption as a superpower.
Corruption and intelligence fall under the same roof. The ladder is being viewed more positively. Being deep in the English language where I have more knowledge of the culture helps me express my ideas more effectively. I’m being viewed as “Intelligent” from my fellow western circles while I’m seen as “Innocent” from my root people.
All the time. My point of view can be shifted with every interaction if I truly listen. We all have our own experiences that have shaped us, so there’s always opportunity to learn from others, thus shifting our POV in some way, whether big or small. It also shifts with my studies and things that I read – in books, online, right here in this forum 🙂
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For the moment being, i am unable to reply to this question. Something is moving and i do not unterstand so far what happens. Wishing a good day to all.
For me it happens often as long as i am open to different points of view. I work for a company that is very diverse in their hiring practices and has many Employee Resource Groups (ERG) that offer learning events. It is part of our annual Goals to take part in Diversity and I find it very enlightening.
There is a now deceased sage that I read often. He wrote about expectations, and when I have expectations about others, or an event, social situations, etc, I’m setting myself up to be disappointed. When I embrace the other, or situation and “let it be,” my mental twist generally lifts. Peaceful weekend to all. ☮️
This happens almost daily for me. I appreciate the way my mind works, constantly building or identifying connections between different bits of knowledge or experience. Something happens at work, then I read a book or listen to a podcast or have a conversation or just go for a walk and let my mind do its thing, and I have a new framework for that thing that happened. Mental flexibility, not rigidity–room to stretch and grow in new directions.
Over the years the biggest shifts in my perspective have come from learning about privilege, how I benefit from it, and the inequality and injustice created by settler colonialism and white privilege in particular. I’m very lucky that my mom raised me with the right mindset to be ready to receive and learn.
During those lost years in the 70’s and 80’s,
I followed blindly
where my abusive, alcoholic boyfriend led.
I subsisted on the space that was left to me from his illness,
and I became ill too.
Just as I felt I was finding my footing,
he decided to take off for Oregon,
and expected me to go with him . . .
if I didn’t agree,
he was going anyway.
I reluctantly turned in my resignation.
I’d miss seeing my parents,
I”d miss greeting the Flatirons every morning on my way to work . . .
five huge rock formations that guarded the entrance to the mountains.
They had always felt like a stalwart fortress
guarding my back.
I’d miss the few friends I had made.
On my last night at work,
Doreen,
the charge nurse on my shift
took me to Bennigan’s
and gave me a good, long, talk,
no holds barred–
something I needed
but no one dared to do.
She opened my eyes to the reality of my situation
and the dangerous cycle I was revolving in,
and somehow,
she turned my head around.
I didn’t go to Oregon.
Nothing miraculous
came out of that conversation . . .
the boyfriend
returned a few months later
and the cycle started up again,
but this time I was wiser because of Doreen’s truth,
and although it didn’t happen right away,
I was eventually able to leave the relationship,
never to go back again.
It was the beginning
of a long road
towards coming back to life.
I wish I could tell her how grateful I am. ♥
A necessary road to travel, dear Sparrow. Many of us have traveled our own necessary roads. Life is not happening (happened) to me, it is happening (happened) as me. ❤️☀️🌱
Ain’t life grand,
dear Joseph?
Life
is certainly happening
as me,
and as you too. ♥
I’ll interpret this question to mean “under which conditions does someone else’s perspective shift my point of view?” When someone shares their perspective calmly and respectfully–or can calm down after an outburst–I am likely to incorporate their perspective into my worldview. I actually enjoy broadening my perspective. When someone has a perspective, but chooses to attack or destabilize my perspective instead of opening up about their own, I am not likely to shift my point of view. So it’s a matter of approach.
I agree,
dear Drea . . .
I do not respond well
when someone assaults me with their perspective.
Respect
is more of a mutually nourishing ground. ♥
Drea, although I’ve gotten used to more blunt approaches from my root people that can be misinterpreted as rude, I still find gentler approaches to be helpful. It’s exactly what I use since I firmly believe in treating others the way we want to be treated.
I was a late voter having never voted in my life before age 50. I wanted nothing to do with politics, felt they were all good bullshiters and liars. [still feel this at times]. My son encouraged me how important it is and so I registered and voted for the first time when I was 50. Will continue on.
there are many good Nat’l Days today – enjoy
https://nationaltoday.com/today/
I pay attention more than ever,
dear Michele,
as I started to vote later as well
(not 50, but still). 🙂
Now
I consider it my duty as a citizen.
I am happy that you are a convert. ♥
I registered un-affiliated 50 years ago. I have voted ever since , now 68, and have always been registered un-affiliated. I am also on your team that politicians all are capable of selling the blind glasses and making them see, Michele.
I’m glad you vote now, Michele! As a former elected official with nine years of service, I can say that they’re not ALL bullshitters and liars 😘.
Every vote counts. Even if your candidate or issue doesn’t win, you’re in the count of those who wanted a different path. You’re not alone, and your vote can encourage the people working for change to step up their efforts because they’re not alone either.
Michele, I’m not too into that stuff either. Too much drama. Backstage politics is a different story. Everything with me is rooted in protection.
Nice! 🙌
I wouldn’t say “shifted”, but I would say that learning of people’s first hand experiences, have informed my perspective. They have filled out and given my perspective texture. As a straight white male, there are things that I don’t experience. I can imagine them, but I don’t have the experience. So when I can learn about how other people experiences the world, it gets me a little closer the reality of other peoples lives. And vice versa. My experience is no less important.
I just saw an impressive interview with Lena Waithe,
who I had never heard of before . . .
one of the things she talked about,
dear Charlie,
was that everyone’s experience,
everyone’s opinion
is valid
and worth listening to.
We are all connected
and by listening and learning
we see this more clearly every day.
The interview made me think of you. ♥
Well said, Charlie.
The most notable time when others’ perspectives shifted my point of view was the years I lived in Europe.
As an American, I grew up in a culture that seems to prefer seeing everything in binary terms. As if there were only two sides to every issue: true or false, black or white; liberal or conservative; right or wrong.
I didn’t want to believe the people of my country were so simplistic, and disagreed with my European colleagues when they suggested that communication needed to be “dumbed down” for Americans because they are so deeply ingrained in dualistic thinking. Unfortunately, I could see too many examples where they were right.
In the decades since, I’ve humbly recognized that every conflict and every situation is multifaceted. There is never just two sides.
Unfortunately, I feel the tendency for dualistic thinking has only gotten worse.
What a wise observation,
dear Tom.
Europe
has been ‘civilized’
a lot longer than the US
and the people there
have profited by taking a longer view . . .
I will pay more attention to this.
Thank you. ♥
Tom, America is rooted in productivity. It’s go-go-go. This makes it easier to be stuck in dualistic thinking. The European lifestyle is more laidback making it easier to see multiple sides on an issue.
TOMG I agree
I really like the group Braver Angels for this reason – https://braverangels.org. Americans from all backgrounds coming together to understand each other’s points of view.
Very interesting,
dear Drea . . .
I had not heard of this group before. ♥
One of my professors informed me about the relevance of personal experience and educational knowledge and how they impact our work with clients in the field of human services, especially counseling. Previously, I believed personal experience was an advantage because it works as a bridge to build trust with clients. My professor mentioned being asked by her own clients, “Without common experience, how can you support us?” She explains to them that even though she lacks first-hand experience, she has been professionally trained to help. She taught us that while experience is an advantage for validating clients, we must not let it close off our perspectives. For example, we might impose our own feelings on a client simply because we have been through a similar situation, which can lead to a lack of active listening, an essential opportunity to gain information and identify a client’s strengths. Ultimately, the most important factors are not personal experience, but remaining open-minded, seeking to understand the client, and having a heart full of empathy. This teaching truly shifted my perspective on how to work effectively; as a quote of unknown origin says, “The person drinking with you cannot take you home,” meaning that someone who only shares your feelings may not be the one best equipped to help you.
This is so true,
dear Ngoc . . .
I had not thought of it exactly like this before.
Even though an experience might look the same to one person,
it’s different enough
that a larger view is needed
to fully understand the other person’s experience.
Thank you for pointing this out. ♥
I appreciate all your points and your professor’s too, Ngoc. I know I can veer from their story to my story in an effort to identify a point of connection or common experience. Yet no two people can have the same experience.
I’m especially struck by “The person drinking with you cannot take you home.” I know you’re sharing it in a metaphorical sense; I’m also thinking of it literally because the other day I was at an event where a speaker talked about impaired driving and an effort to change the laws in my state. She asked the room, “How many of you weight 85 pounds?” None of us weighed that little. She went on to say, “If you weigh 85 pounds and have one drink, you’re over 0.05 blood alcohol content” (or maybe it was 0.08, which is our current limit under state law that we’re seeking to lower to .05–I don’t remember which). For sure, you AND the person you’re drinking with can’t take you home if they plan to operate a vehicle.
There’s my public service announcement for the day. 😁
This is really interesting: “…we might impose our own feelings on a client simply because we have been through a similar situation, which can lead to a lack of active listening, an essential opportunity to gain information and identify a client’s strengths.” It seems like focusing on active listening — for anyone, not just professionals–is so important.
Drea, I agree with you. We all need active listening when all said and done. Imposing our feelings on others strengthens the ego.
My Ngoc, we were just talking about exactly that yesterday evening. The question came at the perfect timing. Drinking friends can actually take us home but not the home we want. That home is self-explanatory, because it’s public knowledge.
Home of the explanatory… love that idea…
Often when I come here. Your perspectives move me an iota closer to emotional equilibrium.
“humm, I never thought of it that way” often changes my thinking process or idea. I gain when I move out of my comfort zone.
Yram, this aligns with my concept of expansion.
When I was pursuing my education and training as a life/executive coach, I had a mentor coach who was masterful regarding using succinct, specific language in the coaching process. I learned how powerful fewer, well-chosen words could be in working with others. Bill’s knowledge and example shifted my perspective on effective communication both professionally and personally. I am forever grateful. ♥️
Mary Mantei, I love that: short, sweet, and straight to the point. I’ve come to find that surrounding myself with people with common ground helps speed up the process: the less explanation, the better. The explanation cycle is the last thing we need.
When I’ve listened with an open mind. My therapist helping me to think in “ands” and not “or” or “but” has helped me see my truth and the truths of others when they differ.
Deann, ands are more inclusive. Ors feel divided. Buts pull strings which I’m all too good at. Speaking of which, I’ve come to learn to use corruption as a superpower.
Corruption and intelligence fall under the same roof. The ladder is being viewed more positively. Being deep in the English language where I have more knowledge of the culture helps me express my ideas more effectively. I’m being viewed as “Intelligent” from my fellow western circles while I’m seen as “Innocent” from my root people.
All the time. My point of view can be shifted with every interaction if I truly listen. We all have our own experiences that have shaped us, so there’s always opportunity to learn from others, thus shifting our POV in some way, whether big or small. It also shifts with my studies and things that I read – in books, online, right here in this forum 🙂