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What is that fear I have about being wrong. What is that misunderstanding?
Yes, wanting to be right, especially with my husband, causes me to get angry when he frequently corrects me. Instead of being vulnerable with him, I have to focus on my feelings and counsel myself for a better outcome. This doesn’t help us solve the reoccurring problem. Choosing and practicing vulnerability is a better solution.
I used to be vulnerable when i was younger but not so much any more. I do not wish to be right unless i know the other person is incorrect in what they say!! I do believe in everyone has a right to their opinion and at some point you have to agree to disagree to make the peace.
I think about the times I’ve lied to avoid embarrassment. What’s embarrassing about being yourself, baby?
Each of us are unique. We all express ourselves uniquely. I don’t feel judging others has a place in my life because it inevitably ends up as an attempt to control others. My own individual unfolding is a full-time occupation without trying to take on the lives of others.
Ah, those days are mostly over.
I’m okay with being wrong.
I enjoy being vulnerable.
Sometimes I catch myself feeling
righteous, or I am caught by my
partner or a friend, and reminded of other
perspectives and choices. This
doesn’t bother me.
Seeing things clearly, without
Judgement, and without projection
is one of my daily goals. So, I am
Grateful to be made aware of my
stuckness. That feeling of wanting
the be right, seems to be the ego
protecting itself from harm. Reasserting
This is an area in which I know I have grown beyond my younger self. I’m very deliberate now in showing my learning in real time so others know it’s okay not to know everything and to acknowledge something could be done differently in the future. I will call myself out–“Oh, hey, now I know that word is one I need to purge from my vocabulary. Thank you for helping me learn and improve!” (said very sincerely)
This applies across the board, from practicing anti-racism and unpacking implicit bias to listening to the engineers I work with and improving my knowledge on topics they studied deeply (while also sharing things I know that they don’t because their education didn’t give them much, if anything, on active transportation, which is my realm). If I show it’s okay to learn in plain sight, others won’t feel they have to prove themselves to be “experts” all the time and we can learn together.
I feel that giving an honest answer to this question might require more introspection than I have time for. I have a story from recently, though, that involve being vulnerable that might help. In part, the story does involve me seeing a “flaw” in somebody else’s behavior. Frankly, those flaws can be easier to spot, but I am not exempting myself.
I had brought up some travel plans with X (names withheld for privacy). I was excited about a few ideas, but X’s response felt to me quite disinterested. I tried to express that, and X said very little in response. Then X left the room saying they were going to get something to eat. I followed, and we ate in mostly silence for about five minutes. I brought up the topic of travel and how I was feeling several times, and X said they were processing.
I said that I was confused by X’s behavior and that I felt as though X did not want to be part of these plans. Ultimately, X said that they had some other ideas about travel and thought that we wouldn’t be able to do both theirs and mine. They said that I appeared to have done a lot of planning and that I was, therefore, going to steamroll their ideas. I explained that I had done very little planning and wasn’t certain about taking time away from work regardless. I am now reconsidering travel plans to include X’s ideas.
We were only able to come to this conclusion, however, because I admitted as clearly as possible how X’s response made me feel and because X acknowledged their own concerns after initially withdrawing.
Like alot of folks; I think I want to be right…but why is that so important…Does being right make you a better person..NOPE!! As Joseph said…most arguements that people have are opinion based where there is no right or wrong…but people like to argue. Some things are important and others you need to let go. I am not sure that vulnerability comes into play…but like SunnyPatti, I wear my heart on my sleeve…and people know my vulnerabilities..(animals)…and sometimes are cruel – but I TRY to understand and take some conversations as a ignorance. If I don’t know something….I do not speak with authority…I just don’t know and I am not ashamed of that. We all live and learn. Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this question…your answers helped my understanding. Wishing you all a good day. Stay warm!
Everyone’s response helped me on this one. My default is often feeling “wrong,” so not being “right”(whatever that is in a situation) brings up old issues. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to catch myself more frequently in this knee-jerk reaction. Responses here are reinforcing ways to “go with the flow.” Thank you, all.
It does not. Perhaps, it’s my age but I learned many years ago the importance of vulnerability-open heart/open mind.
I do not “want to be right”. When I am “wrong” I admit it and hopefully learn what is “right”. When I speak of something factual I only speak of well proven science that I am versed in. If I do not know the subject I listen. Most arguments between people are about things and or subjects that there is no right or wrong. Just different opinions and folks who can not agree to disagree.
At certain times and in particular situations, of course. But on principle, I am more concerned about making sure that I am right when making certain decisions because of the consequences, and sometimes cost, if I am wrong. That would always be my first and most important consideration.
I used to work for a boss who’d say whenever his employees made a mistake, “That’s why they put erasers on pencils!” Besides, mistakes are a terrific teacher. I know, I’ve made many mistakes over the years.
I’ve come to call mistakes miss-takes because they are my teachers.
I’ll be interested to see how others answer this one. Today is National Dark Chocolate Day. I feel dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate, does that make me vulnerable? I don’t think so, lol. Does wanting to be right just mean that is our opinion and not the truth? My wanting to be right may change with learning different perspectives, but then again, it might not.
Since you are 100% right about dark chocolate being better than milk chocolate I don’t think you have any vulnerability exposed whatsoever. Love the way you share what “official” day it is–now I’ll have to make sure I celebrate this one!
Thank you for the early morning chuckle Michele.
I don’t think you can be focused on being right and be vulnerable at the same time. I have learned not to care about being right as much as I used to. I mean, sometimes I am right (like everyone else), but it’s not important to me to make sure everyone knows that. And while I appreciate being able to be vulnerable, I don’t always want to be. Not everyone needs to know my story. I tend to be a heart-on-the-sleeve kind of person, but I have learned to set boundaries which are also important for a healthy life.
Well said, Sunnypatti.
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