Doing my best to possibly offer and add to quality for others when trying to do things as good as possible, just doing my best whenever possible, this includes situations or moments when this was not possible. Will ponder on this more.
Being a perfectionist has never been an issue for me. I try to do my best and that is it. I did sign up for the imperfection class but
haven’t had time to look at it yet. I look forward to reviewing it. My sister on the other hand is a perfectionist and she drives me crazy lol. I have enough other stressors so I know I need to try to balance them for my well being. This was brought up at my first therapy session today. Managing the negatives and positives in life is very important.
The Japanese concept of Wu Wei has resonated with me. This is a little difficult to describe but lands in the area where it is the cultivation of a state of being in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the ebb and flow of the elemental cycles of the natural world. It is a kind of “going with the flow” that is characterized by great ease and awareness, in which—without even trying—we’re able to respond perfectly to whatever situations arise.
This question reminds me of the beauty of imperfections expressed by Leonard Cohen:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
~Anthem
I’m also reminded of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz…a book on Toltec wisdom:
Agreement #4: Always do your best…with the acknowledgement that our “best” can be different on any given day.
So much more freeing than trying to be “perfect”…whatever that means!
To answer the question…it is that freeing of the expectation of perfection that is a gift of well-being to my body and spirit.
~Blessings on your day everyone 🙏
I’m reminded of my days when I was a frazzled divorced mom with two toddlers, working as a freelance copy editor with a highly variable income and eating a lot of ramen because it was cheap. At some point I read the advice I needed: to remember that in any given moment, I was doing the best I was capable of *in that moment*. My “best” would vary, as you describe. Oh, how I needed that.
I agree. I never believe any of us get’s up an intentionally “does our worst.” The bandwidth changes. Maya Angelou says, “we do better when we know better.”
I relate this to the Intro to Improv class I’m taking that I attended last night. The instructor is trying to teach us to trust, to stop anticipating, and to be purely in the moment and responding to what the other person is doing without trying to be witty or funny. In other words, to let the outcome arise moment by moment instead of trying to push toward some perfect picture in our heads that could never make it into the real world the way we imagine. I’m taking the class for pure play (thinking back to a question about this a while back) and to free my mind to think differently and to practice listening completely. The self-consciousness of adulthood interferes–another way we impose “perfection” standards on ourselves because we think we’re being observed by others when everyone else is just as focused on themselves as we are.
I have one more session of this class and I’ll try to enter fully into those moments. I already signed up for another class on short-form improv taught by a different instructor (yay for my local parks & rec programming!) so I can continue to practice freeing myself from expectations of perfection.
I would think that the above statement would be beneficial to my emotional and physical well-being. No one is perfect. Also, loosing expectations is a work in progress. Having no expectations helps with not becoming disappointed.
Always strive to be a better you/me.
Have a good day everyone.
Releasing the expectation of perfection allows me to experiment, explore, make “mistakes”, and learn from the process. Having an expectation of perfection makes me rigid, fearful (of others judgements), and anxious. I find that the term “perfection” often has more to do with my perception of what other people want rather than what is truly “perfect” for the task at hand. For some projects, perfect may not be perfect at all, because the project doesn’t merit it. Quick and loose is fine. For other projects a high level of detail or multiple attempts may be valid, because it’s something I want to execute well and enjoy doing so. So long as my aspirations for the project are based in my own goals and not bound to some desire to impress or carve out a future win, I feel a lot more at ease, creative and interested in working on something.
Satisfaction! As I release expectations of perfection, I emotionally enjoy what I have right now in my life. I believe this feeling of enjoyment comes from what is perfect in my perspective. As my parents taught me, as I walk through life, don’t look up to what people are chasing for their own perfection, and don’t look down and settle too early for what you have. Instead, focus on what you have and concentrate on what you are doing right now. This will bring a sense of satisfaction and happiness.
How might releasing the expectation of perfection impact my emotional and physical well-being? The phrase “releasing the expectation of perfection” stands out for me because I grew up with the message that I had to be perfect to be loved. That misunderstanding and lack of self awareness fueled every choice I made for many years. I wrote a meditation about this in 2021 that is filled with helpful quotes for maintaining my emotional and physical well being. I share it below and also want to recommend today’s meditation from Richard Rohr: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-stones-cry-out/
My Morning Med Nov 5 2021 Assumptions and Expectations
Poet David Whyte says “Beauty is the harvest of presence.” Be still (Desist) and know that without awareness and acceptance of self and without the awareness and acceptance of Nature as our teacher, life becomes a relentless treadmill.
Thomas Merton explains the importance of self awareness this way: “What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery.”
Pema Chodron says “You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.”
Spiritual teacher Anthony de Mello in his book, “The Way to Love,” says that your beliefs, ideas, habits attachments and fears can put your mind on automatic pilot. Your societal and cultural traditions, your prejudices and fears of your past experiences wall you in and feed your egoic mind.
According to de Mello, assumptions and expectations are like layers of fat in your brain. He says, “The unaware life is not worth living. It cannot even be called life. It’s a mechanical robot existence…a death…So watch, observe, question and explore and your mind will come alive and shed its fat…and you will be blessed with the unimpeded vision of things as they are, the direct experience of reality.”
For me, that accents the importance of an open mind and the willingness to live my questions and challenge my ego.
CLEAR SEEING by Carol Ann Conner
WE ARE PILGRIMS ON THE JOURNEY.
WE SEARCH BUT ALL PATHS LEAD NO WHERE.
WHY? BECAUSE WE NEVER LEFT THE GARDEN.
WE JUST THINK WE DID.
AND WHAT WE THINK MANIFESTS.
AND WHAT MANIFESTS BECOMES OUR REALITY —
A REALITY THAT DENIES OUR BIRTHRIGHT
AND IMPRISONS OUR VERY SOUL.
SO LET US RE-MEMBER THE GARDEN.
GATHER BENEATH THE TREE OF LIFE.
ROOT OURSELVES IN ITS AGELESS WISDOM
AND BECOME WHAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE.
WHOLE, HOLY, ONE WITH NATURE,
FATHER, MOTHER, BROTHER, SISTER, FRIEND,
SUMMER, WINTER, SPRING, AND FALL,
WITH THANKSGIVING FOR IT ALL.
Thank you, Carol. I love this “assumptions and expectations are like layers of fat in your brain. He says, “The unaware life is not worth living. It cannot even be called life. It’s a mechanical robot existence…a death.” AMEN!!!!
Thank you for sharing your gift of poetry with us Carol. And I love all of the quotes by other spiritually minded people. Thomas Merton, Pema Chodron, David Whyte…all favorites of mine. And most especially RR whom I consider my very own Franciscan guru guide 🙂
The only expectations of perfection in my life are the ones I place on myself. I’ve been that way since I was a little girl, and it’s been a very hard habit to break. But I know that releasing those expectations means less stress and anxiety, and maybe my back would feel better, too.
Sunnypatti…..our bodies do speak to us! I’m learning so much about that through my trauma therapist. A book she recommended to me has been eye-opening. It’s called “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk.
There is no denying the mind-body connection.
~Namaste 🙏
I am not sure where the model is for perfect. What do I have to measure up to? The key, I think, is balance. When I am balanced I feel more whole and complete.
I don’t really suffer from this affliction
any more. Just writing that, makes me relax.
When I loosen my grip on expectations in
general, I can see more options, I can get
started. I’m realizing that most of chasing
perfection, is for my ego and for the
acceptance and praise of others. It’s a
fantasy that takes the joy out of the
moment.
I vividly recall yesteryear statements of “stay within the lines, the lines are your friends.” This was regarding coloring. Then advertising changed to “color outside the lines.” This implied being bold and sassy. Today I do a little of both which nurtures gifts of spontaneity. Have a great day! 🌈☀️
Perfection is possibly a goal to strive for. Getting hung up on that goal or idea can lead to many mental and emotional issues. Self-esteem, poor or over the top conceit. Feeling superior or inferior to other beings. Look at the natural world. Have you ever seen a perfectly straight tree? A perfectly shaped sphere? Even our home earth is not a perfectly shaped sphere, with all the mountains and canyons. The only thing close to perfection I can think of in the natural world is water, in a vessel with no disturbance. The water in that vessel will be level, but the moment there is movement the water will seek its level. Maybe seeking our level will be as close to perfection as we will ever attain. And maybe a loss of some anxiety will accompany.
Joseph, You have a gift…never stop writing and sharing your writings with others. May you gather your writings in a journal and dedicate it to your grandchildren.
Expectations are a joy-killer. Yet they doggedly bubble up in my thoughts uninvited. Perhaps I should try to look at them as just part of the thousands of thoughts my mind generates throughout the day and not attach any special importance to them.
Love this Laura. Regarding the thousands of thoughts our minds generate… I’m learning, as Rumi taught us in The Guest House, to “meet them at the door laughing.”
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Doing my best to possibly offer and add to quality for others when trying to do things as good as possible, just doing my best whenever possible, this includes situations or moments when this was not possible. Will ponder on this more.
Being a perfectionist has never been an issue for me. I try to do my best and that is it. I did sign up for the imperfection class but
haven’t had time to look at it yet. I look forward to reviewing it. My sister on the other hand is a perfectionist and she drives me crazy lol. I have enough other stressors so I know I need to try to balance them for my well being. This was brought up at my first therapy session today. Managing the negatives and positives in life is very important.
The Japanese concept of Wu Wei has resonated with me. This is a little difficult to describe but lands in the area where it is the cultivation of a state of being in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the ebb and flow of the elemental cycles of the natural world. It is a kind of “going with the flow” that is characterized by great ease and awareness, in which—without even trying—we’re able to respond perfectly to whatever situations arise.
I forward this to my son as he is studying Japanese… to which he responded:
Technically wu wei is Chinese.
The Japanese equivalent is Mui. Same symbols and meaning but different reading. (無為 – literally nothingness+doing)
This question reminds me of the beauty of imperfections expressed by Leonard Cohen:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
~Anthem
I’m also reminded of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz…a book on Toltec wisdom:
Agreement #4: Always do your best…with the acknowledgement that our “best” can be different on any given day.
So much more freeing than trying to be “perfect”…whatever that means!
To answer the question…it is that freeing of the expectation of perfection that is a gift of well-being to my body and spirit.
~Blessings on your day everyone 🙏
Rumi also says, “The wound is where the light gets in…”
I’m reminded of my days when I was a frazzled divorced mom with two toddlers, working as a freelance copy editor with a highly variable income and eating a lot of ramen because it was cheap. At some point I read the advice I needed: to remember that in any given moment, I was doing the best I was capable of *in that moment*. My “best” would vary, as you describe. Oh, how I needed that.
I agree. I never believe any of us get’s up an intentionally “does our worst.” The bandwidth changes. Maya Angelou says, “we do better when we know better.”
I relate this to the Intro to Improv class I’m taking that I attended last night. The instructor is trying to teach us to trust, to stop anticipating, and to be purely in the moment and responding to what the other person is doing without trying to be witty or funny. In other words, to let the outcome arise moment by moment instead of trying to push toward some perfect picture in our heads that could never make it into the real world the way we imagine. I’m taking the class for pure play (thinking back to a question about this a while back) and to free my mind to think differently and to practice listening completely. The self-consciousness of adulthood interferes–another way we impose “perfection” standards on ourselves because we think we’re being observed by others when everyone else is just as focused on themselves as we are.
I have one more session of this class and I’ll try to enter fully into those moments. I already signed up for another class on short-form improv taught by a different instructor (yay for my local parks & rec programming!) so I can continue to practice freeing myself from expectations of perfection.
You should check out 5Rhythms dance–it’s like dance/meditation improv.
Thanks, I will!
I would think that the above statement would be beneficial to my emotional and physical well-being. No one is perfect. Also, loosing expectations is a work in progress. Having no expectations helps with not becoming disappointed.
Always strive to be a better you/me.
Have a good day everyone.
Thank you Michele, and I did have a good day!
Releasing the expectation of perfection allows me to experiment, explore, make “mistakes”, and learn from the process. Having an expectation of perfection makes me rigid, fearful (of others judgements), and anxious. I find that the term “perfection” often has more to do with my perception of what other people want rather than what is truly “perfect” for the task at hand. For some projects, perfect may not be perfect at all, because the project doesn’t merit it. Quick and loose is fine. For other projects a high level of detail or multiple attempts may be valid, because it’s something I want to execute well and enjoy doing so. So long as my aspirations for the project are based in my own goals and not bound to some desire to impress or carve out a future win, I feel a lot more at ease, creative and interested in working on something.
Thank you! A perfect answer and reflective words for me.
Satisfaction! As I release expectations of perfection, I emotionally enjoy what I have right now in my life. I believe this feeling of enjoyment comes from what is perfect in my perspective. As my parents taught me, as I walk through life, don’t look up to what people are chasing for their own perfection, and don’t look down and settle too early for what you have. Instead, focus on what you have and concentrate on what you are doing right now. This will bring a sense of satisfaction and happiness.
How might releasing the expectation of perfection impact my emotional and physical well-being? The phrase “releasing the expectation of perfection” stands out for me because I grew up with the message that I had to be perfect to be loved. That misunderstanding and lack of self awareness fueled every choice I made for many years. I wrote a meditation about this in 2021 that is filled with helpful quotes for maintaining my emotional and physical well being. I share it below and also want to recommend today’s meditation from Richard Rohr: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-stones-cry-out/
My Morning Med Nov 5 2021 Assumptions and Expectations
Poet David Whyte says “Beauty is the harvest of presence.” Be still (Desist) and know that without awareness and acceptance of self and without the awareness and acceptance of Nature as our teacher, life becomes a relentless treadmill.
Thomas Merton explains the importance of self awareness this way: “What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery.”
Pema Chodron says “You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.”
Spiritual teacher Anthony de Mello in his book, “The Way to Love,” says that your beliefs, ideas, habits attachments and fears can put your mind on automatic pilot. Your societal and cultural traditions, your prejudices and fears of your past experiences wall you in and feed your egoic mind.
According to de Mello, assumptions and expectations are like layers of fat in your brain. He says, “The unaware life is not worth living. It cannot even be called life. It’s a mechanical robot existence…a death…So watch, observe, question and explore and your mind will come alive and shed its fat…and you will be blessed with the unimpeded vision of things as they are, the direct experience of reality.”
For me, that accents the importance of an open mind and the willingness to live my questions and challenge my ego.
CLEAR SEEING by Carol Ann Conner
WE ARE PILGRIMS ON THE JOURNEY.
WE SEARCH BUT ALL PATHS LEAD NO WHERE.
WHY? BECAUSE WE NEVER LEFT THE GARDEN.
WE JUST THINK WE DID.
AND WHAT WE THINK MANIFESTS.
AND WHAT MANIFESTS BECOMES OUR REALITY —
A REALITY THAT DENIES OUR BIRTHRIGHT
AND IMPRISONS OUR VERY SOUL.
SO LET US RE-MEMBER THE GARDEN.
GATHER BENEATH THE TREE OF LIFE.
ROOT OURSELVES IN ITS AGELESS WISDOM
AND BECOME WHAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE.
WHOLE, HOLY, ONE WITH NATURE,
FATHER, MOTHER, BROTHER, SISTER, FRIEND,
SUMMER, WINTER, SPRING, AND FALL,
WITH THANKSGIVING FOR IT ALL.
Thank you for sharing your writings with us Carol.
Thank you, Carol. I love this “assumptions and expectations are like layers of fat in your brain. He says, “The unaware life is not worth living. It cannot even be called life. It’s a mechanical robot existence…a death.” AMEN!!!!
Thank you for sharing your gift of poetry with us Carol. And I love all of the quotes by other spiritually minded people. Thomas Merton, Pema Chodron, David Whyte…all favorites of mine. And most especially RR whom I consider my very own Franciscan guru guide 🙂
I love your poem Carol, especially the last paragraph 🙂
The only expectations of perfection in my life are the ones I place on myself. I’ve been that way since I was a little girl, and it’s been a very hard habit to break. But I know that releasing those expectations means less stress and anxiety, and maybe my back would feel better, too.
Sunnypatti…..our bodies do speak to us! I’m learning so much about that through my trauma therapist. A book she recommended to me has been eye-opening. It’s called “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk.
There is no denying the mind-body connection.
~Namaste 🙏
Sunnypatti: I resonate with every word you’ve shared. Thanks
I am not sure where the model is for perfect. What do I have to measure up to? The key, I think, is balance. When I am balanced I feel more whole and complete.
I don’t really suffer from this affliction
any more. Just writing that, makes me relax.
When I loosen my grip on expectations in
general, I can see more options, I can get
started. I’m realizing that most of chasing
perfection, is for my ego and for the
acceptance and praise of others. It’s a
fantasy that takes the joy out of the
moment.
So true about the ego in some people
Thanks Charlie
I vividly recall yesteryear statements of “stay within the lines, the lines are your friends.” This was regarding coloring. Then advertising changed to “color outside the lines.” This implied being bold and sassy. Today I do a little of both which nurtures gifts of spontaneity. Have a great day! 🌈☀️
Perfection is possibly a goal to strive for. Getting hung up on that goal or idea can lead to many mental and emotional issues. Self-esteem, poor or over the top conceit. Feeling superior or inferior to other beings. Look at the natural world. Have you ever seen a perfectly straight tree? A perfectly shaped sphere? Even our home earth is not a perfectly shaped sphere, with all the mountains and canyons. The only thing close to perfection I can think of in the natural world is water, in a vessel with no disturbance. The water in that vessel will be level, but the moment there is movement the water will seek its level. Maybe seeking our level will be as close to perfection as we will ever attain. And maybe a loss of some anxiety will accompany.
Love the water imagery. I couple that with the recognition that we think of ourselves as individual drops, yet we are all the ocean.
Our imperfect blue ball spinning off-center. I love this.
Joseph, You have a gift…never stop writing and sharing your writings with others. May you gather your writings in a journal and dedicate it to your grandchildren.
Water..Very helpful image for me today.
Thanks, Joseph.
Expectations are a joy-killer. Yet they doggedly bubble up in my thoughts uninvited. Perhaps I should try to look at them as just part of the thousands of thoughts my mind generates throughout the day and not attach any special importance to them.
Love this Laura. Regarding the thousands of thoughts our minds generate… I’m learning, as Rumi taught us in The Guest House, to “meet them at the door laughing.”
That’s one of my favortie poems.