What came to mind for me was accepting that my daughter suffered from addition. In my mind I wanted to deny it. Accepting allowed me to have more of an open mind. It allowed me to change my focus from resistance to positive change/growth & learning.
When I was poor
I had very few options
and needed how to learn to make do with what I had
and to make use of the resources around me . . .
I may have mentioned the 9 x 12 fish house I lived in in Maine.
I loved the little place but had very little to work with.
I took a job scrubbing the rather primitive gift shop
owned and operated by my landlady,
scrubbing the unfinished floors with bleach,
and cleaning off the cans of ‘Maine Air’
leftover from the previous year.
When that project was done
I worked for an elderly lobsterman,
taking care of his wife,
who had suffered a stroke and was partially paralyzed.
He took a shine to me
and taught me things . . .
how to cook Brunswick stew
and how to sew on his treadle machine,
which he later gave to me.
I sat in the afternoons
mending his wife,
Lucy’s clothes
and his flannel shirts,
embroidering flowers on my sheets . . .
she and I would watch her ‘stories’.
If I missed a day,
I would ask her what had happened the day before . . .
her answer was always,
“oh, they talked.”
My husband at the time
made a bench out of firewood,
of which we were quite proud.
A straw mattress was our bedroom in the loft,
and every night
we carried our dog up the ladder,
which was built into the wall.
I accepted my humble life as it was,
and there was very little I missed from more civilized living.
I had two kerosene lanterns,
an ancient kerosene oven and stove top,
and cold running water in the summer.
I wasn’t looking forward to changing it either,
but as Life would have it,
I became pregnant with my first child,
and my husband lost his carpentering job
because his boss told him to shave his beard or else,
and he didn’t,
and he couldn’t find another job nearby.
I was unhappy
but accepted what couldn’t be changed
and we moved up to Augusta with our few belongings,
rented a dusty apartment with bare lightbulbs and questionable wiring
overlooking railroad tracks,
where I could look out and watch the freight trains going back and forth.
Fall was settling in
and dirty snow was starting accumulate on the streets below,
but I continued my nest building the best I could.
It took awhile,
but after quite a few twists and turns
we again came briefly out into the sunlight,
and realized we were on our way.
All along,
I accepted the twists and turns,
the death of that baby
because without a doubt I couldn’t change a thing.
It just happened
and we had no choice but to move on.
Looking back on all of it
but we plodded through those months . . .
then it was years,
and then it was just me.
But now I see that by accepting what I can’t change,
eventually provided opportunities to grow and learn,
sometimes the hard way,
and for all of it
I am forever grateful. ♥
Accepting something as is?
Oh my, I have shared this before, but accepting my father who was an alcoholic as he was – understanding it was his journey to sobriety and not something we could do for him- freed me to make a decision.
Do I love him in his brokenness or do I wait till he gets better to love him. Is loving him contingent upon an outcome…
Accepting him as was, gave me the freedom to love him as is, with no strings attached.
Did I hope and pray for him to find and accept life as a sober human being – of course I did, along with learning how not to enable, but the freedom I found by accepting him and his situation as it was day by day, allowed me to love him as he was.
So for me – accepting things as they are – is freeing and opens doors for understanding and possibilities vs. striving.
It took some time to reply to this question. It was a heavy going through this today. Thank you for your patience, and your posts which all have helped me sorting out where i was blind. To surrender to the higher will of Light and Love, of which a clear echo is to be found deep inside of me and to this, all my heart says Yes. May be then there will be a lot less of heavy misunderstanding even. Being there for others, supporting unfolding and lessening suffering with all my heart and all i can. How is not mine to decide, this is as it is, and to accept that doors have been closed, and i surrender to this, as i am able to feel the Love behind and open my heart to a possibility to serve this Love with all my heart No agenda, no conditions. Currently a bit with bruised bones but which fortunately are on it´s way to healing. I would be deeply grateful for such a possibility, if possible together with other kinderd hearts. Thank you for your contributions, which helped me a lot today.
When I accept something as it is & embrace it, I am surrendering to possibility. Surrendering opens the door to the new, the unexpected, perhaps a pleasant surprise.
Letting go of the control of how I think things should be, is freedom. In reality we have so little control. Accepting makes life a whole lot easier.
Happy Saturday All….. 🕊️❤️
There is always the possibility to experience my own defensive reactions. My own grasping, aversion, and freezing is what keeps unreality locked in place. A couple of you mentioned freedom. To me, the opportunity to witness and deeply embody my own defenses, and then let them go, is what slowly leads to freedom. Often there is grief or some other unsavory emotion beneath the defenses, and I can let myself feel that fully, too. This process, repeated again and again, leads to a more open and vast perspective.
The question I have been pondering and it shows up here today with perfect timing. I look forward to your answers and lessons. I have already enjoyed the first messages of the day.
I listened to a podcast a few weeks ago that talked about sometimes it’s not forgiveness but acceptance that is needed. I’ve been processing this idea.
I think acceptance leads to freedom- freedom to act, freedom to make a choice, freedoms to sit and do nothing. Acceptance for me means more energy because I don’t waste energy on a thousand what ifs and focus on one or two hopes.
Acceptance allows me to see endless possibilities but with a lighter heart ( even if the feelings are heavy) because I see them with an unobstructed view filled with my truth instead of those pesky “what if’s and if onlys “
The serenity prayer often comes to mind when I am confronted with situations.
God (substitute your expression) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
The sun, the moon, and the truth. Whether I accept things or not, they remain the way they are. My acceptance doesn’t change the objects themselves, it changes me. Accepting things as they are gives me a sense of release, like lifting a heavy weight from my mind. May everyone find peace and joy today. 🌸
My Ngoc, I’m all too familiar and love the saying. Especially the truth cannot be hidden. The sun is hidden right now as we’re experiencing a thunderstorm with pouring rain here in Minnesota.
Acceptance is something I often point to in my responses to the daily questions on this site but when I read today’s question, I had to admit to myself that I am not doing a very good job at “accepting what is” right now. I found today’s reading from Richard Rohr helpful. In fact, Rohr’s readings about St. Paul’s interpretation of the Christian myth have been helpful to me all week. I share the link to today’s reading which offers a summary of Rohr’s meditations this week.
On point: “There seems to be a shadow side to almost everything. Only the unitive or nondual mind can accept this and not panic; in fact, it will grow because of it and even grow beyond it.”
I was listening to Pema Chodron’s “How We Live is How We Die” recently. She was teaching about fully feeling the shadow stuff, really letting it express itself in your body (as you practice mindfulness), and then over time it will lead to its light side. Something opens up. I’ve been trying to practice that regularly and it has helped. For example, accepting shame and letting it swell to its full glory will ultimately loosen it up and let it drift away. It just has nothing left to hold onto when you fully let it be. ‘Course it’ll come back, but it seems like doing repetitions helps soften the impact. Wishing you peace and goodness this weekend, Carol Ann.
”…accepting shame and letting it swell to its full glory will ultimately loosen it up and let it drift away. It just has nothing left to hold onto when you fully let it be.”
Instead of hiding or freezing in the shame,
letting it be,
dear Drea,
reminds me so much of the dance of anger.
The more we fight it
the more power it has over us.
Thank you for your post. ♥
Yes, the more we fight it, the more power it has. Until we have a big fat shadow to contend with. I’d rather not do that again. Have a wonderful Sunday, Sparrow.
Drea, I decided years ago that I needed to stop fighting, fleeing, freezing in place and start facing, feeling and healing. I had a dream many years ago when my whole life was in crisis. I dreamt I was going on a hike and I met a man at the trail head. I ask him how many miles long the trail was…He said ten miles and you must go all the way or none of the way. Ten is a very symbolic number. Many times I find myself sitting down in the middle of the road but the important thing is to “…get back up and get back in the race.” (That’s a line from an old Frank Sinatra song called ” That’s Life.” ) I’m starting to ramble! What I’m trying to say is thanks for reminding me that doing repetitions helps soften the impact and loosens that shadow up so it can drift away.
Carol Ann, I love this: “Many times I find myself sitting down in the middle of the road but the important thing is to “…get back up and get back in the race.” (That’s a line from an old Frank Sinatra song called ” That’s Life.” ).” The man in your dream sounds like a threshold guardian/ally (to use Hero’s Journey/Jungian language). What a powerful dream. Thank you for sharing. May both of our shadow material loosen into drifty, cute, forgettable puffy clouds.
Carol Ann, we all fall short of what we preach from time to time. It’s even happened to me before concerning integrity. Backstage politics is curruptive.
I don’t know about new possibilities, but perhaps some new awareness, some compassion, a more open heart.
This question makes me think of the quote I’ve shared at 3 different classes this past week, which is all about accepting something (or someone) as it is:
“… when you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying “You’re too this, or I’m too this.” That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
I’m so glad you all enjoyed this beautiful quote! So many thoughtful and fun responses!
May we all appreciate everyone the way that they are. Not everyone received the same water and light – or love and nurturing – as others, and so, perhaps, they turned out the way they did. I’m happy to be here thinking about life with each of you… we are all different trees!
Thank you,
dear SunnyPatti,
for this very wise quote from Ram Dass,
who I respect very much,
and for the humour
of turning people into trees.
It works for me. 🙂
This is wonderful, Sunnypatti. I remember reading something similar about flowers. I wish I could remember who to credit and I don’t have the exact words. Possibly they were inspired by this piece. It pointed out that we look at a garden full of flowers or a blooming bush and see beauty. We don’t focus on the missing petal or the flower that’s been nibbled by insects. We just see beauty when we accept the entirety of what’s there with all its “imperfections”.
Dear Sunnypatti, thank you for sharing this quote from Ram Dass. I love trees, all of them. As others have said it’s a challenge to accept, like, some people.
I am going to make it my intention to look @ people as trees!!! So freeing…♥️🌲
I love this quote. Thinking about walking through the woods and judging the trees makes me smile. It might be a funny practice to get me to laugh my way out of my own self-imposed resistance.
Humans can be very challenging to our inner peace. I’m glad you found his quote helpful. I mentioned above, but it seems to come back into my life when I need it!
Thank you for this truth given by Ram Dass, dear Sunnipatti, it feels completely true to me and I understand and learn from it a lot. May all beings be happy ✨
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What came to mind for me was accepting that my daughter suffered from addition. In my mind I wanted to deny it. Accepting allowed me to have more of an open mind. It allowed me to change my focus from resistance to positive change/growth & learning.
When I was poor
I had very few options
and needed how to learn to make do with what I had
and to make use of the resources around me . . .
I may have mentioned the 9 x 12 fish house I lived in in Maine.
I loved the little place but had very little to work with.
I took a job scrubbing the rather primitive gift shop
owned and operated by my landlady,
scrubbing the unfinished floors with bleach,
and cleaning off the cans of ‘Maine Air’
leftover from the previous year.
When that project was done
I worked for an elderly lobsterman,
taking care of his wife,
who had suffered a stroke and was partially paralyzed.
He took a shine to me
and taught me things . . .
how to cook Brunswick stew
and how to sew on his treadle machine,
which he later gave to me.
I sat in the afternoons
mending his wife,
Lucy’s clothes
and his flannel shirts,
embroidering flowers on my sheets . . .
she and I would watch her ‘stories’.
If I missed a day,
I would ask her what had happened the day before . . .
her answer was always,
“oh, they talked.”
My husband at the time
made a bench out of firewood,
of which we were quite proud.
A straw mattress was our bedroom in the loft,
and every night
we carried our dog up the ladder,
which was built into the wall.
I accepted my humble life as it was,
and there was very little I missed from more civilized living.
I had two kerosene lanterns,
an ancient kerosene oven and stove top,
and cold running water in the summer.
I wasn’t looking forward to changing it either,
but as Life would have it,
I became pregnant with my first child,
and my husband lost his carpentering job
because his boss told him to shave his beard or else,
and he didn’t,
and he couldn’t find another job nearby.
I was unhappy
but accepted what couldn’t be changed
and we moved up to Augusta with our few belongings,
rented a dusty apartment with bare lightbulbs and questionable wiring
overlooking railroad tracks,
where I could look out and watch the freight trains going back and forth.
Fall was settling in
and dirty snow was starting accumulate on the streets below,
but I continued my nest building the best I could.
It took awhile,
but after quite a few twists and turns
we again came briefly out into the sunlight,
and realized we were on our way.
All along,
I accepted the twists and turns,
the death of that baby
because without a doubt I couldn’t change a thing.
It just happened
and we had no choice but to move on.
Looking back on all of it
but we plodded through those months . . .
then it was years,
and then it was just me.
But now I see that by accepting what I can’t change,
eventually provided opportunities to grow and learn,
sometimes the hard way,
and for all of it
I am forever grateful. ♥
Not easy, Sparrow. You have lived many lives packed into one. I appreciate your stories.
Yes,
dear Drea . . .
it’s just how it happened for me. ♥
No words to write dear Sparrow but, thank you for being you. Namaste.
I have lived both the ugliest
and most beautiful life,
dear Joseph.
and do not regret any of it
because it has brought me here. ♥
Likewise dear Sparrow.
Accepting something as is?
Oh my, I have shared this before, but accepting my father who was an alcoholic as he was – understanding it was his journey to sobriety and not something we could do for him- freed me to make a decision.
Do I love him in his brokenness or do I wait till he gets better to love him. Is loving him contingent upon an outcome…
Accepting him as was, gave me the freedom to love him as is, with no strings attached.
Did I hope and pray for him to find and accept life as a sober human being – of course I did, along with learning how not to enable, but the freedom I found by accepting him and his situation as it was day by day, allowed me to love him as he was.
So for me – accepting things as they are – is freeing and opens doors for understanding and possibilities vs. striving.
This was incredibly helpful to me, Cathie. Thank you.
❤️
Monkey stuck inside a tunnel has no idea
It took some time to reply to this question. It was a heavy going through this today. Thank you for your patience, and your posts which all have helped me sorting out where i was blind. To surrender to the higher will of Light and Love, of which a clear echo is to be found deep inside of me and to this, all my heart says Yes. May be then there will be a lot less of heavy misunderstanding even. Being there for others, supporting unfolding and lessening suffering with all my heart and all i can. How is not mine to decide, this is as it is, and to accept that doors have been closed, and i surrender to this, as i am able to feel the Love behind and open my heart to a possibility to serve this Love with all my heart No agenda, no conditions. Currently a bit with bruised bones but which fortunately are on it´s way to healing. I would be deeply grateful for such a possibility, if possible together with other kinderd hearts. Thank you for your contributions, which helped me a lot today.
I also find it freeing💕
When I accept something as it is & embrace it, I am surrendering to possibility. Surrendering opens the door to the new, the unexpected, perhaps a pleasant surprise.
Letting go of the control of how I think things should be, is freedom. In reality we have so little control. Accepting makes life a whole lot easier.
Happy Saturday All….. 🕊️❤️
There is always the possibility to experience my own defensive reactions. My own grasping, aversion, and freezing is what keeps unreality locked in place. A couple of you mentioned freedom. To me, the opportunity to witness and deeply embody my own defenses, and then let them go, is what slowly leads to freedom. Often there is grief or some other unsavory emotion beneath the defenses, and I can let myself feel that fully, too. This process, repeated again and again, leads to a more open and vast perspective.
You are so right- there is grief sometimes and allowing it and getting through it ( no matter how hard) seems to heal.
I think a better ability to see the positive qualities of the accepted.
The question I have been pondering and it shows up here today with perfect timing. I look forward to your answers and lessons. I have already enjoyed the first messages of the day.
I listened to a podcast a few weeks ago that talked about sometimes it’s not forgiveness but acceptance that is needed. I’ve been processing this idea.
I think acceptance leads to freedom- freedom to act, freedom to make a choice, freedoms to sit and do nothing. Acceptance for me means more energy because I don’t waste energy on a thousand what ifs and focus on one or two hopes.
Acceptance allows me to see endless possibilities but with a lighter heart ( even if the feelings are heavy) because I see them with an unobstructed view filled with my truth instead of those pesky “what if’s and if onlys “
Thank you…very helpful
Well said Deann, I agree with you regarding acceptance leading to freedom, and better use of energy.
Presence – accepting something as it is is being Present.
Wishing everyone a great weekend:)
https://nationaltoday.com/national-roller-coaster-day/
We went to Carowinds and rode a few roller coasters yesterday afternoon! I love that thrill!!
Likewise Michele.
Astute observation–it is! Have a great weekend too.
The serenity prayer often comes to mind when I am confronted with situations.
God (substitute your expression) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
The knowing are the possibilities.
I lived this prayer for years-thank you for helping me recall it🙏
Thank you Yram
One of my favorites yes lately I have forgotten to lean into it. Thanks for the reminder.
The sun, the moon, and the truth. Whether I accept things or not, they remain the way they are. My acceptance doesn’t change the objects themselves, it changes me. Accepting things as they are gives me a sense of release, like lifting a heavy weight from my mind. May everyone find peace and joy today. 🌸
You are so right,
dear Ngoc . . .
acceptance really does
lift a heavy weight from our being. ♥
My Ngoc, I’m all too familiar and love the saying. Especially the truth cannot be hidden. The sun is hidden right now as we’re experiencing a thunderstorm with pouring rain here in Minnesota.
This is so true!
I become closer to god. Everything happens for a reason. Not everything needs contextualizing.
Yes!
Acceptance is something I often point to in my responses to the daily questions on this site but when I read today’s question, I had to admit to myself that I am not doing a very good job at “accepting what is” right now. I found today’s reading from Richard Rohr helpful. In fact, Rohr’s readings about St. Paul’s interpretation of the Christian myth have been helpful to me all week. I share the link to today’s reading which offers a summary of Rohr’s meditations this week.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/paul-as-mystic-weekly-summary/
I’m thankful for today’s question. It is challenging me. It makes me ponder the definition of “freedom.”
Tell us more,
dear Carol Ann,
when you are ready. ♥
On point: “There seems to be a shadow side to almost everything. Only the unitive or nondual mind can accept this and not panic; in fact, it will grow because of it and even grow beyond it.”
I was listening to Pema Chodron’s “How We Live is How We Die” recently. She was teaching about fully feeling the shadow stuff, really letting it express itself in your body (as you practice mindfulness), and then over time it will lead to its light side. Something opens up. I’ve been trying to practice that regularly and it has helped. For example, accepting shame and letting it swell to its full glory will ultimately loosen it up and let it drift away. It just has nothing left to hold onto when you fully let it be. ‘Course it’ll come back, but it seems like doing repetitions helps soften the impact. Wishing you peace and goodness this weekend, Carol Ann.
”…accepting shame and letting it swell to its full glory will ultimately loosen it up and let it drift away. It just has nothing left to hold onto when you fully let it be.”
Instead of hiding or freezing in the shame,
letting it be,
dear Drea,
reminds me so much of the dance of anger.
The more we fight it
the more power it has over us.
Thank you for your post. ♥
Yes, the more we fight it, the more power it has. Until we have a big fat shadow to contend with. I’d rather not do that again. Have a wonderful Sunday, Sparrow.
Drea, I decided years ago that I needed to stop fighting, fleeing, freezing in place and start facing, feeling and healing. I had a dream many years ago when my whole life was in crisis. I dreamt I was going on a hike and I met a man at the trail head. I ask him how many miles long the trail was…He said ten miles and you must go all the way or none of the way. Ten is a very symbolic number. Many times I find myself sitting down in the middle of the road but the important thing is to “…get back up and get back in the race.” (That’s a line from an old Frank Sinatra song called ” That’s Life.” ) I’m starting to ramble! What I’m trying to say is thanks for reminding me that doing repetitions helps soften the impact and loosens that shadow up so it can drift away.
Carol Ann, I love this: “Many times I find myself sitting down in the middle of the road but the important thing is to “…get back up and get back in the race.” (That’s a line from an old Frank Sinatra song called ” That’s Life.” ).” The man in your dream sounds like a threshold guardian/ally (to use Hero’s Journey/Jungian language). What a powerful dream. Thank you for sharing. May both of our shadow material loosen into drifty, cute, forgettable puffy clouds.
Carol Ann, we all fall short of what we preach from time to time. It’s even happened to me before concerning integrity. Backstage politics is curruptive.
Love all of this!
I don’t know about new possibilities, but perhaps some new awareness, some compassion, a more open heart.
This question makes me think of the quote I’ve shared at 3 different classes this past week, which is all about accepting something (or someone) as it is:
“… when you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying “You’re too this, or I’m too this.” That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
— Ram Dass
I’m so glad you all enjoyed this beautiful quote! So many thoughtful and fun responses!
May we all appreciate everyone the way that they are. Not everyone received the same water and light – or love and nurturing – as others, and so, perhaps, they turned out the way they did. I’m happy to be here thinking about life with each of you… we are all different trees!
I am going to write this wonderful thought in my journal Sunnypatti. Thank you.
It’s one of my favorites and always seems to come back into my life just when I need it the most.
This gave me a giggle- “ I practice turning people into trees.”
So now I ponder…hmm, what type of tree would s/he be😁
Thank you,
dear SunnyPatti,
for this very wise quote from Ram Dass,
who I respect very much,
and for the humour
of turning people into trees.
It works for me. 🙂
This is wonderful, Sunnypatti. I remember reading something similar about flowers. I wish I could remember who to credit and I don’t have the exact words. Possibly they were inspired by this piece. It pointed out that we look at a garden full of flowers or a blooming bush and see beauty. We don’t focus on the missing petal or the flower that’s been nibbled by insects. We just see beauty when we accept the entirety of what’s there with all its “imperfections”.
Ram Dass was a powerful teacher. Thank you for this reminder, Sunnypatti.
Dear Sunnypatti, thank you for sharing this quote from Ram Dass. I love trees, all of them. As others have said it’s a challenge to accept, like, some people.
I am going to make it my intention to look @ people as trees!!! So freeing…♥️🌲
I love this quote. Thinking about walking through the woods and judging the trees makes me smile. It might be a funny practice to get me to laugh my way out of my own self-imposed resistance.
Great quote, Sunnypatti!
I love trees, can’t say I love all people, but there is truth to this quote so thank you💗
We don’t have to love them to accept them 🙂
Needed this! Thank you!
Patti, Thanks for the Ram Dass quote. It is very helpful to me today because I’ve fallen into a very judgemental place.
Humans can be very challenging to our inner peace. I’m glad you found his quote helpful. I mentioned above, but it seems to come back into my life when I need it!
Thank you for this truth given by Ram Dass, dear Sunnipatti, it feels completely true to me and I understand and learn from it a lot. May all beings be happy ✨