Who might have the same perspective, one could ask? Usually almost all have a different view in one or another aspect, in one or another way. It offers variety. And relativity of what is. Is someone else appreciated for both the similar as well as for the difference by me? Heart open? To relate to the one heart we share. Someone once mentioned „I appreciate and greet the sacred in you“. This is always possible, being inclusive for the differences also.
You remind me,
dear Ose,
that different perspectives
don’t have to be life changing conflicts.
I was speaking of the major blows our democracy has taken,
but there are many other perspectives
that don’t coalesce with our own opinions . . .
I can let those
pretty much roll off my back.
My brother wanted to be a pit-bull whisperer,
in a time
when rescue places
did not want to place more than one in a household.
I was not really invested in that idea,
so my brother and I didn’t experience any conflict
or change of opinion.
We all choose our battles,
and I try not to take things personally,
which has served me well in later years.
Thank you for your perspectives on this.
You lighten my burden. ♥
My older brother comes to mind. He is extremely book smart but not so much in daily life or so it has seemed to me at times. What I do appreciate is somethings he taught me a long the way. He was like a professional student and helped me figure out Federal student loan program and housing when my children were college age and I struggled as a single parent. It was huge for my son who has a Bachelor degree and my daughter also has some college.
My younger brother and I
had a very close relationship
off and on throughout our lives . . .
he suddenly died of covid
just as the disease was starting to turn a corner,
and I did not know
until I received a call from his daughter.
He was the last adult in my family
who knew me for seventy-some years,
and his death
caused me to think about the ebb and flow of our relationship.
As youngsters
we were both rebels,
but when I escaped the home of my parents
and he joined the Navy,
things changed.
He became more conservative,
with an obsessive need for approval,
The Navy taught him discipline
and he became rigid.
while I opened my arms to the world
and battled shame privately.
I tried my hand at living from my heart,
believing that goodness was in store.
I married very young,
and followed the wind . . .
a bit of a gypsy who believed in the universe.
We saw each other infrequently in the following years,
and didn’t keep in touch,
but when the needs of our parents drew us together,
the changes in each of us
became apparent.
I had become a flaming liberal
and he didn’t know how to deal with that.
I thought he might have turned into one of the Ruby Ridge types,
but we could still hug each other
and help each other out.
We remained kind towards each other
and confided more things that we did with other people.
We talked gently about our different perspectives,
but did not try to convince each other
that one of us was right
and one was wrong.
I hope he knew,
as he was dying on the respirator in the hospital far away
that I loved him always
and appreciated his tender soul,
which I knew was still buried within him.
All I could say
when I received that phone call
was ‘godspeed,
dear one.
You were my blood and my flesh,
my bone,
and my friend,
and I’ll always love you,
no matter your opinions.’
One of my sisters is financially successful. I’m not. What I appreciate most about her, though, is her personality. It’s stable and balanced. I envy her for that.
Yes, this is the practice of inclusion. It’s funny how easy it is to think of one thing that I appreciate about the people that I know and disagree with.
It’s a bit of a tug of war in my head.
Holding both truths. The good stuff and the stuff I don’t agree with. Maybe it’s just my ego, needing to be “right”. I swing back and forth. Not wanting to forget the stuff about them that bothers me. Yet, I can easily find some good, or something to agree upon, in just about everyone.
When I’m around these people, they tend to linger in my head and I continue to litigate any conversations that we had. It’s not very good for my mental state. It’s easier to appreciate them from some distance.
I am embarrassed,
dear Charlie,
to say that I sometimes feel tribal
about certain people’s chosen political views,
and I don’t like that characteristic,
even though I keep it private.
I did feel a modicum of joy though,
when I noticed that my neighbor
has taken down a certain politician’s flag
that’s been up for over 12 years. ♥
Charlie, this also confirms exactly why I’m extra vigilent through various backstage political manipulawhn methods. The opinions themselves are not the issue. My issue is the way my root people express them with such enthusiasm. I can respect the authenticity but can also find that overwhelming at times too. It’s why I’m mindful of how I approach enthusiasm. It’s easier with more common ground.
Family – I appreciate family and loyalty and being there for one another – regardless of different perspectives.
TGIF – I took today off and am going to enjoy that:) https://nationaltoday.com/national-hard-candy-day/ – I had to smile when I saw that as just yesterday my order arrived. I am surprising the kids (and my son’s gf) with a candy I grew up on… Clear Toy Candy – its Pa Dutch. here is a link to be able to view https://www.regennascandy.com/ they come in red, green, amber colors, different molds.
We had those too,
dear Michele,
when I was little.
I think they are made of barley sugar,
and sometimes come as animal lollipops.
Thanks for the memories. 🙂
My grandparents were from western Pennsylvania . . .
we also had licorice pipes and shoo-fly pie.
I am surrounded by them! They are both in my family and out of my family! But, even when I want to shake them or throw my hands up in despair, their kindness melts my heart.
This question reminds me of one of my little sisters, the one born right after my twin and me. Since my twin and I have vision challenges, our little sister had to take care of us. Ever since she was a little girl, our mom told her she should hold our hands when we walked out the door and pick out our shoes when we were about to leave the house. Later on, when she was able to drive, she picked us up and dropped us off for our track-and-field training. In her free time, she also supported our mom in making a living.
She was forced to be more mature than her actual age. Because of that, her point of view is quite different from mine and my twin’s. We rarely seem to have heart-to-heart conversations, but I believe that deep down, we still love each other in a hidden way. Now, only she and I are living in the States, but we rarely have the chance to see each other. She is very busy, but she often asks if I want to visit; she likes to take me shopping and out for dinner. I want her to visit me in MN, where she has never been in the eight years she’s lived in the U.S.
I can’t forget that every time I visit CA, she always finds time to see me. Once, she only had a few minutes to greet me at the door where I was staying, just enough time to hand me a cup of bubble tea and gift me a cozy jacket. Our love is expressed not through words, but through actions and feelings toward one another. I pray that she has a better life, finds happiness, and experiences less pressure.
What a beautiful story of your sister,
dear Ngoc . . .
indeed,
much was expected of her.
I hope you will become closer
as the gap will narrow with age.
Thank you for this. ♥
My Ngoc, this goes to show how there are many ways to express love. The 5 love languages we talk about are just basic building blocks. I believe in them, because I’m more of a head person with technique who operates on systems. The point about love languages is to teach us to make others feel comfortable when we care for them. Defining care as just showing more enthusiasm and giving advice is an oversimplification.
One of my brothers is quite the political conservative as opposed to me, a raging liberal.
On a visit to him more than five or six years ago, he called early one morning. His older son, a successful, young lawyer, had been arrested for home invasion, threatening the older man and his wife who lived there. The man shot him in the shoulder, and my brother’s son was hospitalized in stable condition and arrested.
When seen by a psychiatrist in both the hospital and afterwords in jail, he was paranoid and had lost contact with reality. He never agreed to let either his parents, or anyone know his diagnosis. But he has never recovered psychiatrically.
He now lives fully recovered from the gunshot wound, a secluded life in an apartment nearby his dad and mom, rarely going out.
My brother and his wife have been so attentive to his needs, I applaud them. They were able to contact the various agencies, Medicaid, Medicare, etc. to arrange for his care, visits to doctors, and medications.
They invite him for meals and he occasionally goes, but rarely speaks, and has no affect. He helps his dad once in a while do some chores, and gets paid for that.
They simply don’t give up on their son. I appreciate their continued care for the man who now bears little resemblance to the smart handsome young lawyer he used to be.
Wow that is so sad but beautiful too. We all deserve a 2nd chance though when things don’t go as well as planned.
My daughter is one of those youngsters that is finding her way back from not a good place too 🙏
Sometimes we may have to dig very deep,
dear John,
to find a kernel of connection,
especially with a ‘political conservative.’
(I have found this to be true),
but your brother
has a heart full of love for his son,
and I so admire his care and devotion.
Thank you for bringing this here. ♥
John, They love their son like he is. That is empowering. Your story is a reminder of the importance of relationship and the grace of acceptance. I share a poem that I wrote several years ago when I realized the importance of living in reality, even in my real-ationship with my higher power.
The Buck Stops Here
(God is Being)
by
Carol Ann Conner
God, You are not a Being.
You are Being itself,
ever faithful, ever present,
in my joy and my sorrow.
Your vulnerability
humbles me beyond belief
and at times,
leaves me lonely and afraid.
You see, I’ve come to know my choices matter.
They either nurture or destroy the gift of life.
Why? Because, You have made us all Creator
and I don’t want that responsibility!
Why don’t You change the game?
Just fix everything?
“It’s not possible,” You say.
“I have to change. It’s called free will,” You say.
“Become the peace I seek.”
“Share it with all I meet.”
“It’s an inside job,” You say.”
“That begins and ends with me.”
Ngoc and I are opposites on the same coin. We use our differences for laughter, and it just makes us love and appreciate each other more. One obvious example is that I’m a head person, and she lives by the heart.
My nephew, Steven. Our perspectives on many things are different. What I appreciate about him is that he always welcomes me when we see one another, we engage about our lives, he asks interesting questions, which I answer honestly and vice-versa. We know where one another stands on many topics, and there is a deep mutual respect in spite of our differences. I would consider Steven one of my teachers on this Earth school.♥️
That they join me in learning from each other and accepting each other even with our different opinions. That we can accept each other without criticism
Very true, Carol. One thing I can say for sure is that I’m at least honest about my string-pulling tendencies and am continuing to work on less of resorting to backstage political manipulation to achieve my basic desires, especially linking to autonomy.
Joseph, that’s the vibe I receive from you. I have the impression that you’re a straight shooter. I like that, because I’m already that way. I know what I want and go directly towards it.
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Who might have the same perspective, one could ask? Usually almost all have a different view in one or another aspect, in one or another way. It offers variety. And relativity of what is. Is someone else appreciated for both the similar as well as for the difference by me? Heart open? To relate to the one heart we share. Someone once mentioned „I appreciate and greet the sacred in you“. This is always possible, being inclusive for the differences also.
Namaste, Ose 🙏🏼
You remind me,
dear Ose,
that different perspectives
don’t have to be life changing conflicts.
I was speaking of the major blows our democracy has taken,
but there are many other perspectives
that don’t coalesce with our own opinions . . .
I can let those
pretty much roll off my back.
My brother wanted to be a pit-bull whisperer,
in a time
when rescue places
did not want to place more than one in a household.
I was not really invested in that idea,
so my brother and I didn’t experience any conflict
or change of opinion.
We all choose our battles,
and I try not to take things personally,
which has served me well in later years.
Thank you for your perspectives on this.
You lighten my burden. ♥
It is wise I guess not to take things personally, if possible. Peace be with you and your brother, dear sparrow, and I truly mean it.
Thank you,
dear Ose . . .
the Divine in me
bows to the Divine in you . . . ♥
My older brother comes to mind. He is extremely book smart but not so much in daily life or so it has seemed to me at times. What I do appreciate is somethings he taught me a long the way. He was like a professional student and helped me figure out Federal student loan program and housing when my children were college age and I struggled as a single parent. It was huge for my son who has a Bachelor degree and my daughter also has some college.
My younger brother and I
had a very close relationship
off and on throughout our lives . . .
he suddenly died of covid
just as the disease was starting to turn a corner,
and I did not know
until I received a call from his daughter.
He was the last adult in my family
who knew me for seventy-some years,
and his death
caused me to think about the ebb and flow of our relationship.
As youngsters
we were both rebels,
but when I escaped the home of my parents
and he joined the Navy,
things changed.
He became more conservative,
with an obsessive need for approval,
The Navy taught him discipline
and he became rigid.
while I opened my arms to the world
and battled shame privately.
I tried my hand at living from my heart,
believing that goodness was in store.
I married very young,
and followed the wind . . .
a bit of a gypsy who believed in the universe.
We saw each other infrequently in the following years,
and didn’t keep in touch,
but when the needs of our parents drew us together,
the changes in each of us
became apparent.
I had become a flaming liberal
and he didn’t know how to deal with that.
I thought he might have turned into one of the Ruby Ridge types,
but we could still hug each other
and help each other out.
We remained kind towards each other
and confided more things that we did with other people.
We talked gently about our different perspectives,
but did not try to convince each other
that one of us was right
and one was wrong.
I hope he knew,
as he was dying on the respirator in the hospital far away
that I loved him always
and appreciated his tender soul,
which I knew was still buried within him.
All I could say
when I received that phone call
was ‘godspeed,
dear one.
You were my blood and my flesh,
my bone,
and my friend,
and I’ll always love you,
no matter your opinions.’
💗
❤️🌈
Thank you,
dear Joseph . . .
I needed a rainbow today. ♥
One of my sisters is financially successful. I’m not. What I appreciate most about her, though, is her personality. It’s stable and balanced. I envy her for that.
Yes, this is the practice of inclusion. It’s funny how easy it is to think of one thing that I appreciate about the people that I know and disagree with.
It’s a bit of a tug of war in my head.
Holding both truths. The good stuff and the stuff I don’t agree with. Maybe it’s just my ego, needing to be “right”. I swing back and forth. Not wanting to forget the stuff about them that bothers me. Yet, I can easily find some good, or something to agree upon, in just about everyone.
When I’m around these people, they tend to linger in my head and I continue to litigate any conversations that we had. It’s not very good for my mental state. It’s easier to appreciate them from some distance.
I am embarrassed,
dear Charlie,
to say that I sometimes feel tribal
about certain people’s chosen political views,
and I don’t like that characteristic,
even though I keep it private.
I did feel a modicum of joy though,
when I noticed that my neighbor
has taken down a certain politician’s flag
that’s been up for over 12 years. ♥
Charlie, this also confirms exactly why I’m extra vigilent through various backstage political manipulawhn methods. The opinions themselves are not the issue. My issue is the way my root people express them with such enthusiasm. I can respect the authenticity but can also find that overwhelming at times too. It’s why I’m mindful of how I approach enthusiasm. It’s easier with more common ground.
Their sudden willingness to risk re-connecting after 3 years of silence.
Family – I appreciate family and loyalty and being there for one another – regardless of different perspectives.
TGIF – I took today off and am going to enjoy that:)
https://nationaltoday.com/national-hard-candy-day/ – I had to smile when I saw that as just yesterday my order arrived. I am surprising the kids (and my son’s gf) with a candy I grew up on… Clear Toy Candy – its Pa Dutch. here is a link to be able to view https://www.regennascandy.com/ they come in red, green, amber colors, different molds.
We had those too,
dear Michele,
when I was little.
I think they are made of barley sugar,
and sometimes come as animal lollipops.
Thanks for the memories. 🙂
My grandparents were from western Pennsylvania . . .
we also had licorice pipes and shoo-fly pie.
Michele, I resignate with you on family, differences, and loyalty. It’s also why I’ve talked a lot about navigating backstage politics.
I am surrounded by them! They are both in my family and out of my family! But, even when I want to shake them or throw my hands up in despair, their kindness melts my heart.
I applaud you for this,
dear Carol Ann.
Kindness
wins over the differences. ♥
This question reminds me of one of my little sisters, the one born right after my twin and me. Since my twin and I have vision challenges, our little sister had to take care of us. Ever since she was a little girl, our mom told her she should hold our hands when we walked out the door and pick out our shoes when we were about to leave the house. Later on, when she was able to drive, she picked us up and dropped us off for our track-and-field training. In her free time, she also supported our mom in making a living.
She was forced to be more mature than her actual age. Because of that, her point of view is quite different from mine and my twin’s. We rarely seem to have heart-to-heart conversations, but I believe that deep down, we still love each other in a hidden way. Now, only she and I are living in the States, but we rarely have the chance to see each other. She is very busy, but she often asks if I want to visit; she likes to take me shopping and out for dinner. I want her to visit me in MN, where she has never been in the eight years she’s lived in the U.S.
I can’t forget that every time I visit CA, she always finds time to see me. Once, she only had a few minutes to greet me at the door where I was staying, just enough time to hand me a cup of bubble tea and gift me a cozy jacket. Our love is expressed not through words, but through actions and feelings toward one another. I pray that she has a better life, finds happiness, and experiences less pressure.
What a beautiful story of your sister,
dear Ngoc . . .
indeed,
much was expected of her.
I hope you will become closer
as the gap will narrow with age.
Thank you for this. ♥
NGOC, Thank you for sharing.
My Ngoc, this goes to show how there are many ways to express love. The 5 love languages we talk about are just basic building blocks. I believe in them, because I’m more of a head person with technique who operates on systems. The point about love languages is to teach us to make others feel comfortable when we care for them. Defining care as just showing more enthusiasm and giving advice is an oversimplification.
One of my brothers is quite the political conservative as opposed to me, a raging liberal.
On a visit to him more than five or six years ago, he called early one morning. His older son, a successful, young lawyer, had been arrested for home invasion, threatening the older man and his wife who lived there. The man shot him in the shoulder, and my brother’s son was hospitalized in stable condition and arrested.
When seen by a psychiatrist in both the hospital and afterwords in jail, he was paranoid and had lost contact with reality. He never agreed to let either his parents, or anyone know his diagnosis. But he has never recovered psychiatrically.
He now lives fully recovered from the gunshot wound, a secluded life in an apartment nearby his dad and mom, rarely going out.
My brother and his wife have been so attentive to his needs, I applaud them. They were able to contact the various agencies, Medicaid, Medicare, etc. to arrange for his care, visits to doctors, and medications.
They invite him for meals and he occasionally goes, but rarely speaks, and has no affect. He helps his dad once in a while do some chores, and gets paid for that.
They simply don’t give up on their son. I appreciate their continued care for the man who now bears little resemblance to the smart handsome young lawyer he used to be.
Wow that is so sad but beautiful too. We all deserve a 2nd chance though when things don’t go as well as planned.
My daughter is one of those youngsters that is finding her way back from not a good place too 🙏
Sometimes we may have to dig very deep,
dear John,
to find a kernel of connection,
especially with a ‘political conservative.’
(I have found this to be true),
but your brother
has a heart full of love for his son,
and I so admire his care and devotion.
Thank you for bringing this here. ♥
John, They love their son like he is. That is empowering. Your story is a reminder of the importance of relationship and the grace of acceptance. I share a poem that I wrote several years ago when I realized the importance of living in reality, even in my real-ationship with my higher power.
The Buck Stops Here
(God is Being)
by
Carol Ann Conner
God, You are not a Being.
You are Being itself,
ever faithful, ever present,
in my joy and my sorrow.
Your vulnerability
humbles me beyond belief
and at times,
leaves me lonely and afraid.
You see, I’ve come to know my choices matter.
They either nurture or destroy the gift of life.
Why? Because, You have made us all Creator
and I don’t want that responsibility!
Why don’t You change the game?
Just fix everything?
“It’s not possible,” You say.
“I have to change. It’s called free will,” You say.
“Become the peace I seek.”
“Share it with all I meet.”
“It’s an inside job,” You say.”
“That begins and ends with me.”
Ngoc and I are opposites on the same coin. We use our differences for laughter, and it just makes us love and appreciate each other more. One obvious example is that I’m a head person, and she lives by the heart.
My nephew, Steven. Our perspectives on many things are different. What I appreciate about him is that he always welcomes me when we see one another, we engage about our lives, he asks interesting questions, which I answer honestly and vice-versa. We know where one another stands on many topics, and there is a deep mutual respect in spite of our differences. I would consider Steven one of my teachers on this Earth school.♥️
Mary Mantei, I have come to believe that everyone who crosses my path is my teacher. Some teach me how to and some teach me how not to!
I believe this as well,
dear Ladies . . . ♥
That they join me in learning from each other and accepting each other even with our different opinions. That we can accept each other without criticism
Criticism always wants to sneak in there!
I appreciate their tenacity as well as the opportunity to see a situation from another angle.
His unabashed honesty on how he feels. No beating around the bush! Peace, Love & Kindness.
I have found that honesty with self is the beginning of growth.
Very true, Carol. One thing I can say for sure is that I’m at least honest about my string-pulling tendencies and am continuing to work on less of resorting to backstage political manipulation to achieve my basic desires, especially linking to autonomy.
Joseph, that’s the vibe I receive from you. I have the impression that you’re a straight shooter. I like that, because I’m already that way. I know what I want and go directly towards it.