I have been dealing with my son’s up and downs since his breakup with his Fiance almost a year ago but I am happy to say he went on a mild antidepressant and he is doing so much better. I suggested he look into it and he did. We also found a house on Saturday and tomorrow should have the signed paperwork. It will be perfect for both of us (multifamily but doesn’t look like one) in northern RI and only 6 miles from where I work but still in a countryside setting. He wanted a good investment that he could fix up. Things are looking up and it was my encouragement, patience and grateful practice I believe that helped the situation : )
I have had a difficult interaction with myself – all day. I want things to be better so much. I’m grateful for that. But I look around and all I seem to be able to do is judge – especially my boss – not good enough. It leaks and spills into my face and my snarky comments. I know it’s the same spotlight I put on myself but knowing that doesn’t help. It makes it worse. All I have are the quiet moments when I have to believe, all evidence to the contrary, that He sees more than I do, and He’s delighted with what He sees.
I am blessed to have come to the point of putting gratitude into everything I do. It has helped me keep my mouth shut many times. If and when I speak, I speak with kindness and respect for the other.
Let this darkness be a bell tower / and you the bell. As you ring, / what batters you becomes your strength.
—Rainer Maria Rilke, trans. Joanna Macy, from Sonnets to Orpheus II, 29
My Mom was very stressed out and in a fearful place.
Thinking it would help I tried to show her how to use her new phone
so she could call me if she wanted anything.
In her stressful state, she just looked at me blankly.
She didn’t want solutions, she just wanted comfort.
At first I felt frustrated with her,
but then thankfully, I realized she was overwhelmed and backed off.
If I had been coming from a place of gratefulness and being present
I think I would have understood what she needed from me earlier on.
I have been grouchy lately with my dear husband, and he doesn’t deserve it. He is suffering physically and mentally. I need to remember that before reacting to something he said.
I am grateful he is still with me and soldiering on. I will remember this next time.
My dad and I have had a bit of a rocky relationship. He lived in another country when I was young. And sometimes I get into arguments with him, because we have different personalities. I’m much closer to my mom, and I tell her everything. My dad recently got upset I did’t tell him about some things happening in my life, I guess i didn’t think he would care. But I feel like I have to show more gratitude towards him. Because regardless of the past he’s still my dad, and he did eventually moved to live with us and has tried to be a good dad.
A couple of weeks ago, someone dear to me was having a few grouchy days, and I in turn was feeling grouchy and resentful back. Then I read in the book “Culture Shift: Nonviolence at Work” about the importance of appreciation. I realized that it had been a few days since I had brought to mind appreciation for that person (for whom in truth there is VERY much to be appreciated!). That helped to shift things.
Luckily, I haven’t had any difficult interactions lately. I did have an interaction with a boss, that many believe is difficult, that was made smoother and easier by the fact that I regularly let that person know how grateful I am to be employed and I know how hard it is to run a company.
All of this is true, I am grateful to have this job and I have run a company and empathize with the hardships. Having this kind of relationship means that when there is something to discuss, it’s easier and less conflicted. It would be easy to slip into the boss/employee paradigm, like most of my co workers, and sometimes me too, but by treating everyone as a person that’s doing the best they can, keeps me on better terms. Everyone is broken in some way.
I don’t know if gratitude would have helped. Perhaps just letting go of the situation and let it work it’s way out naturally without confrontation would have worked better.
I think it’s a good thing that the time for protest and prophets is past. Long past. It just doesn’t work anymore. All we, like sheep, have gone astray, chasing after personal comfort and convenience at any cost. Where’s room for gratefulness in that? Well, a lot of still have oil in our lamps, whether we see it or not. That comforts me when the future is so utterly unknown. It reminds me of Luke. Stand tall. Look up. Your redemption draws nigh.
I had to redefine “difficult” away from my first thoughts, which were about whether I’ve had any interactions in which I felt bad for some reason, or the other person felt bad as a result of the conversation. I just had a delightful (although a bit exhausting) trip to Switzerland for my job and everything went smoothly so no recent interactions came to mind.
Then I realized I had a call with my oldest daughter, who’s going through some tough times. The difficulty was in what’s going on in her life right now, not in the interaction itself. I provided a listening ear, avoided my tendency to give advice where none is requested, and did give advice when asked.
At the time it didn’t occur to me to feel actively grateful that she turns to me when she needs someone to talk with, although I do feel that in general and am so glad I have close relationships with both my grown children. It would have enriched our conversation if I had held that in the forefront of my mind and probably would have added extra warmth to my voice. When I go into problem-solver mode I’m very rational and logical, which can come across as cold when I don’t mean to be.
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Gratitude would have helped me to trust in myself and the other person.
Trust in goodness.
I had a fight with my sister yesterday but knowing the gift of eternal life, peace, and her, gratitude led me to apologize!
I have been dealing with my son’s up and downs since his breakup with his Fiance almost a year ago but I am happy to say he went on a mild antidepressant and he is doing so much better. I suggested he look into it and he did. We also found a house on Saturday and tomorrow should have the signed paperwork. It will be perfect for both of us (multifamily but doesn’t look like one) in northern RI and only 6 miles from where I work but still in a countryside setting. He wanted a good investment that he could fix up. Things are looking up and it was my encouragement, patience and grateful practice I believe that helped the situation : )
Sounds like you guys found a great spot! Congratulations!
That’s awesome Robin Ann! Congrats! :)🏡
That is so wonderful Robin Ann!
I am very happy for you!!!
Robin Ann, So happy for you.
I have had a difficult interaction with myself – all day. I want things to be better so much. I’m grateful for that. But I look around and all I seem to be able to do is judge – especially my boss – not good enough. It leaks and spills into my face and my snarky comments. I know it’s the same spotlight I put on myself but knowing that doesn’t help. It makes it worse. All I have are the quiet moments when I have to believe, all evidence to the contrary, that He sees more than I do, and He’s delighted with what He sees.
Wow – great question and thoughtful reflections. Thank you!
I will do my best to bring gratefulness to a few challenging relationships on my path these days, and be open to a shift of perspective and energy.
I am blessed to have come to the point of putting gratitude into everything I do. It has helped me keep my mouth shut many times. If and when I speak, I speak with kindness and respect for the other.
Let this darkness be a bell tower / and you the bell. As you ring, / what batters you becomes your strength.
—Rainer Maria Rilke, trans. Joanna Macy, from Sonnets to Orpheus II, 29
Thank you, Carol. Beautiful, and inspiring …
My Mom was very stressed out and in a fearful place.
Thinking it would help I tried to show her how to use her new phone
so she could call me if she wanted anything.
In her stressful state, she just looked at me blankly.
She didn’t want solutions, she just wanted comfort.
At first I felt frustrated with her,
but then thankfully, I realized she was overwhelmed and backed off.
If I had been coming from a place of gratefulness and being present
I think I would have understood what she needed from me earlier on.
I have been grouchy lately with my dear husband, and he doesn’t deserve it. He is suffering physically and mentally. I need to remember that before reacting to something he said.
I am grateful he is still with me and soldiering on. I will remember this next time.
My dad and I have had a bit of a rocky relationship. He lived in another country when I was young. And sometimes I get into arguments with him, because we have different personalities. I’m much closer to my mom, and I tell her everything. My dad recently got upset I did’t tell him about some things happening in my life, I guess i didn’t think he would care. But I feel like I have to show more gratitude towards him. Because regardless of the past he’s still my dad, and he did eventually moved to live with us and has tried to be a good dad.
A couple of weeks ago, someone dear to me was having a few grouchy days, and I in turn was feeling grouchy and resentful back. Then I read in the book “Culture Shift: Nonviolence at Work” about the importance of appreciation. I realized that it had been a few days since I had brought to mind appreciation for that person (for whom in truth there is VERY much to be appreciated!). That helped to shift things.
Thank you for mentioning the book. I’ve put in a request for my local library to get it.
I probably wouldn’t have taken the difficulty as personally and had more emotional distance from it.
Luckily, I haven’t had any difficult interactions lately. I did have an interaction with a boss, that many believe is difficult, that was made smoother and easier by the fact that I regularly let that person know how grateful I am to be employed and I know how hard it is to run a company.
All of this is true, I am grateful to have this job and I have run a company and empathize with the hardships. Having this kind of relationship means that when there is something to discuss, it’s easier and less conflicted. It would be easy to slip into the boss/employee paradigm, like most of my co workers, and sometimes me too, but by treating everyone as a person that’s doing the best they can, keeps me on better terms. Everyone is broken in some way.
So beautiful and wise, Charlie
Thank you for this. I had an interaction with my boss on Friday that left me feeling a bit unsettled. This helps to put things in perspective.
I don’t know if gratitude would have helped. Perhaps just letting go of the situation and let it work it’s way out naturally without confrontation would have worked better.
I think it’s a good thing that the time for protest and prophets is past. Long past. It just doesn’t work anymore. All we, like sheep, have gone astray, chasing after personal comfort and convenience at any cost. Where’s room for gratefulness in that? Well, a lot of still have oil in our lamps, whether we see it or not. That comforts me when the future is so utterly unknown. It reminds me of Luke. Stand tall. Look up. Your redemption draws nigh.
I had to redefine “difficult” away from my first thoughts, which were about whether I’ve had any interactions in which I felt bad for some reason, or the other person felt bad as a result of the conversation. I just had a delightful (although a bit exhausting) trip to Switzerland for my job and everything went smoothly so no recent interactions came to mind.
Then I realized I had a call with my oldest daughter, who’s going through some tough times. The difficulty was in what’s going on in her life right now, not in the interaction itself. I provided a listening ear, avoided my tendency to give advice where none is requested, and did give advice when asked.
At the time it didn’t occur to me to feel actively grateful that she turns to me when she needs someone to talk with, although I do feel that in general and am so glad I have close relationships with both my grown children. It would have enriched our conversation if I had held that in the forefront of my mind and probably would have added extra warmth to my voice. When I go into problem-solver mode I’m very rational and logical, which can come across as cold when I don’t mean to be.
Welcome back Barb – I missed you too:)